KAJAMA.COM NEWSLETTER

by Bill Apablasa

There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go. - Tennessee Williams

Time to Hit the Road

When was the last time you just got up and left? Your feet twitched and the road called? Not on vacation, or a day at the beach or trip to the spa, but a head out the door for an aimless stroll to nowhere?

It's called wandering, moving without a fixed course, allowing mood and curiosity to be your guide. Depending on your personality, that may or may not sound like kryptonite. It's certainly not easy for me.

Truth is, most of us aren't wired to wander or, more accurately, we've forgotten how. We've been so conditioned by teachers, parents and bosses, so manipulated by schedules and deadlines and have-tos, that we no longer have the time or the space between our heads to go anywhere unless the destination is clearly marked on the map, with something practical waiting for us at the end, like a paycheck or a cold Corona.

Doing nothing we get, but going nowhere is for college dropouts or meth addicts. We may wander, but for only as long as it takes for our GPS to kick back in. For most of us, wandering is what you do when you're waiting for real life to start.

And I get it. Who has time to wander when there's chicken to stir-fry, kids to pick up, MBAs to be earned, clients to meet, dogs to be cleaned up after? Life keeps us busy.

Of course, life also keeps us in the same room.

And therein lies the great challenge of our lives. How do we live in a world, but not be of it? How do we pay the mortgage, take out the trash and still find time to expand our awareness?

If you have the answer, call me. We should do lunch. I know I don't have the answer. But I do know the balance of my life will hinge on how well I try.

I know that if we truly seek reinvention, if we truly seek to escape the one room we're living in, there is a call for us to transcend life itself, or life as we think we know it. We need to zig while the rest of the world zags. Emerson had it right. Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

It's not an easy lesson, but once learned, it has the capacity to change our lives forever. That said, let's cultivate a spirit of wander.

We can start with a commitment. At least once this week, pledge to leave the house with no objective and nowhere to go. Spend at least three to four hours on the road, six is better, and all day ideal. No itinerary. No final destination. It's called wandering - spontaneous travel without map or purpose. I know it's tough.

How Do I Get Started?

Step out of the house, turn left or right, then keep walking. That's it. Grab a bus, take a train, get off when you feel like it. But, don't rely on public transportation entirely. And definitely don't use a car. The problem with roads is that they're clearly mapped, with neatly defined on and off ramps. We follow them automatically. They drop us off in the same expected places. Wandering takes us where we don't expect to go. It surprises us.

What Should I Take With Me?

You should have money, as well as ID and a cell phone. Practicing safe travel is always advised. You should leave behind your schedules, to-do lists, newspapers, books and all reminders of your everyday life. And while you're shutting down, turn off the Wi-Fi, close up the email, put the phone on vibrate. You're off the grid, my friend. Life will still be waiting for you when you get back.

Where Will I Go?

Does it matter?

What If I'm Too Busy?

News flash! You're not too busy, too valuable, too expendable or too anything, or at least that's what my wife is always telling me. Most likely, nobody will even know you're gone. And face it: we can always clear our schedule for what's important. We do it for American Idol all the time. And beers with our friends. Facebook. The opening of Hunger Games.

I realize most of us are stretched and pulled in ten different directions. We have spouses and significant others, bosses and clients, parents and children, in-laws, friends, co-workers and pets. Everybody wants a piece of us. We're too busy for a shower and a glass of wine, let alone for a walk about town.

But, here's the question: when will you make time for yourself if not now? And when I say time, I don't mean time to go shopping or clean the gutters on the roof. I mean time to be alone, to question, to observe, to experiment, to see the world in ways you've never seen before?

No one's asking you to abandon your family and hop into a box car of a moving train. It's a stroll around the city. Give up a couple of TV shows this week; get up early to finish a project ahead of schedule; find a sitter; work evenings. Do whatever you can to free up the time for an afternoon of wander. If you can only go for an hour, go for an hour.

What matters is that you start, that you send an immediate FYI to yourself and the universe that your journey on this planet is as important as anything else you do in life. It sends a message that you are ready to travel where there is no path.

It sends a message that you are ready for The Other 999 Rooms.

Wandering teaches us that without the pressure of ambition or purpose or destination, we can stop trying, relax, and let go. We can slow down, pay attention, and walk with eyes wide open.

We can slip through life with the knowingness that something wonderful could always be around the next corner - your next best friend, your new spouse, a child who needs help, a stranger who might make you laugh, or think, or believe, or act.

Wandering teaches us that what is most valuable is often unscripted...and that in every moment there exists the possibility for new awareness.

Enjoy the trip. We'll see you when you get back.

Bill Apablasa is a writer, social experimenter, nomadic homebody and creator of theother999rooms.com, where he writes about reinventing your life...one room at a time.

Over 14 years ago, I broke up with a man I had dated for five years. I decided I couldn't marry him because he had a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality, plus he liked to play around with other ladies. Then I suddenly began dreaming of him almost daily. Now, every day I have strong emotions about him, and find myself thinking about him. I have done many things to try to put a stop to all of this. I've tried cord cutting, crystal healing, and spell work. I have used the freezing ritual and put him on ice a number of times, but none of it is working, for I find myself endlessly thinking about him. I also feel him as if he is right next to me frequently. I have never experienced anything like this before. Though I love his good side dearly, I know this man is not good for me. I want to this connection to be done and over. I never want to see him again in this or any other lifetime. Is it possible to completely sever our connection on a soul level? What can I do?

Sara

Susyn:

It sounds like you've made many valiant attempts to rid yourself of these constant thoughts of your ex. There are two possible reasons this is continuing, and a number of things you can do to resolve this matter. Since these dreams and emotions came on suddenly and you sometimes feel him near you, I wonder if he has passed. If you are somehow able to confirm that he has died recently, this would explain your sudden onset of ex-fever. It could be that the good side of his spirit has come back to you and is asking for forgiveness.

If this turns out to be the case, you might schedule a reading with a medium/channeler so you can communicate with him. It may help a great deal if you grant him forgiveness and ask him to move forward into the light. The channeler can also help you sever your connection on a soul level.

If it turns out that he is still alive, there is a spiritual reason for the phenomena you've been experiencing. Simply put, it means you still have some work to do to complete this relationship experience. Again, if you haven't forgiven him for past transgressions, you have never really moved on. It is surprising how many years can pass without giving someone a second thought, only to have their memory suddenly return with a vengeance.

Start by revisiting the five years you shared together. Write down your memories of the relationship, highlighting the good as well as the bad times. Once you have brought this time frame back to the forefront of your mind, it will be easier to accomplish emotional and soul-level clearing.

Next, write him a letter. You won't send the letter, so say whatever you want to him, whether that involves anger, hurt or fear. At the end of the letter, write that you are ready to forgive him for all that went on in the past, and ask his forgiveness for any hurt or pain you may have caused him. Finally, ask him to go away and leave you in peace. Once it's complete, burn the letter. This will take your thoughts, feelings and message into the realm of energy. Because he is connected to you on a spirit level, this is the ideal way to get your message across.

If his memory comes to you after this, his soul is deliberately trying to connect with you. Immediately, ask that he go away. You may have to do this a few times before he gets the message. I also suggest sleeping with a turquoise stone under your pillow to eliminate the dreams you keep having of him. Taking action to address your ex directly through these spiritual methods should enable you to be free of this obsession once and for all.

*****

Oceania:

When we're ready to let someone go, symbolic rituals like cord cutting, freezing, and detaching with love can help seal the deal, but when we're NOT ready, such activities are masked ways of sustaining a connection, just like calling someone to tell them you won't be calling anymore.

It could be that you haven't allowed yourself to fully cherish and grieve the positive side of your former relationship, so I recommend that you stop trying to get rid of your ex. What we resist persists, so turn this around and move energetically towards your ex. Imagine a mending or thawing ritual in which you celebrate the warm feelings and good memories he inspired.

If you have photos or mementos, revisit those and smile. Hug yourself and imagine you're hugging HIM. Feel yourself absorbing all the parts of him that enriched your life; soak them up and take them in! You will likely discover that you're better able to release your ex if you ritually squeeze him and hold on tight! Whatever we focus our attention on expands, so whether we're pulling someone close or pushing them away, we are strengthening our bond with them. The only way to diminish a bond is to focus on something ELSE.

A former client told me her therapy goal was to distance herself from her father. She came to every session armed with horror stories about what a negative, destructive presence he was. In time, I pointed out that she herself was holding him close by endlessly scrutinizing him and by donating time and energy to someone who really wasn't in her life that much! She argued that it didn't feel safe to stop thinking about him, as she felt she had to remain vigilant to protect herself from his influence.

It took faith and practice for her to relax and shift mental gears. A first, she had to force herself to talk about things she loved and wanted in her life. Eventually, a growing enthusiasm for her positive goals pushed aside obsessive thoughts of her father. You might try starting a collage of words and images that reflect what you enjoy most in your life, as well as things you wish to explore, study or manifest.

Daily dreams of your ex were probably not random events; more likely, something happened in 2011 that resurrected him. Perhaps you were falling in love at that time, and thoughts of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide surfaced as an overblown warning to proceed with caution. Perhaps you just felt guilty about moving on from this man you once loved. If that's the case, it's now time to forgive yourself for leaving him, as you need and deserve more consistent love and care.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.