KAJAMA.COM NEWSLETTER

by Sam Bennett

You have so many great ideas, and you can’t decide which one(s) to follow through on. Or maybe once you finally settle on one and get into it, you get bored and drop it like a hot potato for something new. I know.

One of the side effects of being a creative genius is that you have a billion great ideas and a lot of skills and talents, so it can be difficult to figure out where to focus. This is so often what happens: You get a brilliant idea. It appears instantly — so full and rich and detailed and vibrant inside your mind — and you just know it’s a truly 
great idea. And then — just as quickly — you feel stuck, overwhelmed, defeated. You have no idea how to move forward. Thinking about the thing in its entirety is just too overwhelming, so you get stuck before you’ve even started.

Here’s the thing: your brain is a beautiful machine especially designed to look for patterns and solve problems. It works like a charm. Pose almost any question to your brain, and it will present you with an answer in no time at all. Genius, I tell you.

But if there are too many unknowns or too many variables, the machine grinds to a halt. Or it gets stuck in a loop, going around the same block over and over again. “I want to do X, but maybe I should do Y first, but I can’t do that until I do Z, so maybe I shouldn’t even try...but I really want to do X, but maybe I should do Y first...” Exhausting, right?

Breaking It Down
Let’s say your big, beautiful idea is “I want to redo the whole house!” And you can see it! Gorgeous and gleaming. A full, rich, detailed vision of your house completely redecorated appears in your mind.

In this situation some people recommend creating a Vision Board, which I think is fun because I love gluing things onto other things. A Vision Board is a fun, artsy, self-actualization project — it’s a collage you can make of images and words, usually cut from magazines, that, posted prominently, serves as a visual reminder of your goals and dreams. You can also make one online, which is fun, too. And if a Vision Board helps or delights or inspire you, then go ahead. But artists usually have no problem articulating a clear vision. Their vision is usually quite detailed and complete and often features sequels, theme parks, and a worldwide grassroots social movement.

As you consider this beautiful vision of your redone home, you feel the gears in your mind begin to grind: Where to begin? How to afford it? Is now the right time? How do I know if a contractor is trustworthy? What if the paint comes out ugly? Where do I find those cool glass tiles? I don’t know how to tile! Ack!

Too many unknowns and too many variables.
So if you can limit the scope of your project — take it bit by bit — you will be doing your brain a big favor. Tackling, say, just the carpeting in the upstairs bedroom will allow your brain to start searching its files for carpet in the same way that your computer can search for and find information easily once you give it the right name or search term. And now that your brain is whirring away on the idea of carpet, it might just remember that there’s a carpet store over by the lunch place you like, and it might remember that your cousin Denise just redid her house — and maybe she’ll have a few ideas for you — and hey, is that an ad for a carpet sale in today’s paper?

If you have some Vision Boards that are just hanging around making you feel bad about not having achieved your goals yet, for crying out loud, get rid of them. Inspirational tools are just that — tools to inspire you. The minute they quit inspiring you, lose ’em.

Breaking your project down into manageable, bite-size bits makes it something you can actually do, as opposed to leaving it a big, overwhelming, untouchable vision that leaves you stuck. Think of it this way: If you find yourself procrastinating, your project is too big!

You can see how you might be able to make some real progress if you break you projects down into smaller chunks and spend a little time on them every day, yes? But this still leaves you with the all-important question, How do you know which project is the right one? For starters, you have to discern which of the projects matter most to you, and ditch the ones that don’t. Here’s a little quiz-type exercise that will help you do that.

We often downplay the importance of desire in our lives, but I have noticed that the things we really want to do pretty much get done. And the things we do not want to do pretty much do not get done. Have you noticed that, too?

Exercise: Five Quick Questions
Call to mind one of the many projects you are procrastinating on. I know you have lots, but for now, pick just one. Whichever one floats to the top of your mind first is fine. Now — working swiftly and without pondering — answer yes, no, or sort of to these five questions:

1. Do you think you will learn from and enjoy working on this project?
2. Will completing this project make a difference in your life?
3. Will completing this project make a difference in the world?
4. Does your soul ache to work on it?
5. Ten years from now, will it matter whether or not you have done it?

Take a minute to muse on your answers, and jot down a few notes about what you notice. You may have noticed that those five questions are really one question, phrased five different ways — five different angles of attack on “Does this project truly matter?”

You may find that while you feel your project would make a big difference in the world, your soul does not ache to do it. That’s okay. And that’s important information for you to have if you decide to move forward: don’t expect this project to make your soul sing. You may need to find some other spiritual sustenance while you’re working on it.

Or perhaps you answered yes to every question but the first — that might be an indication that you need to find someone else, or gather a team, to execute this project.

But if you discovered that the project you were thinking about really doesn’t matter to you, then for crying out loud — cross that project off your list or delegate it or something. There’s no sense agonizing over a project you don’t even care about.

Now think of another possible project, and repeat the exercise. In fact, repeat it until you have five possible projects that definitely matter to you. Feel free to pull projects from various areas of your life; this doesn’t need to all be about your creativity. It’s always a good idea to try it with at least one really crazy-daisy, dumb idea — even something you think is a bad idea. And you may also want to add in some “duty” options (like the voice in your head that says that you really should go back to school and get that advanced degree).

So now you have a list of five front-runner projects. Congratulations!

From the book Get It Done by Sam Bennett. Copyright © 2014 by Samantha Bennett. Reprinted with permission from New World Library. www.NewWorldLibrary.com

Sam Bennett worked at the renowned Second City Theatre in Chicago alongside comics Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert. In addition to her multifaceted writing and performance work, she specializes in personal branding and career strategies. She lives in Los Angeles, CA. Her website is TheOrganizedArtistCompany.com

About three months ago, my husband began to experience restless sleep. I can tell that he's having a bad dream because he'll start moving about in bed and whimpering. Then he starts to talk like he's talking to another person. He often says the same sort of thing, such as, Stop! You're hurting him! or Please stop, you're hurting him! When I wake him up from these dreams, he seems totally out of it and can't remember what he was dreaming about. He falls immediately back to sleep while I lie there wondering what he is going through. This has happened some seven or eight times now, and I am getting really curious about what is going on. Your thoughts?

Susan

Susyn:

Your husband could be having these dreams for a number of reasons. The first question I would ask is if he is under a lot of stress at the moment. Are there work, family or financial matters that are weighing heavily on him? Dreams often address areas of our lives that are out of balance so they can help us process our fears and worries.

Given what he is saying, it appears that he is trying to protect someone in these dreams. Though he can't recall these dreams in order to help you determine what they're about, it is clear that he is feeling powerless to prevent someone from being harmed. Many experts on dream interpretation believe that all the characters in our dreams are reflections of ourselves, so it could be that the person being hurt is some aspect of himself. If this is the case, it may be that he feels powerless over some situation or aspect of his life that is causing him pain.

If you think back over the last few weeks and review what has been going on in his life, you may be able to discover the source of these dreams. If he could remember them, it would give you more clues. In the meantime, see if you can find a correlation between what is going on in his everyday life that could correlate with these episodes.

Because it seems he has been having the same dream for the last three months, there is a good chance that these dreams will continue until he can resolve whatever issues he is processing. Once the stress in his life has subsided or he resolves the fear or problem at hand, these dreams should cease.

If these nightmares continue, you might consider placing a piece of turquoise or malachite under his pillow. These stones are known for their protective qualities. In fact, turquoise is often used specifically to alleviate nightmares. Salt is also known for its ability to ground random thoughts and concerns. You can create a protective shield around him by filling a small bowl or plate with table salt. For the best results, place a quartz crystal upright in the middle of the plate and put it on his bedside table.

I don't feel that these dreams are caused by an evil spirit or anything outside of your husband. If they were, he would wake himself up and have very vivid memories of the dreams. He would also feel that something was trying to harm him instead of expressing concern about someone else being hurt.

Whether he ever becomes conscious of their meaning or not, I am sure that once the stress he is under is resolved, these dreams will cease.

*****

Oceania:

As restful sleep is important to our overall well-being and our ability to function, I recommend you gently encourage your husband to talk about whatever is troubling him or seek help from a professional. If he's unwilling to do that and these events truly disturb you, the two of you may have to sleep separately for a while.

When people experience trauma, they sometimes develop symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). When the mind can't adequately process an experience, symptoms of PTSD may develop, including repeated recollections of the event, distress when exposed to a reminder of the event, upsetting dreams, and flashbacks that make it feel like the trauma is happening in the present.

People suffering from PTSD may avoid situations that trigger memories of the event and may not be able to remember the event during normal waking consciousness. They may feel estranged from others and suffer from physical symptoms like disrupted sleep, irritability, difficulty concentrating, and being overly watchful and jumpy.

Your husband may have witnessed something traumatic three months ago that involved a male being hurt, or he may have experienced something traumatic as a child. (In this case, the him he mentions would be himself.) It may also be that something happened three months ago that triggered some painful memories.

When he's awake, gently share your observations of his behavior during the night to see if he is receptive to discussing what is troubling him. When he's ready to face his trauma, he will; pushing him to do so prematurely could disrupt his healing process. You might view this as an opportunity to grow closer. Share the fact that your sleep is being disrupted and ask for his opinion on how to best handle the situation.

A more mundane explanation for your husband's behavior is that he is speaking to YOU in an indirect manner. Explore whether you might be hurting him in some way that he's unable to articulate. From an atmosphere of safety and with a lack of defensiveness, kindly ask him if you are hurting him in some way, and express your desire to remedy the situation if that is the case.

If he's talking to you in his sleep, he may fear conflict or your anger, especially if you tend to have a temper. If this is the case, he may be unwilling to share why he's hurt, so you'll have to use your best detective skills to identify the problem and correct it in order to improve your relationship and enjoy restful sleep again.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.