KAJAMA.COM NEWSLETTER

A Talk with Author Kristi Hugstad
Be You, Only Better

Even before the coronavirus hit, today’s teens and young adults were already facing intense mental health challenges like academic stress, substance abuse, eating disorders, financial insecurity, anxiety, and depression — just to name a few.

When you add in tough pandemic realities like virtual learning, social distance from family and friends, and the loss of employment opportunities many are facing, it’s no wonder that so many individuals are feeling more isolated, afraid, and stressed than ever before.

The new book of Be You, Only Better: Real-Life Self-Care for Young Adults (And Everyone Else), introduces today’s young people to simple, yet powerful day-to-day practices that promote mind and body wellness. With simple, straightforward tactics — like journaling, mindfulness, healthy sleep, and sound nutrition — author Kristi Hugstad empowers young and old alike to take charge of their own wellness.  We hope you’ll enjoy this Q and A with Kristi about the book.

Your book Be You, Only Better introduces teens and young adults to simple, yet powerful self-care practices. Why is self-care more important than ever right now?

When I wrote Be You, Only Better, I certainly did not foresee a global pandemic that would change everything. But that’s exactly why self-care is so important. We can’t control the world around us – we can only control ourselves, and we can choose to practice the self-care that can make us happier and healthier, despite our external environment.

It’s no secret that teenagers and young adults are struggling today. While teen depression, anxiety and suicide rates have increased dramatically over the last decade, the pandemic has made the situation even worse. Young people need a lifeline – and often, that lifeline is within themselves. That’s really what this book is about – showing young adults healthy ways to cope and providing the resources necessary to be the best version of themselves possible.

Journaling is one of the first self-care practices you offer in the book. Why is this important for young people to do?

Today, more than ever before, we lack the time and discipline to quietly sit and reflect. Information and entertainment has never been so easily accessible – often coming to us without much (if any) effort on our parts. Daily journaling forces you to sit with your thoughts and reflect on your life and situations you may not otherwise see clearly.

Young adults, in particular, can benefit from journaling because it creates an inner dialogue and promotes mindfulness – both of which build confidence and self-awareness. Journaling provides benefits that are great for anyone but particularly healthy for young adults like boosting emotional intelligence, strengthening self-discipline, increasing memory and comprehension and providing healing, just to name a few.

You say that good sleep is an important aspect of self-care. What advice do you have to offer to those who have a hard time sleeping?

Learning to prioritize sleep when you’re young is a skill that will serve you your entire life. Part of “prioritizing” sleep mean letting go of what may be preventing a good night’s sleep. That’s much harder than it sounds, because all of us really like things that tend to prevent restful sleep – caffeine, staying up late, sleeping in late, scrolling social media or watching TV in bed.


More than anything else, I’ve found that setting a sleeping schedule – and actually sticking to it by removing the obstacles that keep me from restful sleep – is key. Readying yourself for sleep is a foundational habit, so embracing it as a young adult can set you up for a healthier, happier and more successful future.

What advice do you have to offer people who are having a hard time getting motivated to exercise?

Exercise is another foundational habit that can be difficult to form – particularly if it’s new to you. As a Pilates instructor, former gym owner and lifelong exercise enthusiast, I can honestly say I’ve never seen someone regret a workout! Sure, it can be uncomfortable or intimidating to start exercising. That’s why I always encourage people – and especially young people – to find something they truly enjoy doing. Not all of us truly love running seven miles a day – but you just might! Or you may prefer dancing, paddle boarding, yoga, cycling, hiking… the list is endless! Make the goal to try out various physical activities; chances are that there’s a form of exercise out there waiting for you to love it.

One of your chapters is about hope. What advice do you have to offer those who are feeling hopeless?

There is power in hope. Hope is motivation. Hope is optimism. Hope is the belief that good things will happen – and they’ll happen to you. When you feel hopeless, you’re less motivated to take action or control of your life, which in turn makes you feel even more hopeless. When people are in that vicious cycle, the most important thing they can do is get outside help. Whether that means talking to a close friend or finding a professional therapist, sometimes it takes an external force to help you find hope.

Often, another person can give you a fresh perspective and the motivation to move forward – which is exactly what hope is.

What advice do you have for parents who are hoping to empower their teenager to practice self-care?

Often, what parents find frustrating about their teen is the very thing that can transform their lives for better – fierce independence. Teens need love and support and someone who believes in their ability to take care of themselves.

I always advise parents to set realistic expectations for their teens. While we may be culturally expected to “do it all,” that’s not doable at any age. Help your teen prioritize their academic and extracurricular activities, making sure they still have time to properly sleep, stay active and socialize (which is also important!). Most importantly, lead by example! Make sure your teens see you taking the time to ensure your needs – physical, mental and emotional – are met.

Kristi Hugstad is the author of Be You, Only Better: Real-Life Self-Care for Young Adults (And Everyone Else) and two other books. A certified grief recovery specialist and a grief and loss facilitator for addicts in recovery, Kristi frequently speaks at high schools. She is also the host of The Grief Girl podcast and lives in Orange County, California. Visit her online at https://www.thegriefgirl.com.

I have always thought that people who see Jesus in their toast or the Virgin Mary in their pancakes were totally off their rockers. Then one morning I got up and meditated as I always do. During meditation, I visualized true love coming to me and sent out a heartfelt prayer to the Universe for love to come my way. I then made some toast, and when it popped out of the toaster, there was a big heart in the middle of it, clear as day. My heart leapt at this; it felt like a special little note from Spirit telling me that my wish will come true. Do you think I'm deluded? Can signs from Spirit really come like this?

Mary

Susyn:

Since Spirit sends us signs in many forms, I certainly don't think you are deluded. Had you not just asked the Universe to bring you true love, I imagine you wouldn't have even noticed the heart-shaped sign on your toast.

Awareness is an amazing thing. Once we become open enough to allow Spirit to help us with our challenges, we begin to see everything in a new light and are much more in tune with the mysterious workings of the Universe.

Most of us don't run to the local television station when we witness such a phenomenon. It's easy to understand why, for news stories about people claiming to see Jesus in their toast or the Virgin Mary in their pancakes are often ridiculed. The heart message you received was a sign just for you that your prayers had been heard.

The same is usually true when we experience special signs from people close to us who have passed away. We may hear music or find a possession connected with our departed loved one and just kinow that it is a sign that they are okay or reaching out to us. It doesn't matter if other people would see it the same way since the sign was just for us.

Because Spirit is boundless, there is no limit to the number of ways signs may come to us. Often they are so personal or unusual that we can't help but notice them. Though you probably won't discover more messages hidden in your morning toast, once was enough to let you know that there are higher forces working behind the scenes to make your dreams come true.

Often we feel that our prayers are not being heard when they arenít answered in the time or manner we would like. Having to wait on the Universe to deliver our desires requires patience, faith and awareness, so keep sending your heartfelt prayers to the Universe and watching for further signs and direction.

In each case where I have requested Spirit's help to bring my dreams into being, I have been given very specific signs and direction during my daily meditation. I can choose whether or not to act on these messages, but every time I do, I am always led one step closer to my desires.

I encourage you to watch for more information and follow your intuition, as I am confident that Spirit will not only send you additional confirmation that your prayers have been heard but also bless you with the love you desire. The door to the future of your dreams is open; all you have to do is walk through it.

*****

Oceania:

Thank you for sharing your delightful story. You're not deluded. Your prayer went out Express Mail and was immediately acknowledged with a toasty heart receipt. Signs and symbols from Spirit abound. They may arrive in dreams, through synchronicity (meaningful coincidences) or via serendipity (stumbling upon an unexpected treasure).

Because you had just been meditating, you were in the perfect state to send out your desire AND notice the reply. We are often so rushed or stressed that we fail to notice the subtle messages that are woven into the fabric of the world around us like divine graffiti. Many would have eaten the toast without noticing the heart!

I think true love already came to you. As you come to know and embrace the love that is you and continue to take loving care of yourself as you did when you meditated and made yourself breakfast, the universe will reflect your self-love in many ways, including blessing you with a loving partner.

If we want big love, we must first demonstrate that we have the capacity to love ourselves and appreciate smaller blessings. Mopey, whiney people who feel sorry for themselves will be frustrated in their quest for a truly loving partnership. We must first pass kindergarten-level, which includes taking delight in the simple joys that surround us.

I'll share one of my favorites signs from Spirit. I prayed for help in locating my cat, Morgan, who had been missing for several days, and posted fliers throughout the large complex I lived in.

Later that day, I received a letter from an estranged friend I had not heard from in months. Sheíd written the letter over the course of several days, dating each of her entries. The first was dated 3/19 and the last, 3/23. Her letter was an overture towards reconciliation, which seemed to portend the return of my cat.

That night I dreamed of a helpful pirate. The next day, I received a call from my neighbor down the hall. She said she saw a cat streak though her home but couldn't locate it. She invited me over to call for my cat in case she was scared and in hiding. When my neighbor answered the door, she had a large parrot on her shoulder!

My search seemed futile since my neighbor turned out to be a hoarder. However, I chose to keep looking based on the signs I'd received, and finally found my cat alive and well in the back of a cluttered closet.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.