KAJAMA.COM NEWSLETTER

An Excerpt from Extraordinary Awakenings by Steve Taylor

Human life has always involved a great deal of hardship and turmoil. The Buddha was right when he established his first noble truth that “life is suffering” (or, according to some interpretations, that life “involves” suffering). For most of our ancestors, life was an endless cycle of various forms of suffering — the physical suffering of hunger, illness, and warfare; the social suffering of oppression and injustice; the psychological suffering of frequent bereavements and lack of freedom and opportunity. For modern human beings who are fortunate enough to live fairly secure and affluent lives — such as many Europeans and North Americans — suffering has become more oriented toward the psychological than the physical. We may not be as prone to poverty, hunger, and illness, but our psychological sufferings are manifold. We suffer the stress of demanding daily lives and competitive societies, along with the mental strain of being bombarded with massive amounts of sensory stimuli and information. We suffer the isolation and alienation of fragmented urban lifestyles that lack a sense of community. We suffer depression due to isolation and a lack of meaning and purpose in our lives.

It is difficult to make sense of human suffering. The idea that there could be anything positive about our suffering may seem absurd. But many people find that suffering does have positive effects, at least in the long term. In recent years psychologists have devoted a lot of time to studying the phenomenon of “post-traumatic growth” (PTG). The idea is that different types of trauma — such as bereavement, serious illness, accidents, oppression, and divorce — may ultimately lead to significant personal development. Research has shown that around half of all people experience some form of personal growth after traumatic events. In the long run, they feel a new sense of inner strength and confidence and of gratitude for life and for other people. They develop more intimate and authentic relationships and have a wider perspective, with a clear sense of what is important in life and what isn’t.

In this book we will examine another, related phenomenon, which I call “transformation through turmoil” (or TTT). We will investigate the miraculous phenomenon of how intense psychological suffering can bring about a sudden and dramatic shift into a new identity. The book will show you how spiritual awakening can occur in the most unexpected places. You will meet some amazing human beings, all of whom have experienced the worst predicaments that human life can offer but have responded to their suffering not by breaking down but by shifting up to a higher-functioning awakened state, like a phoenix rising from the ashes. You will meet people who woke up following bereavement, after a deep depression that led them to the brink of suicide, after years of addiction that broke them down to nothing, or after an accident or illness led to an intense encounter with their own mortality. You will meet long-term prisoners who experienced transformation as a result of incarceration and soldiers who woke up as a result of the stress and anxiety of warfare.

The Most Remarkable Transformation Transformation through turmoil is the most remarkable phenomenon I have ever come across. It’s amazing that human beings are capable of transforming so suddenly and radically that they feel they are completely different people living in the same body. People who were addicted to drugs or alcohol for many years are suddenly freed of their craving, because they are reborn as new human beings who don’t carry any addictions. People who spent years struggling against depression suddenly find the burden of their mental torment lifted, as they transition to a state of permanent ease and well-being. People who attempted suicide begin to see life as a glorious and miraculous adventure. People who have been imprisoned for many years undergo a spiritual liberation that frees them from any sense of restriction or deprivation.

There is a striking uniformity in the state that the “shifters” (as I call people who have undergone this transformation) describe, as if the state were an unfolding level of human potential that everyone may have access to. It is a higher-functioning state in which people live much more easily and effectively than normal. People who have experienced TTT feel a constant sense of well-being and a strong sense of connection to other people, to nature, and to the world as a whole. The world seems a fascinating and beautiful place to them. They are less materialistic and self-centered, more compassionate and altruistic. They have a strong sense of meaning and purpose and an intense sense of gratitude for everything in their lives, and for life itself.

It sounds like a miracle, akin to the born-again experience that followers of some religions describe. It is superficially similar to this — and indeed, we will see a few cases in which people did interpret their shift in religious terms, because this was the only framework they had to understand it. But in reality, TTT is quite a different phenomenon. Born-again religious experiences are usually conceptual experiences in which a person’s belief system changes and they adopt a new lifestyle based on those beliefs. But TTT is nonconceptual. If anything, it is about letting go of beliefs rather than adopting them. TTT is a complete transformation of identity and being. This is probably why research shows that born-again religious experiences are usually temporary, whereas TTT is invariably permanent.

Steve Taylor, PhD, is the author of Extraordinary Awakenings and many other bestselling books. He’s senior lecturer in psychology at Leeds Beckett University and the chair of the Transpersonal Psychology Section of the British Psychological Society. Steve’s articles and essays have been published in over 100 academic journals, magazines, and newspapers and he blogs for Scientific American and Psychology Today. Visit him online at www.StevenMTaylor.com.

Adapted from the book from Extraordinary Awakenings: When Trauma Leads to Transformation. Copyright ©2021 by Steve Taylor. Printed with permission from New World Library.

My ex-boyfriend is in every dream I have. I can't seem to get him out of my dreams! I'll even dream that my current boyfriend and I live together, when suddenly I see my ex in the dream living with us too. What does this mean? Why is he in every dream I have? (I'm a Taurus.)

Dreamchaser:

Though you say your ex-boyfriend is in every dream you have, I don't believe that is really the case. Your ex isn't in every dream, he's just in the dreams you remember when you wake up. The fact that you only remember the dreams he is in, however, is quite telling.

To put it simply, you are not over your ex-boyfriend, and you don't want him out of your life. You aren't in love with your new boyfriend, nor are you ready to move on to a new relationship.

The fact that your ex-boyfriend is not only showing up in the dream where you and your new boyfriend live together, but your ex actually LIVES there with you two - well, do you really a need a psychic to explain that one? You still love him and he still lives with you inside your head and your heart. No matter where you go and no matter who you date, no matter where you live or who you live with, your ex-boyfriend is still there.

I'm not sure how this idea began, but a lot of people believe that we have to have a romantic relationship to feel happy or complete. That doesn't work, for we can be lonelier than ever while lying in bed next to someone.

Having someone in your life is not what you need to be happy, for happiness comes from the inside out. While things may bring us fleeting pleasure, nothing on the outside can make us truly happy for long. For example, if I was a miserable person and someone gave me a brand new car, I would feel happy for a little while. The car couldn't continue to make me happy, however, and sooner or later I'd be miserable again.

You have to find your own happiness. You have to be whole and complete before you even enter into a relationship, for whatever is broken inside of you will become a GLARING issue when you are involved.

I suggest you find a book, audio tape, or class to try to help you find a way to become happy inside of yourself. Iyanla Vanzant's books work really well for me. There are also some great teachings by Dr. Wayne Dyer and Marianne Williamson.

Find something that calls to you so you can start to heal yourself from the inside out, as obviously, the whole outside in thing is not working for you.

Please remember that you are human, and what you're going through is very common. There have been multitudes of stories, poems and songs written about this very problem for centuries. We all try to fill up a hurting hole with someone or something new, but it rarely works. You have to heal the hole - then you can go on to new love.

I wish you love and healing on all levels.

*****

Astrea:

The first thing to remember when you're dreaming of an ex is that people aren't necessarily people in dreams. Instead, people are often SYMBOLS of other things or issues in your life.

I often have a similar set of dreams, and I was very interested in ferreting out the answer for both of us, so I did some research on the subject and found various theories on what these dreams might mean.

It seems the most popular interpretation of your dream is that your current boyfriend may be missing some of the good qualities that your ex had, and you wish that he had those same qualities. I'm sorry, but for me, that's a hard one to swallow.

The second most popular answer is that you fear that your current boyfriend may turn into someone like your ex - into someone who (for whatever reason) you couldn't tolerate. That seems far more plausible to me, because I would NEVER want my current husband to resemble my ex in any way, and I sense you don't want that either.

The more metaphysical answers were vague, but one that made good sense was that your ex symbolizes not himself but OTHER things in your life that you long to change, such as your job, your schedule, or your marital status. He could also symbolize something from which you long to heal. This would be something other than your relationship with him, such as some traumatic experience from your childhood.

My best psychic advice is to examine what's going on in your life now and what's going on in your current relationships, not only with your boyfriend but with other people who have a big influence on you.

Your ex could symbolize something in your waking life that is bothering you, so your subconscious is gently trying to help you figure out what that is. This could take some time, so be patient while you examine all the possibilities. Some issues are buried so deeply in our subconscious that it takes a while to discover what they are and work through them.

Of course, if you want him to stop coming into your dreams immediately, without having to do any kind of in-depth soul searching, self-hypnosis or drug therapy, just place your shoes under the bed facing opposite directions from one another, and off to peaceful dreamland you will go.

Dealing with heavy duty emotional issues shouldn't make your dream life miserable. If you know there are issues to solve, try to work through them while you're awake - it's a lot easier than seeing your ex night after night in your dreams.

Once you get back to pleasant dreaming, I hope your dreams of love happiness all come true!

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.