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    • Improve Your Relationship in Eight Minutes a Day

      
An excerpt from Love Skills by Linda Carroll

      Falling in love is never a straight line to “happily ever after.” Relationships go through seasons of change, renewal, darkness, and light.

      So promises long-time therapist and couple’s coach Linda Carroll in Love Skills: The Key to Unlocking Lasting, Wholehearted Love, which offers specific, effective solutions to the most common struggles that couples face.

      We hope you’ll enjoy this except from the book.


      One of the most common complaints couples have is not having enough time to work on — and enjoy — their relationship. We don’t need to take long vacations or have extravagant nights out to stay connected. Regular walks, simple date nights, and setting aside short moments during each day when we come together and move apart are even more important than the more dramatic things like climbing Machu Picchu or taking a Mediterranean cruise.

      Can you commit to eight minutes a day that will guarantee a huge return on your investment? If so, consider spending two minutes connecting with your partner at each of the four transition times described below.
      Moment One: Waking up and reconnecting. 

Thanks to Tim’s lattes, I always start my day feeling grateful to him. If you can find a minute (or two) to meet, say hello, ask about each other’s dreams, or silently spoon before rising, you can start the day with a sense of mutual openheartedness.

      I know one couple who take a walk on a beach near their house every morning, no matter how busy their day is or how rainy and uninviting the weather. Over their forty years of marriage, they have walked holding hands, sometimes talking nonstop and other times quietly looking in different directions. During some tough relationship seasons, they were so upset they didn’t speak to one another during their walks — but they walked anyway. They have often said this morning ritual has kept them together through the rocky periods in their relationship. Having time for a walk is great, but two minutes of intentional focus can also make a big impact on how you feel toward one another the rest of the day.

      Beginning the day with connection also provides our bodies and hearts with a healthy dose of oxytocin, one of the “love potion” chemicals that floods us in The Merge stage of our relationship — and is always available to us.
      Moment Two: Leaving and separating for the day. 

The idea of the goodbye kiss makes me laugh (and slightly cringe). I think of those old TV programs and movies from the 1960s in which the man rushes out to work and his wife (already dressed in pearls and an apron) kisses him goodbye as she starts to vacuum. I find those scenes annoying, but science has demonstrated the power of that kiss. Even a quick kiss releases a burst of adrenaline and oxytocin. Taking a pause to say goodbye, looking at each other even for a moment, and wishing each other a good day sends you both off with a feeling of being cared for and connected and eager to reunite.

      Moment Three: Coming home and reconnecting. 

Whatever distractions you may be dealing with, when you walk in the door set aside two minutes — at least — to say hello. Before you check email, return texts, or head for your workout room, stop and look at one another, ask how each other’s day went, and give each other a welcoming hug. Two minutes — you can do that! (Maybe even three!)

      Some couples share a ritual of a drink together each night: a kombucha drink, a sparkling Pellegrino, or a glass of wine. For others, mealtimes are a sacred ritual in which each person shares the highs, lows, and small moments of their day. Whatever you choose to do, make your daily reunion a time of welcome, genuine interest, and appreciation.
      Moment Four: Going to sleep and separating. 

Going to bed is not the time to work out hassles or talk about problems. It is a time to keep technology to a minimum, release some of those great touch chemicals by kissing, holding, or making love, and appreciate that you each made it through the day. If you go to sleep at the same time, take just a moment to connect. If you go to bed at different times, tuck each other in with care and kindness.
      Another thing you can do anytime is hug. Research shows couples who hug each other on the same day they have a fight tend to be less upset about the fight. Think of it as an insurance policy. If you hug and don’t fight, it will feel great. If you hug and do fight, you will get over it much more quickly!


      Linda Carroll is the author of Love Skills and Love Cycles. While she has worked as a therapist and couple’s coach for over three decades and has acquired numerous certificates and degrees along the way, she says that her own thirty-five-year marriage is the primary source of her knowledge when it comes to the cycles of love. Visit her online at LindaCarroll.com.

      Excerpted from the book Love Skills. Copyright ©2020 by Linda Carroll. Printed with permission from New World Library.

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    • Double Vision: Psychic Said She’s Evil

      14429101

      My sister's friend's mom is psychic, and one day she told me that I'm evil. She doesn't know me very well, she didn't elaborate, and she wasn't joking. I have been unable to forget about this experience; it's got me very confused, worried and anxious. Why do you think she said this? Do you ever meet people and just know that they're evil? I don't know how to get past this - I've been riddled with self-doubt ever since I heard those words.

      Sabrina

      Dreamchaser:

      This woman has no business telling anyone that they are evil. That is totally irresponsible on her part.

      If someone giving me a reading is going to make an accusation like that, they better elaborate! The fact that she would not give you concrete examples of your evilness shows me that she has no basis for even making a comment like that. Never go back to this woman - do not let her read you or even talk to you about anything spiritual again.

      There is nothing evil about you. Granted, you are a human being and you have done some things (like we ALL have) that you are not proud of and wish that you could take back. Welcome to the human race, Sabrina.

      While I do meet people that have darkness around them, I have a really hard time calling anyone evil. There are people who commit what society considers evil acts, and there are people who seem to feed on the dark side or the darkness in others, but defining what is evil and what is not is a controversial matter.

      I will use the men who bombed the World Trade Center as examples. Please note that I was deeply affected by this tragedy. Despite this, I have to point out that those men truly believed that they were doing the right thing, and that they were going to be rewarded in heaven for their actions.

      What they did was horrific. It was a horrible tragedy. Were they evil? I can't say that they were. They truly believed that they were in the right. Obviously, I don't agree with them or their methods, but I have to give them the right to believe what they believe, because I don't want to be persecuted for believing what I believe.

      So while I can personally feel that someone's actions are evil, I find it very hard to say that a person is evil.

      There are always exceptions to every rule. I think we can all list some people that we feel are evil to the core. You, however, are not an evil being on ANY level.

      I wish you peace and full knowledge of how truly wonderful, special and spiritual you are.

      *****

      Astrea:

      There is a beautiful creation myth that explains how the peacock lost favor with God.

      Satan had been banned from the Garden, where Adam and Eve were living with God's Love. Though Satan tried and tried to reenter the garden using all sorts of clever disguises, the Archangel Michael (who was on guard at the gate - He's a busy feller) stopped him from entering every time.

      Then Satan asked the peacock to let him ride into the Garden between her teeth in order to get past Michael. The peacock reluctantly agreed. When she got to the Gate, Michael asked her to sing her beautiful song for him before she went in. She couldn't sing with the Devil between her teeth, and for punishment, God took away her beautiful voice.

      The peacock wasn't evil, but because she was tempted BY Evil, she fell from Grace and suffered the consequences. If it's true that we are made in God's image, then we choose what kind of person we want to be.

      No one is born evil, but they can develop evil qualities. In life there are mistakes, and the consequences of those mistakes. Humans are given free will and the power to choose what they will be.

      No matter what some stranger tells you, you are in control of the choices you make in your own life. You can try to blame others for those choices, or try to feel that you don't HAVE a choice, but there is always a choice to be made. If you want to be happy, you must try to make wise choices.

      I feel from your letter that you are a youngster - at most in your early twenties. Otherwise, you wouldn't let what someone's cousin's sister's mother's ex-lover's dog's half-brother's owner says affect your self-image.

      Are you evil? That's ridiculous. Will you be tempted to do evil things throughout your life? Of course you will. All humans are tested in life. Everyone makes mistakes, and mistakes hurt others.

      Try to avoid hurting others as you grow and change in your life, for God wants everyone to be happy, and evil destroys happiness.

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