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A Conversation with Bridgit Dengel Gaspard, author
of The Final 8th: Enlist Your Inner Selves To Accomplish Your Goals

Tell us about the title of your book The Final 8th and what it means.

The Final 8th is the demoralizing quandary of failing within sight of victory. The concept jumped out at me as I frequently watched clients mysteriously stall in front of their finish line. Despite working hard and doing many of the ‘right things’ that would get them 7/8 of the way there, they were inexplicably unable to reach a cherished goal, whether it’s in career, relationships, financials, health, creativity and/or personal growth. Despite the nearness to the goal, despite the hard work and access to resources, despite admirable commitment and having the finish line within reach, they just couldn’t get there. Examples abound of that last little undone bit that can plague people for years: the final 5 pounds they don’t lose, that one incomplete that prevents graduation, being indispensable at a job, but not considered for the promotion. The Final 8th is a finish line issue.

You introduce a process in your book called Voice Dialogue. Please tell us more about how Voice Dialogue works.

The technique of Voice Dialogue is a powerful method developed by my mentors Hal and Sidra Stone, to discover different aspects of yourself and speak from their point of view. This technique can reveal and free you from the hidden internal conflict that’s blocking your ability to achieve your goal.

Is this what your subtitle “Enlist Your Inner Selves To Accomplish Your Goals” refers to?

Yes. The Final 8th operates similarly. You think you want your goal with every fiber of your being, but what you find out is that there are parts of you that don’t want the goal. My book helps readers to get unstuck by identifying and embracing their many personas. They learn how to use Voice Dialogue to communicate with their different alter egos and excavate crucial information regarding their Final 8th mystery. Instead of pushing or wishing away parts of themselves labeled problematic, they actually get to meet them, learn their wisdom, and realize that each part has the noble purpose of protecting our vulnerability. And that means any part — the Resistor or Avoider or Anxious One — has genuinely good reasons for not wanting to go to the next level. Though it may feel strange at first, The Final 8th process teaches you how to enlist all of your inner selves to accomplish your goals. It’s incredibly empowering.

Why do people stop themselves before finishing the final steps to their goals?

It’s an unconscious, distorted act of loyalty to negative messages from early caregivers, which has morphed into painful core negative beliefs. These foundational assumptions generate a skewed, negative worldview that is false, but believed. These beliefs define who we are and at the same time, we desperately don’t want the negative identity to be true. This vacillation is the organizing principle that motivates different parts of ourselves.

Part of the Final 8th process is becoming aware that there are parts of us that operate to make our core negative belief not be true – like Action-Taking, Disciplined and Motivated alter egos. They get us 7/8s of the way there. We see the finish line on the horizon and parts of us are happy and excited. Then the mysterious stall happens as the accomplishments rub up against the negative identity within, supported by disorganized, cynical and fearful selves. Whether or not we’re aware of these contradictory belief systems, they are so distressful that a series of sub-personalities, like the Napper, Substance User or Web Surfer swiftly move in to distract us. The contradiction between our Final 8th goal and our core negative belief creates a double bind within, forcing us yo a standstill.

Which inner selves are involved when we stop a project in sight of the finish line?

Accomplishing your Final 8th goal makes you bigger, which is exciting but also opens you up to being exposed and vulnerable. Depending on who you are, any number of different selves could be part of your stuckness. That’s why doing Voice Dialogue and discovering the gifts, motivations, actions, and rules of your different parts is vital.

For example, I dialogued with my client’s Resistant Alter Ego who had been labeled as the problem. Much to both of our surprise that alter ego revealed a secret. The real obstacle to the Final 8th was a potential drinking problem if my client moved into a more successful, and stressful arena. That realization shifted our work and we explored different parts of her, whose wisdom and guidance were key to the puzzle of her stuckness. That’s why people who have a lot of skill sets, 5-year plans, time management strategies and the like, don’t understand why they can’t use these tried and true techniques to move forward. What got them stuck — what was tripping up my client — wasn’t anything that strategic planning could address. The problem and the solution usually lie in our invisible double bind.

You say that it’s important for us to listen to all aspects of ourselves — including the Inner Critic, Procrastinator, Resistor and other aspects of ourselves that are in the way. Why is that?

All selves have wisdom to offer. Some of what they say may be surprising, some of it may be exhilarating, and some of it may be hard to hear, but all of it will be helpful. You might feel a particular alter ego is a pain and a drag, holding you back from your Final 8th goal, but from its point of view it’s protecting you somehow. Be curious about what’s going on, dialogue with it, and don’t aim to attack or get rid of it, which doesn’t work anyway. Your Inner Critic is with you forever, but t it can become your ally instead of your bully through the Final 8th process.

If someone is having a hard time crossing the finish line to their goals, what is the most important thing you want them to know?

Instead of focusing on how bad you feel and misinterpreting that to mean you are a failure who is unable to cross your finish line, get curious. This process is an adventure that animates vitality. Identify which specific parts of yourself are having a hard time and which ones want your Final 8th goal to happen. You get to dialogue with parts of yourself like your Optimist, Adventurer, Healer, Playful Child and Visionary. Engaging in the Final 8th process creates startlingly rapid shifts. It builds momentum and motivation so you can become unstuck and cross the finish line.

Bridgit Dengel Gaspard, LCSW, is the author of The Final 8th and the founder of the New York Voice Dialogue Institute. She is a former performer who earned a master’s degree from Columbia University and teaches at numerous professional settings including Omega Institute. She lives in New York City, where she maintains a thriving private practice. Visit her online at Final8th.com.

Excerpted from the book The Final 8th. Copyright ©2020 by Bridgit Dengel Gaspard. Printed with permission from New World Library.

Now that I am rapidly awakening on a spiritual level, I feel less patience and more anger in general. I want the world to wake up and change faster. Is this normal? I can't really relate to superficial people, have no tolerance for lying, and feel like I want out of my body. I'm new to your site but I absolutely love it!

Kathy

Astrea:

Like every other great quality, becoming patient and peaceful takes time. We all have triggers that are pulled and buttons that are pushed by the people close to us. Even the most enlightened individual can be frustrated with the slow pace of the world around her.

Remember that you have a HUMAN nature as well as a SPIRITUAL side, and the conditioning you've experienced your whole life won't change in a flash. Anger and impatience are part of the human condition, though you will be able to transcend those reactions more and more as you travel the spiritual path.

Of course we want those who are important to us to be learning the same spiritual lessons at the same time. Everyone goes through this at their own pace, however, so try to be more accepting. Open your heart to everyone you meet, from the check-out person at the pharmacy to the Highest Enlightened Teacher.

If you concentrate on the purity that YOU seek, it will take over and make you see others in a more open and caring way. I know this is easier said than done, but you can and will start to do it automatically. The more you know, the more you'll grow to be accepting and tolerant of others, and the more you'll be able to lead others to that same sort of peace.

Soon you'll begin to discover the changes in you affecting the people around you more and more. By showing others that you're leaving anger and ignorance behind, they'll want to do exactly the same thing. Be gentle in your approach to other people, however, as they may not be ready for all that you're going through.

Oh sure, it would be great if all the Enlightened Minds could change the world overnight, but that's impossible. Lightworkers have been at it for hundreds of years, and while we ARE making progress, it is very slow going at times. There are big shots who want wars and other discord in the world. It's difficult to change the way other people think and act, but that's no reason to stop trying. For every brick wall you hit on your way, there will be an open door.

Becoming more spiritually aware is not usually a recipe for anger and intolerance, but I understand what you're saying. Your desire for others around you to get it is very strong, so it's natural for you to feel as you do.

As you go along, you will grow to tolerate people who don't share your values better than you have in the past. Once you get where you want to go spiritually, you'll be able to lead others to that space in a kind and patient way. Keep trying, and keep letting your little light shine!

*****

Susyn:

Yes, this is a completely normal experience. I went through much the same thing when I began to awaken spiritually.

I recall standing in line at the grocery store, becoming very agitated by a mundane conversation between the clerk and a shopper. I found myself getting more and more frustrated, and wanted to shout out, Don't you people realize what's going on right under your noses? There is so much more to life than the price of grapes! Luckily, I held my tongue, but I was rather astounded at my anger and impatience with them.

I learned a lot from that experience, and was cautioned by other people whose spiritual advice I respected to accept that the clerk and shopper's paths were different from mine, and that I must allow them to be who and where they are. It was an important reminder to me that we all are in process and will all awaken at different times. (Once we do, however, it is hard to watch the rest of the world walk around clueless.)

You're sure to reach better balance as you continue your transformation. In fact, part of your process will be learning the art of tolerance, compassion and empathy for those who have yet to reach your level.

At some point, you may even be inspired to personally help them move a step closer to enlightenment themselves when they are ready. Often, many of us who experience this phenomenon find ourselves in position to teach and enlighten others either by setting a good example or sharing our experiences through metaphysical channels, and both can be quite rewarding.

Your sensitivity to dishonesty and superficiality isn't surprising now that you have moved so far away from them yourself. At first you'll seem to see these things everywhere, but soon it won't be as distressing as it is now. Your shock and frustration with others will also serve as wonderful reminders to continue to reach for the highest and best yourself.

There's nothing quite like the moment when our spirits awaken. It's only natural that we'd like everyone around us to experience the same freedom and joy we feel. It's wise, however, to remember that just as your awakening was activated by the Universe, when the time is right, everyone is given the opportunity to move to the next level that is right for them.

Be very grateful that your time has come. Remembering that it wasn't so long ago that you were operating in the dark will help you to be more patient and understanding with those who are less evolved, which should diffuse some of the frustration and anger you feel.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.