KAJAMA.COM NEWSLETTER

February 8 through February 14, 2021

Happy Chinese New Year! 2021’s year of the Ox heralds in a more stable energy as we leave behind the year of the Rat and all the troubles it brought our way. Staying grounded, being proactive, and recreating our lives from the ground up will be the theme this year. Many of us discovered we had built our “homes” out of straw, which upended them during last year’s pandemic, so we’re now ready to buckle down and create a more solid foundation. As we start laying the bricks for our future, we’ll discover new ways to improve our health, our finances, and our environment. If there’s anything you simply have to get done this week, move on it Monday and Tuesday when the Moon is in no-nonsense Capricorn. Once Wednesday hits we’ll be under the influence of the unpredictable Aquarius Moon, and when it culminates in an Aquarius new Moon on Wednesday, we’ll be off and running in all directions! The Chinese New Year is officially celebrated on Thursday, so in combination with the New Moon, should have us ready to recommit to our resolutions and start anew into 2021. We can take a breather Friday and Saturday as the Moon drifts through spiritual Pisces, regrouping and relaxing after a fairly demanding week. Sunday’s Aries Moon will put us in the mood to play, so grab your favorite person and get out and have some fun!

Elevating Sex into Authentic Soul Union
An Excerpt from Holy Love by Elisa Romeo, MFT, and Adam Foley

Most people believe sex begins in the bedroom, but sex begins with the energetic relationship we cultivate in our daily lives. Soul sex doesn’t start when he leans forward to kiss her but when he takes out the trash. Soul sex is not initiated when she takes off her clothes but when she lights up as he walks through the door. Talking, sitting together in silence, and going for a walk can all be forms of energetic preparation for Soul sex. Any activity can set the energetic mood, so to speak, if we are present, intimate, and in a state of unconditional love together. This may sound simple enough, yet couples rarely are emotionally available to bask in a state of absolute acceptance and unconditionality. If we cannot reach this state in our daily lives, we certainly cannot attain it in the bedroom. But we can build up to this state of being through what we like to call unconditional foreplay.

Unconditional foreplay consists of daily acts, no matter how small, done with pure love. These acts show our partners — and convince their nervous system — that they are safe and cared for. These small, yet powerful, loving acts slowly permit our partner to enter a state of receiving true love. Our acts of love are defined, not by what we do, but by how we do them.

What may look externally like an unconditional act may in truth be conditional. If we are motivated by codependency, needing approval or seeking an emotional reward from our partner, our action remains conditional, and so does our sex. The difference has everything to do with intention, with the energy underlying the act. For instance, if we buy flowers for our partner because we are motivated by the desire for approval, it is a conditional (or inherently fear-based) act. We are giving them a gift in exchange for affection; it is an attempt to purchase love. We may even get upset with our partner if they do not like the flowers or they do not give us the egoic validation we want. Conditional love has rules and expectations.

But this same act, while looking identical on the outside, can also be motivated by Soul’s unadulterated love. In unconditional acts, we celebrate our love. We do not ask our partners to be personal stewards of approval; rather, we give love freely. We do not love our partners merely because they make us feel good but because we see and champion the unique beauty of their Souls. In unconditional relationship we do not addictively chase a particular feeling but rejoice in another’s simple existence. We do not attempt to control our partner’s feelings so that we feel better ourselves; we simply love, endlessly.

If we want to elevate sex into authentic Soul union, we must start by living authentically, as Soul, in daily relationship. Our sexual issues of disconnection do not originate or heal in the bedroom but in the daily minutiae of our lives. If we want Holy Love to visit us in bed, we must nurture it outside of the bedroom. Couples often live in an ego-to-ego relationship all day long and then feel disappointed when they don’t have meaningful, mind-blowing sex at night. This leads couples to assume they have physical intimacy issues when in truth their discord is a result of avoiding emotional intimacy in their everyday interactions. The old Zen saying “How you do one thing is how you do everything” teaches us to be mindful of how we show up in all areas of our lives. If, at 5 p.m., we ask our partner in a rushed and urgent manner about the details of the bank account, at 10 p.m. the bedroom vibe will most likely be rushed and urgent. To enter an unconditional state of union, we must use spiritual information paired with real-world action.

Many of us have blocks to receiving Holy Love, especially if we were neglected, abandoned, or rejected in relationships before. Daily acts of unconditional love allow even the deepest wounds of intimacy to heal. Such acts calm our base emotional needs — such as the need for safety — while bringing down to earth the spiritual potential of Holy Love. The result is a mutual spiritual trust that deepens over time. In the words of the famed theologian Beatrice Bruteau, “Love seeks the ultimately real.” This real truth is found, Bruteau writes, by “an outflowing action of loving another person.” When we create the environment of love within our relationships, we open space for the Soul to come forth.

We do not necessarily need unconditional foreplay to have Soul sex. At times Soul may possess us with love. Soul may find a window in which our wounds are not triggered, anxiety is low, and hearts are open. But these moments are dependent on circumstance. If we wish to have a conscious and regular practice of Soul sex, we must begin by implementing loving actions in our relationship. When we see through the eyes of Soul in intimate relationship, every action (or lack of action) carries weight. Every act in relationships is either spiritual foreplay (increasing the ability to receive unconditionality) or distancing (increasing the belief in conditionality). From this vantage point, any time spent together becomes an opportunity for unconditional foreplay.

Elisa Romeo, MFT, and Adam Foley are the authors of Holy Love: The Essential Guide to Soul-Fulfilling Relationships and cohosts of the Holy & Human Podcast.  Together, they help individuals awaken and deepen their soulful nature within relationship. Visit them online at holyandhuman.com.

Excerpted from the book from Holy Love: The Essential Guide to Soul-Fulfilling Relationships. Copyright ©2022 by Elisa Romeo, MFT, and Adam Foley. Printed with permission from New World Library.

I'm writing to try to figure out why I have such strong feelings of attraction for my nephew. I think they are too strong, and I feel very wrong and guilty about them. He is 38 years old and I'm in my fifties. I recently saw him after not seeing him for many years, and this sense of connection hit me right away. What's going on? I feel wrong and unsure of how to handle my feelings. I don't think he knows how I feel. He respects me as his aunt. He trusts me and opens up to me about his life and problems. I don't know what to think or how to feel, and am wondering if these deep feelings stem from a past life. Thank you!

J.

Astrea:

Of course you knew each other in a past incarnation. You have probably been together in a number of lives and in several different types of relationships. He is your nephew now, but he could have been your father, brother, lover or friend before. He could have even been your mother or your sister. Your souls bonded in those other times.

This emotional confusion is a natural part of the life experience with Old Souls. Old couples return as twins, as man and wife, and in other relationships too, for they always seek to reconnect with each other in whatever way they can.

Even though you might think your feelings for your nephew are wrong or inappropriate, with time and some healing, you'll be just fine. These feelings are upsetting you because they aren't considered normal, so you feel guilty and ashamed. Anyone would at first, but with knowledge that this attraction is part of the Whole Soul process, you can make peace with it all.

We all have that person in the world who is the opposite/same as us. The most accepted explanation of what happens at death is that one soul waits for the other, they learn what lessons they can, and they agree to return and go through the life journey together again.

The key here is for both souls to agree. Sometimes, souls have different ideas about what they want to experience, and as a result, one soul may arrive later than the other. The soul who is forced to be lonely for many years often finds another soul connection or someone at random to spend this waiting period with.

Then the other soul takes the plunge to return to Earth because it's vital that they be together. So while we often assume soul mates will be romantically involved, sometimes that's not practical or possible.

You and your nephew evolved past this frustration before you each returned this time. You feel a strong desire to be with him, but what you feel is NOT sexual desire, but rather spiritual attraction. He may go through the same strong sense of spiritual attraction later or even while you're in this phase.

Just be prepared for that possibility and resolve to let Nature guide you. She will. You may feel wrong now, but neither of you is going to DO anything wrong. Your situation feels extraordinary but it happens all the time.

I'm sure your nephew doesn't know how you're feeling. If you spend more time together, you'll work this out together too. You need each other. If you respect and focus on the spiritual foundation of your relationship, everything will work out just fine.

*****

Susyn:

The attraction you feel for your nephew could be rooted in many things, including the past lives you've lived together. From your email, I gather that you have not been close with him over the years, but only recently discovered this attraction.

It is believed that we tend to reincarnate in groups. For that reason, many of us naturally experience soul-based recognition of many of the family members and friends with whom we share our lives. Further, we know that they grew up with the same teachings we received, and that we share some of the same genes.

The fact that you are related to him makes this feel wrong and is the reason you are so concerned. I recommend you consider the possibility that you might be attracted to your nephew even if he were not related to you. Then, instead of thinking of yourself as a bad person for feeling this way, you may come to see that you are simply having a natural human reaction to someone you respect and admire.

While you are limited in what you can do about these feelings, you might have the same experience if you found yourself attracted to your boss, a married man or someone else who was beyond your reach for one reason or another.

When we experience feelings such as you describe, we must be strong enough within ourselves not to act on them. To avoid heartbreak, embarrassment and the loss that could come from inappropriate actions, you would be wise to keep your feelings tucked away.

You may also be sensing a connection the two of you shared from a past life in which you may have been blocked from having a relationship due to bad timing, social mores or other restrictions. You may have been secret lovers in a past life, which could be playing out in this lifetime with different boundaries.

The lessons we learn from these experiences are not about acting on our feelings or even understanding the reasons behind them. These lessons are designed to awaken, change or complete something that is missing within us on a deep soul level.

Though you are drawn to your nephew, if you hold your feelings in check, you can still enjoy a wonderful relationship with him. Just like if you had ended up feeling an attraction for a best friend who was not interested in a relationship, with the right mindset and boundaries, you could still maintain the friendship.

So be happy knowing that you have a great relationship with someone you admire. If you keep any inappropriate feelings to yourself, you can enjoy an enduring connection that will warm your heart in spiritual ways.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.