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Create Your Own Personal Haven—Anywhere, by Caroline Dow

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

Stress! It's the scourge of our contemporary society. And the thought of retiring to a safe haven where you can banish stress, repair your nerves, and renew your life is a concept whose time has come. Creating a personal sanctuary, whether it be in a bedroom, bathroom, patio, garden, or the Great Outdoors, seems to be a cherished goal for many of us stressed-out people.

But how to go about fashioning such a retreat? What elements are required, and can you do it in a limited space and on a tight budget? These questions and many others form the contents of my book, A Sanctuary of Your Own. Perhaps you've read books, visited websites, and watched TV programs dedicated to this subject. With wild enthusiasm, you've started designing your space, and you're halfway there. But, somehow things aren't quite gelling. So in this short article, I'll distill some of the information from my book A Sanctuary of Your Own and offer tips that I hope help you complete your project with a minimum of fuss and stress. After all, stress is what we're trying to minimize.

First of all, you need to sit down and take the time to think, in depth, about the main purpose of your private space. Is it for relaxation, renewal, or creativity? A safe haven where you can leave behind the judgmental external world? Or, do you want to combine several intentions in one space?

Do you have the luxury of devoting an entire room to your refuge, or is it, like mine, multi-functional? My sacred space is a home office that doubles as a meditation spot and has tripled as a nursery and, lately, a comfy place for cats to snooze. Perhaps you share a room with someone else or there is not enough space to put together anything permanent. In such cases, you can create a mini, traveling haven in a box to keep in your closet or under the bed to bring out and set up when nobody is around, or even to take to the bathroom.

When I lived in Rio de Janeiro, I had no private space. So I put together a mini-sanctuary, which was more of an altar than anything else, and hid it away in the steamer trunk I'd brought to Brazil. Inside, I kept a pretty altar cloth, candles and candle holders, incense, quick-lighting coals, anda burner. I also had a book on meditation by the famous Ceremonial Magician, Israel Regardie, called The Middle Pillar. I especially like that book because on the back is a diagram of a human body with all the correct colors of the chakras positioned down the front of the torso. I would set it on top of the trunk-altar and use it as a meditation aid.

After identifying the location of your space and its main purpose, you might want to draw upon some of the concepts presented in Feng Shui, the Chinese art of harmonious living. Practitioners of this ancient art believe that adding representations of the elements of nature to one's surroundings helps harmonize and activate the area, in this case, your sanctuary. The Chinese recognize five basic elements, but in Western traditions, with which I am more familiar, we acknowledge four: air, fire, water, and earth.

Representations of the elements to incorporate into your sanctuary surroundings might be as simple as an open window for air, a mobile that moves with the room's air currents, or fragrant incense. For fire, you might want to light a candle or place a low-wattage lamp in the room to lend a cheery glow. A table-top fountain or a dish of water with a flower floating in it as a depiction of the water element is lovely, and it produces a calming sound. If you don't want to spend money on a small fountain, place an object in the room that reminds you of the sea, like a starfish or a small statue of a dolphin cut from a magazine. A favorite gemstone will suffice to symbolize earth (or, failing that, a dish of loam, sand, or even salt). If you don't have enough room, or don't wish to clutter your space with too many physical examples of the elements, find photos, drawings, or paintings that represent them and hang them on the walls. A wind-swept hilltop with clouds racing past could do for air; an erupting volcano or a campfire might symbolize fire; the ocean or a bucolic stream could indicate water; a picture of a cave or a verdant field might represent earth.

After you've integrated symbols of the four elements into your space, next pay attention to how to incorporate something to stimulate your five senses—sight, hearing, touch, smell and taste.

You can do a lot with color to enhance your visual experience. Paint the walls or decorate with one predominant color. Choose red for upliftment, orange for comfort, yellow for emotional strength, green for reflection, blue for spiritual awareness, purple for creativity, white for balance, brown for security, gray for contemplation, or black for deep concentration. Don't mix too many colors or the place will soon look like a circus.

You can also choose an object on which to visually focus. Place it in a prominent position, such as on an altar, where you can easily see it to meditate. The object could be a personal symbol or something universal, such as an ankh that stands for life or a star to represent inspiration. You might prefer to select a statue of a deity, or even a photo of a mentor. On my altar, I've set a small tree made of citrine to release depression, fears, and phobias and to encourage self-expression and strengthen my mind. Don't feel you need to keep the same object at your focal point permanently. Switch them out, along with your meditation themes, as your needs and desires change.

As to the sense of hearing, I'm reminded of an MRI technician friend of mine who always offers patients the option to listen to music to calm their nerves while having this noisy and claustrophobic procedure performed. He tells me patients have eclectic tastes: they choose anything from Celtic harp, folk, and classical music to jazz, Latino, musicals, and even hard rock, with Led Zeppelin being a favorite. Personally, I like listening to Gregorian chants. But that's just me! Don't forget the calming effect of a table-top fountain gurgling away in the background. And in the end, there's absolutely nothing wrong with silence to help quiet your mind so you can hear yourself think.

Some people say that burning incense or scented candles calms them and puts them in a spiritual frame of mind because the fragrance reminds them of religious experiences they've had. Others reject such scents for those very reasons or because they suffer from allergies. Still others enjoy festooning their retreats with flowers whose fragrances they enjoy. Then there are those prefer to open a window and let fresh, cleansing breezes waft through the room. Do whatever you like—this is your place, after all.

For the sense of touch, wall coverings like tapestries or prayer rugs can add a touch of texture, as can soft pillows, blankets, and furry rugs. Don't forget to bring something warm and cozy for your feet, such as luxurious house slippers. Many people do this not only for comfort, but also because they don't want to bring into their sacred space street shoes and the worries of daily life they represent. Others prefer to go barefoot so that they can connect with the earth's vibrations underfoot, even if the earth itself is six stories below.

Finally, there's the sense of taste, which is closely allied to the other senses. Colors are reminiscent of taste. If, for example, you paint your space banana yellow, you might be reminded of that fruity taste as well as of its symbolic meaning, which is fertility and male energy. Naturally, you may bring something into your retreat that not only reminds you of the sense of taste, but that you actually eat or drink. I'm reminded of a TV ad currently making the rounds of a close-up of a woman, kicking back and taking a private moment to relax and enjoy the sensuous taste of a chocolate covered caramel.

Other items you may want to take into your sanctuary to stimulate your sense of taste include a vast array of teas, coffees, cocoas, and herbal beverages, hot or iced. Not only will you fuel this sense, you can use the symbolic meaning of the particular beverage to help guide your meditations. Here are a few examples of beverages you might want to prepare and drink, depending on your taste. I've included a few keywords with each that relate to possible meditation themes.

• Black tea: energy, alertness, adaptability, willpower, self-control
• Green tea: harmony, better health, regeneration
• White tea: receptivity, tranquility, relaxation, truth-seeking
• Cocoa: better digestion, love, meditation, Native American traditions, communion with the All-One
• Coffee: sharpening the intellect, memory improvement, self-development

For those not into caffeine in any form, here's a short list of six tasty botanicals that will appeal to almost anyone when consumed as herbal teas. These botanicals are also steeped—if you pardon the pun—in symbolic meaning and are appropriate to contemplate as meditation themes.

• Borage: strengthens resolve
• Chamomile: draws prosperity
• Dandelion leaf: normalizes emotions
• Ginger: enhances intuition
• Peppermint leaf: new beginnings and to see the future
• Rose petals: love, devotion, high aspirations

And to put you in touch with the four elements of nature, add ¼ teaspoon of these dried herbs to a cup of black, green, or white tea: lavender or lemongrass for air, calendula or orange peel for fire, jasmine or hibiscus flowers for water, and nettle leaf or alfalfa grass for earth.

My final tip for creating a successful sanctuary is to above all, have fun designing it, creating it, and filling it with love. This is your private place, and may you enjoy it to the fullest.

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2019. All rights reserved.

Do you think that at a spiritual level, men and women are fundamentally different? I'm asking because it seems true to me. I've found that I can usually communicate with women at a much deeper level than with men. When I have been able to really communicate with men, they do seem to be very different at their core. I recently read somewhere that women are in general more spiritually evolved than men; that as we evolve, we naturally incarnate more as women because of our energy/vibration, and because it takes a higher vibration to bring a child through from Spirit into this world. This "evolutionary model" would explain why women are generally more sensitive and intuitive, and also peace-loving. What do you think of this notion? I'm not asking to bash men, but rather because in these modern times, we're force fed the idea that men and women deep down are the same, but they don't "feel" the same to me - they feel fundamentally different. Maybe men and women have so much trouble understanding each other because at a deep level, we're really not the same? Thanks for all you do!

- Linda

Dreamchaser:

I do not think men and woman are fundamentally different on a soul level. I think we are souls stuck inside of human bodies, and those bodies come with heads full of "logic" and raging hormones and a whole host of other mortal things. As a result, we are bound by our humanity in many ways.

I have told so many clients what I am about to say, so if you have heard it already, skip over this part or just let your eyes glaze over for a while. Women tend to be emotionally driven. We get turned on by what we feel emotionally. We can turn off our bodies and our physical needs, but we cannot turn off our "hearts."

Men, on the other hand, tend to be physically driven. Men are turned on by what they see, touch, taste, smell, feel, etc. They can turn off their emotions, but they cannot turn off their bodies. These are not spiritual differences but physical differences that arise from our roles in procreation.

This is the reason why women appear to develop much deeper bonds with other women, and why we feel our friendships are different from the way men are friends. Despite all of this, I'm here to tell you that men can be just as open, caring, sharing, giving and receiving as women.

Throughout my life I have been blessed to have all kinds of people for friends. I have friends who work for the president of the United States and I have friends who went to prison and all sorts of friends in between. I can get just as "deep" with the men as I can the women once the men trust me enough to let me into their emotions. I can also tell you that some men can be kinder and sweeter than any woman on earth, especially in times of crisis.

I feel you personally have a hard time relating to and opening up to men, and that this stems from things that happened to you in the past. You feel the need to defend yourself against men instead of opening yourself up to them, and this is causing you to miss out on a lot.

I know my life has been very balanced as a result of having my nurturing, loving women friends along with my macho but also very loving male friends. As an example, when my father died, two friends came and sat with me. The first was a female friend. She sat with me and "talked to" my soul and helped me remember that Daddy was in a better place, etc.

My male friend came later and put his arm around me, and I got to fall into a great big chest and cry. This is how he nurtured my "emotions." So you see - you too can have the best of both worlds.

I wish you healing so that you can enjoy all that men have to offer as EQUAL spiritual beings.

*****

Astrea:

Men and women are different PHYSICALLY. Sometimes we approach problems in different ways, but that depends on who we are as individuals, not on our gender. People are people, and there is a huge worldwide conspiracy afoot to separate and divide us!

Not only do the Evil Ones want to divide men and women, they want to divide us by race, religion, economy, sexual orientation, lifestyle, etc. You NAME it, kiddo! By dividing us, they take away our power as a whole. This means that the people who get rich from wars and other types of conflict can get much richer. If they keep stirring the pot, we will NEVER unite to bring an end to hunger, stop wars and other conflicts, or enjoy complete freedom of thought.

Every day I hear people say things like, "Well, that's a MAN for you, they have to be right all the time!" or "She changes her mind too much, but that's a woman for you!"

I assure you there are just as many men who frequently change their minds and just as many women who feel a need to be right all the time. We are the SAME. Sometimes we process things differently, but again, those differences are individual, not gender-driven.

Also, anyone who has lived a good number of past lives has been both male and female. When I do past life readings, people are usually downright SHOCKED to learn that they have been the "opposite" gender in another life. "How could I have ever been a MAN?" "You mean I was a GIRL?!"

We are ALL at one time or another a mother, father, son, daughter, friend, spouse and lover. People are people, and at the core, we are all the same. We all experience the highest highs and the lowest lows because we all have the SAME FEELINGS inside!

If you prefer to speak with women friends about some matters and men friends not at all, that's your decision. (That's not based on your gender either, but your own personal preferences.) Don't be BRAINWASHED by popular culture into thinking what THE EVIL ONES want us to believe - that there is no way we can see eye to eye with one another.

Don't let the medieval notion that men and women are spiritually different poison your consciousness! The propaganda to KEEP US APART is vicious and strong. Saying that women are more "spiritual" than men is just falling into a trap that's been set for us for CENTURIES; it's just like saying boys are better at math and science than girls.

I hope you re-examine this idea and hold it up to the light of TRUTH. You'll only share your spiritual path with half of the world unless you look for and embrace all the potential you encounter.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.