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    • 4 Simple Steps to Commune with Your Ancestors

      by Mallorie Vaudoise

      (Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

      Honoring your ancestors, like any practice that deals with spirits, is a lot like cooking. Anyone can do it, not just people with special training. (That's a big part of the reason why I wanted to write a book about it!) But whether you're an amateur or a trained professional, you still need to stay in the moment and use your senses—or you might end up burning something.

      When you cook, you don't just put your food on the stove for ten minutes and trust that it's been cooked perfectly. Even if you're following a recipe and the recipe says, "cook for ten minutes," you need to watch the food change color, smell it as it becomes more fragrant, and maybe even taste it to know for sure.

      Likewise, when you do something to honor your ancestors, you'll need to be able to sense whether that thing feels right—even if you’re following a ritual script. For example, you'll ask yourself, "Does this feel right?" when you place a new photo of an ancestor on your altar. If the answer is yes, you'll proceed. If the answer is no, you'll adjust. I call these quick check-ins, "discernment."

      If you don't already know what "right" feels like, discernment probably won't be easy at first. Thankfully, once you do know what "right" feels like, it becomes so natural that it's almost effortless. But, before we can get there, we need to talk about feelings.

      Feelings and Spirits
      Do you like talking about feelings? For most of my life, I sure didn't. I didn't even like feeling my feelings. So, when it came to my spiritual practice, I did almost anything I could to avoid them. I immersed myself in a world of intellectualism and consumerism. I thought that if I read the right books or bought the right supplies, then magic would happen automatically. I wanted to think and buy my way out of feeling.

      Then, I started to meet mediums from different cultural backgrounds, all of whom told me the same thing: that they felt the spirits with which they communicated. Felt them as emotions, as physical sensations, and as things that started as physical sensations but transformed synesthetically into words or images. This gave me new context for the unusual physical and emotional sensations I had experienced throughout my life. I wasn't weird. I was just processing spiritual information the way a medium does.

      That realization raised the question: How would I know the difference between my own feelings, the physical and emotional sensations I experienced as part of "normal" reality, and feelings caused by spirits?

      In practice, there doesn't seem to be a clear distinction between the two, maybe because they are both categories of subjective experiences. Or, maybe because we are spirits with a physical form. In any case, when it comes to discernment in your ancestor veneration practice, it doesn't actually matter whether the feeling originates from your own spirit or an ancestor's spirit because ancestor veneration is a two-way street. It needs to work for both sides to serve as an effective bridge between the two.

      Step 1: Establishing a Baseline
      To perform discernment, you first train yourself to observe your feelings throughout the day. This practice will help you establish your perceptual baseline, which will make it easier to detect when something has shifted within or around you.

      There's no fancy trick to this. Just pause from whatever you're doing, take a breath, and scan your body. Do you notice tension or energy anywhere? Try to give that a name and a description, like: "I feel anger. It feels like my stomach is clenching." But, don't try to change it. Just observe.

      Here's the catch: thinking is not feeling. The mind loves to convince itself that it can do the heart's job. It can't. So, if you catch yourself describing your thoughts instead of your feelings, or if you start describing what you "should" feel instead of what you actually feel, then shift your focus back to your body.

      Step 2: Discernment
      Now that you have established your baseline and know how to identify feelings instead of thoughts, you can start performing discernment. This is a litmus test you can use whenever you engage with your ancestors: when you're working your ancestor altar, or making offerings to your ancestors, or performing divination to seek their advice.

      To discern on something, perform your body scan twice. If you're discerning on something simple, like making an offering, do your body scan before and immediately after you do the thing and observe the difference. If it feels right, keep it; if it doesn't feel right, undo it.

      You can also discern on something more complex that requires advanced planning, like a ritual or a pilgrimage. First do the body scan once. Then, imagine yourself doing the thing in as much detail as you can. Then, do the body scan again. Observe the difference. If it feels right, go ahead with your plan; if it doesn't feel right, come up with a new one.

      Step 3: How Does Right Feel in the Moment?
      Your "right" will feel different from my "right." Your "right" in one moment will even feel different from your "right" in another moment. But, there are some general things to look for when determining whether or not something feels right.

      First, ask yourself: Do I want to avoid my feelings by turning to one of the following common distractions?

      • Alcohol
      • Coffee
      • Drugs
      • Food (especially sugar)
      • Social media

      We compulsively turn to distractions as a self-defense mechanism when we feel something uncomfortable, so whatever it is you're feeling, it probably doesn't feel right.

      Next, ask yourself: Am I experiencing one of the following inhibitory emotions?

      • Shame
      • Anxiety
      • Depression
      • Numbness

      Like distractions, inhibitory emotions occur when we feel something uncomfortable. They are our body's way of shielding us from that discomfort. So, whatever you're feeling, it probably doesn't feel right.

      Then, ask yourself: Do I feel any of the following things that are associated with having an open heart?

      • Calmness
      • Curiosity
      • Connectedness
      • Compassion
      • Confidence
      • Courage
      • Clarity

      If your heart is open, it's probably because you are in communion with strong, supportive ancestors who are sharing their affirmation with you. This is what we mean when we talk about something, "feeling right!"

      Finally, ask yourself: What is my outlook on life right now? Do I see my present life circumstances, whether easy or challenging, as a lesson for me to learn from? Do I have faith that things will work out in the end, even if I don't know how they will work out today? A growth-oriented outlook, neither overly pessimistic nor optimistic, is a sign that things feel right.

      Step 4: How Does Right Feel After the Moment Has Passed?
      The most important part of discernment is how you feel in the moment. But, to confirm that feeling, look at what happens after the moment has passed.

      Ask yourself: Am I inspired to do any of the following things?

      • To connect with other people
      • To help other people
      • To seek help from other people
      • To create art
      • To enjoy art that has already been created
      • To clean my home
      • To nourish my body and the bodies of other people with good food
      • To move my body in a way that feels good
      • To volunteer or give to charities
      • To go out into nature

      All of these are signs that the connection forged between your ancestors and your own spirit has moved you in the direction of growth and healing. And that's definitely what feels right.

      For even more ways to commune with your ancestors, check out my book, Honoring Your Ancestors: A Guide to Ancestral Veneration. The book shares techniques to help you connect to your ancestors. You'll learn how to develop your own personal style for honoring them through altars and offerings, seeking their guidance through mediumship, and invoking their power through ritual.

      Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2019. All rights reserved.

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    • Double Vision: I'm Afraid to Sleep Alone
      DV dreams42-24127431

      My husband passed away about four months ago after 35 years of marriage. For the first time in a very long time, I have to sleep alone in my house, and it’s freaking me out! I’m now wondering if there is a spiritual or metaphysical reason that people feel safer sleeping with other people around. Is it more than physical instinct? Are we actually safer from things like astral entities and other spooky stuff if we’re not alone?

      – Norma

      Dreamchaser:

      I am truly sorry for your loss. I can tell you that your husband is happy on the Otherside. He also wants you to know that you are NOT alone.

      You may feel like you’re on your own now, but you’re not. Not only does he come around and look out for you, you also have a guardian angel, a main human spirit guide, a main animal spirit guide, teaching guides of all kinds, and all sorts of angels and other spiritual beings around you.

      You are FAR from alone. You just FEEL alone because you are the only living human in the house.

      You are no more vulnerable to astral entities or other spooky stuff when you are alone than when you are in a stadium full of people – your mind just has more space to roam free when you are physically alone, and your imagination can get the best of you.

      You always felt safe beside your husband. That dynamic has existed between women and men throughout history. Now that your husband is gone, I think it’s natural for you to feel a bit alone and vulnerable.

      If something from the Otherside wanted to get you, you would already have been gotten. It wouldn’t matter who was around to protect you.

      You are not in any danger of any kind, however – nothing from the Otherside can hurt you, Norma. You are protected by God first, and then by all of God’s helpers. You have nothing to fear in your own home.

      If you really want to feel sure, why don’t you just sage your house? Go buy loose sage that you can put in a bowl or a sage bundle. Start at the top of the house and work your way into every corner of every room and closet. Make sure the smoke gets into every corner as you work your way down to the bottom of the house.

      Once the entire house is cleansed, you can pour a line of table salt outside your doors. This will protect you from anything negative that wants to come into the house. If you do this, you can rest assured that there is nothing scary or negative anywhere in your house.

      You can also say a prayer for protection before you go to sleep every night. When you get scared, say out loud, If you are not here from Love, Light and the One God, I command you in the name of the One God to leave this place immediately. This works, for it reflects another Universal law: Anything that is negative MUST leave if you command it to in the name of God. (You can use whatever terminology works best for you.)

      I wish you a good night’s sleep.

      *****

      Astrea:

      Sleeping alone after that many years of marriage is going to feel strange for at least a calendar year. You see, after a while, our loved ones in Spirit learn how to come to us and keep us company when we’re lonely.

      There are tons of different protection spells for sleeping alone and keeping the badun’s away. If you want to be lazy, you can probably buy a protection spell from jour local Bruja or Healer. Depending on your location, you can also find many items of protection for sale to the public.

      If you’re concerned enough to think you’re in some kind of psychic danger in bed, and you’re not familiar with how to protect yourself in a mystical way, by all means, seek the help of an expert.

      There are also many do-it-yourself rituals for psychic protection. Probably the easiest is to put a small rose quartz between your mattress and box springs. Place it towards the foot of the bed so you don’t feel a lump, which wouldn’t be very conducive to a good night’s rest!

      In Mexico, widows place a small piece of fine silver at the right corner of the head of the bed. This absorbs any negativity in the room and keeps the critters away, but it doesn’t prevent departed loved ones from visiting. Fine silver is purer than sterling, and can be found in many silver items that are made outside the U.S.

      A silver spoon won’t do because of all the alloys that are added to make silverware more durable. Fine silver is extremely soft and will warm quickly to the touch. Some jewelers carry silver wire – a jewelry supply store would have just what you need.

      For nightmares, there is always the old trick of putting your shoes under the bed facing opposite directions. This confuses roaming spirits; they can’t find you when your shoes are placed that way.

      It IS easier to NOTICE spirits and other night beings when we’re alone and not distracted by another person’s energy, but I don’t feel that being by yourself makes you any more of a target than you’ve ever been. Given the big change in your life, you just feel more vulnerable in general these days.

      Nothing that you do to protect yourself will prevent your husband from visiting, so you might ask him to come to you in your dreams. Just be sure to give him plenty of time before you ask. At the moment, he’s resting up from a life well-lived, and he doesn’t know how to reach out to you yet.

      Please know that I am so sorry for your loss, and remember that we will all be reunited in the One someday. Try to wait as patiently as you can, because you still have a lot to do here on Earth.

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