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An excerpt from FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy & Spiritual Self 
by Lora Cheadle

It’s odd to say, but my own spiritual self-growth journey mirrored the concepts found in burlesque: tease, voyeurism, and slow reveal. As a constant seeker of truth, I’d reach a new level of understanding, only to realize there was yet another layer to unveil. Which flummoxed me completely at times! I’d watch others, do what they did, meditate, read, and take classes. I’d study the great masters from around the world, do exactly what they did, but then I’d have a bad-hair day on the same day as a catastrophic hard-drive failure while uploading pictures of my son for his middle-school-graduation slide show (at the eleventh hour), and I’d come totally unhinged. It was almost like peace was a thing that the Universe would dangle in front of me, tease me mercilessly with, but never quite let me have. Just read one more book, Lora! If you would have only meditated this morning, you would have been fine, Lora! But how sad for you; you didn’t quite make it! Better luck next time!

How ironic that actual burlesque facilitated my process of self-discovery on a spiritual level. Just like burlesque performers let go of their clothing, I let go of my own limiting judgments and beliefs. I shed society’s labels, my own limited interpretation of myself and my roles, slowly at first and then with increasing fervor and joy. Stripped bare, the truth of my heart and soul visible for all to see, my own sparkle was exposed. I no longer had to guess who I was or what I wanted. I knew. And with that knowledge, I could re-choreograph my life as it was meant to be. Sparkly, brilliant, and more magnificently fun than I had ever dreamed!

And just like in burlesque shows, where the audience cheers wildly with the removal of each article of clothing, encouraging the performer to reveal more, so too did my friends and family cheer me wildly on as I removed layer upon layer of limiting judgments and beliefs. Through my journey I had unknowingly given others permission to begin their own burlesque, to reveal themselves, and to finally, gratefully, have the opportunity to be seen and accepted for who they were.

My foray into the world of burlesque showed me that burlesque is a joyful experience for the performers and audience alike because it busts stereotypes and celebrates women of all shapes, sizes, abilities, and ages. Burlesque is not about looking a certain way; it is about reveling in one’s reality. While other middle-aged moms flocked to me, larger women flocked to the larger burlesque performers, and flat-chested women crushed on the flat-chested performers. Seeing performers who looked like them, with what they perceived to be their same flaws, but who dared to be confident, beautiful, sexy, or funny in spite of those flaws, set them free to embrace those same qualities in themselves.

The act of watching someone just like them shed the label of fat, flat-chested, old, or ugly and be seen in all their glittery, flawed gloriousness was enough for some women to loosen their own labels. Watching their favorite performer do all they wished they could do, seeing others react encouragingly to their visibility, empowered many women to believe that they could let go and show their true selves as well. With its focus on humor and female-dominated power, burlesque gives women explicit permission to live confidently, joyfully, and without cover.

Is it any wonder that throughout my metamorphosis into an actual burlesque dancer I had so many friends watching my every move? Every layer of fear or expectation that I broke through — every label, role, or script that I challenged, reinterpreted, or removed — gave them permission to do the same. If I could be outrageously happy in spite of my imperfections, so could they. As I broke what I perceived to be “the rules,” I proved to myself that there was nothing stopping me from building my dreams and living my sparkle, except me.

The laughter, parody, and joy in the face of taboo and judgment that burlesque provided were the ideal combination to heal wounds around body image, sexuality, self-judgment, gender roles, power, shame, or guilt. Without setting foot on an actual stage, many of my friends were able to strip out of the fear, lies, and inhibitions that had been placed on them by their culture, family, or religion — or that were self-imposed. Just as my childhood belief that I needed to be perfect in order to be worthy became my metaphoric corset of perfection, so too could others find ways to release their own inhibitions.

Not only had I disrobed physically but I was disrobing emotionally, too, by living my particular brand of sparkle. Society said that a middle-aged mom, lawyer, and spirit-based female-empowerment coach shouldn’t do what I was doing. But I did it anyway. Not to rebel or to create a fuss, but because it was in my heart to do it. I was no longer worried about looking like I was doing the right things for the right reasons or being what I thought others wanted me to be. I was interested in getting metaphorically naked and revealing everything there was about myself.

And as a result, I was happier and more content than I had ever been. Accepting myself and my desires as they were freed me to dance my own dance with wild abandon, and that was exactly what I did!

Lora Cheadle is the author of FLAUNT! After ten years of practicing corporate law in California and Colorado, she chose to change paths to become the radio host and Life Choreographer® she is today. She is a certified hypnotist, personal trainer, burlesque performer, and yoga instructor, as well as a popular writer for People magazine and Elephant Journal. She offers “Find Your Sparkle” coaching programs, workshops, and destination retreats and teaches all over the world. Her home base is in Colorado. Find out more about her work at LoraCheadle.com.

Excerpted from the book FLAUNT!. Copyright ©2019 by Lora Cheadle. Printed with permission from New World Library.

I've been in a very troubling relationship for the past five years. When I met my lover, he was married but separated from his wife, and in the process of getting a divorce. Since they divorced, his ex has used their three boys to try to win him back. For example, he is only allowed to see his kids if he does things with her. A few years into our relationship, we had a son together, and our son is now one year old. He left me when I was three weeks pregnant, and has come and gone from our relationship a number of times. Recently I learned that I am pregnant again, which is incredible, since I had to have all sorts of fertility treatments to get pregnant the first time. Before I learned I was pregnant this time, I went to visit his mother's grave. (His mother was murdered by his father when my lover was just two years old). I sat at her grave and cried and prayed for her to help my relationship with her son, both for my sake and for the sake of her grandson. I asked for a sign of what I should do - if I should let him go or keep trying to work things out. Just over a month later, I learned that I was pregnant again, and had conceived around the time I visited her grave. A psychic told me that this child needs to be born, that it is someone who did not fulfill their life's purpose. Do you believe this is possible? If so, could the spirit of this child be his mother, whose life ended in such a tragic way? I look forward to hearing from you. Mahalo and Aloha!

Teia

Dreamchaser:

While the psychic was correct, this child is not your lover's mother reincarnated. I will go into that more in a minute so that you fully understand.

Our souls pick lessons that we need to learn. Then our souls pick the lifetimes, geographic regions and most importantly, the people that we need to live with. I know this is hard to fathom for those who have had really horrible lives full of abuse, neglect and hardly any love, but not every lifetime is pretty, and not every lifetime is full of love and prosperity.

To every day, there is also a night. To have good and prosperous lifetimes, we must also go through more challenging lifetimes. Our souls learn much in both kinds of experiences.

Both of my kids were birth control pill babies who CHOSE to come here. Souls choose their paths and then things just happen. The child that you are asking about is proof of this. This child needed your DNA and your lover's DNA. This child chose you as parents, and to be born into this particular situation to learn certain soul lessons.

You and your lover are helping this soul fulfill the path that it chose before coming back here to Earth. So yes, the psychic was right. In order for our souls to fulfill their purpose, they must live all the lifetimes they need to live and learn all the lessons they need to learn. Then and only then can we ascend and stay on the Otherside as spiritually realized beings.

You need to know that his mother cannot really help you with your relationship with your lover. No one on the Otherside can by-pass free will or personal choice. She cannot make her son do anything - no one can, not even God.

Your lover has to choose what he wants here with you, whether that means he lives with you and your kids or the other woman and her kids. Obviously, he is going back and forth on this because he can't decide what he wants to do. This has to be HIS choice, so no one who can do or say something that will change how this is right now.

I have a message for you from his mother: You need to do what is best for you and yours. I know you love my son, but your needs and the needs of your children should come first. You can't stay tore up all the time and not eat properly or sleep properly and live a healthy and successful life. It is even worse when you are pregnant. Take care of you first, then your kids, and THEN worry about him. PLEASE.

I wish you all good health on all levels.

*****

Astrea:

Oh, Beloved, the baby you're carrying may very well need to be born to fulfill its own life, but it is not your lover's deceased mother. This baby is a product of a relationship which has been torn since the beginning, and needs to heal.

While expected children are capable of great miracles, you need to begin to create NEW miracles in your own life to prepare for the coming of this new baby. This child will indeed CLARIFY your relationship, but it will not cause your lover's heart to heal to the point that he can be the strong person you need him to be for you.

While I am sure his mother heard your prayers, departed family members are rarely found in a cemetery. It is, however, a good place to say prayers and have them heard. Lots of spirits were probably present when you prayed. The reason you easily became pregnant was because in those moments, you were cleansed of the emotional and physical problems that caused it to be so difficult for you to become pregnant before. Tears cleanse EVERYTHING in our lives. Water is emotion, and emotions flowing are always healing - even when they aren't happy emotions.

Unfortunately, your man has not had a similar cleansing experience in his life yet. That poor man has been damaged by his awful family circumstances, but also by his own poor choices. Your lover's life is fraught with drama. From the time his mother was murdered by his father in that drunken state (I see the whole thing), he has sought drama every day, and made it his God.

The poor man has never known a moment of peace or bliss. Violence stalks him daily. He doesn't know how to be any other way but the way he is. He loves you deeply, but he needs help in the form of lots of therapy. He blames himself for his mother's death, and that is something he's going to have to get over alone.

Someone did hear your prayer, and you've been given this child to love and care for. The child will bring great luck and happiness to your life whether your lover is around or not. I see a new man in your life who is going to change the way you think about relationships forever. That man will come to you right after the baby is born.

You're in Hawaii. Make an offering of orchids to Pele and ask Her to bring peace to you and your lover. She knows about violence and how to heal it. She'll help you, help him, and help the new life you're about to be given.

I'm praying for your peace of mind and your total happiness!