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Five Life Lessons I’ve Learned from Doing Magic, by Misha Magdalene

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

In modern magical discourse, we spend a lot of time discussing how practitioners should approach the practice of magic, and these discussions are often framed in terms of two viewpoints, which form the ends of a spectrum. At one end, magic is seen as a purely psychological paradigm, and doing magic (if one "does magic" at all) is about inducing changes in the magician's consciousness, rather than creating any sort of tangible effects here on the material plane where most of us live, move, and have our being. From this end of the spectrum, the idea that magic actually has the ability to change the reality outside our own heads can be seen as possible, if implausible, or as laughable wish-fulfillment. At the other, somewhat more traditional end, magic is solely and only about the ability to effect changes in both spiritual and physical realities through the exertion of one's will in a set of specific ritual acts, and any psychological effects the practitioner experiences are, at best, tangential to the work itself. It's become fashionable in modern occult circles to hold one or the other of these mutually exclusive positions, which are fundamentally positions on the "reality" of magic itself, and to insist that the other end of the spectrum is inherently false and misguided.

Being a bit of a contrarian at heart, I'm here to encourage us all to embrace the power of "and." Magic is definitely psychological…and it's absolutely, tangibly real. I've done magic to achieve outcomes in the so-called "mundane" world, and to help me cope with personal and spiritual issues with which I was struggling, and both kinds of magic have worked. In fact, I've learned over time that sometimes, one sort of issue can masquerade as the other: the troubles I'm having in a relationship might manifest as difficulties at work, and my anxieties about money could stem from physical illness or injury. The point is, I don't think it's ever one thing or the other.

So, in the spirit of bridging the gap between the traditional and psychological views on magic, here are five personal, psychological lessons I've learned about life from doing real, operant magic.

1. Caveat emptor.
   Everything has a price and, at the risk of sounding like one of those spooky warnings you hear in a cheesy horror movie, sometimes that cost isn't what you expect. I don't mean something terrible, à la "The Monkey's Paw" or Pet Sematary, but that it often winds up being the sacrifice of something in which you've invested your time and energy, but that is keeping you from having the thing you want…in other words, something you don't really want to give up, but that you're better off without. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's something to keep in mind. As Laura Tempest Zakroff points out, magic takes the path of least resistance. If the thing that keeps you from becoming the full-time artist you dream of being is your mindless day job, doing a spell to clear the way for you to be an artist might get you into a better job where you have time to do art and enough money to buy materials...or it might do you out of a job altogether, so that you have all the time you could want.
2. Contemplate twice, cast once.
   Magic is hardly safe, but a certain amount of daring leavened with caution and common sense will usually see you through. Going into your magical workings knowing what you want is obviously important (and it really is!) but, remembering our previous example of the aspiring artist, considering the ramifications of what you want is also key to good outcomes. I don't mean you should second-guess yourself into a frenzy of doubt, but you should put some honest thought into what you're actually hoping to gain from doing magic, rather than rushing off on a wing and a prayer. What needs and desires are you trying to fulfill with this spellwork, and to what end?
3. Specificity, but with slack.
   Magic works best given leeway. Conversely, I've found that over-plotted, micro-managed magic tends to peter out or dissipate in a cloud of expectations. In my experience, I get the best results from my magic (or really, from anything else in life) when I have a clear sense of the qualities I want the outcome to have, rather than an overly specific notion of what that outcome should be. When you're doing magic, you should absolutely have a goal in mind—what you want your life to look like afterwards—but work to frame that goal in terms loose enough to give your magic some breathing room to operate. So, instead of doing spellwork or praying for some particular job, house, car, or whatever, focus on getting a better one, and consider the ways in which you want it to be better: higher salary, fewer hours, more bathrooms, better gas mileage, and so on. In other words, once you have a sense of the needs and desires you're doing magic to fulfill, focus on creating an outcome that will meet those needs and desires, rather than on an idealized image of a specific outcome you believe will meet those needs and desires.
4. Just walk away.
   Whether it's a performance, a project, or a relationship, we get attached to things in which we've invested ourselves, and that's right and proper. However, all things have a life cycle: a beginning, a middle, and an end. That's common knowledge, but it's easy to forget. It can be tempting for some of us to extend the time and effort we spend with a working, to fiddle with the details, or to revisit a working and "check up on how it’s doing." These temptations are all essentially attempts to feel like we have some sort of control over the outcome, beyond the work we've already put in. When I find myself doing this, I take a deep breath and utter the first half of a magical phrase I learned from cooking-show auteur Alton Brown: "Just walk away." Once you've done the work, set it aside and let the work play itself out. Trust in the magic you've done, in the gods and spirits you've invoked, and, to quote the second half of Alton Brown's magic phrase, "Your patience will be rewarded."
5. Whenever possible, be kind.
   One needn't be a Buddhist or a Christian to believe that much of human existence is defined by suffering. After all, Thorn Coyle writes in Evolutionary Witchcraft how Victor Anderson, the late grandmaster of the Feri Tradition, taught her that witchcraft was born out of human suffering and human need. If we turn to C. G. Leland's Aradia, we are shown magic as both a weapon against the oppressors of the land and a comfort in times of trouble. Turn to the classical grimoires or to compendiums of folk magic and you'll see spells intended to cure illnesses for people and livestock, to find money and bring about prosperity, to ease suffering and give respite. Perhaps it sounds corny, but it's true: all of us struggle at one time or another, and few of us are at our best when we're struggling. It behooves those of us who would seek to hold and wield power, magically or otherwise, to let kindness be our default setting, especially when dealing with those who have less power than we do. That doesn't mean coddling others' weakness, or letting parasites siphon your time and energy. It also doesn't mean condemning others for being weak or needy. It means being compassionate, understanding, and ethical, even when there are compelling provocations to do otherwise. We can think of it as a kind of noblesse oblige, or as an iteration of the Golden Rule, the one about treating others as we would wish to be treated in their position. Either way, how we use the power given to us is, I think, revelatory. If we want magic to dominate others and do reckless harm, we're the sort of people who, under other circumstances, would use any other kind of force to do the same. On the other hand, if we want magic to improve our lives and the lives of those around us, it suggests we're invested in the world being a better place.

And those, in the end, are the greatest occult secrets I know. Learn to be careful, discerning, mindful, patient, and kind, and you will know far more about both magic and life than any number of would-be master magicians or witches. Moreover, you'll be the sort of person who can master themselves, which is the beginning and the end of all true magic.

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2020. All rights reserved.

I'm in a relationship that I used to be excited about, but now I find myself no longer interested. My boyfriend has many wonderful qualities, but he is often very negative. I'm also just not sexually attracted to him anymore. However, I am grateful, because without him, I wouldn't be able to have my current lifestyle. He works very hard while I pursue my acting career. In fact, he pays for everything. I should note that I recently left a good job to move a very long distance so we could be together. I know that a loving "soul mate" relationship must be created, and that it takes work for both parties. For quite a while I was really trying to be romantic, to communicate, to restore the romance. I do love him, but I'm afraid I'm just no longer "in love" with him, and worst of all, I don't really want to be anymore. I imagine us parting somewhere down the road, and I'm okay with that! I know with this attitude our relationship definitely isn't going to work, and I do want to have a successful relationship at last. Can I find a way to make myself want this nice guy? I really believe we make our own happiness or unhappiness, and I take full responsibility for my life. On the other hand, maybe he's just not the "right one" for me? Thank you!

--L

Dreamchaser:

I think you have "reality-itis." This relationship was fabulous when you were long-distance, but now that you have quit your job and moved, you are dealing with the full reality.

This happens so often with long-distance relationships. We meet someone and talk on the phone or on the internet. We are open and honest and speak freely. We meet for short periods of time to eat, drink and be merry. Long distance relationships are full of loving moments, after which we go back to our respective homes with a "love hangover." We think that this relationship is everything we could ever want, so we do all we can to move closer to each other.

This is when the bumps and flaws become apparent. Everyone's real personalities come out. Reality has finally set in.

If you are not physically or sexually interested in a man anymore, it is going to be next to impossible to make this into what you say you want. Your gut instincts are telling you the truth. You are not in love, and you probably never were - you just really wanted to be. You now know that you are not going to be together for the long haul.

"It" is either there, or "it" is not. We can't force ourselves to like or love someone. You don't want to talk to him half the time, and you definitely don't want to be intimate with him. What kind of relationship can you expect to build when you feel this way deep down in your core?

I'm sure the fact that he is paying for your lifestyle is making you hesitant to leave him. It's natural for you to really like the fact that you can do whatever you want while someone else picks up the tab. I'm sorry to tell you that the free ride is now over, my friend: it's time to get back to work.

Do yourself a favor and start to figure out where you want to go from here. You were not happy in your old life, so you do not want to go backwards. If you want to stay where you are now and pursue your acting career, that's fine. However, you need to either find your own job and move into your own place, or ask him about just being "roommates" for a while.

You can't continue to allow him to pay all the expenses for both of you given how you feel about him. That's just wrong; it will create bad karma for you, and you know it. He is just as dejected as you are about the way things are. You are not THAT good of an actress - he knows things are not great beneath the surface, but he has no idea what to do about it. Thus you both just continue on like things are fabulous when they absolutely are not.

You are constantly reinventing yourself, and it is time to do it again. At least you're now in the area of the world you really wanted and needed to be in. That is one blessing to come out of this whole relationship experience.

I wish you happy new horizons.

*****

Astrea:

As long as you're only thinking about yourself and your own needs, you can't make yourself love your boyfriend again. It certainly seems the loving relationship you once had is over. Both of you are just going through the motions now. He lets things go on and on because he still feels he is in love with you. You let things go on and on because you don't want to give up your acting dreams and support yourself. Perhaps that's enough to keep you together a while longer - stranger things have certainly happened with couples.

It's interesting that both of you were born so close to the cusp of your signs. While you're a Cancer, you have a LOT of Leo influence in your chart. This Leo is the part of you that wants to break and run and find someone new and exciting, while the Cancer part wants to hold on to the security you've found. He's a stable, caring Virgo, but the Libra in his chart makes him voice his negative feelings like resentment now and then. His free Libra spirit hates being used.

He can feel that you're no longer in love with him and that you don't feel you will always be together. He knows he's being used, and while he's no longer in love with you the way he once was, it's natural for him to ignore or deny that to himself. When he is negative, that repressed awareness is coming up. Usually Virgos can hide their feelings from others, but since he is about at his limit in this situation, it sneaks out now and then.

You say that you did all you could to be romantic, caring and considerate, and I believe you! It's sad, but the two of you have just grown apart. If you can live this way, that's fine, but it's not what EITHER of you truly wants.

You are no longer in love with your "very negative" boyfriend who creates the "lifestyle" you want to enjoy while you "don't work and pursue your acting career." I know that you know that you sound awfully shallow, like an ungrateful sponge who is just using him to get what you want in life at his expense. As long as you are using another person and not giving anything back but resentment, the Universe won't reward your efforts.

If you want to stay with him and rekindle your love, the two of you should IMMEDIATELY get into some kind of couples counseling. There isn't any excuse in the whole world for not doing that. The success of this counseling will depend on how receptive the two of you are to change.

You can indeed choose to love anyone you want to love, but once you've decided the love is gone, it's very difficult to get it back again. Often, however, love dies simply because we allow resentment to build over time. Unless the people involved in the relationship can learn to GIVE to each other the way they did in the beginning again, it's silly to try to stay together.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.