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4 Simple Steps to Commune with Your Ancestors, by Mallorie Vaudoise

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

Honoring your ancestors, like any practice that deals with spirits, is a lot like cooking. Anyone can do it, not just people with special training. (That's a big part of the reason why I wanted to write a book about it!) But whether you're an amateur or a trained professional, you still need to stay in the moment and use your senses—or you might end up burning something.

When you cook, you don't just put your food on the stove for ten minutes and trust that it's been cooked perfectly. Even if you're following a recipe and the recipe says, "cook for ten minutes," you need to watch the food change color, smell it as it becomes more fragrant, and maybe even taste it to know for sure.

Likewise, when you do something to honor your ancestors, you'll need to be able to sense whether that thing feels right—even if you’re following a ritual script. For example, you'll ask yourself, "Does this feel right?" when you place a new photo of an ancestor on your altar. If the answer is yes, you'll proceed. If the answer is no, you'll adjust. I call these quick check-ins, "discernment."

If you don't already know what "right" feels like, discernment probably won't be easy at first. Thankfully, once you do know what "right" feels like, it becomes so natural that it's almost effortless. But, before we can get there, we need to talk about feelings.

Feelings and Spirits
Do you like talking about feelings? For most of my life, I sure didn't. I didn't even like feeling my feelings. So, when it came to my spiritual practice, I did almost anything I could to avoid them. I immersed myself in a world of intellectualism and consumerism. I thought that if I read the right books or bought the right supplies, then magic would happen automatically. I wanted to think and buy my way out of feeling.

Then, I started to meet mediums from different cultural backgrounds, all of whom told me the same thing: that they felt the spirits with which they communicated. Felt them as emotions, as physical sensations, and as things that started as physical sensations but transformed synesthetically into words or images. This gave me new context for the unusual physical and emotional sensations I had experienced throughout my life. I wasn't weird. I was just processing spiritual information the way a medium does.

That realization raised the question: How would I know the difference between my own feelings, the physical and emotional sensations I experienced as part of "normal" reality, and feelings caused by spirits?

In practice, there doesn't seem to be a clear distinction between the two, maybe because they are both categories of subjective experiences. Or, maybe because we are spirits with a physical form. In any case, when it comes to discernment in your ancestor veneration practice, it doesn't actually matter whether the feeling originates from your own spirit or an ancestor's spirit because ancestor veneration is a two-way street. It needs to work for both sides to serve as an effective bridge between the two.

Step 1: Establishing a Baseline
To perform discernment, you first train yourself to observe your feelings throughout the day. This practice will help you establish your perceptual baseline, which will make it easier to detect when something has shifted within or around you.

There's no fancy trick to this. Just pause from whatever you're doing, take a breath, and scan your body. Do you notice tension or energy anywhere? Try to give that a name and a description, like: "I feel anger. It feels like my stomach is clenching." But, don't try to change it. Just observe.

Here's the catch: thinking is not feeling. The mind loves to convince itself that it can do the heart's job. It can't. So, if you catch yourself describing your thoughts instead of your feelings, or if you start describing what you "should" feel instead of what you actually feel, then shift your focus back to your body.

Step 2: Discernment
Now that you have established your baseline and know how to identify feelings instead of thoughts, you can start performing discernment. This is a litmus test you can use whenever you engage with your ancestors: when you're working your ancestor altar, or making offerings to your ancestors, or performing divination to seek their advice.

To discern on something, perform your body scan twice. If you're discerning on something simple, like making an offering, do your body scan before and immediately after you do the thing and observe the difference. If it feels right, keep it; if it doesn't feel right, undo it.

You can also discern on something more complex that requires advanced planning, like a ritual or a pilgrimage. First do the body scan once. Then, imagine yourself doing the thing in as much detail as you can. Then, do the body scan again. Observe the difference. If it feels right, go ahead with your plan; if it doesn't feel right, come up with a new one.

Step 3: How Does Right Feel in the Moment?
Your "right" will feel different from my "right." Your "right" in one moment will even feel different from your "right" in another moment. But, there are some general things to look for when determining whether or not something feels right.

First, ask yourself: Do I want to avoid my feelings by turning to one of the following common distractions?

• Alcohol
• Coffee
• Drugs
• Food (especially sugar)
• Social media

We compulsively turn to distractions as a self-defense mechanism when we feel something uncomfortable, so whatever it is you're feeling, it probably doesn't feel right.

Next, ask yourself: Am I experiencing one of the following inhibitory emotions?

• Shame
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Numbness

Like distractions, inhibitory emotions occur when we feel something uncomfortable. They are our body's way of shielding us from that discomfort. So, whatever you're feeling, it probably doesn't feel right.

Then, ask yourself: Do I feel any of the following things that are associated with having an open heart?

• Calmness
• Curiosity
• Connectedness
• Compassion
• Confidence
• Courage
• Clarity

If your heart is open, it's probably because you are in communion with strong, supportive ancestors who are sharing their affirmation with you. This is what we mean when we talk about something, "feeling right!"

Finally, ask yourself: What is my outlook on life right now? Do I see my present life circumstances, whether easy or challenging, as a lesson for me to learn from? Do I have faith that things will work out in the end, even if I don't know how they will work out today? A growth-oriented outlook, neither overly pessimistic nor optimistic, is a sign that things feel right.

Step 4: How Does Right Feel After the Moment Has Passed?
The most important part of discernment is how you feel in the moment. But, to confirm that feeling, look at what happens after the moment has passed.

Ask yourself: Am I inspired to do any of the following things?

• To connect with other people
• To help other people
• To seek help from other people
• To create art
• To enjoy art that has already been created
• To clean my home
• To nourish my body and the bodies of other people with good food
• To move my body in a way that feels good
• To volunteer or give to charities
• To go out into nature

All of these are signs that the connection forged between your ancestors and your own spirit has moved you in the direction of growth and healing. And that's definitely what feels right.

For even more ways to commune with your ancestors, check out my book, Honoring Your Ancestors: A Guide to Ancestral Veneration. The book shares techniques to help you connect to your ancestors. You'll learn how to develop your own personal style for honoring them through altars and offerings, seeking their guidance through mediumship, and invoking their power through ritual.

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2019. All rights reserved.

I get the feeling that many of my relationship issues with the opposite sex have their roots in past life experiences. For example, it's odd how the men I get involved with are almost always Asian or from an Asian culture. I've found myself drawn to those cultures in other ways too, even though there's nothing from my childhood or background in this life that would create this pattern. I'm wondering what this may mean, and what I'm supposed to do in order to move on to a fresh level of experience. It feels like I'm stuck in old patterns and connections. I've felt this way since my early 20s, and I'm now in my late 30s. I'm a Gemini.

- Chris

Dreamchaser:

I imagine everyone you might speak to about this subject would have a slightly different perspective or viewpoint on the matter, and of course, no one can say for sure.

I personally think our interpretation of all we see and experience is colored by our own soul's perspective. Just like you and I could look at the same person and notice two completely different things, and therefore describe that person somewhat differently, our souls view our experiences in various lifetimes differently.

My own soul's understanding is that we are a culmination of everything we ever experience. We carry past life information forward with us, and in this way, we carve out certain niches for ourselves.

We will often go to a place we have never been and find that it feels very familiar and comfortable, or on the flip side, familiar and uncomfortable. We may eat something we have never had and on some level remember that we've eaten it before. I believe the same goes for our interactions with other people.

For example, most people have a certain type that they are attracted to. My own type is a tall, dark man. I don't know why - I just have always been drawn to those types of men.

I am REALLY dating myself with this example, but when all my friends liked Hutch, I liked Starsky. Just like you, I can see no logical reason why this is the type of man I'm drawn to.

I'm betting that your love life problems have nothing to do with your type, but instead are rooted in the quality of men you have gotten involved with. You don't really want to start dating Scandinavian blondes - you just want to attract a higher quality of relationship experience.

I believe you need to look at yourself and fix some inner issues before you can fix your outer experience. With this in mind, I suggest you buy a book called One Day My Soul Just Opened Up by Iyanla Vanzant. It offers a 40-day process that I feel will help you a great deal.

At first you may not understand why I steered you towards that book. The back cover won't sound like something you need, but I urge you to give it a try. You have nothing to lose. I also highly recommend this book to everyone reading this, for I believe it offers a soul-filling experience regardless of one's particular problem or goal.

After you finish that 40-day process, you will have a new perspective on yourself, and will view life with new eyes. Then I think you'll make better choices about what you really want in love.

Of course, you ARE drawn towards Asian men because you have been Asian in past lives, and you enjoyed those lives - in fact, one in particular was your happiest life so far.

The important thing to realize now is that you still have time to make this life even better than that one.

I wish you awareness of what you really want.

*****

Astrea:

Being drawn to another time, place or culture can be strongly influenced by past life experiences, experiences in the past in this life, or simply personal taste.

When the same pattern repeats over and over without any explanation for it from this lifetime, chances are good that past lives are influencing you.

Even though we don't usually consciously remember where we were or who we were with in other lifetimes, there are parts of those lives that we carry from incarnation to incarnation, and those energies can strongly influence our personal preferences.

For instance, small children who don't care for sweets might have been diabetic in another life, while a person who suffered from a long-time illness in the incarnation immediately before this one might have an aversion to seeing doctors, and do whatever they can to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

Violent deaths often cause people to avoid things in this life that they embraced in the last one, though the opposite can also be true.

My best friend was trampled to death by horses in several previous incarnations, going all the way back to the Roman Circus, but that doesn't stop her from operating one of the largest equine rescues in the country.

Just as things in our other incarnations can cause us to avoid certain experiences, people, places, or things, we can also be drawn to things we loved in other lifetimes, just like we're drawn toward people we've known and loved well before. If I was doing a past life reading for you, and you told me up front that you were drawn to all things Asian, I would begin to look for you in other lifetimes in Asia.

I usually begin by asking a person what her favorite colors are and why she likes them. Then I ask her to see a door. We continue by having her describe the shape and color of the door, what it's made of, the color it's painted, what the hinges are like, etc., and by the time she's finished with that, she's ready to open that door and step into memories of another incarnation.

Some people have one door, and some people have many. Most people with many lifetimes will open that first door to see a series of other doors, each different but connected in some way. Finding out what is behind each door isn't always fun or easy, but it can be very enlightening.

If you want to know more about your Asian incarnations, try looking for your own doors during meditation or other quiet times. Many people say that right before they fall asleep is a good time to do that.

Don't be afraid to walk through those doors either. Remember, what hurt you before can NOT hurt you now; it will just lead you to more knowledge of who you are and have been in other times.

You may discover a whole other life in which you lived, loved and delighted in things you've never even seen in this life.

I see a trip to China in your future - or is it in your past?

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.