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5 Stress Management Tips for Relaxing Your Whole Being with Yoga, by Robert Butera, PhD

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

Stress and anxiety affect us on all levels. Be it the body's pounding heart, the rapid pace of breath, overwhelming feelings, racing thoughts, or a disconnection from our deeper beliefs, stress weaves its way into all levels of our experience. Yoga Therapy teaches us to understand how to address our stress on all layers of being.

Ancient yogis perceived a person as being comprised of five layers (koshas): 1) body, 2) life energy/breath, 3) mind (feelings and lower thoughts), 4) intellect (wisdom and discernment), and 5) spirit/higher self. Each of these five layers exists within the next, moving from the obvious to the subtle, and each one gives us tools for coping with stress and anxiety. By working with stress through your entire being, you become more resilient against anxiety and better able to connect to confidence and peace of mind.

The following five tips give you practical tools to address the impacts of stress on each layer of your being. Note that the obvious layers of body and breath/life energy can bring immediate relief while the more subtle levels, such as mind, intellect, and spirit, offer greater impact in reducing chronic stress and anxiety.

Yoga Tip #1: Get in Your Body
It's easy to observe stress in the body: muscular tension, achiness, or a quick heartbeat. Yoga postures are a simple, immediate means of coming back to the body and rediscovering a sense of capability. You don't need any yoga experience to make this happen, just a commitment to being in your body and appreciating the sense of strength you find there. That said, if you wish to follow a yoga sequence, try the simple movements described below.

Begin by widening your feet about double-shoulder-width apart, up to about a meter (yard). Your toes can face straight ahead or out on a 45 degree angle. As you bend your knees, doing your best to keep them over the ankles, raise your arms overhead. Feel a tubular strength around the abdominal girdle, as if your muscles were a corset hugging gently towards your spine. Feel this strength connect down through the front, back, and inner parts of your legs, all the way through your feet.

Straighten your legs by pushing your body up and away from the earth, feeling rooted and supported. Bring your hands to your hips and bend lightly to one side. Inhale to center and exhale to the other side. If you wish, you may repeat this action a few times, being sure to keep the hips secure.

Once you have returned to the center, stretch each arm out to its own side, in line with the shoulders. You might imagine that you are a 5-pointed star, with each hand, foot, and your head creating the five points. Look over your right hand and exhale long and slow as you revolve your torso to the right. Return to center and do the same thing to the left. You may repeat this twisting action a few times before returning to center and bringing your feet hip-width apart.

Inhale your arms overhead, raising the chest and pushing the chin forward and up. Exhale to reach out of the hips and fold forward, dangling the head from the neck. Inhale and roll or, if you have never had back issues, sweep up to the overhead reach again. You may repeat this backward to forward bending action a few times before returning to center.

After completing this simple sequence of yoga postures, notice the effect on your body. Are your muscles more relaxed? Was there a change in your heart beat? What about your sense of heat and cool, peace and busyness, tension and relaxation? The physical changes may be obvious or subtle, but they are there. Trust that these yoga movements have begun to assuage your stress and anxiety.

Yoga Tool #2: Watch Your Breath…Now!
Our first layer of being, the body, holds within it the life energy or breath (prana). Anytime you become aware of your breath you connect to the present moment. It is relaxing to focus on the now rather than lament the past or fret about the future. If you have the time to sit and breathe quietly, it is likely that you are currently safe and stress-free (even though your mind could come up with things to worry about). Because slow, conscious breathing is grounding and calming, it is the most commonly-used technique in crisis counselling.

There are many possible instructions for breathing practice; however, for this article we will give you a simple one: notice your breath right now, and then allow it to slow and deepen.

From a yoga perspective, the life energy/breath layer is between the layer of the body and the layer of the mind, thereby serving as a bridge between the two. A deep, steady pace of breath is relaxing to the body and balances the mind by holding it in the now, where all is well.

Yoga Tool #3: Let Your Emotions Guide You
Within the life energy/breath layer, and even more subtle, is the mind—our sensory perceptions, emotions, and busy thoughts. When the mind is in pain, we often try to get away from uncomfortable feelings by suppressing them. Pushing our feelings down actually leads to more stress. As the avoidance pattern builds, years of unresolved emotions get stored within us and await their chance to come out. Each time a stressor arises the stored pain resurfaces, trying to express itself and release. Your stress levels may not just be about the present moment, but all the other suppressed emotional experiences as well! By listening to your emotions on a daily basis, you can get a better handle on the roots of your stress.

Take a little time every day to tune into the information your emotions present, without getting wrapped up in the suffering or what you can do to feel better. Even if only for a moment, notice that your emotions are guiding you. All you have to do is tune in.

Yoga Tip #4: Tell a Different Story
The layer of the intellect is more subtle than the mind. "Intellect" is more than just intelligence; it is the voice of wisdom that says, "I may be stressed right now but this too shall pass." The intellect holds our underlying beliefs and exists in the realm of ideas—the story we tell ourselves. It helps you relate to the spirit/higher self and discerns what will bring us closer to that authentic being.

When a situation has you stressed, pause and notice the story you are telling. Are you making up outcomes that haven't happened yet? If so, are they the outcomes you want or those you wish to avoid? What are your assumptions? Are you projecting past experiences onto this stress?

Now tell a different story. You may make up the best outcome possible and focus on that. Better yet, focus on what you can do right now to create that best-case outcome. If there is nothing you can do, then focusing on stress does not make it better. Let your intellect discern where to set your focus and choose the path that brings you closest to your higher self.

Yoga Tip #5: Remember You Are a Spiritual Being
Yoga does not define your spirituality for you. You decide what "spiritual" means. In this article we are talking about your spirit as the you-that-you-are: your authentic, or higher, self. There are many ways to define and experience this and we encourage you to choose the one that works best. The layer of the higher self is very still and quiet. In fact, it is so subtle that when we feel stressed, not only is it difficult to connect with, we may forget it is even there! Try the following technique to solidify memories of your spiritual self.

Think of a time when you felt completely at peace and totally free to be yourself. Remember where you were, how things looked, what sounds were around you, and any other details. Notice how calm and content you felt in that moment. You may even remember the rhythm of your breath or upliftedness of your thoughts. This is a memory of connection to your spirit/higher self.

When our bodies are tense, breath erratic, and minds racing so we can't hear our inner wisdom, it is challenging to connect to the layer of the higher self (although it is always there). The higher self, once the mind is quiet enough to sense it, can guide all of our everyday moments and color all of our activities and interactions with peacefulness and inspiration. When we unite the layers of ourselves, the spirit/higher self shines through all of them.

Yoga philosophy describes five layers of human beings: body, life energy/breath, mind/feelings, intellect, and spirit/higher self. As you work with yourself on these layers, remember that you are a whole person, not five separate pieces. Each layer wraps around the next and stress affects each one. When you apply these tips to remove stress, you are perceiving both obvious and subtle aspects of yourself. By working with the subtle layers, your own deep sense of meaning seeps into everyday moments, making them less stressful as you enjoy the goodness of life as it is now!

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2015. All rights reserved.

I am a Cancer, birth date 7-18-70, and back in May I started a relationship with a younger woman. Her birth date is 2-8-86. We started a friendship and then things got serious. We had closeness and intimacy. For months I tried to help her with her feelings for her ex-boyfriend. I fell in love with her. I did everything but buy a house for her, and then she started other relationships with other guys and called them friends. I finally found out the extent of those relationships. She got back recently with her ex, and now I am left with all these feelings and dreams that we started. I am both in love and depressed about it. Why did she push me so hard to get married, have sex, and plan a future with me, only to throw herself on other guys and finally go back to her ex? She tells her ex that we were just friends, but both of our families know we were dating. In fact, my mom thought we were going to get married. I think she is in denial. I still love her, but she hurt me so bad. I don't know what to do. Help! I want to know if there was anything that I haven't seen that I should know. She lies to everyone to get her way with them. I just wanted to love her as any real man loves a woman. I hope you can give me some guidance. Thanks.

- Bryan

Dreamchaser:

First, thank you for sharing this painful experience with us.

Now let's get down to what is happening here. The main lesson in this whole situation for you, Bryan, is for you to listen to your gut/ instincts/ inner voice - whatever word you want to choose.

Throughout this entire relationship, your gut was tweaking. You always "felt" that something was amiss, but because you loved her, you chose to ignore that nagging. We always know in our guts when something is not going to work out, or something is up. In retrospect we ALWAYS look back and say, "I knew it."

You absolutely must listen to your gut, even when it disagrees with what you think you want. Actually, it's especially important to listen then! The expression, "hindsight is 20/20" is popular for a good reason. We can look back and clearly see how things worked out for the best, even when we struggled against change at the time it was happening. Someday, in hindsight, you too will see how things worked out for the best here.

You have to not only understand but also accept that everything happens just as it is supposed to. She could not handle the practical details of the life you two were making together. She is the type of person who has to have drama happening all the time. For example, when things got settled and easy between you, she went to find new "friends."

She was very crafty in using that term. For your benefit, every other man in her life was a friend. For their benefit, you were a friend. She can have lots of friends taking care of her needs, and she doesn't have to work very hard to get by, nor does she have to make an actual commitment.

You want a commitment, and you are ready to commit to someone who will meet you halfway. If she had stayed with you, you would have stayed with her because you love her. By doing so, however, you would have kept yourself from the woman who is going to give you what you REALLY want and need, not what you THINK you want and need.

This is when life gets really tough. As human beings, we want love. We think we find someone that we want to love and we do whatever it takes to make that love work, even when it is not supposed to. However, as spiritual beings, we have this "knowledge" inside of us of what LOVE is supposed to be. So far you have not found that. You have proven you can love unconditionally, so it won't be long before the love you have to offer will be returned in kind.

In the mean time, please look inside of yourself and try to find out why you have this need to "fix" or "help" women. Is it perhaps so that you will become indispensable, and she will never want to leave you? Answer that question, and you'll move to a higher experience in love.

I wish for you the love you so desire.

*****

Astrea:

You poor thing! You got involved with a CHILD who APPEARED to be adult, when she was really running from one thing to another, trying to decide how she could be the happiest. At her young age, consideration for you was probably the LAST thing on her mind.

I'm so sorry you chose to let yourself be hurt by this youngster. I'm sure she didn't do any of the things that hurt you so much on PURPOSE; she just didn't know any better.

I see that she had a good time with you, and was momentarily grateful for the distraction you gave her from the other boyfriend, but ultimately, she was too immature to be with you, so she went back to that other person, who is more like her. Children have limits that are NATURALLY set by their ages and maturity levels, and it's easier for her to be with him.

Young girls are often about what is EASIEST for them. Your presence demanded that she behave in a mature fashion, and she just couldn't keep it up.

You say she was open to all your plans for the future. In the moment those plans were made, of course she was. Unfortunately, with kids her age, out of sight is out of mind, and as soon as you turned your back for a minute, she was off on some other teenage tangent. She couldn't focus on the future like you can.

The lying seems to be part of her personality, though if you asked her why she does that, she probably wouldn't know what you were talking about. She loved you as much as it was possible for her to love anyone. That is the way young girls who have never had to be responsible for their lives behave. Ten years from now, she might be ready to settle down with a nice guy like you, but she has too much growing up to do now.

You see, she thought you two were the SAME. She hasn't had enough life experience to realize that men your age who want to be in a committed relationship are SERIOUS about their marriage plans. She thought the two of you were just TALKING and having a good time, creating some kind of fairy tale "happily ever after" as she's seen on TV and in the movies. She had no idea your feelings for her ran any deeper than hers for you.

Perhaps the age difference should have tipped you off from the beginning. I do understand how easy it is to get caught up with people when we think we've found true love. However, expecting any eighteen-year-old person to be able to think clearly about her future is a stretch. Girls her age are still trying to decide what they are going to be when they grow up.

She's not in denial, because there is nothing for her to deny. You were fun until her other boyfriend came back, and as hurtful as that may sound to you, it's the truth.

Move on with your own life, and find someone you can TRUST with your heart. This time, try someone closer to your own age!