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    • So, What Is Mindfulness?

      An excerpt from From Suffering to Peace by Mark Coleman

      Ask ten meditation teachers “What is mindfulness?” and you may get ten different responses. The conversation about this complex and subtle theme is not new. Debates over this topic have occurred for centuries, across cultures, and within contemplative traditions. How would you answer that question?

      When I ask students in my classes and retreats “What is mindfulness?” I hear a wide variety of responses. Some are more accurate than others, but often they reflect enduring misunderstandings about what it really is. People will say that it means “paying attention” or “being calm and focused.” Or they remark that it’s “thinking clearly about things,” or “being free from thoughts.” Others say it’s about “letting go.” All these answers contain kernels of truth, but none capture the essence and breadth of this quality. Hearing the many ways it is either misconstrued or its depth misunderstood inspired me to write about it.

      Simply stated, mindfulness is clear awareness. It is the clear knowing of experience, a nonreactive, noninterfering quality of attention. But it is also much more than that. Having studied and cultivated mindfulness as a practice and a way of life for most of my adult life, I have seen firsthand what a multifaceted jewel it really is. It can impact every arena and every moment of our lives. Exploring the many dimensions of mindfulness, both in theory and in practice, is what this book is all about.

      The word mindfulness is an odd word in itself, as it sounds like one’s mind must be full of something. It was originally used by scholars in the eighteenth century to translate the Indian Pali word sati, which literally means “recollection” or “remembering,” to mentally take note of an experience. In this context, one could say mindfulness is the conscious knowing of experience, to fully cognize something, which allows for recollection. For example, if you are not present to reading this book right now, how will you fully take note of and remember what you have read? Sati also refers to bearing something in mind. For instance, we bear in mind our breath when meditating, or we bear in mind our footsteps when walking along a rocky path.

      The idea of being present is not something that is foreign to our experience. Even the name of our species, Homo sapiens, refers to being wise or being aware, to knowing that we know. In that way, mindfulness returns us to our birthright, or at least to our potential, to this innate quality of wise knowing. And it is through developing clear awareness of our moment-to-moment experience that we begin to cultivate wisdom and discernment. That is particularly true when we do so with a curious, reflective attention. A more complete definition that I like to use is that mindfulness is an awareness of our inner and outer experience with an attitude of curiosity and care, in order to develop wisdom and understanding. Caring attention, as I will discuss throughout, is necessary for being able to stay present for even the most difficult experience.

      In this era when mindfulness has become popularized and perhaps its depth or scope diminished, it is important to reflect on why it can be so impactful in our lives. It isn’t just “paying attention.” It’s the ability to know what is happening without our normal reactions, commentary, and judgment. It is the capacity to meet experience without trying to fix, change, or control it. To capture this characteristic, some refer to mindfulness as “bare attention.” That is, it is the awareness of experience without the smoke screen of concepts, labels, and thoughts that can occlude our immediate perception.

      To demonstrate this, try this simple mindfulness exercise: Hold up one of your hands, and for a few moments, simply look at your hand and become aware of all its aspects. Get to know your hand as if for the first time. For example, feel your hand’s weight, its heaviness or lightness. Observe its size and shape, the colors, lines, contours, and veins. Feel the skin’s texture and temperature. Does it have a smell? Can you feel it from the inside, noticing the muscles and bones, the pulse of blood and tingling of energy?

      As you do this, notice if critical thoughts or reactions arise. For example, do you start to judge if your fingernails aren’t clean, or how old and wrinkled the skin may look? If so, simply recognize these thoughts and return to just being present and observing your hand in a neutral way. Continue doing this for a few minutes, and be aware of whether you can remain in this simple observational mode or if judgments, associations, and reactions distract you from simply attending.

      Mindfulness allows us to know the immediacy of experience directly as it is, along with an awareness of how we react to that experience. It allows an intimacy of attention that provides a deeper perception, one that goes beyond our initial concepts and opinions about an event. Knowing the difference between having a clear awareness of something versus thinking and reacting to it is an important element of the practice.

      One reason mindfulness is hard to define is because it is not just a state of mind. It is also a way of cultivating awareness and a wide variety of attention training techniques. It is easily mistaken for the qualities that arise when we meditate, like calmness and focus. These qualities are simply some of the fruits of the practice. So understanding mindfulness is like getting to know the many facets of water, which has a variety of forms, properties, and expressions. To define water as simply fluid or wetness, to reduce it to ocean, ice, clouds, or rain, simplifies what it is and misses the scope of its potential. Similarly, to reduce mindfulness to simply attention or one of its related qualities misses its multifaceted nature.

      Mindfulness is a clear awareness of moment-to-moment experience. To cultivate this, we can engage in any number of meditative practices. The technique of observing your hand is just one small example. The meditation at the end of this introduction is another, and I present many more in later chapters: walking meditation, open awareness practice, body scan, and so on. As you read this book, I strongly suggest you explore these meditations. An ongoing mindfulness practice helps train your mind to become deeply attuned to what is happening right now. There are many diverse ways to formally practice mindfulness, and yet what unifies them is they all develop awareness.

      This can be done in any moment, anywhere. For example, right now, look out a window. Pay attention to whatever you see. Take in the whole panorama, and then focus on one particular thing: the leaves on a tree, a particular cloud, the bricks of a building, a telephone pole, the moon, and so on. Be aware of both what you are seeing and that you are seeing. And notice how you respond to what you observe. All this happens in a simple moment of mindfulness. And it’s trickier than it sounds, as you may notice. Moments of clear attention can quickly get lost within and beneath the many other thoughts, judgments, and distractions that arise.

      Mindfulness, as research shows, improves our focus, but it provides impacts that go beyond a concentrated attention. These practices help develop beautiful related qualities like clarity, wisdom, patience, resilience, empathy, compassion, and equanimity. Practiced to its depth, mindfulness can help us live with ease amidst the turmoil of life and discover a genuine inner freedom. This is the true peace we are so often seeking.

      Mark Coleman is the author of From Suffering to Peace, Make Peace with Your Mind, and Awake in the Wild. He is the founder of the Mindfulness Institute and has an MA in clinical psychology. Mark has guided students on five continents as a corporate consultant, counselor, meditation teacher, and wilderness guide. He lives in Northern California. Visit him online at MarkColeman.org.

      Excerpted from the book From Suffering to Peace. Copyright ©2019 by Mark Coleman. Printed with permission from New World Library.

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    • DOUBLE VISION: PAST-LIFE PREFERENCES

      soulmates

      When people are attracted to certain types romantically, is that past-life related? For example, my daughter is a Caucasian, middle-class teenager, but from the time she first expressed an interest in boys, she has only been attracted to African-Americans. She has no interest whatsoever in boys of her own class and race. (The boys she likes are all “ghetto” types.) I just can’t figure out her reverse discrimination — she’s actually “racist” against her own race! It also makes me wonder about preferences for certain food, or aversions to certain food, that people seem to be born with. Is it possible all of these preferences/personality quirks have their roots in past lives?

       – Mags

      Dreamchaser:

      Mags, your daughter’s case has a multi-level answer. Yes, she does have past lives in which she was a black person. She lived in all different places and all difference races just as most of us have done. She did have quite a few lives as a black person when she was blissfully happy and led a basically peaceful existence. Our souls are naturally drawn to places or people who remind us of the happier and more peaceful lives.

      A part of her soul is reaching out to black people to give her some of that peace she remembers. I know that when I go to visit the homes of my black friends, there is usually music, family and laughter, and the homes seem so filled up with love. I used to love to go to my friend Penny’s house when I was a teenager. My house was somber and quiet and no one could sit in the living room and we could not turn our music up loud. Penny’s house was loud and fun and boisterous, and it felt so much like a home to me.

      I feel very strongly that your daughter is experiencing much of the same thing. She is wishing for a family life and a home life that is the opposite of what she has in your home. Your daughter loves that feeling of family and belonging; she likes being accepted and included. The people in her own community and social circle have always ostracized her.

      Let’s face it, Mags: She is not the typical child in your set of society and friends. Think back to when she was growing up and the stories she would tell you. Black people accept her. Of course she is going to be drawn to the race that accepts her. She is also physically drawn to black men. She finds them the most attractive type of man. I personally have a thing for dark-eyed, dark-haired men. I have only dated one blonde in my life. We all have our types; she finds black men sexy.

      It used to be so taboo in America to date inter-racially, but since we are becoming more enlightened, we are also dating in more enlightened ways. I know it bothers you, but you should be proud of her for seeing beauty where she wants to see it, not where she should according to society’s standards. Love is love, and love knows no color. Also, if you want to see things from her viewpoint, just watch a DeAngelo video, preferably the one where he is not clothed.

      She is being true to herself and, as much as you do not like it, it is her life at this point. Please try to embrace her and her decisions. Remember, what our parents push us away from is what we will tend to want that much more.

      I wish you acceptance and understanding.

      *****

      Astrea:

      When I start a past life reading for someone, I ask these questions: What’s your favorite color? What do you like to eat? Do you have a type of architecture you prefer? What type of furniture would you buy if you could refurnish your whole house? These questions help me discover how a person got here in this incarnation, and what stops he or she made along the way, because our preferences in this lifetime are indeed influenced by past life experiences.

      Those little clues from the now help me get started in exploring a person’s past experiences.

      Beyond these little preferences, we also carry from one incarnation to another the lessons we have to learn. Perhaps we were ugly to a spouse in a past life, and that makes us hesitant to enter a serious relationship for fear someone will hurt us like we have hurt someone. Perhaps we were poor and hungry in the lifetime before this, and so we are more motivated to achieve financial success now. If we didn’t have the chance to be educated in our past lives, we might seek learning and be motivated to get into a spiritual lifestyle. The big lessons always become apparent sooner or later.

      We bring into each incarnation our own Ka-Tet, or karmic family, and we have to learn to deal with those people all over again, hopefully in kinder and gentler ways. You and your daughter have probably spent a few lives together, and not always as mother and daughter. The relationship you have with her this time will teach you both things you were unable to internalize before. Perhaps the worry she causes you now is part of your karma.

      Your teenager will probably change her mind about the kind of boys she wants to date a hundred times as she grows into womanhood. Right now she wants to date African-American boys because they seem more interesting to her. I don’t feel it’s particularly a part of her karma, but the older the soul, the more likely she was to have been in Africa, as that’s where civilization began. Her karmic experience is drawing her to what feels safe and familiar.

      Because the question of race isn’t important when concerned with the spiritual aspects of our past lives, that rarely comes up. We have been every kind of person, every race and religion in our past lives. We have been both male and female. I’ve found that, while certain preferences for food, lifestyles and comforts are carried over from one incarnation to the next, a person’s race doesn’t matter at all. Everyone is the same regardless of the color of their skin.

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