KAJAMA.COM NEWSLETTER

by Ernest Wentwhistle

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

Author Richard Webster uses the interesting literary device of cogent, timely correspondence received by a fictional character. These brief letters from his former high school history teacher contain advice appropriate to each particular crisis, and arrive just at the moment of decision. Every missive is preceded by a question or statement encapsulating the high school teacher's guidance. While these snatches of wisdom may seem self-evident, their appearance within the context of individual situations and crises causes them to stand out in bolder relief.

Eight such pieces of amiable instruction seemed particularly appropriate to my own life. They are: "What's your passion?," "Be kind to yourself," "Follow your dream," "Enjoy the journey," "Focus on the positive," "Find something to believe in," "What is your purpose?," and "Choose your thoughts."

Webster defines "passion" as one's own inner truth—that which moves or inspires you. Existence without joy is the end of living and the beginning of survival. In our success-oriented society, we are too much caught up in the scramble for survival (i.e., security), although we will never have enough material wealth to feel impenetrably secure. I sometimes feel I'm wasting my life on the merry-go-round working and bill-paying. By remembering that my passion is the real meaning of my life, I can free myself from the less significant mundane aspect of mere survival, and get on with the high purpose of fulfilling my abilities, as mediocre as they may be.

"Be kind to yourself" is probably the most difficult of Webster's commands to follow. He does not, of course, tempt us with self-indulgence. The kindness of which he speaks is compassion for our flaws and sins, which we know all too well. It is easy to judge and condemn myself, keenly aware as I am of a lifetime of error and inappropriate behavior. Objectively regarding ourselves is difficult, but it can and should be done. Think of yourself as the child you once were. Do you despise that boy or girl? Of course not. That may be the first step toward being kind to oneself; to achieve a balanced appreciation for who and what we are. Too harsh a self-judgment erodes our will to make something of ourselves in this life.

"Follow your dream" is an admonition to exercise one's passion. It is easier said than done. If your dream is to someday own a fancy car with which to impress your friends and enemies, then such a goal may be achieved through a little hard work and an untouchable savings account. On the other hand, if your ideal is world peace and your passion is to strive against war, then your dream will probably be fulfilled, not, unfortunately, by achieving such an impossibility in this harsh world, but through the fight for its realization.

It is in following one's dream that at least something of its fulfillment comes about. Such an assurance is comforting to someone like myself, who, after long years of trying to make a better society (at least from my point of view), eventually concluded that changing one's life was more effective (and more possible) than changing the world. This is apparently what Webster means when he instructs us to "Enjoy the journey." Like most of my fellow human beings, I am too focused on hoped-for end results, desire outcomes, and bottom lines. Things do not always turn out the way we anticipate, and rarely in the manner we precisely envisioned, resulting in disappointment. With our eyes on the prize we are too often led to agree with Arthur Schopenhauer, the so-called "Philosopher of Pessimism," that our individual existence is nothing more than a life-long process of disillusionment. Webster's antidote to such dead-end thinking is a kind of yogic indifference to ultimate success or the lack thereof by making the most of our passage into the future.

I find that thus relinquishing worry for a future that can be, at most, anticipated but never clearly foreseen, a calm settles over my heart, as stress and blood pressure are lowered. Moreover, I am better able to achieve my task in a calm state of mind, than distracted by fears, most of which turn out to be baseless. An up-beat assessment of one's situation is the significance of Webster's "Focus on the positive." Its opposite, negativity, is the pitfall threatening everyone in modern America's fiercely competitive society. I find that if I dwell too long and deeply on the negative qualities in myself or around me, I want to just give up. There is no hope in capitulation, but a positive attitude at least keeps us going. Where we can still fight there is at least hope.

Webster tells us to "Find something to believe in." Faith is everywhere being undermined today, both in established leaders and institutions, from priests and politicians, to churches and corporations. I believe in none of these discredited and yet-to-be-discredited persons or systems. I believe in the eternal truths of nature and the human soul. That, I find the older I become, is the faith which sustains me.

Just asking, "What is your purpose?," must give us pause to consider the core meaning of our existence. After some reflection, I believe I know the answer; namely, to find out what talents or abilities one has, however humble they may be, and apply them. In so doing, I have found an inner sense of fulfillment unattainable by any other means.

Best of all perhaps, "Choose your thoughts" means that we are masters of our own mind. Under psychic attack as we all our during waking hours by skillful advertising and propaganda, it is important to know that we are sovereign at least over those things we may choose to embrace or disregard. Change the channel! Better yet, turn off the box! In a culture where individual human beings are feeling increasingly powerless, they still have final rights over their own thought processes. Like them, I cannot escape a growing feeling of being imposed upon by officials of various hierarchies who presume to tell me how I should think. The simple realization that at least in the realm of thought we are still masters is a dimension of liberty in a world of shrinking freedoms.

Webster's Success Secrets are the simple but eternally powerful truths which must remain secrets no longer.

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2003. All rights reserved.

My husband and I have been together for nine years. Before I met him, I had been on an emotional roller coaster and wanted to find stability in my life. I believe my mistake was that I was searching for someone else to provide that stability, and he became my best friend. However, our backgrounds are very different. He grew up in a strong Christian community. As I did not, I didn't understand his apparent lack of sexual interest in me. I spoke to him about this before marriage but we never truly dealt with it. I assumed it would get better once we were husband and wife. I was wrong. The first year of our marriage was fine because we were working together to completely renovate our house, but ever since then, the lack of passion has bothered me very much. We have seen a counselor about it and efforts are being made to make things better, but I can't help but feel something will always be missing for me. I know I love and care for him, as he is a great guy, but I don't think I am in love with him. My heart feels so torn: Why can't I just be content with what I have: a stable but emotionally dull relationship? I am so confused. What do you think?

S.

Astrea:

Many people feel as you do after many years of marriage: They love the person they married but they no longer feel the intense passion they did in the beginning.

Every month, popular magazines offer some magic formula for rekindling the passion in a worn-out marriage or dying relationship. Every year, people spend millions of dollars on counseling and various products for the same reason.

We're taught that life is supposed to be exciting all the time, and we're conditioned by television and movies to think that we're always supposed to feel the same about someone we love.

In a thirty-minute situation comedy or an hour-long drama, we see people falling madly in love with one another and living happily ever after. When we see serious relationship conflicts followed by passionate reconciliations week after week, we naturally think we might be missing something.

The reason people can't be content with what they have is because we're taught by advertising and the media that we always need and deserve more. Of course, for some people there is always a fly in the food somewhere. If the relationship is satisfying physically, then they feel emotionally bereft; if the relationship is stable, they feel bored.

In real life, living with other people is stressful, and when we feel worn down or overwhelmed, it's natural to wonder how things could be better. You've been with your husband for a long time, however, and that's worth something too.

Can anyone love anyone else ALL the time? Can passion be constant? When the kids are crying, the dog has left a mess on the floor and the bills are due, it's pretty darn hard to feel romantic.

I won't argue that passion drives some relationships. As unrealistic as that is, it's probably possible. You, however, chose your husband for stability. Even then, you felt you were settling for less excitement than you wanted. Maybe that was a mistake, and maybe not. At the time it seemed like a smart trade-off, but now you're bored and probably a little lonesome too.

You crave newness and excitement. Millions of people are feeling the same right this moment. The wonderful thing about being human is that we can make changes.

If you talk to your husband sincerely about how you feel, I'm sure the two of you can work this out together. If you can't do it alone, join a support group and find a good marriage counselor. Let an expert take the heat. If you discover that you really don't love each other, you can always move on to something else.

*****

Susyn:

Your concerns about your marriage are well-founded. In fact, you bring up an issue that many people are struggling with. People have different views of what marriage can or should be. We all come from different backgrounds, and have all sorts of issues regarding passion and sexuality.

Society has shifted its priorities over the last few decades, and as a whole, we tend to focus on what we think we are missing instead of cherishing what we have. However, your letter suggests that you've reached a point where it may be more than passion you are missing in your marriage.

It appears you settled for what could bring you the most stability at the time. Though it may seem like you're missing something, it's important to consider whether or not what you want is available to you.

If you've done some soul searching and experienced personal growth over the last nine years, then your inner being may be urging you to reach for a higher level of experience. If you haven't changed within this period, however, you could find yourself right back at the place you were so desperate to leave - on an emotional roller coaster again.

As the only one who can determine whether or not you should stay in this marriage is you, I recommend you seek individual counseling as the first step toward gaining more clarity. In addition, meditation and spiritual practices designed to connect you with your inner truths will help you figure out what your heart and soul are telling you.

Unfortunately, leaving one situation to pursue another is rarely the answer. If you would rather live alone for the rest of your life than remain in a passionless marriage, then you have nothing to lose. Just don't assume that if you let leave this marriage, another better relationship will appear to take its place.

If you've reached the point where you are ready for change, turning to Spirit for direction is definitely the answer. Allowing a higher source to lead you forward is the way to go. If you start to experience signs that it's time for you open up to other possibilities, the urgings of your heart will lead you to greater fulfillment.

Do keep in mind as you work on yourself that everyone has different ideas about marriage, and there are women who would love to be in your shoes. Your job now is to find out if you can find contentment within instead of looking for it outside of yourself. Once you can find contentment within regardless of outer circumstances, you'll be able to make a sound choice about your future.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.