KAJAMA.COM NEWSLETTER


An excerpt from FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy & Spiritual Self 
by Lora Cheadle

Using the principles of burlesque, author Lora Cheadle’s FLAUNT! helps women strip away everything nonessential that’s covering their raw, beautiful souls in order to reveal the sparkling goddess lurking inside. All too often, women have been taught to hide their true selves with costumes, characters, and masks, creating a persona to show the world that pleases others and acts as the “good girl,” doing what is expected. These layers may originally seem imperative, but all too often they begin to chafe and restrict, suppressing the true beautiful and unique spirit that every women has.

We hope you enjoy this excerpt from the book.

Have you noticed that most of life is neither black nor white but some scintillating shade of glitter that you can’t quite name? One moment it looks gold, then the light catches it and it’s red, but then a silver fleck jumps into view. If you have ever listed out pros and cons to help you make decisions and then still not been able to decide, you will know exactly what I’m talking about. Wouldn’t life be easier if everything was just cut-and-dried? Look at how frequently news stories deal with elusive, shimmery shades of glitter. Did the officer shoot the suspect because he posed a viable danger and the officer feared for his life, or did he act unreasonably based on a racial bias? Whoa. Is this something we can ever answer with complete certainty? Probably not, and that uncertainty can be excruciating.

The discomfort that comes from living in this glittery confusion sometimes makes us want to pretend that things are clear and precise, even when they are not. Instead of admitting that life is filled with value judgments, errors, and complexities none of us could ever see through, we sometimes pretend that we can. And in slipping back into our black-and-white ways of thinking and reacting, we overlook the fact that sometimes, it is in the glittery, complex tragedies that the biggest gains and unexpected joys are born.

What are some of the black-and-white beliefs held by your family? If you are looking for a starting point, think about the biggies: race, gender, nationality, religion, marital status, political affiliation, level of education, and sexual orientation. But know that it’s usually the subtle ones, like A worthy woman sacrifices for her family that are more impactful.

Living in the Glitter

Ask yourself these filter questions, and see what shifts for you. Move through the questions with a sense of curiosity and wonderment, as if you were watching a burlesque routine (Ohhhh, I can’t wait to see what’s underneath that!), instead of with blame, shame, or judgment.

1. Besides me, who around me holds this belief ?
2. Is there a reason that I, or those around me, hold this belief ?
Let me butt in for a moment here and explain what I mean by a reason for holding a certain belief. My grandpa was a pilot in both World War II and the Korean War. His experience, coupled with wartime propaganda, shaped his beliefs about those of Asian descent. A reason is not a justification. It does not excuse the belief or make it correct. It explains logically why someone would feel the way that they do. And until we discover those reasons, we are much less likely to create lasting change.
3. How is my belief true?
4. What evidence can I find that supports my belief, and what is the quality of this evidence?
Okay, okay, the preceding question is a tad lawyerly and a little ridiculous, I admit. It’s just that there may have been a time or two when I was more interested in being right than in really, honestly being right. And I may have gone to great lengths to prove a position that in my heart and head I knew wasn’t accurate. Mum’s the word. Perhaps you can relate.
5. How is my belief false?
6. What evidence can I find that is contrary to my belief, and what is the quality of that evidence?
7. Does this contradiction cause me mental angst or discomfort?
8. In what ways have I rejected this contradictory evidence?
9. In what ways have I attempted to explain away this contradictory evidence?
10. In what ways have I avoided looking at this contradictory evidence?
11. What would changing my belief mean for me, as well as for my relationships with others?

Magical Meditation
Find a comfortable place to relax where you won’t be disturbed. Take a few breaths, and allow yourself to settle in the moment and whatever that moment is bringing. If you are distracted or uncomfortable, allow yourself to be distracted and uncomfortable.

Release all thoughts of what meditation should feel like and just be where you are.

On your next inhalation, breathe in the thoughts you are thinking or the emotions you are feeling. Exhale whatever it is you are thinking or feeling.

Be here as long as you need, until you have breathed in and then breathed out all unsatisfying thoughts and emotions, and are left breathing in and breathing out only thoughts and emotions that are pleasant to you.

From this state of pure satisfaction, fill yourself with a sense of playful positivity, where anything is possible, and just be.

When you are ready, imagine, visualize, or pretend that you are a tiny, beautiful baby or a beautiful, luminescent soul, floating on a cloud, waiting to descend to Earth and begin your life. But before your life on Earth, you have been given the opportunity to review the dreams, desires, gifts, and passions that form your core essence, the sparkly center of your innate being.

What are your dreams and desires? How will you use your gifts and pursue your passions? Why is your soul here now? What is your life mission, and when your life is finally over, what will your legacy be? Will you be satisfied with this life?

Breathe, relax, and let your mind wander into this creative, joyful space.

Without judgment toward yourself or others, and knowing that all things happen for a reason and in perfect order, notice how your life has moved both toward and away from your dreams, desires, passions, and gifts. There is no judgment, because, like the path of a labyrinth, life moves us both toward and away from ourselves and our goals.

Notice the parts of your inner core, your true essence, that have been covered. Your masks, stories, and costumes. But most importantly, notice what lies beneath those masks. Watch as 
everything that is not your true essence, everything that is a story or mask or judgment, slowly crumbles and falls away, and feel yourself smile.

As you allow the unmasking.
As stories that are not your own fall away.
And allow your dreams, desires, passions, and gifts to be reignited by this noticing.

What does life look like, now that you have an awareness of what lies beneath your costumes and masks and what your inner core is made from; and now that your dreams, desires, gifts, and passions are smoldering, on the brink of catching fire?

Notice where your life is leading.

When you feel ready, slowly let your mind move back to the present, back in your body. Take three or four deep breaths, preparing for the day or night ahead, staying connected to your own creative insight, divine possibility, and uninhibited joy.

There’s no right or wrong way to experience this or any meditation. Like you did during your field trip to the toy store, step back and see what happens. Notice where your mind goes. Be surprised by your dreams and desires, your passions and purpose, and by the legacy you desire to leave. If you found it difficult to stay focused during your own meditation and would like to try a guided meditation led by yours truly, then head over to loracheadle.com/freebies and download my free MP3 “Finding Your Passion & Purpose.”

Viewing your life as a whole, from a detached, higher perspective, validates the longings of your inner being and gives you the opportunity to start fresh, to push the reset button on your life. Even though you can’t control everything that happens in life, you can always control your response to what happens. Resetting yourself back to your original core is always the right choice!

Lora Cheadle is the author of FLAUNT! After ten years of practicing corporate law in California and Colorado, she chose to change paths to become the radio host and Life Choreographer® she is today. She is a certified hypnotist, personal trainer, burlesque performer, and yoga instructor, as well as a popular writer for People magazine and Elephant Journal. She offers “Find Your Sparkle” coaching programs, workshops, and destination retreats and teaches all over the world. Her home base is in Colorado. Find out more about her work at LoraCheadle.com.

Excerpted from the book FLAUNT!. Copyright ©2019 by Lora Cheadle. Printed with permission from New World Library.

Does everyone have a soul mate? Is so, why does it seem like some people never really find their soul mates? Is it possible for our soul mates to end up with up with someone else, and for this to prevent us from meeting them? Could it lead to affairs when our soul mates later meet us?

- Nelly

Dreamchaser:

I am not of the belief that we get one and only one soul mate in any particular life. My guides have told me that we have a group of souls that we go from life to life with. Sometimes they are our lovers, sometimes they are our enemies, sometimes they are our family members, etc. They can come into our lives in any form.

As far as romantic soul mates go, I believe we get approximately five in each lifetime. The reason we get so many is because we are human beings, and we tend to make bad choices at times. We may run away in fear, or think we want more than what we have. As a result of these tendencies, sometimes we walk away from people who really are our soul mates, or they walk away from us.

Sometimes death parts soul mates. We need not be without love for the rest of our lives if a bad choice is made or if death comes calling. The Universe wants us to have as much love as we want in this lifetime, so we get more than one chance at it.

As for your questions about not meeting our soul mates or them winding up with someone else, if that were to happen, another soul mate would enter our lives, and we'd get another shot at true love.

You asked about these relationships potentially leading to affairs, and this is a matter I've been wanting to address. Sometimes our soul mates do come into our lives when we are already coupled with someone else. Let's face it: we often make mistakes and date the wrong person. Sometimes, we even marry them. It happens all the time.

Then there are those couples who came together, have been in a very long-term relationship, worked through all the old karma, and are now only staying together because they think they have to for some reason. Maybe it's for the kids, or because they're married and society expects them to stay together for the rest of their lives. If a new soul mate came into one of those people's lives, it could very well lead to an affair.

We can't choose who we love, and this statement is especially true when applied to soul mate situations. Sometimes people do commit adultery to have this kind of love. It does happen. I don't believe that anyone goes looking for that sort of turmoil. I think it finds us, even if we happen to be married, or if the person we meet is already married.

Some people never seem to find their soul mates because they have issues that keep them from really allowing love into their lives. For example, I walked around angry for 44 years. That is why I kept love away from my life - no one could get past the anger.

If you have not found your soul mate, look inside. Why are you blocking it? What wall have you built around yourself?

I wish you true love.

*****

Astrea:

For every person, there are thousands of soul mates who can be found all over the world, and each of those people has thousands of soul mates too. Everyone you meet is a potential soul mate. Anyone who is LIVING could be a soul mate for anyone else.

Soul mates are not exclusively romantic in nature. Parents can be soul mates with children, and people have animal soul mates sometimes too. Anything is possible with these loving connections.

People create soul mates. It's not just your destiny - it's also your choice. When two people love each other and work to build a lasting, fulfilling partnership, they can become soul mates. And yes, people always find each other, if that's what they want to do.

People who are unselfish in their desire to love others usually find people of like mind and become soul mates together. This is a process, however, so there are no guarantees. One person may think the other is a soul mate, but unless the two of them agree to build that sort of bond, it won't evolve.

Once a soul mate, always a soul mate. That's why I tell people to choose their life partners very carefully. On television and in the movies, a soul mate relationship can be created in forty minutes (plus commercials), but it doesn't happen that quickly in real life.

Soul recognition stems from past life associations. When you meet a person and feel that instant sense of connection, it means that you've probably shared an incarnation or two. It does NOT necessarily mean that you're going to fall madly in love with one another and be together forever.

I sincerely believe we have soul families, and that we return time and again to the people we've loved in past lives. It makes sense that when you feel a very strong pull toward someone, you've known that person before.

If married people are not with their soul mates, they should get single before they hunt for new and better love. Saying that you found a soul mate after you were committed to someone else is not a valid reason for having an affair. In my psychic world, these are what I call lame excuses for bad behavior!

You either think the person you're committed to is your soul mate, or you know that person is NOT, in which case it's better to move along anyway. Many times I hear I knew my wife/husband was not my soul mate, but I married him/her anyway. Try not to do that.

People who say they can't find a soul mate usually have unreasonable expectations that no one can meet. I'm not suggesting that anyone should lower their standards and settle, but to find a real soul mate, you have to look for a real person, someone who has warts and makes mistakes as we all do.