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Why do some people who experience the worst that life has to offer respond not by breaking down but by shifting up, into a higher-functioning, awakened state? And perhaps more importantly, how can we emulate their transformations?

Over many years of observing and studying the phenomenon of life changing awakening through extreme suffering, psychologist Steve Taylor coined the term “transformation through turmoil (TTT).” He calls individuals whose struggles lead to a dramatic shift into a new, expansive identity “shifters” and in Extraordinary Awakenings: When Trauma Leads to Transformation (New World Library, September 7, 2021) he shares dozens of amazing stories of individuals who “woke up” to profound transformation following bereavement, deep depression, suicide attempts, addiction, military combat, imprisonment, or other intense encounters with mortality.  We hope you’ll enjoy this Q&A with Steve about the book.

Tell us about the title of your new book Extraordinary Awakenings and what inspired you to write it.

It’s a book about the amazing transformation that can occur in the midst of intense suffering and trauma — for example, soldiers on a battlefield, the inmates of prison camps who are on the verge of starvation, people who have been through periods of severe addiction, depression, bereavement, and so on. These are what I call ‘extraordinary awakenings.’ They are extraordinary in two ways: first, because they occur in such unexpected circumstances, and second, because they have such an amazing effect. People feel completely reborn, as if they are different people living in the same body. In my role as a psychologist, I’ve been researching cases of extraordinary awakenings for 15 years. I wanted to share some of the amazing cases I’ve collected, and also explore what we can learn from the cases and apply to our own paths of development.

The book examines a phenomenon you call “transformation through turmoil.” Please tell us more about that and how it compares to “post-traumatic growth.”

Transformation through turmoil is an extreme and dramatic kind of post-traumatic growth. It’s a more radical change, which often happens instantaneously, in a single moment of transformation. You could also describe it as a spiritual awakening. People shift into a much more intense and expansive awareness. They feel a sense of wellbeing, and a new sense of meaning and purpose. They feel intensely grateful for things they took for granted before. The world seems more real and beautiful. They feel more connected to other people, and to nature. It really is as if they’ve woken up, as if a veil has fallen away and they’re living in a much fuller and more intense way.

What are some examples of the types of turmoil the shifters you write about experienced before their awakenings?

There are six main types of turmoil I cover in the book: warfare, incarceration, bereavement, encounters with death, addiction and intense depression and stress. Incarceration was such a major area that I had to divide it into two chapters, the first looking at historical examples from soviet gulags and prisoners of war, and the second dealing with contemporary prisoners in the US and the UK. In the chapter on encounters with death, I looked at what I called ‘intense mortality encounters,’ when people are diagnosed with cancer, or have serious injuries, and also at near-death experiences, when people die for a short time before being resuscitated. I also found a connection between suicide and transformation. Sometimes people undergo extraordinary awakenings when they are seriously contemplating suicide, or after a suicide attempt.

What is the most common type of severe trauma that humans experience and why does it have so much spiritual potential?

Bereavement. All of us go through bereavement, and many people do go through transformation as a result. It is usually the more tragic and unexpected bereavements that are the most transformational. For example, I tell the story of a woman who had an extraordinary awakening after her husband died in a car crash, and another who had a similar experience after a close friend was murdered. When we go through bereavement, everything changes. It’s like an earthquake, disrupting our whole lives. Everything which seem secure and stable is thrown into disarray. And when the ground settles again, the world seems like a completely different place.

You say in the book that embracing challenges in our lives is a way that we can apply the principles of “transformation through turmoil” to our lives. How so?

The cases in my book show that challenges can help us to grow. They can even lead to spiritual awakening. So rather than avoiding challenges and crises, when they occur in our lives we should look at them as an opportunity for growth. We should trust in the massive reserves of resilience that are inside all of us, even though we’re not normally conscious of them. There is a positive side to all seemingly negative events in our lives. The important thing is to respond to them in the right way, in order to harness their transformational potential.

Steve Taylor, PhD, is the author of Extraordinary Awakenings and many other bestselling books. He’s senior lecturer in psychology at Leeds Beckett University and the chair of the Transpersonal Psychology Section of the British Psychological Society. Steve’s articles and essays have been published in over 100 academic journals, magazines, and newspapers and he blogs for Scientific American and Psychology Today. Visit him online at www.StevenMTaylor.com.

Adapted from the book from Extraordinary Awakenings: When Trauma Leads to Transformation. Copyright ©2021 by Steve Taylor. Printed with permission from New World Library.

My ex-boyfriend is in every dream I have. I can't seem to get him out of my dreams! I'll even dream that my current boyfriend and I live together, when suddenly I see my ex in the dream living with us too. What does this mean? Why is he in every dream I have? (I'm a Taurus.)

Dreamchaser:

Though you say your ex-boyfriend is in every dream you have, I don't believe that is really the case. Your ex isn't in every dream, he's just in the dreams you remember when you wake up. The fact that you only remember the dreams he is in, however, is quite telling.

To put it simply, you are not over your ex-boyfriend, and you don't want him out of your life. You aren't in love with your new boyfriend, nor are you ready to move on to a new relationship.

The fact that your ex-boyfriend is not only showing up in the dream where you and your new boyfriend live together, but your ex actually LIVES there with you two - well, do you really a need a psychic to explain that one? You still love him and he still lives with you inside your head and your heart. No matter where you go and no matter who you date, no matter where you live or who you live with, your ex-boyfriend is still there.

I'm not sure how this idea began, but a lot of people believe that we have to have a romantic relationship to feel happy or complete. That doesn't work, for we can be lonelier than ever while lying in bed next to someone.

Having someone in your life is not what you need to be happy, for happiness comes from the inside out. While things may bring us fleeting pleasure, nothing on the outside can make us truly happy for long. For example, if I was a miserable person and someone gave me a brand new car, I would feel happy for a little while. The car couldn't continue to make me happy, however, and sooner or later I'd be miserable again.

You have to find your own happiness. You have to be whole and complete before you even enter into a relationship, for whatever is broken inside of you will become a GLARING issue when you are involved.

I suggest you find a book, audio tape, or class to try to help you find a way to become happy inside of yourself. Iyanla Vanzant's books work really well for me. There are also some great teachings by Dr. Wayne Dyer and Marianne Williamson.

Find something that calls to you so you can start to heal yourself from the inside out, as obviously, the whole outside in thing is not working for you.

Please remember that you are human, and what you're going through is very common. There have been multitudes of stories, poems and songs written about this very problem for centuries. We all try to fill up a hurting hole with someone or something new, but it rarely works. You have to heal the hole - then you can go on to new love.

I wish you love and healing on all levels.

*****

Astrea:

The first thing to remember when you're dreaming of an ex is that people aren't necessarily people in dreams. Instead, people are often SYMBOLS of other things or issues in your life.

I often have a similar set of dreams, and I was very interested in ferreting out the answer for both of us, so I did some research on the subject and found various theories on what these dreams might mean.

It seems the most popular interpretation of your dream is that your current boyfriend may be missing some of the good qualities that your ex had, and you wish that he had those same qualities. I'm sorry, but for me, that's a hard one to swallow.

The second most popular answer is that you fear that your current boyfriend may turn into someone like your ex - into someone who (for whatever reason) you couldn't tolerate. That seems far more plausible to me, because I would NEVER want my current husband to resemble my ex in any way, and I sense you don't want that either.

The more metaphysical answers were vague, but one that made good sense was that your ex symbolizes not himself but OTHER things in your life that you long to change, such as your job, your schedule, or your marital status. He could also symbolize something from which you long to heal. This would be something other than your relationship with him, such as some traumatic experience from your childhood.

My best psychic advice is to examine what's going on in your life now and what's going on in your current relationships, not only with your boyfriend but with other people who have a big influence on you.

Your ex could symbolize something in your waking life that is bothering you, so your subconscious is gently trying to help you figure out what that is. This could take some time, so be patient while you examine all the possibilities. Some issues are buried so deeply in our subconscious that it takes a while to discover what they are and work through them.

Of course, if you want him to stop coming into your dreams immediately, without having to do any kind of in-depth soul searching, self-hypnosis or drug therapy, just place your shoes under the bed facing opposite directions from one another, and off to peaceful dreamland you will go.

Dealing with heavy duty emotional issues shouldn't make your dream life miserable. If you know there are issues to solve, try to work through them while you're awake - it's a lot easier than seeing your ex night after night in your dreams.

Once you get back to pleasant dreaming, I hope your dreams of love happiness all come true!

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.