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by Cyndi Dale

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

We've all been there. Maybe we are there, stuck in a toxic relationship. We perceive the other person as negative, pessimistic, troubled, and irritating. As much as we'd like to blame them for all the troubles, however, we know that we "let" them "trip" our button. It's like they are surrounded by a dark cloud that makes us cough not nice words right back at them.

It's one thing if we can avoid the person. Sometimes this isn't possible, especially if we're related to that special Pigpen (the character in Charles Schultz's cartoon strip, Peanuts, who is surrounded by a cloud of dust). What if our poisonous pill is a parent, sibling, child, co-worker, or even our spouse?

There are a lot of great books and systems featuring techniques for taking the sting out of our lethal interactions. After all, we really don't have to bite back. We can choose to leave the kitchen when our mother is criticizing our cooking for the umpteenth time (a common occurrence in my life as frankly, I can't cook peanut butter on celery). But, sometimes we can't seem to control our responses. When this occurs, we need to dig deeper into our psyche than perhaps we're used to. We must excavate our souls and transform ourselves.

As I explore in my book, Beyond Soul Mates, most relationships connect on the soul-to-soul level. Our soul is that part of us that travels through time-gathering experiences in order to learn about love. In the course of our interactions, we gain the ability to bond and care, to give and receive compassion. We also get hurt. This hurt becomes the basis of misconceptions about love, which lead to our participation in toxic relationships.

Think about it. How many dysfunctional beliefs do you think you hold in regard to love? Many of us suffer a deep sense of unworthiness or lack of deserving. Certain soul-based relationships trigger these inner sensations; these are the ones that feel toxic to us. These are the ones that drive us crazy. These are also the ones presenting us with a great gift, the chance to change our innermost and darkest beliefs so they reflect our true self, the essential self that knows it is lovable and deserving of love.

The basic process is simple.

Our soul holds all our misconceptions about love, such as, "I am unworthy," or, "Intimacy is too frightening," or, "I will only be love if I suffer fools." Our true self, on the other hand, knows the truth. It believes in its own and others' sincere goodness and worthiness. It knows that love is innate to us all. It also knows it doesn’t need to engage in unhealthy behaviors.

Shifting our soul beliefs to true-self beliefs is actually easiest to do when we're involved in negative relationships because our issues are so clear. In smooth relationships, we don't have to question the thoughts and feelings secreted inside of our psyche; we're already content with what is going on. But bad relationships? The beliefs that make us mistreat others or accept the same are constantly swirling up. They are literally "on the table," asking us to examine and transform them.

We shift our negative beliefs by concentrating on what our true self knows as truthful. While our soul is screaming, "I only deserve abusive relationships," or, "I have to be in charge of others," or, "I don't need to be safe," our true self is whispering, "I deserve the equal exchange of kindness," or, "I get to be with people who are nice."

By focusing on the beliefs innate to our true self, we can spirit away our soul's misconceptions. How do we do this?

If involved in a toxic relationship, I recommend that you actually list your soul's misconceptions and compare them to your true self's awareness. Now decide you are going to express your true self's beliefs and ignore your soul's misconceptions. You'll notice you begin to engage with others, yes, even your toxic partners, out of the spiritual qualities amenable to your true self. Your own behavior will change, inviting the same in others—or not. Either way, you'll like yourself better.

Sometimes we shift the negative beliefs in our soul and the relationship changes for the better. This process worked between my mother and myself.

Quite simplistically, we have never gotten along; we're like oil and water. In fact, I spent most of my childhood railing against her every statement. A few years ago I decided it was time to embody my true self's beliefs and I started to be more kind, gentle, and straightforward with her. My mother responded with increased wit and joy. Now we actually enjoy each other's company and laugh about our idiosyncrasies.

Sometimes the expression of our core self eliminates a relationship from our life landscape. For instance, I once dated a man whose every move sent me to the moon. One of his favorite activities was to break up with me when his life was stressed. I swear that it was a hobby for him. I ask for help with Thanksgiving dinner? He's on the run. I suggest that he move his suitcase out of the way so I can get through the hotel room door? He would say he was finished with me.

In a typical relationship, I would have suggested that he remain on the run. Unfortunately—or fortunately—I too frequently hooked my childhood and soul-based issues and react, feeling unworthy and scared. The abandonment I experienced in childhood set me up to be okay with being abandoned as an adult.

By concentrating on my true self's beliefs instead of my soul issues, however, I began to gain confidence in my own worthiness. I started saying, "no" a lot more. And I stopped seeing this individual altogether.

We can't always avoid toxic relationships but we can use them to our own loving advantage. We can shift from our soul to our true self and in the process, embody the best of ourselves. Who knows who will respond?

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2012. All rights reserved.

I've read some freaky stories about spirits and creatures from other dimensions that attach themselves to the living for one reason or another. (I'm not referring to demonic possession.) How do we know if we have entities like this attached to us, and how do we get rid of them?

- Wanda

Dreamchaser:

Your question deals with belief systems. Some people who read this will scoff and think there is no such thing as astral entities, while others will be thrilled that you asked about this because they have heard about the attachment of astral entities and have been wondering about this themselves.

For those readers who do not believe in this sort of thing, all I ask is that you keep an open mind and give the idea some thought before you form your own opinion. Just because I have not been struck by lightning does not mean that no one else has, or that it's impossible.

Please bear in mind that my answer is my personal belief system and what I've learned works for me. I am not sure that there is a right or a wrong answer here. I think you have to find what works for you personally.

If we are not alone, we know it. We can feel it. There is that old saying about the hair standing up on the back of one's neck when a ghost is around.

That experience is true in my case. If I am not alone because of a ghost or any other type of entity, I can feel it. It feels like something is crawling up my back.

Not all beings that come into this world and attach to us are here for so-called evil purposes. Most beings that attach to us are here to help us in some capacity. Guides attach to us. We hear them in the form of our own thoughts. They are beneficial. Some ghosts that attach to us do not mean us any harm.

So not ALL attachment by non-physical entities is negative. The best way to determine if something is good or evil is to just listen to our guts.

If you want to make sure you're surrounded by the highest and best, what works for me is to say the following statement out loud:

If you are not here from love and light, I command you to leave this place immediately in the name of the One God.

This has never failed me. It works every time. There are universal laws. I have written in detail lately about the law of attraction, and this is another law. When we command evil to leave in the name of God (whatever you believe God to be), then evil MUST leave. Period.

I know this sounds very simplistic given some of the dramatic demon-possession stories you may have heard, but I personally believe in it, and it works because I believe in it.

If a being is still around after you have commanded it to leave, then you can pretty much trust that it is there for your own good. If you still have any doubt, command it over and over until you feel sure.

I wish you peace-full interactions.

*****

Astrea:

Astral parasites have been known to attach to the ASTRAL body of a person, but not the physical body. I've had people tell me that they feel sort of like worms growing inside you. Gross! Astral parasites are the cockroaches of the spiritual world, and they love yummy human snacks.

When our bodies vibrate close to astral frequencies, these little astral vampires try to feed from our energy. Since they're invisible to most of us, we have to pay attention to how we feel.

Most of the time someone with astral parasites just feels tired and worn out from the constant drain on their power. Until they are cleansed of the parasites, that person doesn't have any way to regroup or spiritually refuel. Often people don't even know what is happening to them. They wake up in the morning feeling like they haven't slept at all.

Headaches and sinus problems are often caused by astral ticks. A recurring cough can be the sign of an astral tick. Anything that attacks the respiratory system could be a symptom of an astral parasite.

Why take any chances? If you think one of these entities has come into your Harmony, perform an Astral Parasite Removal.

The best time of day to try this is right before your nightly shower or bath. There are a few things to do before you start your prayer. Be sure you have sheets that are newly washed on the bed so there aren't any leftover vibrations. Don't wear anything that you've worn before to bed either; make sure your robe, pajamas, etc. are freshly laundered.

When you get up the next morning, change the bed again just to be sure everything is cleansed from the area where you sleep. Don't read or watch TV after your ritual, or talk on the phone or to your significant other. Go right to bed and turn off the lights. Arrange this beforehand so others don't contaminate your ritual.

First, ask for help from the Divine. Call for the Archangel Michael to hear your prayers. One prayer you might use is this: Michael, Archangel, please bring down the Tunnel of Light. Fifth Dimension Healers here, please assist Him. True Warrior, Angel and Saint, please help me. Hold my energy field in your palms with Light.

If you are suffering from astral parasites, you may feel a little uncomfortable tug or pinch as they leave you. There may be pulling sensations on your lungs, so be sure to take deep, slow, even breaths. When you feel they have all left your astral body, thank the Angels and close the Tunnel of Light to seal both your astral and physical body with protection.