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Create Your Own Personal Haven—Anywhere, by Caroline Dow

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

Stress! It's the scourge of our contemporary society. And the thought of retiring to a safe haven where you can banish stress, repair your nerves, and renew your life is a concept whose time has come. Creating a personal sanctuary, whether it be in a bedroom, bathroom, patio, garden, or the Great Outdoors, seems to be a cherished goal for many of us stressed-out people.

But how to go about fashioning such a retreat? What elements are required, and can you do it in a limited space and on a tight budget? These questions and many others form the contents of my book, A Sanctuary of Your Own. Perhaps you've read books, visited websites, and watched TV programs dedicated to this subject. With wild enthusiasm, you've started designing your space, and you're halfway there. But, somehow things aren't quite gelling. So in this short article, I'll distill some of the information from my book A Sanctuary of Your Own and offer tips that I hope help you complete your project with a minimum of fuss and stress. After all, stress is what we're trying to minimize.

First of all, you need to sit down and take the time to think, in depth, about the main purpose of your private space. Is it for relaxation, renewal, or creativity? A safe haven where you can leave behind the judgmental external world? Or, do you want to combine several intentions in one space?

Do you have the luxury of devoting an entire room to your refuge, or is it, like mine, multi-functional? My sacred space is a home office that doubles as a meditation spot and has tripled as a nursery and, lately, a comfy place for cats to snooze. Perhaps you share a room with someone else or there is not enough space to put together anything permanent. In such cases, you can create a mini, traveling haven in a box to keep in your closet or under the bed to bring out and set up when nobody is around, or even to take to the bathroom.

When I lived in Rio de Janeiro, I had no private space. So I put together a mini-sanctuary, which was more of an altar than anything else, and hid it away in the steamer trunk I'd brought to Brazil. Inside, I kept a pretty altar cloth, candles and candle holders, incense, quick-lighting coals, anda burner. I also had a book on meditation by the famous Ceremonial Magician, Israel Regardie, called The Middle Pillar. I especially like that book because on the back is a diagram of a human body with all the correct colors of the chakras positioned down the front of the torso. I would set it on top of the trunk-altar and use it as a meditation aid.

After identifying the location of your space and its main purpose, you might want to draw upon some of the concepts presented in Feng Shui, the Chinese art of harmonious living. Practitioners of this ancient art believe that adding representations of the elements of nature to one's surroundings helps harmonize and activate the area, in this case, your sanctuary. The Chinese recognize five basic elements, but in Western traditions, with which I am more familiar, we acknowledge four: air, fire, water, and earth.

Representations of the elements to incorporate into your sanctuary surroundings might be as simple as an open window for air, a mobile that moves with the room's air currents, or fragrant incense. For fire, you might want to light a candle or place a low-wattage lamp in the room to lend a cheery glow. A table-top fountain or a dish of water with a flower floating in it as a depiction of the water element is lovely, and it produces a calming sound. If you don't want to spend money on a small fountain, place an object in the room that reminds you of the sea, like a starfish or a small statue of a dolphin cut from a magazine. A favorite gemstone will suffice to symbolize earth (or, failing that, a dish of loam, sand, or even salt). If you don't have enough room, or don't wish to clutter your space with too many physical examples of the elements, find photos, drawings, or paintings that represent them and hang them on the walls. A wind-swept hilltop with clouds racing past could do for air; an erupting volcano or a campfire might symbolize fire; the ocean or a bucolic stream could indicate water; a picture of a cave or a verdant field might represent earth.

After you've integrated symbols of the four elements into your space, next pay attention to how to incorporate something to stimulate your five senses—sight, hearing, touch, smell and taste.

You can do a lot with color to enhance your visual experience. Paint the walls or decorate with one predominant color. Choose red for upliftment, orange for comfort, yellow for emotional strength, green for reflection, blue for spiritual awareness, purple for creativity, white for balance, brown for security, gray for contemplation, or black for deep concentration. Don't mix too many colors or the place will soon look like a circus.

You can also choose an object on which to visually focus. Place it in a prominent position, such as on an altar, where you can easily see it to meditate. The object could be a personal symbol or something universal, such as an ankh that stands for life or a star to represent inspiration. You might prefer to select a statue of a deity, or even a photo of a mentor. On my altar, I've set a small tree made of citrine to release depression, fears, and phobias and to encourage self-expression and strengthen my mind. Don't feel you need to keep the same object at your focal point permanently. Switch them out, along with your meditation themes, as your needs and desires change.

As to the sense of hearing, I'm reminded of an MRI technician friend of mine who always offers patients the option to listen to music to calm their nerves while having this noisy and claustrophobic procedure performed. He tells me patients have eclectic tastes: they choose anything from Celtic harp, folk, and classical music to jazz, Latino, musicals, and even hard rock, with Led Zeppelin being a favorite. Personally, I like listening to Gregorian chants. But that's just me! Don't forget the calming effect of a table-top fountain gurgling away in the background. And in the end, there's absolutely nothing wrong with silence to help quiet your mind so you can hear yourself think.

Some people say that burning incense or scented candles calms them and puts them in a spiritual frame of mind because the fragrance reminds them of religious experiences they've had. Others reject such scents for those very reasons or because they suffer from allergies. Still others enjoy festooning their retreats with flowers whose fragrances they enjoy. Then there are those prefer to open a window and let fresh, cleansing breezes waft through the room. Do whatever you like—this is your place, after all.

For the sense of touch, wall coverings like tapestries or prayer rugs can add a touch of texture, as can soft pillows, blankets, and furry rugs. Don't forget to bring something warm and cozy for your feet, such as luxurious house slippers. Many people do this not only for comfort, but also because they don't want to bring into their sacred space street shoes and the worries of daily life they represent. Others prefer to go barefoot so that they can connect with the earth's vibrations underfoot, even if the earth itself is six stories below.

Finally, there's the sense of taste, which is closely allied to the other senses. Colors are reminiscent of taste. If, for example, you paint your space banana yellow, you might be reminded of that fruity taste as well as of its symbolic meaning, which is fertility and male energy. Naturally, you may bring something into your retreat that not only reminds you of the sense of taste, but that you actually eat or drink. I'm reminded of a TV ad currently making the rounds of a close-up of a woman, kicking back and taking a private moment to relax and enjoy the sensuous taste of a chocolate covered caramel.

Other items you may want to take into your sanctuary to stimulate your sense of taste include a vast array of teas, coffees, cocoas, and herbal beverages, hot or iced. Not only will you fuel this sense, you can use the symbolic meaning of the particular beverage to help guide your meditations. Here are a few examples of beverages you might want to prepare and drink, depending on your taste. I've included a few keywords with each that relate to possible meditation themes.

• Black tea: energy, alertness, adaptability, willpower, self-control
• Green tea: harmony, better health, regeneration
• White tea: receptivity, tranquility, relaxation, truth-seeking
• Cocoa: better digestion, love, meditation, Native American traditions, communion with the All-One
• Coffee: sharpening the intellect, memory improvement, self-development

For those not into caffeine in any form, here's a short list of six tasty botanicals that will appeal to almost anyone when consumed as herbal teas. These botanicals are also steeped—if you pardon the pun—in symbolic meaning and are appropriate to contemplate as meditation themes.

• Borage: strengthens resolve
• Chamomile: draws prosperity
• Dandelion leaf: normalizes emotions
• Ginger: enhances intuition
• Peppermint leaf: new beginnings and to see the future
• Rose petals: love, devotion, high aspirations

And to put you in touch with the four elements of nature, add ¼ teaspoon of these dried herbs to a cup of black, green, or white tea: lavender or lemongrass for air, calendula or orange peel for fire, jasmine or hibiscus flowers for water, and nettle leaf or alfalfa grass for earth.

My final tip for creating a successful sanctuary is to above all, have fun designing it, creating it, and filling it with love. This is your private place, and may you enjoy it to the fullest.

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2019. All rights reserved.

I have been working on myself in regards to relationships for the past year or so. In February, I did a Chinese New Year spell for a husband, and within days, a man I know spent the weekend at my house, as he and his wife were fighting. I asked for a husband - and ended up with someone else's! I have done several more spells since then on giving and receiving love, and have even specified the type of person I want, but have not named anyone or done this to attract any one person in particular. I am very drawn to the man I mentioned. It's not just physical attraction, for we can talk for hours about anything, which is something I've not experienced with another man before. I haven't told him about my feelings, as he is still with his wife, and I am not even sure of his feelings towards me. Am I making something more of this than there is, or is this the universe's way of answering my prayers? What should I make of it, and what do you advise?
Thanks!

Lisa

Dreamchaser:

Love spells are supposed to be for the good of all. How can you being in love with a married man be a good thing for any of you? This sort of situation usually causes pain for all concerned.

Free will is a big issue here. Before doing spells, we have to make sure that we are not interfering with another person's free will. Any spell you cast will come back on you at least three times over. Would you like someone to work a spell on you where you felt compelled to love them when it was against your will? Spells should be carefully thought out before they are put out.

You also will get what you accept in love. If this married man is all you are going to accept, then he is all you will get. You have to believe in the spell that you work, or else you'll tie the hands of the Universe.

If you accept this man who cannot be all you desire at this time, do you really believe in your own spell work? If you believed in what you were asking for, you would continue to move past him because you would KNOW that the husband you asked for would come to you.

It could be that the Universe does not think that you should have a husband right now. Have you asked the Universe what your highest path may be? If you did this, you could assure yourself that you were acting for the greater good for ALL.

Many of the higher spiritual beings on this planet are finding themselves "alone." It appears that some of us can do the most good in the world by focusing solely on our spiritual journeys. When people are in relationships, they tend to get single-minded, and fail to look outside of the relationship or beyond the other person. In doing so, they end up ignoring their own spiritual paths.

If you really believe this is the man for you, you need to tell him how you feel and ask him what his feelings and intentions are. Both of you need to have a clear understanding of the other person's needs and wants. He has to understand that you cast a love spell, he came, and now you are questioning whether he is the husband you asked for. He has to have full disclosure from you, and you have to have the same from him. As things now stand, you do not even know why you are in his life.

I would also strongly advise you to not enter into a physical relationship with him. As most of the readers and clients of Psychic Chat who are the "other woman" or "other man" know, relationships with someone who is married usually leave everyone involved feeling hurt, lonely, confused and a mess.

If you really want to know the truth, go inside. Ask.

I wish you the wisdom to face the truth.

*****

Astrea:

I took my "spell" down from Psychic Chat when I learned what was going on with a lot of internet spellwork. It seems people are buying spells from strangers that involve trying to force other people to do their will. Unless someone knows exactly what to do with spellwork, things can go very WRONG, very FAST!

While spell casting isn't on par with brain surgery, it takes years of practice before you should ever cast a love spell, and you should NEVER do it for yourself. Like prayers, spells are powerful. When spells are in inexperienced hands, they are in the WRONG hands.

This is a perfect example of why people shouldn't work "magic" unless they know what they are doing. Obviously, you did the spell incorrectly, and you wound up with someone else's husband. Now you'll have to pay someone who knows what she is doing to clear this mess up.

Girl, you are now STUCK with this guy with the Glue of the Universe. With this careless spell, you've also blocked yourself from meeting ANYONE truly available and right for you. This is just TERRIBLE!

You see, subconsciously you named HIM when you did these spells because he symbolically represented what you want. The Universe didn't really send him to you, but what happened IS ironic. You got what you deserved for doing that spell, and now you won't be able to get a real husband for yourself until this situation is completely cleared up.

Here's the crux of your problem: the spell didn't work on him, it worked on YOU! Of course, he wouldn't be "talking for hours about anything" with you if he didn't WANT to be there. The idea that a spell can force someone to do something against his will is foolish and DANGEROUS to the spell caster.

The spell you did bound YOU, not him. Now you want him. He's just there because he's flattered - you're stroking his ego. You don't have to worry about him knowing how you feel, for he knows EXACTLY how you feel about him, and is taking advantage of it as much as he possibly can. He can't believe his luck. He's tickled that a sweet young thing like you will let him dump all his phony marital problems at her feet! Oh, he's having a BIG TIME!

I advise you to find someone experienced and competent, and pay that person to take your spell away. This will most likely involve a big expense, since they have to undo all the mess you've made. It is CERTAIN to involve drinking something nasty and bathing in one of those STINKO "yberia" formulas. I hope the entire experience is awful enough for you to learn your lesson. (That goes for anyone else to whom this applies - you know who you are!)

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.