KAJAMA.COM NEWSLETTER

By Kristi Hugstad

Do you ever feel like your days blur into one big to-do list you can’t keep track of? You have to meet school deadlines, go to club meetings, work, hang out with your friends, spend time with your family, organize your desk and room, exercise, read, and so on. Have you ever felt stressed-out because, no matter how much you try, you are always behind and overwhelmed? To avoid this, here is a simple solution: journaling.

If you’re busy and overwhelmed, why add one more thing to do? Because journaling makes you more organized and efficient and can even help relieve your stress.

Most journaling experts talk about two different types of journaling: journaling to achieve professional success and journaling therapy to improve your mental health. The former would be writing down what steps you need to take to be a restaurant owner, for example, and creating a rough outline and calendar of milestones to reach in order to achieve your goals. An example of the latter would be to write down a painful memory — say, of the day your parents announced they were divorcing — as a way of untangling complex, difficult feelings.

This form of self-examination has been around a long time, and it is a powerful practice. If you want inspiration, definitely check out the many journaling blogs online, some of which are geared specifically toward high school and college students. Journaling can help anyone, regardless of age, education, interests, or writing skill.

Let’s talk about how journaling can positively impact your mental health. Journaling connects you with your inner self and helps you develop good habits of self-reflection. When you journal, you are communicating only with yourself. Your journal is a safe place to be honest, to be your authentic self without worrying about being judged. This is what makes it different from posting on Instagram or talking to friends, when we often filter ourselves to avoid judgment or we present an idealized version of ourselves. Instead, journaling allows you to connect with and learn about yourself, to reflect on your strengths and weaknesses, and to consider how to improve yourself. By writing your thoughts, intentions, actions, behaviors, goals, and dreams, you get to know what makes you happy and what makes you sad. You learn who and what drain you emotionally and who and what make you happy and confident. Writing helps you examine and understand emotions when you aren’t actually feeling them, so you can see them clearly.

Writing down your feelings and engaging in self-reflection is a necessary habit for good mental health. When you journal about your anger, sadness, and disappointments, you openly express and release any intense feelings and thoughts. You offload negative thoughts instead of carrying them, making your mind more peaceful. Writing about and reflecting on your emotions helps you identify stressors and feel empowered.

Journaling can also improve your self-esteem and self-confidence. Studies have shown that writing about stressful events and life traumas helps with grieving and makes us feel better not only psychologically but physically as well.

Journaling can also help you achieve goals and dreams, both personally and professionally. Keep in mind, journaling is not just reflecting on the past. It is about planning for the future. Journal about long-term goals, such as studying abroad, moving to a different city, going to graduate school, and your career. Do you want to become a doctor, writer, scientist, dancer? Write about what that means for you — more than once — and reflect on the steps you need to take to get there. Just like writing a daily to-do list, this makes your goals tangible and concrete. The simple act of writing down tasks makes you feel more organized and motivated to achieve them.

As you journal, you may see where and when you waste time and how you can manage your time better. Several studies have reported that people who write down their goals are more productive.

In addition, when you journal, even though you are just writing for yourself, you will improve your writing skills. Journaling allows you to write in a safe, no-pressure environment. Further, if one of your goals is to be a published writer or blogger, journaling can serve as a stepping-stone to larger writing projects. Since writing and speaking are connected, writing helps strengthen your verbal communication skills. Putting your thoughts down on paper (or on a screen), organizing them, and strategizing what you will say, helps you talk more concisely and clearly.

These benefits aside, when you write in your journal, you physically reduce the impact of stressors on your body. A small number of studies have shown that journaling can improve our immune system and can serve as a stress-management tool. As we all know, stress is the root cause of many human diseases.

As you can see, writing regularly can help you grow and release the potential that lies within you. Journaling can make your life both easier and happier. As you build a habit of self-reflection through journaling, it improves all aspects of your life. Mapping your future puts you on track for success. When you list your goals and write down your plans, they will seep into your actions. When you write about your past, painful emotions will be given verbal expression and released, which leads to healing. It’s like talk therapy, but the person you are talking to is yourself. You bear witness to yourself and thereby learn more about yourself and about your relationship to society and the world. It is in self-reflection that we grow.

Here are some tips on how to incorporate journaling into your life so that it becomes a regular habit.

Get the tools
Some people like to write in a notebook. If you are one of those people, get a brand-new notebook. It does not need to be expensive. If you want, creatively decorate the cover; add drawings or color, or stick on pictures or inspirational quotations. Some people like to journal on their tablet, phone, or computer. Experiment with pen and paper and digital journaling and see which one you enjoy more.

Commit to journaling at the same time every day
Just like developing any habit, try to journal at the same time every day. Many people journal right before they go to bed. Journaling before bedtime may help you sleep better because it clears your mind. It will also make you think about what you did during the day and how you can improve. Some people journal right after they wake up or while having their breakfast because writing energizes them for the day. However, if you miss your dedicated time, just journal at another time, and if (or when) you miss a day or two, don’t be hard on yourself. Just restart.

Have fun
No matter how or how much you write, have fun with it. If journaling starts to feel like a chore, play around, switch your approach, and experiment. There is no one-size-fits-all type of journaling. Remember, just because it’s a habit doesn’t mean it always has to be the same. Sometimes, write only a few sentences; other times, go deep into details and analyze an event. Find the style that works best for you.

Just write
Write about anything, whatever comes into your head. Don’t have any expectations, and don’t edit. Remember, you are the only person who is going to read your journal. Don’t try to write a certain amount. Some days you may write paragraphs and some days you may write a few sentences. Writing itself is the goal, not the amount or the stylistic quality. Pick a time, and just write.

Kristi Hugstad is the author of Be You, Only Better: Real-Life Self-Care for Young Adults (And Everyone Else) and two other books. A certified grief recovery specialist and a grief and loss facilitator for addicts in recovery, Kristi frequently speaks at high schools. She is also the host of The Grief Girl podcast and lives in Orange County, California. Visit her online at https://www.thegriefgirl.com.

Excerpted from the book from Be You, Only Better: Real-Life Self-Care for Young Adults (And Everyone Else). Copyright ©2021 by Kristi Hugstad. Printed with permission from New World Library .

I always have felt as if my mother is not my real mother. In fact, I have gone so far as to actually ask my father about it. He assured me that she is in fact my real mother. I also think she dabbles in black magick and has placed spells on me and my father but not my other siblings. Over the years I have gone through a number of hardships and always felt like I had to cross water to stop her influence over me. Please advise me. I have been troubled by this for years.  Thank you.

Gabrielle

Susyn:

Since you've verified that your mother is indeed your true parent, your feelings that something is amiss suggest a past life trauma has carried over into your current life situation. It's highly likely that the woman who is your mother in this lifetime was an adversary in a past life. Your sense that she is placing spells on you and your father also suggests that something is amiss. You may be remembering her as a person you knew in a past life who did indeed practice black magick.

Either way, it seems past life experiences are interfering with your ability to have a happy current life. People don't automatically change their behavior when they reincarnate. Even if she isn't actually holding power over you now, she definitely did in a past life. It may have been so devastating that you are still carrying traumatic memories. This can cause you to recreate the circumstances you once found yourself in. Like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, traumatic past lives can generate disabling conditions.

Your first step should be to investigate this with a psychic who specializes in past life readings. Make an appointment and learn as much as you can about this past life. In the process, you'll see many similarities between the past and the present. Ask about your mother's influence over you and your father. Once you've established what actually happened in the past, you can begin the process of ridding yourself of the hold she has over you.

Information is power. In this case, gathering evidence about your past lives together can explain why you feel the way you do about your mother. Oftentimes when a person feels that a parent is not their true parent, it's found that they were kidnapped in a past life or had to deal with a difficult step-parent. You might wonder why you chose her as your mother this lifetime. Usually such choices are designed to release old karma or learn lessons we were unable to learn last time around.

I also recommend performing a freezing ritual on your mother. (You can find this under the Spiritual Tools tab of Kajama.com.) This won't directly harm your mother but it will prevent her from holding power over you.

Once you can separate these two lifetimes, you'll be able to move more freely, and won't have to distance yourself from the rest of the family. You should also start to see your life improve in significant ways.

*****

Oceania:

While it may be tempting to blame your mother for your struggles in life, this outlook does not really serve you. When we are children, our parents have power over us; as adults, no one has power over us unless we turn it over to them.

Many people choose not to make the mental transition from powerless childhood to empowered adulthood because along with power comes responsibility. Some people prefer to see themselves as helpless victims rather than embrace the virtues of discipline, courage and integrity.

It is common for people to question whether they share a biological connection with a parent if they are very different from that parent, or when the parent is not someone they wish to emulate. Like physical traits, many personality traits are genetic. Each parent carries two genes per trait. One may be dominant (obvious); the other may be recessive (unexpressed).

Each pair of genes splits apart during cell division and reproduction. Mother's egg and father's sperm combine to form a new person with a unique set of genes and characteristics. It is possible to look and behave very differently from either parent, though you may find your traits further back in the family tree.

Parents do not have to practice black magick to emit destructive energy that squashes the creative life force of their children. Your mother may suffer from narcissistic or antisocial personality disorder. These rigid people are challenging to deal with, as they cannot see another person's point of view and tend to operate from self-interest. You can learn to identify and avoid such people, or learn to set firm boundaries with them.

Identify at least one positive about your mother. Scour your memories for some nice thing she did for you or taught you, because it will empower you to see her as a human being with strengths and weaknesses rather than a scary monster. Identify at least one negative trait in your father. Although he may appear to be her innocent victim, it always takes two to tango, so he probably played a part in her distress. Your mother may even have felt jealous of the relationship between her husband and you.

You can choose to take responsibility for your well-being and let your big light shine, or you can continue hiding in the shadows. The fact that you wrote in suggests you may be ready to take your first brave step! You deserve support; I believe you would benefit from counseling as you embark upon this important and meaningful journey.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.