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The Checklist: A Most Unexpectedly Powerful Magical Tool, by Durgadas Allen Duriel

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

Though magic may appear to be about fancy paraphernalia and items collected from hidden places in distant lands, my experience is that some of the most powerful magical items are highly practical and in plain sight in our everyday lives. For example, one of the most potent magical tools I've encountered is found in the personal productivity section of bookstores: a daily checklist. In this context, it's a checklist with areas for tracking my ritual and meditation practice each day, both in terms of whether I completed them and how well I performed them.

I know that even the notion of this may seem extreme to some of you, and I relate. I began practicing magic in childhood, and by the time I had something resembling a formal practice, I was a rebellious, anti-authority teenager. The idea of having a spiritual practice be anything other than spontaneous and self-directed horrified me. At some point though, through a series of synchronistic events, I began an intensive daily Hatha Yoga practice and experienced the benefits of spiritual discipline. Soon after, I initiated into a Hermetic order, where I was also encouraged to have a daily practice, this time of ritual and meditation, and which presented me with the checklist to aid with that.

I don't remember what I thought of the checklist at first, or whether I attributed any significance to it, but as I began checking off my rituals and meditations each day, I felt momentum building around my actions. Once I reached certain critical points, like six months of daily meditation, I was confident that I could maintain and expand my level of practice. Due in no small part to the checklist, I've meditated every day for over 15 years, and I've kept a daily checklist as long, with the contents changing a bit as what I decide to monitor varies.

In most spiritual traditions (as well as in psychology) there is an awareness that when we attempt to make changes in our lives, part of us resists. On the one hand, we're creatures of habit, and altering our status quo will inevitably provoke resistance because of that. Beyond that though, there's also a part of us that fears change because it doesn't know what it can predict from new conditions, especially grand frontier change like what can accompany a daily spiritual practice. This part of us is often called the ego in spiritual traditions, and its number one priority is making sure that we don't veer far from our status quo and comfort zone, even if that comfort zone is decidedly uncomfortable.

As long as we don't stray much from our routines and patterns, we won't tend to encounter much ego resistance, but when we do, it becomes noticeable. Most of us experience this when setting New Year's resolutions and realizing that even something that seems totally healthy, like exercising regularly or eating better, can provoke significant resistance within us. It's actually quite difficult to make sustainable, healthy changes in our lives, even in honor of realizing our dreams, because the ego resists them.

In my new book, The Little Work: Magic to Transform Your Everyday Life, I explore this topic in-depth and provide a host of strategies for dealing with this issue, but fundamental to that process is maintaining our awareness of our behavior. Have you ever had the experience of setting a goal or intention only to blink your eyes and realize months have gone by and you've barely thought of it? That's how sneaky the ego can be when it resists something, but with the magic of a checklist, we never fully lose our awareness of what we intend because we've held space for it in our lives. We see, day after day, if we're doing what we said we would or not.

Another reason the checklist is powerful is that it's an objective form of measure. Though there can be acceptable reasons not to do what we said we would, a pattern of that is a problem, and it's invaluable, especially over time, to see trends in our behavior. Maybe there are certain times of year when when tend to waver in our practice, for example. This holds for tracking our level of focus, too. For instance, maybe we maintain our daily meditation practice, but our level of concentration within it has been lackluster for months. Without a checklist, we may simply move along oblivious to that, or that it's such a trend. Recognizing that I wasn't showing up to my practices with as much attentiveness as I once did was what inspired me to integrate this evaluation process with my checklist, and since doing that, I've consistently practiced with a higher degree of attentiveness.

While keeping a checklist, it's important to mind being realistic with what we intend to do and track, and to be compassionate with ourselves throughout the process of our inner work. The point of this isn't to stare at a blank checklist day after day and feel guilty or ashamed because we haven't done something we know is good for us or want to do. If that's what we keep finding ourselves doing, it usually means we overestimated our capacity and would benefit from scaling back. For example, if a daily ritual and meditation practice is too much for us now, how about a small ritual daily and meditation once a week? In my experience, it's far easier and more sustainable to start small and build than to strain ourselves and falter only to give up completely (which many of us have experienced with New Year's resolutions).

That said, even though we may feel uncomfortable looking at our performance level, it's important to be able to accept the reality of where we are in our practice. When we admit and accept where we are, we can strategize doing something to help ourselves live more in alignment with our intentions. That's unlikely to happen if we allow ourselves to consistently make excuses for not doing what we said we would, and after a certain point, the excuses become flimsy. This is a moment when it can be helpful to remind ourselves why doing what we said we would (in general and in particular) is important to us, ideally in a documented form we can revisit and add to later if need be.

Without the aid of a checklist, I have little doubt that magic and meditation wouldn't have been part of my daily life for over fifteen years. I imagine at some point, perhaps many, I would've come up with reasons not to prioritize my practice, and it would've faded from my awareness only for me to hit the start of a new year and resolve to practice again. Because of persevering with my practice, I can confidently say that I've experienced vistas of consciousness and flowerings of magic that were unknown to me before, some even beyond the scope of what I had imagined was possible for myself.

Since beginning my daily practice, more conventional magical tools have come and gone, and when I think about what has contributed the most to my practice, it's the checklist: the most surprising, ordinary-seeming yet super powerful tool in my kit. I can't recommend it highly enough, and your checklist can be composed of whatever you feel it would be beneficial for you to track.

Here are some ideas:

• Ritual practice
• Meditation practice
• Full and New moon observance
• Tarot readings or other divination readings
• Reading goals
• Health goals

To make a checklist like this, create a document that has a table with the days of the month on the top row, and the items to track in one column on the left. Then, as the month progresses, check off the items as you complete them. Remember to be kind to yourself during this process, and that the purpose of this checklist is to sustain your awareness and help you stay motivated, not to cause you to feel badly about yourself. This is about helping us live in alignment with our intentions, which is one of the most magical things we can do.

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2020. All rights reserved.

Hi my name is Sanet. My husband passed away January 13, 2010. Two nights ago I had a dream about him. I dreamed that he walked into my room alive. I asked him how it was possible that he was alive. He said he had met a woman through my niece's ex-boyfriend who was rich, and that together they had faked his death. In my dream I felt betrayed, depressed and sad. I asked him how he could do this to me and his son. It felt like he was laughing at me. We also argued about money. (When my husband passed away, he did not have work or any policies, so we were basically broke.) I cried in my dream, for I felt he had betrayed me and my son by faking his death. What do you think this means?

Sanet

Susyn:

This kind of dream happens more often than you might imagine. In fact, I had the same experience when my husband died many years ago. I not only dreamed that he had faked his death, I would also sometimes spot someone on the street who looked just like him and be so sure it was him that I would turn the car around and drive by again. For years, it was difficult to shake the idea that somehow, my husband was still alive. These dreams would haunt me for weeks because they seemed so real.

In my own case, I never saw my husband's remains before he was cremated, which may have led to my recurring dreams that he was still alive. I am not sure if this was the case with you, but if it was, it may explain why you are having a hard time fully absorbing the idea that your husband has died.

I don't believe these dreams are telling you that he actually faked his death. I also do not believe that your husband has anything to do with you having these dreams. Instead, these dreams are trying to help you process old or new fears by bringing them up in the dream state so you can reexperience them and then heal and release them.

You mentioned that you argued about money when you were together. Perhaps you also carried some fears about him betraying you. As dreams are often attempts to process our deepest fears, it's possible that even though your husband passed away almost three years ago, you are still working on resolving some of the feelings and issues that came up during your marriage.

Here's another way to view this dream: in thinking that he is still alive and has betrayed you, you are processing his death is a sideways manner. His leaving you and your son behind is a betrayal of sorts. Because he left you penniless, you dream that he ran off with a rich woman. This fear is rooted in the fact that he was unable to provide for you, your son or himself.

Usually a dream like this one will clear out the old fears you subconsciously carry. However, if you continue to have similar dreams, you may want to consider grief counseling in order to resolve any lingering resentment or anxiety you may be carrying. I also recommended performing a guided forgiveness meditation. Gather a few favorite objects or pictures of your husband, two white candles, and some sage incense. Light the incense and candles, and then tell your husband that you forgive him for abandoning you and your son and for leaving you in a financial crisis. Once you forgive him, true healing can begin.

*****

Oceania:

You felt betrayed, depressed and sad in your dream because you really are feeling that way! During our waking lives, we're often too busy to notice what we're feeling, which is why some people feel teary when they pause to take some deep breaths or meditate. When we create quiet mental space with no distractions, our feelings seep into our awareness where they can be felt and acknowledged.

Sleep is a state of few distractions, so feelings that have been ignored during the day often find expression in our dreams. The actual source of our feelings is often disguised in dreams in order to make those feelings more tolerable. For example, you ARE feeling betrayed, but not because your husband faked his death; the real source of that feeling is the fact that he left you financially insecure. You ARE feeling depressed, but not because your husband conspired with another woman; you are sad because your husband died young.

Dreams can provide us with a temporary sense of relief and resolution when a situation in our waking life feels unsettled or unacceptable. This is similar to the bargaining stage of grief, where the mind plays out alternative realities in search of one that feels better or makes more sense.

Your mind was bargaining when it considered the following: Instead of dying and leaving us broke, maybe my husband ran off with another woman - one with wealthy connections. That explanation is less final than death and allows for the possibility that he will return someday with newfound financial security.

Money can feel symbolic of love, so given that your husband was not providing for you, it may feel as if he didn't love you and your son. It is important to recognize that this is not necessarily the case. Some people just aren't good at managing money. Men especially often hide this weakness rather than admit they need help prioritizing expenses and balancing the family budget. If you can forgive this weakness of his, it will allow you to enjoy fond memories of his strengths.

While it is easy to blame others for our hardships, that point of view places us in a victim mentality. Taking responsibility for our lives and committing to creatively solving our problems is a more empowered position. Your seeming crisis is an opportunity to create the financial security you desire. You can move towards your goal by partnering discipline and perseverance with humbly asking for guidance and support from powers greater than yourself.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.