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    • We Are the Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life

      Q and A with author Laura McKowen

      We Are the Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life

      Tell us how the title of your book We Are the Luckiest came to be.

      Like most people, I thought sobriety was a death sentence. I thought it would be the end of all fun, excitement, joy, sex, travel, relationships, socializing — all the things that made life worth living. I thought the ones who could drink “normally” were so lucky.

      Then one night in 2014, thirty or so days sober, I was lying next to my sleeping daughter, crying. About what, I don’t know — everything was at the surface then. But I was there, with her, in our clean bed with soft sheets and the cool air on my face. Sober. Awake. Not running. Not hiding. I was in pain, but I knew it was the pain of being alive and that this meant something. I was living, not dying. I was expanding, not destroying. I knew it was pain with purpose and that — if I stayed with it — it would take me to the place I’d been trying to go all along, which was closer to life, not further away. I knew it was a gift — that it was the gift.

      I thought, this is the hardest, but it is better. The magic is in here, not out there. They’re not the lucky ones, I am. We are. We are the luckiest.

      I posted something to that effect on Instagram with the hashtag #wearetheluckiest and it caught on. It’s now frequently used as a way to come out sober online and express gratitude for this life. It was the obvious choice for the book title.

      While drinking was your thing, you encourage your readers to recognize their things that are standing between them and their biggest lives. Tell us more.

      We all have something. It can be big like death, divorce, addiction, illness, or it can be something more socially acceptable like perfectionism or working too much or people-pleasing. The point is, we all have some thing — often many things — that push us to our limits and call us to change.

      Addiction was my thing. It brought me to my knees. I thought it was the problem, the flaw—the thing that had gone wrong in my life. But it was actually the doorway to a much bigger, more beautiful and rich existence. This is always the case with our things — they are invitations — even though we don’t usually see them that way.

      You encourage people to drop the labels addict and alcoholic if they want. Why?

      Because they are mostly punitive. Very few people hear those labels and think something positive or even neutral. They carry a big stigma, a big story, and who wants that? You don’t need to call yourself something in order to address it.

      You give your readers permission to forget forever. Please explain.

      Forever was a concept that just seemed so overwhelming in sobriety. Never having another glass of wine, never sharing a cocktail, etc. It overwhelmed me with grief and frustration and it also felt impossible.

      The thing is, the only thing that’s happening is right now. We can always do right now. So I just kept it as that until forever didn’t seem so daunting.

      What advice do you have to offer those who are choosing the sober life that are triggered by other people’s drinking?

      Don’t be around it. You have permission to check out of those things for a while (or forever if you want). I didn’t spend time with people who were drinking for a long time because I tried to do that and it just made me suffer. If I had to for something like a work event, I just kept it really brief. I always had an exit plan and I always let people know beforehand that I wasn’t drinking so there was less anxiety when the time came.

      It can be lonely and hard at first, but you will be forced to find new people and seek out new things, which is necessary. Eventually the drinking won’t matter anymore, but so long as it does, you have permission to opt out.

      Tell us about the “Bigger Yes” that you write about in the book.

      Our unused potential is not benign. When we don’t use what’s inside of us, something dark grows in its place and we get bitter, resentful, depressed. I knew that addiction was killing me in the sense that it was actually killing me, but it was also so painful because I was wasting my potential. We often think of stopping a behavior in terms of what we are giving up, but there’s also something bigger we are moving toward, on the other side — that’s what I mean by the bigger yes.

      Laura McKowen is the author of We Are the Luckiest. She is a former public relations executive who has become recognized as a fresh voice in the recovery movement. Beloved for her soulful and irreverent writing, she leads sold-out yoga-based retreats and other courses that teach people how to say yes to a bigger life. Visit her online at www.lauramckowen.com.

      Excerpted from the book We Are the Luckiest. Copyright ©2020 by Laura McKowen. Printed with permission from New World Library.

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    • Double Vision: Spiritual Reasons for Infertility?
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      I understand that there are physical reasons for infertility, but I also understand that everything physical has spiritual roots. Are there metaphysical reasons that some women are more fertile than others? Is it possible that there are blocked chakras or something that would prevent conception, or issues that may cause miscarriages? Do past life experiences play a big role here? Is it possible to work on a spiritual level in order to overcome fertility problems? Thanks for any insights you can offer.

      – Liz

      Dreamchaser:

      Past life issues like karma can absolutely affect things in this lifetime. As sad as it is to say, sometimes a woman’s infertility is due to a karmic issue, and often, this won’t make a whole lot of logical sense to us in this lifetime. In the big scheme of things and over the course of a soul’s entire journey, however, it absolutely makes sense.

      There are also times when the man in the relationship is the infertile one, and the woman is able to bear children, but she has to suffer along with him. You can bet there is some karmic issue from a past life that needs clearing between these two beings.

      There are times when a soul will choose to be miscarried, aborted, or stillborn so that it can fulfill some path of its own. Again, this is one of those things that make no sense to us here, but on the Otherside, it makes perfect sense. Those particular souls thank you and other women like you who help them fulfill that aspect of their soul’s path.

      Being adopted myself, I am very pro-adoption. Please give this some thought. There are lots of children who are born to two particular parents because they need the DNA those parents can give them. Once these children are born with that DNA, they may no longer need those parents.

      These children are often orphaned or end up in the adoption system for some reason. In all cases, those children need loving, supportive homes and families to care for them while they’re growing up. If you are unable to bear your own biological children, you might consider taking in someone who needs you even more than you need them.

      Finally, you might want to ponder if you are blocking conception with your belief system. Do you believe you can have a baby? Do you believe you deserve one? Do you believe that after all the things you have done in your past that you should be entrusted with the care of another human being?

      Do you see where I am going with this line of questioning? If we don’t believe we can have something, that thing will not come to us. Make sure that your belief system is in line with what you want.

      It is absolutely possible to work on a spiritual level to overcome any type of physical problem. I know that a lot of people will disagree with this, but I have personally helped a woman with terminal liver cancer heal simply by working with Reiki and her belief system. I KNOW that we can heal our bodies with our minds. Do you believe you can do it? That is the essential question.

      I wish you fulfillment on all levels.

      *****

      Astrea:

      Infertility seems to be a growing problem for young women all over the world.

      No matter how carefully you examine your timing for trying to become pregnant, I find that babies come when THEY want to come, and to the people THEY want as their parents. Some people get lucky with their parental choices, and some don’t. I don’t know if there is anything a future parent can do to control when conception happens, but there are certainly many avenues to explore.

      I have heard from many Lightworkers that a blocked heart chakra can be one metaphysical reason for infertility. Chakras can be blocked for many reasons, but even physical problems can be cleared by an expert healer.

      Clearing the chakras is simple. Visit a Buddhist temple and engage one of the monks to clear them for you. This usually costs around fifty to a hundred dollars. Even if you’re not Buddhist, these monks are usually very sweet, kind, and receptive.

      If you meditate on your own, there are a number of self-clearing acts you can try. Sitting quietly and seeing light travel from your toes to your nose and then out the top of your head is a simple way to get your energy flowing. Pull light energy in from your lowest to your highest chakra, being careful not to let the energy escape when it reaches the Third Eye.

      Spinning either fiber or your body is another great way to clear yourself. In fact, throughout history, women have used spinning to concentrate their energies in meditation, visioning, and clearing their spirits.

      The bad energy is repelled from the force of whatever is turning, and spins away from you and out into the Void. Spinning of the body in a clockwise motion draws energy, while spinning in a counter-clockwise direction clears energy.

      If you choose to spin your body, lower your left hand and raise your right as you spin. Allow the energy to flow from the right (God) hand through the left (Goddess) hand, and then out of you and down into the accepting Earth. You’ll get dizzy, but you’ll feel better afterwards.

      If you’d like to try spinning fiber, you can start with everyday cotton balls, a stick, and a small potato! If that sounds like a waste of the potato, a fine sturdy spindle can be made from little wooden wheels sold in craft stores. Spinning instructions are readily available on the internet.

      Most of the time, infertility issues are physical, so you should of course consult a medical specialist who knows what she’s doing. It never hurts to be spiritually open and clear, however, so give spinning and other spiritual treatments a try.

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