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An excerpt from Love Skills by Linda Carroll

Falling in love is never a straight line to “happily ever after.” Relationships go through seasons of change, renewal, darkness, and light.

So promises long-time therapist and couple’s coach Linda Carroll in Love Skills: The Key to Unlocking Lasting, Wholehearted Love, which offers specific, effective solutions to the most common struggles that couples face.

We hope you’ll enjoy this except from the book.

One of the most common complaints couples have is not having enough time to work on — and enjoy — their relationship. We don’t need to take long vacations or have extravagant nights out to stay connected. Regular walks, simple date nights, and setting aside short moments during each day when we come together and move apart are even more important than the more dramatic things like climbing Machu Picchu or taking a Mediterranean cruise.

Can you commit to eight minutes a day that will guarantee a huge return on your investment? If so, consider spending two minutes connecting with your partner at each of the four transition times described below.
Moment One: Waking up and reconnecting. 

Thanks to Tim’s lattes, I always start my day feeling grateful to him. If you can find a minute (or two) to meet, say hello, ask about each other’s dreams, or silently spoon before rising, you can start the day with a sense of mutual openheartedness.

I know one couple who take a walk on a beach near their house every morning, no matter how busy their day is or how rainy and uninviting the weather. Over their forty years of marriage, they have walked holding hands, sometimes talking nonstop and other times quietly looking in different directions. During some tough relationship seasons, they were so upset they didn’t speak to one another during their walks — but they walked anyway. They have often said this morning ritual has kept them together through the rocky periods in their relationship. Having time for a walk is great, but two minutes of intentional focus can also make a big impact on how you feel toward one another the rest of the day.

Beginning the day with connection also provides our bodies and hearts with a healthy dose of oxytocin, one of the “love potion” chemicals that floods us in The Merge stage of our relationship — and is always available to us.
Moment Two: Leaving and separating for the day. 

The idea of the goodbye kiss makes me laugh (and slightly cringe). I think of those old TV programs and movies from the 1960s in which the man rushes out to work and his wife (already dressed in pearls and an apron) kisses him goodbye as she starts to vacuum. I find those scenes annoying, but science has demonstrated the power of that kiss. Even a quick kiss releases a burst of adrenaline and oxytocin. Taking a pause to say goodbye, looking at each other even for a moment, and wishing each other a good day sends you both off with a feeling of being cared for and connected and eager to reunite.

Moment Three: Coming home and reconnecting. 

Whatever distractions you may be dealing with, when you walk in the door set aside two minutes — at least — to say hello. Before you check email, return texts, or head for your workout room, stop and look at one another, ask how each other’s day went, and give each other a welcoming hug. Two minutes — you can do that! (Maybe even three!)

Some couples share a ritual of a drink together each night: a kombucha drink, a sparkling Pellegrino, or a glass of wine. For others, mealtimes are a sacred ritual in which each person shares the highs, lows, and small moments of their day. Whatever you choose to do, make your daily reunion a time of welcome, genuine interest, and appreciation.
Moment Four: Going to sleep and separating. 

Going to bed is not the time to work out hassles or talk about problems. It is a time to keep technology to a minimum, release some of those great touch chemicals by kissing, holding, or making love, and appreciate that you each made it through the day. If you go to sleep at the same time, take just a moment to connect. If you go to bed at different times, tuck each other in with care and kindness.
Another thing you can do anytime is hug. Research shows couples who hug each other on the same day they have a fight tend to be less upset about the fight. Think of it as an insurance policy. If you hug and don’t fight, it will feel great. If you hug and do fight, you will get over it much more quickly!

Linda Carroll is the author of Love Skills and Love Cycles. While she has worked as a therapist and couple’s coach for over three decades and has acquired numerous certificates and degrees along the way, she says that her own thirty-five-year marriage is the primary source of her knowledge when it comes to the cycles of love. Visit her online at LindaCarroll.com.

Excerpted from the book Love Skills. Copyright ©2020 by Linda Carroll. Printed with permission from New World Library.

I know I have a spirit guide, but how do I communicate with him? How do I find out his name? I once read somewhere that spirits don't really even HAVE names, and yet I keep hearing people call their own spirit guides by various names. Some names are very strange (like Ramtha) while some are so ordinary (like Fred!) Is there any way I can be sure my guide is hearing me?

Marie

Dreamchaser:

I have had some guides tell me their names, while others have not. I don't believe names are important on the Otherside, but they are important here. Guides know that, so if they feel the need, they will "name" themselves.

Here is the easiest way I have found to contact guides: Light a candle in a dark room at night, then either lie or sit down and get very comfortable. Use the flame as a focal point, and just stare at that flame and let yourself go. Allow your eyes to go blurry.

Now here comes the best part: In most meditation practices, you have to clear your mind, and I know that is very hard for some of us. In this practice, I want you to simply let your mind run wild. Don't try to control it, change it, etc. - just let it go wherever it wants while you simply listen and observe.

You'll start to realize that there are thoughts that pop up into your head that you did not think. They are VERY random thoughts. The hardest part about this whole exercise is believing what you hear in your head. I want you to only do this for about 20 minutes. You will have to do it for more than one night in a row to really convince your logical mind that you ARE hearing thoughts that you did not think.

Once you're convinced, you can start asking questions. Get a pen and paper and have the questions you want to ask already written down, with space for an answer. Stick to your questions. Ask the question out loud, then write down the first thing that pops into your head, no matter HOW crazy it sounds. Soon you will realize you are carrying on some sort of conversation. I repeat - the hardest part of this whole thing is believing that your mind is not making it up.

Once you learn how to get a dialogue going, you can ask pretty much any question you desire. Remember that you have more than one guide. We all have one main guide, but we also have teaching guides. You may want to ask whatever guide you reach what they are there to teach you. That can be handy information to know! You can trust that all of the spiritual beings around you can absolutely hear you when you talk to them. Also remember that nothing can move into action before you ask it to, so be sure to directly ask for help, guidance or whatever else you need.

I wish you incredible hearing.

*****

Astrea:

Our Guides hear, see and advise us too, whether we can "hear" them or not. There are as many ways to connect with them as there are individuals who want to connect, so you'll have to find your own way to each other.

I know the names of MY guides, and have since I was a tiny child. I remember "hearing" them tell me their names before I was four years old. I believe that as children we know these things, but as we grow up and become socialized, we lose a lot of that natural psychic ability to see beyond the Veil. This is an ability all small children have, but conditioning by our parents and organized religion and other social institutions often leads us to block what naturally would come to us in the course of our daily lives.

I've never met anyone who wanted to connect with a guide who couldn't do it. One of the best ways is to ask them to come to you through your dreams. Keep a little notebook by your bed so that the FIRST THING YOU DO when you wake from one of these dreams is WRITE DOWN everything you can remember.

You won't EVER remember all of a dream with a guide in it, but after about three months, you should be able to manifest that guide in meditation without having to go to sleep to do it. Then you can ask your guide the name they choose to go by.

The reason some guides have exotic names while others don't is because some guides have never been born here on Earth. The stranger names belong to Angelic Spirits who have never been human. Lots of us also have Guides who have been born as humans, and have chosen this work as something they want to do from the Otherside.

An interesting book that might help you access your guides is "The Book of Enoch." It's one of those books that got left out of the Bible because it has an alternative Creation Myth to the one found in the "official" Bible. It talks all about the Angels and what they do for jobs in Heaven and on Earth. It's available in a lot of different formats, and interesting and fun to read, too.

Based on your question, I believe it will help you connect to your very own Guide, because a NAME will jump out at you as you read it. Once you have established open communication with your Guide, you'll find it's quite easy to get answers to all the questions you want to ask!