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    • This is My Thing

      
An excerpt from We Are the Luckiest by Laura McKowen

      Before Laura McKowen got sober, she had a long, successful career in public relations in the Mad Men-esque drinking culture of the advertising industry, where “liquid lunches were frequent and drinking at your desk in the late afternoon was perfectly normal.” In the five years since she stopped drinking, she has become one of the foremost voices in the modern recovery movement.

      In her new memoir We Are the Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life (New World Library, January 7, 2020), McKowen flips the script on how we talk about addiction and encourages readers not to ask, “Is this bad enough that I have to change?” but rather, “Is this good enough for me to stay the same?”

      We hope you’ll enjoy this excerpt from the book.

      I knew drinking was going to be my thing long before the night of our mom’s sixtieth birthday party, even if I refused to let that knowing arrive fully into my consciousness. I knew it in college when one of my guy friends, while retelling a story from a crazy party we’d been at the night before, joked that I probably wouldn’t remember — because I was always too drunk to remember — and I felt like crawling into a hole and dying.

      I knew it in my twenties, living in Boston, when my girlfriends continually joked about whose turn it was to take care of me, before we went out to the bars.

      I knew it by the urgency I felt chugging champagne before my wedding, and I knew it later, after my husband and I learned I was pregnant. I drank the occasional glass here and there throughout my pregnancy — sometimes pushing the limit from one to one and a half glasses — but aside from the wine not feeling good physically, I realized how much I relied on it to soften my experience.

      It was so incomplete to me, so unsatisfying, to have only one glass. To have a limit.

      Often in those pregnant months, I’d be going about my day and suddenly be struck by an overwhelming urge to reach for wine. Something to take the edge off. And not being able to drink sent a surprising jolt of panic through me. Before my pregnancy, my drinking could at least be contextualized. I was having fun, going out after work, hanging out with the girls, Sunday Funday, “relaxing.” But now that I couldn’t have a drink anytime I wanted one, it was alarming how often I wanted one.

      It was the first time it had scratched at my consciousness that perhaps drinking had morphed elusively into something I not only liked but also needed. If not physically, then certainly emotionally.

      I’m not sure if you’ve ever needed something like this.

      Maybe you top off your drink when nobody’s looking, like I used to do. Maybe you’re like my friend Brent and you eat McDonald’s Big Macs and whole Domino’s cheese pizzas in your car on the way home from work, before dinner. Maybe you can’t leave a man who regularly beats the hell out of you, even though when he knocked you unconscious last week, you swore it was the last time. Maybe you’re the one who’s been slicing into your body with razor blades since you were sixteen, because the pain needs a place to go.

      Maybe — maybe your thing is less severe or more socially acceptable, like staying at the office past your kids’ bedtime most nights because work is the only place you feel in control, or maybe you wrestle with crippling perfectionism. Maybe it’s the red-hot hatred you feel toward every woman pushing a stroller since you discovered you couldn’t get pregnant last spring, or maybe you keep trying to untangle the knot of rage in your chest that just never leaves.

      I don’t know what your thing is, but alcohol was mine.

      And here is the thing we must know about our things if we are ever going to survive them: We believe we can bury them, when the truth is, they’re burying us. They will always bury us, eventually.

      If you know your thing, that’s good news, although I know it doesn’t feel that way. It doesn’t mean it’s fair. It doesn’t mean letting go and moving through will be easy. It doesn’t mean you have any idea what the f@#k to do next — I certainly didn’t. It just means you’re no longer willing or able to fight to keep it in your life.

      Laura McKowen is the author of We Are the Luckiest. She is a former public relations executive who has become recognized as a fresh voice in the recovery movement. Beloved for her soulful and irreverent writing, she leads sold-out yoga-based retreats and other courses that teach people how to say yes to a bigger life. Visit her online at www.lauramckowen.com.

      Excerpted from the book We Are the Luckiest. Copyright ©2020 by Laura McKowen. Printed with permission from New World Library.

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    • Double Vision: Spiritual Reasons for Infertility?
      lightingtutorials14

      I understand that there are physical reasons for infertility, but I also understand that everything physical has spiritual roots. Are there metaphysical reasons that some women are more fertile than others? Is it possible that there are blocked chakras or something that would prevent conception, or issues that may cause miscarriages? Do past life experiences play a big role here? Is it possible to work on a spiritual level in order to overcome fertility problems? Thanks for any insights you can offer.

      – Liz

      Dreamchaser:

      Past life issues like karma can absolutely affect things in this lifetime. As sad as it is to say, sometimes a woman’s infertility is due to a karmic issue, and often, this won’t make a whole lot of logical sense to us in this lifetime. In the big scheme of things and over the course of a soul’s entire journey, however, it absolutely makes sense.

      There are also times when the man in the relationship is the infertile one, and the woman is able to bear children, but she has to suffer along with him. You can bet there is some karmic issue from a past life that needs clearing between these two beings.

      There are times when a soul will choose to be miscarried, aborted, or stillborn so that it can fulfill some path of its own. Again, this is one of those things that make no sense to us here, but on the Otherside, it makes perfect sense. Those particular souls thank you and other women like you who help them fulfill that aspect of their soul’s path.

      Being adopted myself, I am very pro-adoption. Please give this some thought. There are lots of children who are born to two particular parents because they need the DNA those parents can give them. Once these children are born with that DNA, they may no longer need those parents.

      These children are often orphaned or end up in the adoption system for some reason. In all cases, those children need loving, supportive homes and families to care for them while they’re growing up. If you are unable to bear your own biological children, you might consider taking in someone who needs you even more than you need them.

      Finally, you might want to ponder if you are blocking conception with your belief system. Do you believe you can have a baby? Do you believe you deserve one? Do you believe that after all the things you have done in your past that you should be entrusted with the care of another human being?

      Do you see where I am going with this line of questioning? If we don’t believe we can have something, that thing will not come to us. Make sure that your belief system is in line with what you want.

      It is absolutely possible to work on a spiritual level to overcome any type of physical problem. I know that a lot of people will disagree with this, but I have personally helped a woman with terminal liver cancer heal simply by working with Reiki and her belief system. I KNOW that we can heal our bodies with our minds. Do you believe you can do it? That is the essential question.

      I wish you fulfillment on all levels.

      *****

      Astrea:

      Infertility seems to be a growing problem for young women all over the world.

      No matter how carefully you examine your timing for trying to become pregnant, I find that babies come when THEY want to come, and to the people THEY want as their parents. Some people get lucky with their parental choices, and some don’t. I don’t know if there is anything a future parent can do to control when conception happens, but there are certainly many avenues to explore.

      I have heard from many Lightworkers that a blocked heart chakra can be one metaphysical reason for infertility. Chakras can be blocked for many reasons, but even physical problems can be cleared by an expert healer.

      Clearing the chakras is simple. Visit a Buddhist temple and engage one of the monks to clear them for you. This usually costs around fifty to a hundred dollars. Even if you’re not Buddhist, these monks are usually very sweet, kind, and receptive.

      If you meditate on your own, there are a number of self-clearing acts you can try. Sitting quietly and seeing light travel from your toes to your nose and then out the top of your head is a simple way to get your energy flowing. Pull light energy in from your lowest to your highest chakra, being careful not to let the energy escape when it reaches the Third Eye.

      Spinning either fiber or your body is another great way to clear yourself. In fact, throughout history, women have used spinning to concentrate their energies in meditation, visioning, and clearing their spirits.

      The bad energy is repelled from the force of whatever is turning, and spins away from you and out into the Void. Spinning of the body in a clockwise motion draws energy, while spinning in a counter-clockwise direction clears energy.

      If you choose to spin your body, lower your left hand and raise your right as you spin. Allow the energy to flow from the right (God) hand through the left (Goddess) hand, and then out of you and down into the accepting Earth. You’ll get dizzy, but you’ll feel better afterwards.

      If you’d like to try spinning fiber, you can start with everyday cotton balls, a stick, and a small potato! If that sounds like a waste of the potato, a fine sturdy spindle can be made from little wooden wheels sold in craft stores. Spinning instructions are readily available on the internet.

      Most of the time, infertility issues are physical, so you should of course consult a medical specialist who knows what she’s doing. It never hurts to be spiritually open and clear, however, so give spinning and other spiritual treatments a try.

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