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    • The Clutter Remedy: A Guide to Getting Organized for Those Who Love Their Stuff

      An excerpt from The Clutter Remedy: A Guide to Getting Organized for Those Who Love Their Stuff,

      by Marla Stone

      To live perpetually organized in a clear space using efficient and effective strategies makes your life easier, more relaxing, and productive. If you think getting organized is about getting rid of your stuff, it’s not. Instead my Clutter Remedy strategy is inspired by working with people who love their stuff but also feel encumbered by clutter. I see people, worldly goods, and space in a unique way. I don’t care how much stuff you own and how much space you have. I don’t care what things you keep or discard.

      It doesn’t matter whether you are a millennial, a minimalist, or you have gobs of stuff; what matters is there is a better way to go through your items, admire them, and keep it all rocking your world without upsetting yourself, your space, or your schedule.
      Instead of wanting to hurl everything out the window or into a dumpster, transforming your life — and space — with stability and confidence is the path to perpetual organized living. My goal is to help you become organized forever, which is accomplished by examining how you view yourself, your life, and your objects.

      Reaching the truth about what you value in life is one of the most powerful ways of knowing yourself, your stuff, and your space intimately. By knowing what you truly value in life, you will know how to organize all that you own. Desiring a creative
      and simplified way to get yourself and your space organized is a normal response to living with clutter. Yet the life you want to lead — full of activity, fun, and purpose — is more important than being a weary and downtrodden clutter caretaker. You want to declutter with grace and dignity — and with a professional flair instead of feeling embarrassed and flustered.

      Typically, the fluster and frenzy heighten when you want to find something important before walking out the door, and it’s nowhere in sight, making you late and anxious. Or you struggle with an inadequate, failing system of disorganized, evergrowing
      piles. To stay calm and functioning, day to day, you find yourself hiding your stuff, shoving it in drawers, moving it around, and storing it haphazardly — but you know this is not how to live with the stuff that you love. The round and round “human in a hamster wheel” behavior of going from clutter to clear and back to clutter is exhausting. It tires you out and makes you itch for more things to covet, instead of appreciating what
      you already own.

      From my perspective, getting organized is not about cleaning up a closet or a pantry. It’s about analyzing the causes and personal challenges associated with cluttered and disorganized environments. Realizing that outer space is a reflection of the inner self helps motivate people to look deeper for the cause of clutter. When a person’s mood is off-kilter, it colors how their space will appear. Instead of living in a sacred and splendid space, they will end up living in a cluttered and out-of-control space. A cyclone
      effect within a home or workspace is often correlated with inner turbulence and commotion. The inner self will also influence how you look at what you own and how you feel about yourself and your appearance.

      For instance, an outfit you loved a week ago will suddenly make you feel miserable, but it’s not the outfit that is causing your angst. Feelings come from your inner self, processing thoughts and formulating conclusions about your life. When the inner self is cluttered with self-doubt and insecurity, even the most elegant clothing won’t inspire feeling confident or beautiful. Your inner state can blind you to the beauty of life and all the things that you love. Since inner, emotional clutter will trigger physical clutter over and over again, it’s important to first declutter your emotions and your thoughts. This begins with understanding and articulating what matters to you most. Then and only then will you be able to move forward with the Clutter Remedy strategy. The strategy gives you well-thought-out and specific criteria for all the objects you own, and it helps you become decisive and make good decisions about what to keep in your life. The clutter surrounding you has more meaning than you realize. Matter matters. It has energy,deeper meaning, and charge.

      I meet with people regularly who consider their clutter a “secret.” Their closest friends are not allowed to see their clutter or are sometimes not even invited into their homes. Some people remark that their excessive clutter or messy space brings on so much “confusion and derailment” that they’ve stopped enjoying life and feel desperate and isolated. Others share that they are what I call “décor challenged” with blank or overloaded walls, barren or cluttered mantels, and dated or misplaced furniture. However,
      most admit they have consistent and mild clutter challenges within their closets, drawers, cabinets, and garage, and they want tips for getting and staying organized. Some have overcollected for years with no idea what to do with anything, and they are caught up in the mire and muck, believing they are “tied” to it. Others have collected out of boredom and own doubles of everything with no space to store it all.

      Ultimately you want to love your stuff and know that everything you own is in your space for a reason. You want to stop having a love/hate relationship with stuff. I know there are days of loving your stuff, your collections, your books, bags, clothes, shoes, jewelry, tchotchkes, and sporting goods, and other days the stuff takes over and becomes an irritant and you want to set it on fire or take an ax to it and bury it in the backyard. Remaining in love with your stuff instead of being at war with it becomes easier
      when things you own are in alignment with your ideal lifestyle. Then, everything you own will imbue the sparkle and radiance that is part of the inner you. You will shine in your space as much as your space shines back at you in its image of perfection.

      Marla Stone, MSW, is the owner of I-Deal-Lifestyle Inc., which provides decluttering, design, corporate training, and lifestyle coaching services. She is a former social worker and psychotherapist turned professional organizer who helps people live an ideal lifestyle by getting to the root of their mental, emotional, spiritual, and environmental challenges. She lives in Orange County, California. More information at www.i-deal-lifestyle.com

      Excerpted from the book The Clutter Remedy. Copyright © 2019 by Marla Stone. Printed with permission from New World Library.

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    • Double Vision: She's Easily Irritated
      scaredwoman

      I’m generally a very kind, spiritual person, and I always try to do the right thing in relationships. Lately, however, I find myself growing really impatient and irritable. Lots of little things get on my nerves, and I just want to be alone – to have some peace, quiet and space. I’m tired of the commotion of raising teenagers, and of constantly being the giver in most relationships. For example, I always strive to be kind, understanding, and generous with my stepdaughter, but she certainly doesn’t make the same effort in return. I’m struggling to remain tolerant, sweet and patient, but I feel burned out. I know there’s a spiritual issue or lesson in all of this for me, but I’m not sure what it is. Do I need to try harder to overcome my bristling ego, or give myself permission to do my own thing?

      – Rhonda

      Dreamchaser:

      There were two things that jumped out at me immediately upon reading your question. The first is that little word but. This is a very tricky word. Our minds react in interesting ways to certain words, and but is a big one.

      When we hear it, our minds automatically cross out whatever came before it and believe only what is said after it. I would like you to reread your question and remove everything you wrote before but.

      She does not make the same effort, I feel burned out, and I’m not sure what it is. That puts a new spin on things, doesn’t it? This is your bottom line: Your stepdaughter has NEVER made the same effort. Your whole entire life burns you out. You are not sure what is wrong, but you know something is.

      Of course, your stepdaughter is a teenager, and teenagers are the most ungrateful brood in the universe. They lie, they get in trouble, they eat all your food, they ride out all your gas. They are angry with you something like 75 percent of the time. It is a completely thankless job being a (step)parent to a teenager – that goes with the territory.

      The second thing that jumped out is about how you need to set some better boundaries. You aren’t sure how to do that with your stepdaughter – because she’s not your own child, you’re not sure where to draw the line with her.

      Here’s the line you’re looking for: If something she is doing is making your life miserable, you have the right to try to change or stop this from affecting you so much. You need to set boundaries with her and stick to them. You should expect for her to fight you, because she fights you on everything anyway.

      If you need peace, quiet and space, then by all means, get some for yourself. When my kids were younger, we lived in a place that had no doors except on the bedrooms. My room was the loft, so I had no door at all. I used to go in the bathroom, turn on the shower, and sit on the side of the tub just to get some peace and quiet.

      You have to take time for yourself or you will wither and become ill. It’s your sacred duty to take care of yourself. If you expect anyone else to take care of you, you will be let down time and time again.

      Just because you are a spiritual person doesn’t mean that your life will be trouble-free. You get to choose how you react to every single thing that happens around you and to you. This is one important reason why you must get the peace and quiet you need – it will help you remain centered so you can respond appropriately to life’s endless little dramas.

      I wish you calm peace on all levels.

      *****

      Astrea:

      I bet all mothers and stepmothers yearn for more time and space to themselves. Growing children are the most demanding people on Earth, but they can also be the most rewarding. Stepparents of teens have an especially difficult time because of the bad rap they get in fairy tales and the modern equivalent: television and the movies.

      One major difficulty in that relationship is that no one can clearly establish who you are in each other’s lives. You’re her daddy’s wife and she’s your husband’s daughter, but the relationship you have with one another is not so easily defined.

      I assume she has a Biological Unit (a birth mother) who further complicates things. It’s a rare blended family that doesn’t have resentment come up now and then. Teens normally rebel against anyone and everyone who wants the best for them – that’s just the way they are.

      Your step-daughter can’t help being who she is any more than you can change who you are. She’s going through her own private teenage hell, and we all have to do that alone.

      She can’t set good boundaries for herself in her current state of mind, and you can’t be expected to do that either. That’s a job for her mother and father. You two can be friends if you want, but you don’t have to be.

      On a practical note, if the stuff that bothers you doesn’t make sense, maybe there is something else going on. I recommend you go to the doctor and get a blood test to make sure YOUR hormones are balanced. In particular, make the doctor check your thyroid.

      Your situation with being easily irritated sounds familiar. When our hormones are out of whack, it becomes far more difficult to maintain balanced emotional reactions, so rule out the chance that this is a physical problem. Both emotional and physical balance is important, and your body may be trying to tell you something.

      Finally, look for the spiritual connection you have with your stepchild, because there definitely is one – you wouldn’t be with her dad unless the three of you had some kind of karma together. By finding that deeper connection, you and your step-daughter can learn to enjoy one another instead of getting on each other’s nerves all the time.

      Of course, you should also give yourself permission to do your own thing sometimes. You are absolutely NOT required to limit your own life for someone else’s children even when they are in your care, so do what you love to do.

      Also, the next time someone says, Well you knew what you were getting into when you married him! you have my permission to give them the dirtiest look possible!

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