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A Talk with Author Kristi Hugstad
Be You, Only Better

Even before the coronavirus hit, today’s teens and young adults were already facing intense mental health challenges like academic stress, substance abuse, eating disorders, financial insecurity, anxiety, and depression — just to name a few.

When you add in tough pandemic realities like virtual learning, social distance from family and friends, and the loss of employment opportunities many are facing, it’s no wonder that so many individuals are feeling more isolated, afraid, and stressed than ever before.

The new book of Be You, Only Better: Real-Life Self-Care for Young Adults (And Everyone Else), introduces today’s young people to simple, yet powerful day-to-day practices that promote mind and body wellness. With simple, straightforward tactics — like journaling, mindfulness, healthy sleep, and sound nutrition — author Kristi Hugstad empowers young and old alike to take charge of their own wellness.  We hope you’ll enjoy this Q and A with Kristi about the book.

Your book Be You, Only Better introduces teens and young adults to simple, yet powerful self-care practices. Why is self-care more important than ever right now?

When I wrote Be You, Only Better, I certainly did not foresee a global pandemic that would change everything. But that’s exactly why self-care is so important. We can’t control the world around us – we can only control ourselves, and we can choose to practice the self-care that can make us happier and healthier, despite our external environment.

It’s no secret that teenagers and young adults are struggling today. While teen depression, anxiety and suicide rates have increased dramatically over the last decade, the pandemic has made the situation even worse. Young people need a lifeline – and often, that lifeline is within themselves. That’s really what this book is about – showing young adults healthy ways to cope and providing the resources necessary to be the best version of themselves possible.

Journaling is one of the first self-care practices you offer in the book. Why is this important for young people to do?

Today, more than ever before, we lack the time and discipline to quietly sit and reflect. Information and entertainment has never been so easily accessible – often coming to us without much (if any) effort on our parts. Daily journaling forces you to sit with your thoughts and reflect on your life and situations you may not otherwise see clearly.

Young adults, in particular, can benefit from journaling because it creates an inner dialogue and promotes mindfulness – both of which build confidence and self-awareness. Journaling provides benefits that are great for anyone but particularly healthy for young adults like boosting emotional intelligence, strengthening self-discipline, increasing memory and comprehension and providing healing, just to name a few.

You say that good sleep is an important aspect of self-care. What advice do you have to offer to those who have a hard time sleeping?

Learning to prioritize sleep when you’re young is a skill that will serve you your entire life. Part of “prioritizing” sleep mean letting go of what may be preventing a good night’s sleep. That’s much harder than it sounds, because all of us really like things that tend to prevent restful sleep – caffeine, staying up late, sleeping in late, scrolling social media or watching TV in bed.


More than anything else, I’ve found that setting a sleeping schedule – and actually sticking to it by removing the obstacles that keep me from restful sleep – is key. Readying yourself for sleep is a foundational habit, so embracing it as a young adult can set you up for a healthier, happier and more successful future.

What advice do you have to offer people who are having a hard time getting motivated to exercise?

Exercise is another foundational habit that can be difficult to form – particularly if it’s new to you. As a Pilates instructor, former gym owner and lifelong exercise enthusiast, I can honestly say I’ve never seen someone regret a workout! Sure, it can be uncomfortable or intimidating to start exercising. That’s why I always encourage people – and especially young people – to find something they truly enjoy doing. Not all of us truly love running seven miles a day – but you just might! Or you may prefer dancing, paddle boarding, yoga, cycling, hiking… the list is endless! Make the goal to try out various physical activities; chances are that there’s a form of exercise out there waiting for you to love it.

One of your chapters is about hope. What advice do you have to offer those who are feeling hopeless?

There is power in hope. Hope is motivation. Hope is optimism. Hope is the belief that good things will happen – and they’ll happen to you. When you feel hopeless, you’re less motivated to take action or control of your life, which in turn makes you feel even more hopeless. When people are in that vicious cycle, the most important thing they can do is get outside help. Whether that means talking to a close friend or finding a professional therapist, sometimes it takes an external force to help you find hope.

Often, another person can give you a fresh perspective and the motivation to move forward – which is exactly what hope is.

What advice do you have for parents who are hoping to empower their teenager to practice self-care?

Often, what parents find frustrating about their teen is the very thing that can transform their lives for better – fierce independence. Teens need love and support and someone who believes in their ability to take care of themselves.

I always advise parents to set realistic expectations for their teens. While we may be culturally expected to “do it all,” that’s not doable at any age. Help your teen prioritize their academic and extracurricular activities, making sure they still have time to properly sleep, stay active and socialize (which is also important!). Most importantly, lead by example! Make sure your teens see you taking the time to ensure your needs – physical, mental and emotional – are met.

Kristi Hugstad is the author of Be You, Only Better: Real-Life Self-Care for Young Adults (And Everyone Else) and two other books. A certified grief recovery specialist and a grief and loss facilitator for addicts in recovery, Kristi frequently speaks at high schools. She is also the host of The Grief Girl podcast and lives in Orange County, California. Visit her online at https://www.thegriefgirl.com.

My grandfather died a few weeks ago. I was over at my grandmother's house last night until midnight, after which I went home and lay down to go to sleep. All of the sudden, I felt very warm in my face. This made me really hot like I wanted to kick off the covers. I didn't and it went away; I felt normal a few seconds later. I was listening to the radio in the dark and heard a psychic on the radio tell people that called in that if they felt warm, that was sometimes a spirit communicating with them. I then thought it was my grandfather communicating with me and felt really at peace for a second. Then all of a sudden, I opened my eyes and saw these green, foggy lights swirling towards me over and over again. I even closed my eyes and still saw them. It kind of freaked me out and I turned the lights on. I ended up sleeping with the lights on because my husband was out of town and I was scared. Could this have been my grandfather communicating with me?

Jen

Susyn:

When our loved ones die, their spirits will often linger near those left behind. Spirits can make their presence known in a variety of ways. Because you were at your grandfather's home for a few hours before you experienced this incident, it is likely that the hot sensations and foggy green swirls were his way of communicating with you.

Notice the synchronicity of this event and the way it made you feel. Your grandfather was on your mind, for you had just left his home. The warm energy you experienced got your attention but did not seem to frighten you. Then, almost as if to explain what was happening, you heard about this type of paranormal phenomenon on the radio. There are no accidents; the timing could not have been more perfect.

The fact that you happened to hear this explanation from a psychic at almost the exact same time it was happening, realized that it might be your grandfather communicating with you, and were then overtaken by a sense of peace all indicate that his spirit was near you. Had this been a random or negative spirit, you would not have had psychic confirmation or felt comforted by the experience.

It is interesting that your grandfather chose green lights to send you his love, for green is the color of the heart chakra. A spirit's ability to send messages like these can be fleeting. As your grandfather grows more familiar with his surroundings, I am certain you will witness more evidence that he is near. Sometimes spirits can be shy about sending these signs, which is probably the reason it happened while your husband was out of town.

There is no need for concern if you don't experience this warmth or lights in the future. Spirits tend to send their love in a variety of ways. As they get more acclimated to their new surroundings and abilities, they will come to us in new and different ways to reassure us that they love us and are doing well. Many people report contact with spirits through music, animals, and scents associated with the loved one who is trying to connect with them. You may hear your grandfather's favorite song on the radio or notice the familiar smell of tobacco if he smoked a pipe.

I think it's very important to acknowledge these messages as being from your grandfather. You may want to sit in meditation or write him a letter thanking him. It will give him great comfort to know that you realize these signs were sent by him. You should also discuss these events with your grandmother, for it's likely she has had similar experiences. As the two of you compare notes, it will be easier to validate the signals your grandfather is sending.

*****

Oceania:

The sequence of events you describe leads me to believe that you did indeed experience a visit from your grandfather. He chose to come when you were home alone and more likely to notice subtle sensations.

You felt warm and about the same time you heard something on the radio about how visiting spirits can make you feel warm! This is an example of synchronicity, or meaningful coincidence, which was first explored by Carl Jung. He believed that such events were not random but rather meaningful expressions of a deeper order.

A recent example of synchronicity in my own life occurred while I was researching the lives of my deceased grandmother Elizabeth and HER grandmother Elizabeth. (My middle name is Elizabeth.) I feel a deep kinship to these women, both of whom embarked on courageous solo adventures.

While working on this project, I took a break to have coffee with a neighbor friend who insisted on taking a photo of me standing in front of her new photo of a large rose. (I chose to use that photo for my Kajama headshot, as I find roses symbolic of unfolding potential.) When I returned to my ancestors, I began to wonder if they wanted me to carry forward their spirit of adventure. In hopes of getting an answer, I randomly pulled a tarot card from my Shakespeare deck. It depicted Queen Elizabeth I standing in front of a large rose.

Synchronicity often accompanies transformational events like births and deaths. It can also mark the beginning of a spiritual awakening for the person who experiences it. The peace you felt suggests that you connected with your grandfather's loving presence. He may have appreciated you spending time with his wife and visited to thank you.

The swirling lights you saw were green, which is the color associated with the heart chakra and our capacity to feel eternal love. The color green also represents new life and new growth. Your grandfather was reborn when he died and wanted to show you that he's alive and well in energy form.

Your story reminded me of a poem about death written by Canon Henry Scott-Holland. I will share an excerpt here and hope you find comfort in it.

Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room. Whatever we were to each other, that we still are. Call me by my old familiar name. Let it be spoken without effort, without the trace of a shadow. Life means all that it ever meant, and is the same as it ever was. There is unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you somewhere very near, just around the corner. All is well.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.