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An excerpt from FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy & Spiritual Self 
by Lora Cheadle

It’s odd to say, but my own spiritual self-growth journey mirrored the concepts found in burlesque: tease, voyeurism, and slow reveal. As a constant seeker of truth, I’d reach a new level of understanding, only to realize there was yet another layer to unveil. Which flummoxed me completely at times! I’d watch others, do what they did, meditate, read, and take classes. I’d study the great masters from around the world, do exactly what they did, but then I’d have a bad-hair day on the same day as a catastrophic hard-drive failure while uploading pictures of my son for his middle-school-graduation slide show (at the eleventh hour), and I’d come totally unhinged. It was almost like peace was a thing that the Universe would dangle in front of me, tease me mercilessly with, but never quite let me have. Just read one more book, Lora! If you would have only meditated this morning, you would have been fine, Lora! But how sad for you; you didn’t quite make it! Better luck next time!

How ironic that actual burlesque facilitated my process of self-discovery on a spiritual level. Just like burlesque performers let go of their clothing, I let go of my own limiting judgments and beliefs. I shed society’s labels, my own limited interpretation of myself and my roles, slowly at first and then with increasing fervor and joy. Stripped bare, the truth of my heart and soul visible for all to see, my own sparkle was exposed. I no longer had to guess who I was or what I wanted. I knew. And with that knowledge, I could re-choreograph my life as it was meant to be. Sparkly, brilliant, and more magnificently fun than I had ever dreamed!

And just like in burlesque shows, where the audience cheers wildly with the removal of each article of clothing, encouraging the performer to reveal more, so too did my friends and family cheer me wildly on as I removed layer upon layer of limiting judgments and beliefs. Through my journey I had unknowingly given others permission to begin their own burlesque, to reveal themselves, and to finally, gratefully, have the opportunity to be seen and accepted for who they were.

My foray into the world of burlesque showed me that burlesque is a joyful experience for the performers and audience alike because it busts stereotypes and celebrates women of all shapes, sizes, abilities, and ages. Burlesque is not about looking a certain way; it is about reveling in one’s reality. While other middle-aged moms flocked to me, larger women flocked to the larger burlesque performers, and flat-chested women crushed on the flat-chested performers. Seeing performers who looked like them, with what they perceived to be their same flaws, but who dared to be confident, beautiful, sexy, or funny in spite of those flaws, set them free to embrace those same qualities in themselves.

The act of watching someone just like them shed the label of fat, flat-chested, old, or ugly and be seen in all their glittery, flawed gloriousness was enough for some women to loosen their own labels. Watching their favorite performer do all they wished they could do, seeing others react encouragingly to their visibility, empowered many women to believe that they could let go and show their true selves as well. With its focus on humor and female-dominated power, burlesque gives women explicit permission to live confidently, joyfully, and without cover.

Is it any wonder that throughout my metamorphosis into an actual burlesque dancer I had so many friends watching my every move? Every layer of fear or expectation that I broke through — every label, role, or script that I challenged, reinterpreted, or removed — gave them permission to do the same. If I could be outrageously happy in spite of my imperfections, so could they. As I broke what I perceived to be “the rules,” I proved to myself that there was nothing stopping me from building my dreams and living my sparkle, except me.

The laughter, parody, and joy in the face of taboo and judgment that burlesque provided were the ideal combination to heal wounds around body image, sexuality, self-judgment, gender roles, power, shame, or guilt. Without setting foot on an actual stage, many of my friends were able to strip out of the fear, lies, and inhibitions that had been placed on them by their culture, family, or religion — or that were self-imposed. Just as my childhood belief that I needed to be perfect in order to be worthy became my metaphoric corset of perfection, so too could others find ways to release their own inhibitions.

Not only had I disrobed physically but I was disrobing emotionally, too, by living my particular brand of sparkle. Society said that a middle-aged mom, lawyer, and spirit-based female-empowerment coach shouldn’t do what I was doing. But I did it anyway. Not to rebel or to create a fuss, but because it was in my heart to do it. I was no longer worried about looking like I was doing the right things for the right reasons or being what I thought others wanted me to be. I was interested in getting metaphorically naked and revealing everything there was about myself.

And as a result, I was happier and more content than I had ever been. Accepting myself and my desires as they were freed me to dance my own dance with wild abandon, and that was exactly what I did!

Lora Cheadle is the author of FLAUNT! After ten years of practicing corporate law in California and Colorado, she chose to change paths to become the radio host and Life Choreographer® she is today. She is a certified hypnotist, personal trainer, burlesque performer, and yoga instructor, as well as a popular writer for People magazine and Elephant Journal. She offers “Find Your Sparkle” coaching programs, workshops, and destination retreats and teaches all over the world. Her home base is in Colorado. Find out more about her work at LoraCheadle.com.

Excerpted from the book FLAUNT!. Copyright ©2019 by Lora Cheadle. Printed with permission from New World Library.

Does everyone have a soul mate? Is so, why does it seem like some people never really find their soul mates? Is it possible for our soul mates to end up with up with someone else, and for this to prevent us from meeting them? Could it lead to affairs when our soul mates later meet us?

- Nelly

Dreamchaser:

I am not of the belief that we get one and only one soul mate in any particular life. My guides have told me that we have a group of souls that we go from life to life with. Sometimes they are our lovers, sometimes they are our enemies, sometimes they are our family members, etc. They can come into our lives in any form.

As far as romantic soul mates go, I believe we get approximately five in each lifetime. The reason we get so many is because we are human beings, and we tend to make bad choices at times. We may run away in fear, or think we want more than what we have. As a result of these tendencies, sometimes we walk away from people who really are our soul mates, or they walk away from us.

Sometimes death parts soul mates. We need not be without love for the rest of our lives if a bad choice is made or if death comes calling. The Universe wants us to have as much love as we want in this lifetime, so we get more than one chance at it.

As for your questions about not meeting our soul mates or them winding up with someone else, if that were to happen, another soul mate would enter our lives, and we'd get another shot at true love.

You asked about these relationships potentially leading to affairs, and this is a matter I've been wanting to address. Sometimes our soul mates do come into our lives when we are already coupled with someone else. Let's face it: we often make mistakes and date the wrong person. Sometimes, we even marry them. It happens all the time.

Then there are those couples who came together, have been in a very long-term relationship, worked through all the old karma, and are now only staying together because they think they have to for some reason. Maybe it's for the kids, or because they're married and society expects them to stay together for the rest of their lives. If a new soul mate came into one of those people's lives, it could very well lead to an affair.

We can't choose who we love, and this statement is especially true when applied to soul mate situations. Sometimes people do commit adultery to have this kind of love. It does happen. I don't believe that anyone goes looking for that sort of turmoil. I think it finds us, even if we happen to be married, or if the person we meet is already married.

Some people never seem to find their soul mates because they have issues that keep them from really allowing love into their lives. For example, I walked around angry for 44 years. That is why I kept love away from my life - no one could get past the anger.

If you have not found your soul mate, look inside. Why are you blocking it? What wall have you built around yourself?

I wish you true love.

*****

Astrea:

For every person, there are thousands of soul mates who can be found all over the world, and each of those people has thousands of soul mates too. Everyone you meet is a potential soul mate. Anyone who is LIVING could be a soul mate for anyone else.

Soul mates are not exclusively romantic in nature. Parents can be soul mates with children, and people have animal soul mates sometimes too. Anything is possible with these loving connections.

People create soul mates. It's not just your destiny - it's also your choice. When two people love each other and work to build a lasting, fulfilling partnership, they can become soul mates. And yes, people always find each other, if that's what they want to do.

People who are unselfish in their desire to love others usually find people of like mind and become soul mates together. This is a process, however, so there are no guarantees. One person may think the other is a soul mate, but unless the two of them agree to build that sort of bond, it won't evolve.

Once a soul mate, always a soul mate. That's why I tell people to choose their life partners very carefully. On television and in the movies, a soul mate relationship can be created in forty minutes (plus commercials), but it doesn't happen that quickly in real life.

Soul recognition stems from past life associations. When you meet a person and feel that instant sense of connection, it means that you've probably shared an incarnation or two. It does NOT necessarily mean that you're going to fall madly in love with one another and be together forever.

I sincerely believe we have soul families, and that we return time and again to the people we've loved in past lives. It makes sense that when you feel a very strong pull toward someone, you've known that person before.

If married people are not with their soul mates, they should get single before they hunt for new and better love. Saying that you found a soul mate after you were committed to someone else is not a valid reason for having an affair. In my psychic world, these are what I call lame excuses for bad behavior!

You either think the person you're committed to is your soul mate, or you know that person is NOT, in which case it's better to move along anyway. Many times I hear I knew my wife/husband was not my soul mate, but I married him/her anyway. Try not to do that.

People who say they can't find a soul mate usually have unreasonable expectations that no one can meet. I'm not suggesting that anyone should lower their standards and settle, but to find a real soul mate, you have to look for a real person, someone who has warts and makes mistakes as we all do.