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An excerpt from The Final 8th 
by Bridgit Dengel Gaspard, LCSW

No one enjoys being stuck and the misery is amplified when we have accomplished multiple steps toward a cherished goal — whether breaking a bad habit, losing weight, building a business, finding a mate, or finishing a degree — but just can’t seem to complete it.

In The Final 8th: Enlist Your Inner Selves to Accomplish Your Goals, author and therapist Bridgit Dengel Gaspard calls this demoralizing quandary when someone is so close to the finish line but just can’t seem to cross it “the final 8th” and introduces a powerful technique called voice dialogue to help readers recognize and overcome internal blocks that are preventing them from achieving their goals. We hope you’ll enjoy this excerpt from the book.

The Inner Critic is programmed to be suspicious of anything new. It is wired toward attachment to your early caregivers and their core negative beliefs. To this persona, the final eighth is perilous! Because its honorable task is to protect you by avoiding abandonment, it’s hypervigilant for dangers like judgment, hurt, shame, or rejection. Its dysfunctional strategy is to criticize you before someone else does in the hopes of making you “better” in some way. Your Inner Critic simultaneously assumes you’re inferior (which effectively enforces core negative beliefs) and urges you to move ahead (which presupposes that you have the ability to do so) and thus berates you both for being inferior and for squandering your superior talents. This keeps you in your double bind, a dynamic your Inner Critic may not have been aware of until now.

Who does your Inner Critic work for?

Think about that for a minute. Does your Inner Critic work for you? I don’t think so. Otherwise it would obey when you give it an order. Your Inner Critic works for your early caregivers and perhaps some of the folks referenced in your blameography. Out of this instinctive devotion, the Inner Critic can behave like a bully who resorts to threats and stalking. Making you feel bad keeps you in your double bind. It makes you the servant of your Inner Critic and core negative beliefs, holding you back from your final eighth.

The Inner Critic’s gifts are that it never seems to run out of energy or creativity, second-guess itself, or become overwhelmed with insecurity. Hal and Sidra Stone describe the Inner Critic as having “the intelligence of a genius, an uncanny intuition, an ability to analyze our feelings and motivations, a sweeping gaze that notices the tiniest of details, and, in general, an unerring ability to see and to magnify all our faults and shortcomings. It seems to be a lot more intelligent and perceptive than we ordinary mortals are.”

The energy and insights of the Inner Critic are like fire, which can either be harnessed to sauté piquant truffle fries or let loose to burn the barn down.

Here’s an exercise that can help harness the skills of your Inner Critic and other parts.

The Final Eighth Process
Promote Your Alter Egos
List some abilities of your Inner Critic.

As an example, here are my Inner Critic’s abilities:
The ability to keenly observe how I don’t measure up.
The ability to brutally assess how I don’t measure up.
Limitless energy to judge how I don’t measure up.

Surprise your Inner Critic with a love letter.

Thank it for having been such a loyal protector, with its blind devotion to saving you from abandonment at any cost. Let it know that the days of living as if your core negative beliefs were true are over. It is now the era of core positivity. In a word or two, describe how that feels. Some of my clients have chosen words such as radiant, free, and liberated.

Redefine and upgrade the talents and creative energies of the Inner Critic for beneficial use. Its laser-sharp perception is now assigned to supporting your final eighth goals.

Here’s how my Inner Critic’s abilities are reassigned:

Its ability for keen observation can be applied to polishing my writing.
Its ability for brutal assessment can be transformed into highly efficient time management, reminding me that if I want to accomplish all I hope to in a day, I need to get organized first.
Its limitless energy to judge can be transformed into a vast supply of energy to fuel my creativity and fun curiosity instead of reinforcing my core negative belief.

List some abilities of another subpersonality.

Here are examples from a client who recommissioned her Perfectionist:
Ability to maintain high standards, which I never measure up to.
Ability to be tireless, which makes me feel terrible, as, inevitably, I don’t measure up.
Ability to be competitive, though I never measure up or make the cut.
Again, surprise this alter ego with a love letter thanking it for its protection and letting it know that the time of living as if your core negative beliefs were true is over. It is now the era of core positivity. In a word or two, describe how that feels.

Promote Other Selves

Reassign and promote the talents and creative energies of these other selves. Make sure you assign them roles appropriate to their age and strengths: in other words, don’t ask your Magical Inner Child to function as the CEO of your final eighth project.

Here’s how my client reassigned the superpowers of her Perfectionist:

The Perfectionist’s high standards will be applied to make my home beautiful, because it makes me feel good and I deserve it.
The ability to be tireless will be applied to my final eighth goal, without my core negative belief putting the brakes on me all the time.
Its competitiveness will be assigned to motivating me so that when I set out to do something, like my final eighth, I have the strength to persevere.

Bridgit Dengel Gaspard, LCSW, is the author of The Final 8th and the founder of the New York Voice Dialogue Institute. She is a former performer who earned a master’s degree from Columbia University and teaches at numerous professional settings including Omega Institute. She lives in New York City, where she maintains a thriving private practice. Visit her online at Final8th.com.

Excerpted from the book The Final 8th. Copyright ©2020 by Bridgit Dengel Gaspard. Printed with permission from New World Library.

I am driven to pursue self-knowledge and hidden truths through spirituality. My problem is that the people in my life are clueless and try to convince me that all my seeking is a huge waste of time. I'm not about to give it all up, as I have had out of body experiences, and my life has improved considerably since I started looking within for answers. Why am I constantly being tested by having to relate to people who believe in what I consider to be false dogma? I have in the past been pulled away from what I believe is my life path only to return with even stronger drive to explore the inner self. I have no one in my life I can discuss my amazing discoveries and experiences with. I have just started to chat with an online group (CWG), but I have no kindred spirits in my real life. I WILL continue! Is this common? Do you have any advice for me?

- Deb

Dreamchaser:

Deb, this solitary spiritual path you describe is very common. I personally have no one in my "real" life that is like-minded. I don't have any friends in town or groups that I participate in. I am what many people call a "sole practitioner." If I want to visit with like-minded folks, I have to travel. It is INCREDIBLY common for people like us to journey alone.

We are very fortunate to have the medium of the internet. We can go online any time during the day or night and find people who think just like we do. You finding this online discussion group is a very good thing. Not only are you able to talk to others about your experiences, but you are giving people who feel just as lonely as you do a place to vent, learn and feel understood.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. It's time to make peace with the fact that the people in your life may never truly understand you. They are who they are. You may understand them, but they do not understand what you are experiencing or trying to accomplish. They think your spiritual life is a "little hobby," and do not realize that it is at the heart of who you are and all you do.

I think the best thing you can do is lead by example. Learn inner peace and solitude. Learn how to become one with all that is. As you continue to evolve, they will have to see the changes in you. Even if they do not change the way they live or think themselves, they will have to agree that something is going on with you.

I think that what you are experiencing is exactly why Jesus said "do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers." Growing up in a Southern Baptist church, I was taught that the "unbelievers" were everyone other than our fellow Southern Baptists. As I grew, I discovered that it really meant what you are now learning: that it is very hard to share life with people who do not even have a remote clue about what you are exploring, discovering or learning.

Please stop expecting the people in your life to change, for they are not going to. You are the one who is evolving on a near-daily basis. If changes need to be made, you are the one who is going to have to make them for yourself. Expectations cause emotional suffering. Stop expecting people around you to do the right thing, to listen to your advice or requests, or even respect your spiritual path in the least, for that may never happen. Try to accept them and their own choices about how to live their lives, then go ahead and live the life you feel inclined to lead.

I wish you endless self-discovery.

*****

Astrea:

It's always hard to talk to people who have no idea what you're experiencing. Your friends aren't being very understanding. While this is disappointing, it's also normal, because most people fear what they don't understand.

It's a shame they feel they have to discourage you, but I've discovered that other people are never quite as interested in us as we would like them to be. I think talk of spiritual quests and enlightenment tends to either frighten people or bore them to tears. Your friends can't discuss any of this spiritual stuff with you because they're not really interested in it. It's silly to try to talk to a brick wall when there are so many kindred spirits out there.

Spiritual paths are challenging because they tend to be so lonely. Since each individual is different, it used to be very difficult to find people who shared our unusual experiences. Fortunately, the internet has opened a wonderful gateway for conversing with like-minded souls. To find people to be your "real life" friends, you'll have to go where they are. Believe it or not, we're EVERYWHERE!

In many communities, New Age bookstores have discussion groups and classes where you'll be able to meet people who share your interests. Try taking some classes related to your spiritual path in your community. You're probably never going to be able to find anyone with the exact same interests because spirituality is so personal, but you can find some who are similar. If there isn't any place like that in your town, travel to the next town over.

Most larger cities have churches, clubs and other organizations that will help you feel more like you're "fitting in." If there is a Unity Church in your community or close by, that would be a great place to start looking for spiritual friends. They know where to find everything, and the Unity people are always friendly and accepting. They can steer you in the right direction to find folks who share your interests, and they are usually quite eager to help.

Even when you do find a group of people you like to talk to, be aware that no matter how understanding and empathetic they may be, you're still on your own here. Get used to finding your own answers in life, because no one is going to be able to explain YOU to YOU.

Study and meditation often are things that have to be done alone, and there are many happy "solo" people who have found what you seek within themselves. Even though lots of outside stimuli are available through books, meetings, classes, and organizations, most of the time your spiritual path is one you will travel alone.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.