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by Mallorie Vaudoise

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

Honoring your ancestors, like any practice that deals with spirits, is a lot like cooking. Anyone can do it, not just people with special training. (That's a big part of the reason why I wanted to write a book about it!) But whether you're an amateur or a trained professional, you still need to stay in the moment and use your senses—or you might end up burning something.

When you cook, you don't just put your food on the stove for ten minutes and trust that it's been cooked perfectly. Even if you're following a recipe and the recipe says, "cook for ten minutes," you need to watch the food change color, smell it as it becomes more fragrant, and maybe even taste it to know for sure.

Likewise, when you do something to honor your ancestors, you'll need to be able to sense whether that thing feels right—even if you’re following a ritual script. For example, you'll ask yourself, "Does this feel right?" when you place a new photo of an ancestor on your altar. If the answer is yes, you'll proceed. If the answer is no, you'll adjust. I call these quick check-ins, "discernment."

If you don't already know what "right" feels like, discernment probably won't be easy at first. Thankfully, once you do know what "right" feels like, it becomes so natural that it's almost effortless. But, before we can get there, we need to talk about feelings.

Feelings and Spirits
Do you like talking about feelings? For most of my life, I sure didn't. I didn't even like feeling my feelings. So, when it came to my spiritual practice, I did almost anything I could to avoid them. I immersed myself in a world of intellectualism and consumerism. I thought that if I read the right books or bought the right supplies, then magic would happen automatically. I wanted to think and buy my way out of feeling.

Then, I started to meet mediums from different cultural backgrounds, all of whom told me the same thing: that they felt the spirits with which they communicated. Felt them as emotions, as physical sensations, and as things that started as physical sensations but transformed synesthetically into words or images. This gave me new context for the unusual physical and emotional sensations I had experienced throughout my life. I wasn't weird. I was just processing spiritual information the way a medium does.

That realization raised the question: How would I know the difference between my own feelings, the physical and emotional sensations I experienced as part of "normal" reality, and feelings caused by spirits?

In practice, there doesn't seem to be a clear distinction between the two, maybe because they are both categories of subjective experiences. Or, maybe because we are spirits with a physical form. In any case, when it comes to discernment in your ancestor veneration practice, it doesn't actually matter whether the feeling originates from your own spirit or an ancestor's spirit because ancestor veneration is a two-way street. It needs to work for both sides to serve as an effective bridge between the two.

Step 1: Establishing a Baseline
To perform discernment, you first train yourself to observe your feelings throughout the day. This practice will help you establish your perceptual baseline, which will make it easier to detect when something has shifted within or around you.

There's no fancy trick to this. Just pause from whatever you're doing, take a breath, and scan your body. Do you notice tension or energy anywhere? Try to give that a name and a description, like: "I feel anger. It feels like my stomach is clenching." But, don't try to change it. Just observe.

Here's the catch: thinking is not feeling. The mind loves to convince itself that it can do the heart's job. It can't. So, if you catch yourself describing your thoughts instead of your feelings, or if you start describing what you "should" feel instead of what you actually feel, then shift your focus back to your body.

Step 2: Discernment
Now that you have established your baseline and know how to identify feelings instead of thoughts, you can start performing discernment. This is a litmus test you can use whenever you engage with your ancestors: when you're working your ancestor altar, or making offerings to your ancestors, or performing divination to seek their advice.

To discern on something, perform your body scan twice. If you're discerning on something simple, like making an offering, do your body scan before and immediately after you do the thing and observe the difference. If it feels right, keep it; if it doesn't feel right, undo it.

You can also discern on something more complex that requires advanced planning, like a ritual or a pilgrimage. First do the body scan once. Then, imagine yourself doing the thing in as much detail as you can. Then, do the body scan again. Observe the difference. If it feels right, go ahead with your plan; if it doesn't feel right, come up with a new one.

Step 3: How Does Right Feel in the Moment?
Your "right" will feel different from my "right." Your "right" in one moment will even feel different from your "right" in another moment. But, there are some general things to look for when determining whether or not something feels right.

First, ask yourself: Do I want to avoid my feelings by turning to one of the following common distractions?

• Alcohol
• Coffee
• Drugs
• Food (especially sugar)
• Social media

We compulsively turn to distractions as a self-defense mechanism when we feel something uncomfortable, so whatever it is you're feeling, it probably doesn't feel right.

Next, ask yourself: Am I experiencing one of the following inhibitory emotions?

• Shame
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Numbness

Like distractions, inhibitory emotions occur when we feel something uncomfortable. They are our body's way of shielding us from that discomfort. So, whatever you're feeling, it probably doesn't feel right.

Then, ask yourself: Do I feel any of the following things that are associated with having an open heart?

• Calmness
• Curiosity
• Connectedness
• Compassion
• Confidence
• Courage
• Clarity

If your heart is open, it's probably because you are in communion with strong, supportive ancestors who are sharing their affirmation with you. This is what we mean when we talk about something, "feeling right!"

Finally, ask yourself: What is my outlook on life right now? Do I see my present life circumstances, whether easy or challenging, as a lesson for me to learn from? Do I have faith that things will work out in the end, even if I don't know how they will work out today? A growth-oriented outlook, neither overly pessimistic nor optimistic, is a sign that things feel right.

Step 4: How Does Right Feel After the Moment Has Passed?
The most important part of discernment is how you feel in the moment. But, to confirm that feeling, look at what happens after the moment has passed.

Ask yourself: Am I inspired to do any of the following things?

• To connect with other people
• To help other people
• To seek help from other people
• To create art
• To enjoy art that has already been created
• To clean my home
• To nourish my body and the bodies of other people with good food
• To move my body in a way that feels good
• To volunteer or give to charities
• To go out into nature

All of these are signs that the connection forged between your ancestors and your own spirit has moved you in the direction of growth and healing. And that's definitely what feels right.

For even more ways to commune with your ancestors, check out my book, Honoring Your Ancestors: A Guide to Ancestral Veneration. The book shares techniques to help you connect to your ancestors. You'll learn how to develop your own personal style for honoring them through altars and offerings, seeking their guidance through mediumship, and invoking their power through ritual.

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2019. All rights reserved.

Some time ago I had a reading with a shaman, and I purchased a talisman from him designed to bring me prosperity. Do you believe in things like lucky charms, amulets and talismans? If so, do they need to be recharged after a while? If they do, is this something I can do myself? How would I go about that? Thanks in advance for your enlightenment!

- Pamela

Dreamchaser:

I'm not sure what you bought from this shaman, so I can't tell you if I believe in it or not. Did you find yourself becoming more prosperous after you got it?

I don't believe in typical lucky charms, because I don't believe in luck in the first place - but that is another column. I do, however, absolutely believe in the power of stones and crystals. I believe that if I charge a crystal, stone, talisman, or anything else with a specific energy and intention, then that is what that object will put out.

I also believe in amulets for protection, love, prosperity, etc. I have stones on my desk that I've collected from all over. Some are rocks that I found in special places. Some are crystals or stones that I bought at a shop or fair. Each one has meaning to me, and each one serves a purpose in my life.

One of my favorites is a round copper ball. It is approximately one inch around, and it always sits on my desk. I pick it up almost every time I am sitting at my desk. I roll it around between my palms and I feel its energy. It infuses me with energy - it's almost like a power surge. It also balances me. I love how it feels, and I love how it works.

Everyone needs to find his or her own favorite item. If something fills you with positive energy, then it is a good thing. It doesn't matter if it is a rabbit's foot, copper penny or precious stone: whatever works for you, works for you.

You can recharge such items whenever you feel they need to be recharged. I usually put my stones in a glass of water and put them on a windowsill in the moonlight. I leave them there for 24 hours. If I need to do a quick charge, I might do some Reiki on the item.

Be sure to put your intention into the water along with the stone or talisman. Water is a natural cleanser for stones. If your object is something that can't get wet, then you can simply lay it in the moonlight and ask that it be cleared and charged.

Please remember that the Universe hears your intention more than the ritual, so if you don't follow a prescribed ritual exactly, it doesn't matter - the Universe knows your true aim.

If your intention is to clear the stones and recharge them, then that is what will happen. Putting them in water is more symbolic than anything. It does help to cleanse them, but it's not necessary. If your intention is prosperity, just state that when you lay the object down to charge. (Often, we make things more complicated than they have to be!)

I wish you endless abundance on all levels.

*****

Astrea:

I am the world's most superstitious person when it comes to charms, talismans and the other goofy stuff we carry with us for protection and other manifesting purposes. Just this past weekend, I emptied my bedroom of so many lucky beads, rocks, amulets, strings, feathers, coins and jewelry that I filled a whole big trunk with the stuff!

If I'm not wearing a charm, I'm busy making one for someone else to wear. If I can't find anyone selling those little anklets made from string, I make them myself. (The idea with these is you make a wish, and when the string breaks, the wish comes true.)

If I make an amulet and wear it once and something bad happens, I put it away and never wear it again. I have the most beautiful dark pearl necklace. It's very witchy, but I can't wear it because I was rear-ended the first time I wore it. Even though I've cleansed it in a dish of saltwater outside under a full moon, I'll never be able to trust it again, or give it away to a friend.

I believe the only thing that will make it okay again is to take it apart, cleanse all the elements, throw the clasp away (because what binds also controls) and start over. I won't remake it in the same design just in case that's what caused the bad luck.

Despite all of this, I don't really believe that lucky charms CAUSE things to happen. I think that we all make choices and we live with the consequences of those choices. However, things like charms and rituals can help us to consciously align with what we want in our lives.

For example, when I leave for the day, I place an invisible net of blue stars over my home and my car. This ritual represents my desire for protection and well-being. When I'm carrying or wearing something for good luck, it means I'm consciously choosing to align a positive experience.

I don't recommend buying charms off the rack from other people, with the exception of buying a charm or talisman FOR someone else if you feel it's appropriate. Buying and selling should be reserved to jewelry only. If you make charms for sale, for every one you sell, be sure to give away three.

I sold a wonderful coral piece right off my neck in Whole Foods to one of the deli servers because I felt she needed it more than I did. That was four years ago, and I STILL miss it. It was a powerful piece that drew excellent energy to the wearer, and I now think I should have kept it for myself!

Talismans may seem silly, but if they make you feel good and they reinforce what you want in your life, then they will work a certain magic for you.