- The Power of Body LanguageContinue reading →
The Power of Body Language, by Richard Webster
(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)
Understanding and using body language gives you a powerful tool that will improve your life in many ways. You can observe the body language of others to determine their moods, motivations, and feelings. You can also use body language to project whatever it is you want others to see. If you feel nervous and insecure, for instance, you can hold your head high and stand straight to convey an image of confidence. Other people will assume you are confident, and because your body is expressing it, you'll feel confident, too.
We all use body language unconsciously. If you meet a friend unexpectedly, you'll know instantly if he or she is happy, sad, angry, frustrated, or irritated. This is easy to do with friends and family, but you also constantly read the body language of strangers. You might notice someone in a shopping mall and know right away that he or she is feeling sad. Have you ever started to approach someone, and then hesitated or moved in another direction? Without a word being spoken, the other person's body language told you that it wasn't a good time to interrupt him or her. It's usually a simple matter to tell if someone is happy, even if he or she isn't smiling. You can probably tell if someone's smile is genuine or forced. You can sometimes tell from the person's body language if he or she is lying, or telling the truth. If you've ever noticed people freeze in terror, tremble with rage, shrug their shoulders, tap their fingers, raise an eyebrow, stiffen their upper lip, flush with embarrassment, or raise their chin, you've observed, and probably interpreted, their body language. Consequently, you, like everyone else, are already good at reading body language.
However, even though you possess these skills, good is not enough. Imagine you're a salesperson, and you're subconsciously sending out a message telling people that you're not approachable. You may have a habitual scowl on your face, and not know that it's turning people away. It's a simple matter to remedy that, and if you did, your sales would immediately increase. As a salesperson, you know that you need to gain rapport with your customers to make a sale. Certain body language techniques, such as mirroring the customer's posture, and listening with your eyes, are good ways to gain rapport.
You might be looking for a partner, or maybe just a date. Your chances of success will improve if you look happy and keep your arms and legs uncrossed. Crossed arms and legs create a barrier, and subliminally tell people you don't want to be approached. Salespeople learn techniques to make people uncross their arms, because they immediately become more open when the barrier has been removed. I find it fascinating that the biggest problem people have when seeking a partner is an inability to recognize the non verbal messages that are being sent to them. They either misunderstand them, or fail to recognize them. Speaking generally, women are better than men at picking up messages of this sort. If you study body language, your chances of getting a date improve enormously.
A few months ago, I met a friend for lunch. I knew she'd been finding it hard to get work, but all the same, I was surprised at how despondent she looked when she came into the restaurant. After ordering her a drink, I asked her how she was getting on.
"It's so hard out there," she told me. "It's almost impossible to get an interview, and even when I do, I can tell right away that they're not interested in employing me."
"Maybe you're sending out the wrong vibes," I said. "I saw you come in from the car park. You looked down in the dumps. What do you do when you get an interview?"
"I'm just me, I guess. I get nervous, and find it hard to give good replies to the questions they ask me."
When I found out she had an interview coming up, I offered to teach her a few body language tips that would make her feel more confident and at ease during the interview.
"Some may seem almost too obvious," I said. "Naturally you should appear happy, smile, and make good eye contact. When people are nervous, they find it hard to appear positive. You also need to start doing this before you even enter the building. You have no idea who may be watching you arrive. Stand tall, keep your head up, and walk with a sense of purpose. If you do that, you'll feel more confident, and that will carry on throughout the interview."
"That wouldn't fool anyone," she said.
I laughed. "Funnily enough, it will fool you. When you start acting in a confident manner, you'll feel confident, which means you'll be confident. When you're confident, you'll be able to sell yourself well at the interview."
We discussed a number of other ideas she could use to help sell herself at the interview. As it turned out, she didn't get that particular job, but she was excited when she spoke to me about it.
"I felt so different in the interview," she told me. "I kept both feet on the floor, sat upright in my chair, and kept my hands in my lap. I felt relaxed. I even asked questions, something I've always found hard to do in that sort of situation."
She also observed the body language of the person interviewing her. "I noticed his hand gestures, and how he nodded his head slowly when he wanted me to keep talking. He leaned forward and smiled frequently. I know why he did all those things now. It's funny—I never noticed things like that before."
It took her two more interviews before she was offered a position, and by that time she'd lost her fear of interviews. She's now observing her own, and other people's, body language everywhere she goes.
Knowledge of body language is useful in every area of life. Bodies really do speak louder than words. Once you've learned the basics, you can use your knowledge of body language to charm, captivate, and influence others. Other people will find you more approachable, and your dealings with others will be smoother and more successful than ever before. You'll feel in control in any type of situation.
Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2014. All rights reserved.
- Double Vision: Where is the Love?Continue reading →
After ten years plus on this spiritual journey, I find myself riddled with more confusion and questions than ever. Here's one: If positive thinking and purity of heart is our natural state, then why is it so difficult to overcome our negativity? Once we realize our natural state, shouldn't it just become natural? I was raised in a family and social environment that destroyed my self-esteem and emotional stability, but I worked hard to overcome my issues and grow. Oddly, the more I sought change, the more I lost. This includes losing some fantastic people I loved. If these people loved me then, and I was working on becoming a better person, why would they fall away? Wouldn't "the Universe" seek to keep me surrounded with love? After all this time, I am still pushing that stone up the mountain. Why does it feel heavier and more impossible to push? Throughout, my intention has been to align with Spirit, do better and be a better person. Time and time again, I slip back into my old habits and feel so weak or abandoned by Spirit. If I desire to be "awake," then why doesn't "the Universe" acknowledge that desire with support? Millions of people are still "asleep" and I choose to awaken - why isn't this act blessed in and of itself? Mostly, I have found myself completely alone on this journey. It is often sad and painful. My prayers are not being answered. Moreover, though I've discovered what I am meant to do in life creatively, I have found no success doing it. As the song says, "Where is the Love?" Thanks for reading.
A.
Dreamchaser:
Thank you for bringing this issue to light. Every person who has ever walked this path has felt exactly like you do time and time again.
One of the most common assumptions about adopting a spiritual path is the idea that things will get easier. That is a profound misconception, for instead, things tend to get harder because you have to experience more challenges in order to grow more than people who choose to stay "unenlightened."
Did you begin this path to get rewards? Did you assume that just because you were living "right," you would enjoy a trouble free life? I say this all the time, but Jesus Christ was homeless and got murdered at a young age. There are many examples in whatever "Bible" you follow of great suffering while traveling the "path." At the same time, you have to remember that there is also great joy mentioned.
I explain all the time that life is like a spiral, not an upward climb. As we grow, we move around the spiral. As we learn, we move to a new level. For example, when we are done learning all the first grade lessons, we get promoted to the second grade. We are still learning all the same things such as math, science and history, but we are in a new class, with new books, desks, views, kids and a new teacher. We are in the same school, but in a different room. That is why things keep looking the same over and over, yet you KNOW you have been growing.
You are always surrounded by love. You are asking for romantic love. This is one of the hardest lessons that we humans have to learn, in my opinion. We have to learn that love only exists on the inside of us. "Intimacy" can also be pronounced "in to me see." EVERYTHING starts on the inside of us. Until you fully love yourself, you will not manifest a positive, strong, working romantic relationship.
If it is not happening on the outside, the reason is because you do not have it happening on the inside. You have SO much love inside yourself, but you still do not believe that you can have the relationship of your dreams. Look inside yourself and seek the reasons for your experiences.
We all go through times of darkness and times of light. When it is light, we are having fun, and the time seems to pass very quickly. When it is dark, the time seems to drag by, and nothing is easy, fun or happy. You are in a time of extreme darkness. The good news is that times of darkness DO pass. The sun WILL dawn on a brand new day, so to speak.
Look inside yourself to find the love you long for.
I wish you wholeness.
*****
Astrea:
Whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, all of us human beings are on a Spiritual Journey from the moment we are born on Earth. With our free will we select mates, political heroes and religious rituals. We make our own luck by making right choices as much as we possibly can. We create love or a lack of it for ourselves, and no one else is responsible for what we manifest.
Sometimes we definitely GOOF. At that point, we can choose to leave the past behind and move forward with our lives, or to sit down and wallow in the wrong choices we've made in self-pity. Many people choose sadness because they UNDERSTAND it, and it feels familiar and safe to them. They feel they've grown and changed, and many times, they have - but not enough to judge their own or anyone else's connection to Spirit. If this journey is making you angry, choose another path. If something isn't working for you, you can try something else.
From your questions, I can tell that you are about halfway through your Journey, that you have somewhat grown and changed, but you are still seeking some kind of value from your experiences, either to be acknowledged for coming from Darkness, or to be given some kind of REWARD. That isn't how Enlightenment works. Where did you get the idea that a spiritual path would always feel good?
Our inner state is always fluctuating. What was natural for you yesterday could feel extreme for you today. Human beings make human mistakes and choices. If the consequence of a choice is always sadness, make a different choice! By complaining that you're not receiving any "payback" from your "enlightenment," you block ANYTHING positive from coming to you.
Enlightenment is about peaceful acceptance and gratitude for the abundance in your life. The Universe is NOT responsible for your happiness - you are. Right action will bring what you want into your life, so you must not have found right action yet. You're resisting the TRUST aspect of enlightenment.
You seem to think that you've achieved enlightenment over and above the "millions of people who are asleep." If you had, you wouldn't feel out of touch, and CERTAINLY would not feel abandoned by Spirit! The free will choices we make that create drama and conflict for ourselves and others are NOT Spirit's doing or responsibility. How can you hear anything the Universe is trying to say to you if you keep yourself in agitation, anger, misery, and suffering? Spirit is telling me to tell you to "Be quiet! Hush! You are talking, but not listening!"