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An Excerpt from Extraordinary Awakenings by Steve Taylor

Human life has always involved a great deal of hardship and turmoil. The Buddha was right when he established his first noble truth that “life is suffering” (or, according to some interpretations, that life “involves” suffering). For most of our ancestors, life was an endless cycle of various forms of suffering — the physical suffering of hunger, illness, and warfare; the social suffering of oppression and injustice; the psychological suffering of frequent bereavements and lack of freedom and opportunity. For modern human beings who are fortunate enough to live fairly secure and affluent lives — such as many Europeans and North Americans — suffering has become more oriented toward the psychological than the physical. We may not be as prone to poverty, hunger, and illness, but our psychological sufferings are manifold. We suffer the stress of demanding daily lives and competitive societies, along with the mental strain of being bombarded with massive amounts of sensory stimuli and information. We suffer the isolation and alienation of fragmented urban lifestyles that lack a sense of community. We suffer depression due to isolation and a lack of meaning and purpose in our lives.

It is difficult to make sense of human suffering. The idea that there could be anything positive about our suffering may seem absurd. But many people find that suffering does have positive effects, at least in the long term. In recent years psychologists have devoted a lot of time to studying the phenomenon of “post-traumatic growth” (PTG). The idea is that different types of trauma — such as bereavement, serious illness, accidents, oppression, and divorce — may ultimately lead to significant personal development. Research has shown that around half of all people experience some form of personal growth after traumatic events. In the long run, they feel a new sense of inner strength and confidence and of gratitude for life and for other people. They develop more intimate and authentic relationships and have a wider perspective, with a clear sense of what is important in life and what isn’t.

In this book we will examine another, related phenomenon, which I call “transformation through turmoil” (or TTT). We will investigate the miraculous phenomenon of how intense psychological suffering can bring about a sudden and dramatic shift into a new identity. The book will show you how spiritual awakening can occur in the most unexpected places. You will meet some amazing human beings, all of whom have experienced the worst predicaments that human life can offer but have responded to their suffering not by breaking down but by shifting up to a higher-functioning awakened state, like a phoenix rising from the ashes. You will meet people who woke up following bereavement, after a deep depression that led them to the brink of suicide, after years of addiction that broke them down to nothing, or after an accident or illness led to an intense encounter with their own mortality. You will meet long-term prisoners who experienced transformation as a result of incarceration and soldiers who woke up as a result of the stress and anxiety of warfare.

The Most Remarkable Transformation Transformation through turmoil is the most remarkable phenomenon I have ever come across. It’s amazing that human beings are capable of transforming so suddenly and radically that they feel they are completely different people living in the same body. People who were addicted to drugs or alcohol for many years are suddenly freed of their craving, because they are reborn as new human beings who don’t carry any addictions. People who spent years struggling against depression suddenly find the burden of their mental torment lifted, as they transition to a state of permanent ease and well-being. People who attempted suicide begin to see life as a glorious and miraculous adventure. People who have been imprisoned for many years undergo a spiritual liberation that frees them from any sense of restriction or deprivation.

There is a striking uniformity in the state that the “shifters” (as I call people who have undergone this transformation) describe, as if the state were an unfolding level of human potential that everyone may have access to. It is a higher-functioning state in which people live much more easily and effectively than normal. People who have experienced TTT feel a constant sense of well-being and a strong sense of connection to other people, to nature, and to the world as a whole. The world seems a fascinating and beautiful place to them. They are less materialistic and self-centered, more compassionate and altruistic. They have a strong sense of meaning and purpose and an intense sense of gratitude for everything in their lives, and for life itself.

It sounds like a miracle, akin to the born-again experience that followers of some religions describe. It is superficially similar to this — and indeed, we will see a few cases in which people did interpret their shift in religious terms, because this was the only framework they had to understand it. But in reality, TTT is quite a different phenomenon. Born-again religious experiences are usually conceptual experiences in which a person’s belief system changes and they adopt a new lifestyle based on those beliefs. But TTT is nonconceptual. If anything, it is about letting go of beliefs rather than adopting them. TTT is a complete transformation of identity and being. This is probably why research shows that born-again religious experiences are usually temporary, whereas TTT is invariably permanent.

Steve Taylor, PhD, is the author of Extraordinary Awakenings and many other bestselling books. He’s senior lecturer in psychology at Leeds Beckett University and the chair of the Transpersonal Psychology Section of the British Psychological Society. Steve’s articles and essays have been published in over 100 academic journals, magazines, and newspapers and he blogs for Scientific American and Psychology Today. Visit him online at www.StevenMTaylor.com.

Adapted from the book from Extraordinary Awakenings: When Trauma Leads to Transformation. Copyright ©2021 by Steve Taylor. Printed with permission from New World Library.

I'm a happily married woman with two beautiful little girls. I have been married for seven years now, and although on the outside I seem like a very together person, I'm very confused in my mind and heart. A few years before I got married, I met an awesome guy and we quickly fell in love. As we live thousands of miles apart, we've never had a long-term relationship, and we ended up with other people. Ever since we met, however, I dream about him at least weekly, and sometimes two or three nights in a row. I feel stupid and awful because I have a loving husband and a beautiful life, like somehow I'm not being totally loyal to my spouse. I'm very irritated that I can't stop having these romantic dreams. The romance in these dreams is very intense. They're not sexual - instead, the feeling is joy that we can finally be together. Sometimes we even cry of happiness together. I'm wondering if we're soul mates and I should have moved to be with him long ago. Did I make a mistake? Do you think he's having the same dreams? Should I see a shrink? I'm so ashamed about these dreams. Thanks so much for you help.

Astrea:

Most of the people I know have dreams about the one that got away. I don't mean to make light of your feelings about your dreams, but we're wise to remember that they ARE dreams, and what you do in your dreams isn't disloyal at all.

Since you say this person was always long distance and never really in your life on a full-time basis, it's easy for your subconscious to paint a picture of him as the perfect guy you always wanted, even though I know you love your husband and your daughters.

Here's an interesting thing about dreaming of a person from our past, especially someone we've been built up into some fabulous ideal: usually it means we wish the partners we love and live with were more like that person. Basically, we wish we could feel the simple joy with our partner that we feel with the Dream Guy.

We project false characteristics and illusionary attitudes on the Dream Guy because we don't really know him and we don't have to live with him day after day when we're awake. Those Dream Guys never get mad, always pay rapt attention to us, and make us feel safe.

Then when we're awake and our own husbands make us feel wonderful, it's natural to feel a bit GUILTY. Quit it - just quit it. You can enjoy your happy family AND your dreams. You didn't make a mistake here; this guy probably was a possible soul mate for you, but you have a better match in real life now.

There is certainly nothing in this situation for which you should feel any guilt or shame. This Dream Guy is a symbol of a perfect person, not the perfect man for you. People in dreams don't always stand for the same person in real life.

There is nothing shameful about dreaming of a perfect person. Just because he has your friend's face and voice and mannerisms in your dream doesn't make him that person in the flesh. I think you should pay attention to what makes you happy about him in your dreams so you can work those qualities into your waking life.

I am the wrong psychic to ask about the ultimate soul mate because I know that we have more than one. We all have choices; it's what we do with the love we find that is important. To me, soul mates are any two people who have grown together over many years with a lot of caring and understanding.

Your husband and your girls are NOT mistakes! Your real life will feel rewarding and fulfilling if you choose to see it that way.

*****

Susyn:

Life is an amazing journey. When we encounter people who touch us deeply, even years later, we can be sure there is a higher purpose behind that connection.

We come into this world with a set destiny and road to travel, so it can be unsettling if we feel that we are missing or have missed something important to our hearts and souls. I can assure you that if someone is supposed to be a part of your life, they will be - when the time is right.

I'm betting that your destiny was to fall in love with your husband and have your two beautiful daughters. Your friend also has other people to influence, learn from, and fulfill his destiny with.

I'm certain that he holds you in his heart and mind in the same manner you do him, and that somewhere down the road, you'll reconnect again. You'll be two very different people after the life lessons you've experienced, which will determine how this meeting will go.

You may discover that he is not the ideal person for you, or that many of the feelings and idealistic ideas you carry about him were mere projection. Often we are haunted by past relationships simply because they represent a time when we were different people - perhaps more innocent, trusting or open.

On the other hand, you could discover that the connection is as powerful as ever, and that the Universe is working to bring you back together.

The important thing to keep in mind is that your attention should be focused on the present. When you experience these thoughts and dreams, acknowledge them, bless them, and send them on their way with a simple prayer, such as, I was blessed to have this person in my life, and if it is meant to be, I would be happy to have him in my life again.

Oftentimes these dreams and thoughts haunt us because instead of acknowledging them and letting them pass through, we tend to feel guilty, afraid or unsure. The more we try to bury them, the more they will return in an effort to get our attention.

When they come again, stop and try to see the metaphysical messages they are offering. Instead of wondering if he is the same or feels the same, ask yourself this question: Am I the same person I was back then? If not, is there something you can change now to regain those qualities again?

Once you take these dreams and focus them back on your current life, you will recognize the spiritual messages they are offering you.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.