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A Conversation with Bridgit Dengel Gaspard, author
of The Final 8th: Enlist Your Inner Selves To Accomplish Your Goals

Tell us about the title of your book The Final 8th and what it means.

The Final 8th is the demoralizing quandary of failing within sight of victory. The concept jumped out at me as I frequently watched clients mysteriously stall in front of their finish line. Despite working hard and doing many of the ‘right things’ that would get them 7/8 of the way there, they were inexplicably unable to reach a cherished goal, whether it’s in career, relationships, financials, health, creativity and/or personal growth. Despite the nearness to the goal, despite the hard work and access to resources, despite admirable commitment and having the finish line within reach, they just couldn’t get there. Examples abound of that last little undone bit that can plague people for years: the final 5 pounds they don’t lose, that one incomplete that prevents graduation, being indispensable at a job, but not considered for the promotion. The Final 8th is a finish line issue.

You introduce a process in your book called Voice Dialogue. Please tell us more about how Voice Dialogue works.

The technique of Voice Dialogue is a powerful method developed by my mentors Hal and Sidra Stone, to discover different aspects of yourself and speak from their point of view. This technique can reveal and free you from the hidden internal conflict that’s blocking your ability to achieve your goal.

Is this what your subtitle “Enlist Your Inner Selves To Accomplish Your Goals” refers to?

Yes. The Final 8th operates similarly. You think you want your goal with every fiber of your being, but what you find out is that there are parts of you that don’t want the goal. My book helps readers to get unstuck by identifying and embracing their many personas. They learn how to use Voice Dialogue to communicate with their different alter egos and excavate crucial information regarding their Final 8th mystery. Instead of pushing or wishing away parts of themselves labeled problematic, they actually get to meet them, learn their wisdom, and realize that each part has the noble purpose of protecting our vulnerability. And that means any part — the Resistor or Avoider or Anxious One — has genuinely good reasons for not wanting to go to the next level. Though it may feel strange at first, The Final 8th process teaches you how to enlist all of your inner selves to accomplish your goals. It’s incredibly empowering.

Why do people stop themselves before finishing the final steps to their goals?

It’s an unconscious, distorted act of loyalty to negative messages from early caregivers, which has morphed into painful core negative beliefs. These foundational assumptions generate a skewed, negative worldview that is false, but believed. These beliefs define who we are and at the same time, we desperately don’t want the negative identity to be true. This vacillation is the organizing principle that motivates different parts of ourselves.

Part of the Final 8th process is becoming aware that there are parts of us that operate to make our core negative belief not be true – like Action-Taking, Disciplined and Motivated alter egos. They get us 7/8s of the way there. We see the finish line on the horizon and parts of us are happy and excited. Then the mysterious stall happens as the accomplishments rub up against the negative identity within, supported by disorganized, cynical and fearful selves. Whether or not we’re aware of these contradictory belief systems, they are so distressful that a series of sub-personalities, like the Napper, Substance User or Web Surfer swiftly move in to distract us. The contradiction between our Final 8th goal and our core negative belief creates a double bind within, forcing us yo a standstill.

Which inner selves are involved when we stop a project in sight of the finish line?

Accomplishing your Final 8th goal makes you bigger, which is exciting but also opens you up to being exposed and vulnerable. Depending on who you are, any number of different selves could be part of your stuckness. That’s why doing Voice Dialogue and discovering the gifts, motivations, actions, and rules of your different parts is vital.

For example, I dialogued with my client’s Resistant Alter Ego who had been labeled as the problem. Much to both of our surprise that alter ego revealed a secret. The real obstacle to the Final 8th was a potential drinking problem if my client moved into a more successful, and stressful arena. That realization shifted our work and we explored different parts of her, whose wisdom and guidance were key to the puzzle of her stuckness. That’s why people who have a lot of skill sets, 5-year plans, time management strategies and the like, don’t understand why they can’t use these tried and true techniques to move forward. What got them stuck — what was tripping up my client — wasn’t anything that strategic planning could address. The problem and the solution usually lie in our invisible double bind.

You say that it’s important for us to listen to all aspects of ourselves — including the Inner Critic, Procrastinator, Resistor and other aspects of ourselves that are in the way. Why is that?

All selves have wisdom to offer. Some of what they say may be surprising, some of it may be exhilarating, and some of it may be hard to hear, but all of it will be helpful. You might feel a particular alter ego is a pain and a drag, holding you back from your Final 8th goal, but from its point of view it’s protecting you somehow. Be curious about what’s going on, dialogue with it, and don’t aim to attack or get rid of it, which doesn’t work anyway. Your Inner Critic is with you forever, but t it can become your ally instead of your bully through the Final 8th process.

If someone is having a hard time crossing the finish line to their goals, what is the most important thing you want them to know?

Instead of focusing on how bad you feel and misinterpreting that to mean you are a failure who is unable to cross your finish line, get curious. This process is an adventure that animates vitality. Identify which specific parts of yourself are having a hard time and which ones want your Final 8th goal to happen. You get to dialogue with parts of yourself like your Optimist, Adventurer, Healer, Playful Child and Visionary. Engaging in the Final 8th process creates startlingly rapid shifts. It builds momentum and motivation so you can become unstuck and cross the finish line.

Bridgit Dengel Gaspard, LCSW, is the author of The Final 8th and the founder of the New York Voice Dialogue Institute. She is a former performer who earned a master’s degree from Columbia University and teaches at numerous professional settings including Omega Institute. She lives in New York City, where she maintains a thriving private practice. Visit her online at Final8th.com.

Excerpted from the book The Final 8th. Copyright ©2020 by Bridgit Dengel Gaspard. Printed with permission from New World Library.

For the past month or so, my boyfriend and I have had money seem to just disappear from the house and even the car a number of times. The first time was over $500, and I believe that one of my boyfriend's "friends" took it. A psychic confirmed this. The second time, my boyfriend dropped me off at work, and I left $250 in my glove compartment. There were three people in my car (including my boyfriend) while I was gone. Later I noticed $200 was missing. Shortly after this, I noticed the $2 bills my boyfriend and I had been collecting were missing from my closet. Mind you, I have been very conscious of who comes into my home. Finally, last night while my boyfriend made me dinner, I counted my money three times. I sat on the bed while doing this, and put the $360 I had counted in my pants pocket with a tight rubber band around it. My boyfriend had no knowledge of this because he was downstairs cooking me dinner. After dinner, he came up and we went to bed. I kept waking up during the night with a weird feeling. In the morning we both got up at the same time, and he left before me to take his brother's girlfriend to work. I noticed that my pants weren't as I had left them, and $100 of the $360 was missing. I immediately called my boyfriend and asked if he took any money out of my pants. He told me no, that anytime he needs money, he always asks me and wouldn't just take it. Now I know it looks like he's been doing it, but I don't feel that in my heart. Am I going nuts? The reason it was in my pocket was because I was taking it to the bank the next day. Help! (I was born on 10/30/81. My boyfriend was born 5/12/74.)
Jessica

Dreamchaser:

Jessica, there is one common denominator in all of these stories: your boyfriend. I know you don't want to believe it, but it sure looks like he is the one who has been taking your money.

As far as the first loss goes (the one a psychic confirmed for you), I do believe one of his friends took it. Once your boyfriend figured out how easy it was to steal from you, however, he started to as well. He may even have been an accessory to the first robbery. At the very least, he found out after the fact and didn't make his friend return your cash.

One thing concerns me even more than your boyfriend stealing from you. It's the following line: "He told me that anytime he needs money, he always asks me and wouldn't just take it."

So you just give him money when he asks for it? Why would you do that? Are you married? If you are handing out money so freely, may I please have some? If you have to buy someone's affections, you're going end up empty-handed.

I want you to also consider that your boyfriend could have a substance abuse problem, and this may be why he is stealing money in the first place. This problem has him burning through his own money, the money that he asks you and others for, and even the money he now takes wherever he can find it. It's time for you to become aware of what is really going on with him.

Some symptoms of a substance abuse problem include:

- abrupt changes in attendance and work quality at school or work
- unusual outbreaks of temper
- withdrawal from responsibility
- changes in general attitude
- deterioration of physical appearance and grooming
- wearing sunglasses at inappropriate times
- wearing long-sleeved shirts in hot weather, or a reluctance to wear short-sleeved attire when appropriate
- association with known substance abusers
- unusual borrowing of money
- stealing small items from employers, home or school
- secretive behavior regarding actions and possessions
- frequent trips to the restroom, storeroom, etc.

Please face the truth and do something to save yourself.

I wish you enriching relationships.

*****

Astrea:

I'm not inclined to think your boyfriend is taking your money, even though it would seem to be the most logical explanation. A Taurus is usually too truthful and honest to do something like that, especially when someone they love is involved.

I CAN tell you that it's not a Spirit manifestation of any kind, and that money doesn't walk away by itself. The thief is someone who comes in and out of your home, and even has a key to do so. It might be a landlord or a security person, but I seriously doubt anyone like that would take the chance of being discovered, or do something like that over and over again. Also, this person has a key that you don't KNOW about and didn't GIVE to him - he stole that too!

I feel the psychic who told you that a friend of your boyfriend's took the money was right. I got a very funny feeling when you mentioned that he left to take his brother's girlfriend to work. Whoever is taking your money at your home also rides in your car, so this is someone you think you know well. Also, I feel it's a man, not a woman. This person also knows your paydays and the day of the month when you're most likely to have a sizeable amount of cash in the house.

Unfortunately, as long as you have that much cash in your possession, you're going to be a target for theft. Putting a tight rubber band around those bills isn't going to keep sticky fingers out of your pockets! Thieves know all the right "hiding places" for cash. Most of us are pretty predictable about where we hide things.

The best and most efficient way to put a stop to this is to stop having any large amounts of cash in your home for a while. Get a new bank account that does not have an ATM card to go with it, as that could be stolen. Keep your checkbook under your pillow at night for a while, and NEVER leave cash in the glove compartment of your car!

The most cash you should keep on you is about $20. Change all the locks on your doors so that this person who has copied your key doesn't have access to your home. Move any collections of change or $2 bills to your parents' house.

My grandmother used to say that it was just as much a sin to leave temptation to sin lying around as it was to fall into the sin itself. All that cash is just too tempting for someone in your circle to resist. While you are not to blame for this thief's actions, if you don't have money around, no one will be tempted to steal it!

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.