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The Quest for Spiritual Adulthood, by Richard Potter

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

After doing a few presentations about my book, Authentic Spirituality: The Direct Path to Consciousness, I am finding that people have become intrigued by my discussion of "spiritual adulthood." While this term only appears briefly in the book, it is implicit in much of what I talk about. Several people have commented about the lack of such a concept in exoteric religions and even esoteric spiritual paths. It appears to me that when one places consciousness—not human-made organizations—at the center of spirituality, spiritual maturity emerges as the goal.

If one looks at religions and schools of spiritual study, we typically see some version of teachers and students. There is a tendency in the patriarchal approaches to define these hierarchical roles in familial ways; teachers seem a lot like parents and students seem a lot like children. Certainly there is more texture to these relationships than is readily apparent from this description. For example, in esoteric schools, except for the highest teacher everyone is a student—even though some of them are also teachers. People can carry both the roles of teacher and student (parent and child), depending upon to whom they are relating.

From my perspective, a spiritual teacher is like the captain of a ferry, who takes us from one side of a large river to the other. Where is the place for those who have reached the other side of the river? They have crossed the river, used the expertise of the captain, but still have further to travel to reach their goal. It is not the end of the journey but the beginning of a new stage. Now the traveler must traverse new territory and often must do it without the help of a guide. We can continue on because of what we have learned while journeying with the captain and those who helped us previously. Unlike the captain of a ferry, a teacher has also given us a boon, or gift, that keeps us connected with many who have traveled this road before us.

How have we come to believe that we must always be pupils and not graduate into adult relationship and responsibility? Why is it that we cling to the belief that we are forever sheep that need shepherding? We have evidence all around us that children grow up and leave home. Students graduate and begin to practice what they have learned. Apprentices become journeymen and go on to become master craftsmen. What has caused us to ignore this reality in our spiritual lives? When we place consciousness at the center of spirituality, as I have in my book, Authentic Spirituality: The Direct Path to Consciousness, it calls into doubt these old ways of structuring spiritual pursuit.

It isn't difficult to figure out why the parent-child and teacher-student roles became associated with religious and spiritual development in the past. In pre-literate societies, the teachers/priests/shamans were those who had memorized the cultural stories and could share them with successive generations in the community. These elders not only knew the stories but had often experienced the life of spirit and could direct others from personal experience. Later, with the advent of writing, only a few were given the opportunity to venture into the mysterious world of literacy, and they belonged to the priestly or noble classes. These individuals held the "keys to the kingdom" for the vast majority of individuals in the society, because they could read and continue to preserve the cultural stories and secrets. However, with the advent of literacy it became less necessary for religious officials to have actually experienced spiritual depths; they could read about it and then share this second-hand knowledge with others.

Eventually the entire industry of organized religion began to guard access to its secrets and require periods of apprenticeship or study in order to be allowed to teach others and still the religious official need not have experienced that about which he was teaching. Mystical schools also developed where an older, oral tradition was maintained alongside the written traditions, and initiates into these mystical schools sometimes became teachers and shared the path with selected students.

An important message contained in Authentic Spirituality is that times are changing. In Western countries almost everyone can read and most of what used to be secret is now available to the general public. Unfortunately, much that is truly real gets lost in our culture since it relies on the written word to explain truth. Currently, many individuals are not only as educated as religious officials who are designated to be parental figures and dole out doctrine, but they are more educated. Priests, ministers, rabbis, and mullahs now face a struggle to convince us that they hold the keys to our spiritual lives. Among the mystical schools, the stories of the oral tradition can still be powerful—but they have been so become diluted and literalized by our materialistic culture that they are loosing their power.

There is still a crying need for inspired and inspiring teachers to share the mysteries of the path with others. There is also a huge need for people to live lives of soul and spirit. Living lives of soul and spirit means that people deepen and refine their consciousness. People such as these are needed to model for us how to begin this work. The great task of spirituality in this new age is to redefine the traditional understanding of teacher and student, parent and child, and to make much more room for the spiritual adult.

Much of my book, Authentic Spirituality, can be seen as a primer on spiritual adulthood. It is particularly by discussing "spiritual freedom" that we begin to see the process involved in attaining spiritual adulthood, which is the natural companion to spiritual freedom. Spiritual freedom requires that we have learned both to transcend our culture and live a good life within it. All truth requires the reconciliation of opposites and spiritual freedom is no exception. Transcending our culture means that we are no longer wearing our cultural blinders, made up of religious dogma, constricted consciousness, restricting concepts, and limited choices. It is also virtually impossible to live a human life without participation in the culture around us. When our individual consciousness becomes trained to be able to transcend our cultural viewpoints and at the same time partake in the teeming natural and cultural life around us, we have gained a degree of spiritual freedom. From this time forward we take on adult responsibilities for our own continued development and for the betterment of the world around us.

Spiritual freedom is the culmination of a long and arduous path and not the beginning (Potter, 2004). This is not what most people want to hear. We live in a society that wants things to be easy. When most of us hear about hard work, responsibility, and even adulthood, these things sound stifling and uninviting. We live in a society that holds youth to be the ideal state. Many children in the United States have little or no respect for the adults around them, most likely because the adults do not value adulthood. Adults would rather live a prolonged youth, avoiding adult choices and responsibilities. However, spiritual freedom requires us to go through a process of self-liberation where we rescue our true natures from the clutches of base ego desires and materialism of all kinds. Spiritual autonomy is not available to us when we remain wedded to our cultural addictions. We must use mastery, love, and will to transcend a previously adored state of spiritual childhood before we emerge into spiritual adulthood.

Is it worth it? That’s the real question. What is so great about spiritual maturity? I believe that the goal is worth the journey. I believe that the journey is also the goal, because the journey takes us through new realms of being and becoming, realms that in and of themselves are rewarding and exhilarating. I also do not want to neglect adulthood in general, because the truth is that being an adult in the lives of our families and communities can have much in common with being spiritual adults. It is only because we do not understand the benefits of maturity that we fear and avoid it. For a very long time the saturnian, joyless, patriarch or the depleted, overburdened employee have been our image of adulthood. When it is obvious that the whole purpose of life is to reach loving maturity and contribute to the well-being of our communities, we Western humans see drudgery. Where is our joy? Where is our love of life? Why do we forgo the emotional exhilaration of discovering the ever-unfolding life around us? Where is the peace that is found in fulfillment? Where is our gratitude for the mystery of life? These things, and many more, are the rightful inheritance of adulthood.

I have had the rare honor to have known several spiritual adults, and each has been quite different from the others. They also have had some similarities. I would like to create a new image of spiritual adulthood based upon the best qualities found in the spiritual adults I have known. I would like us to forget the stodgy authority figures of the past. We can move beyond an image of people too occupied with trivia to notice the beauty around them. If adulthood, responsibility, and maturity seem to us to be too limiting then we need to reevaluate our concepts. It is really our concepts, created by far too many years of repressive patriarchal, religious, political and economic rule that have indelibly imprinted a faulty view of both cultural and spiritual adulthood upon us.

Joy is universal among the wise. Joy is about being awake, and it seems to be impossible to be awake and not joyful. Joy is the natural state of the human heart, and as we awaken our heart, joy is the outcome (a time of healing may also be required). In a world that every day seems filled with more horror and ignorance, it seems incredible that spiritually awake individuals would be filled with joy, but that is typically the case. They are not blind to the ugliness of the world around them. They are in touch with the well-spring of joy within, and are therefore capable of seeing all the suffering, foolishness, and pain around them without becoming overwhelmed. They may become deeply concerned, sometimes outraged, by the cruelty of the ignorant, but they can remain centered in a joyful heart. The wise begin every action from their hearts and for this reason their actions can bring joy and light even into dark places.

We also see what we are attuned to see. When our hearts are filled with joy, we naturally are open to seeing the beauty, harmony, and depth of the exquisite life around us. How often have you noticed two people in the same situation and found that one saw mostly the beauty and the other saw mostly the problems? This is not so simple as to see one person as an eternal optimist and another as a pessimist. There is more at work here. Our consciousness becomes aware based upon what our heart is open to. When we are only open to sadness, our consciousness will extract sadness from the multiple possibilities in our environment. When our hearts are filled with joy we will extract joy from our environments. The spiritual adult will find reasons for joy all around and yet never be blind to the sadness.

Peace is the desire of the soul. It may be said that the entirety of life's quest is a search for peace that is beyond understanding. Because of its nature, peace cannot be completely found in life. Perfect peace is complete stillness and reserved for a time outside of time and space, or deep states of meditation, referred to as samadhi by the yogis. Humans have a deep desire for certain states of peace that can be experienced in life. There is a quiet sense of contentment that can come with spiritual adulthood that can permeate one's existence. A sense of no longer needing to prove anything, to strive to be better than others, or seek what is ultimately beyond our grasp, and the ability to know what is worth pursuing and what to let go, begins to accompany spiritual freedom and maturity. A peaceful heart becomes a balm not only for ourselves, but for all with whom we come in contact. Like a still lake whose calm surface only hints at the great depth that lies beneath, the heart of one who is spiritually mature can reflect the entire universe.

Yes, it is worth it to seek spiritual adulthood just as we need to value adulthood in our cultural lives. Who among us would not like to live our lives from a place of joy and peace? The outer world of the spiritually awake is often pretty much like anyone else’s, although one might perceive a little more thought and preparation. The inner world is where the difference lies. Joy and peace form the foundation and many other qualities are built from there. Qualities such as gratitude, love, wisdom, kindness, and magnanimity underpin the actions of the spiritual adult. There was a time when we thought that only gurus, high-priests and priestesses, prophets, and avatars could live such lives. Then what would be the purpose? Is it not more important than ever that as many of us as possible learn to live from a place of joy and peace?

When the time comes that we can see spiritual adulthood as attainable in this lifetime, when we can conceive of spiritual maturity as a natural state, then we will put aside the need to be shepherded like sheep or parented as children for our entire lives. We will not need to become teachers, father and mother figures to everyone we meet, or become inflated with a false sense of privilege. We will instead seek to learn and grow to adulthood so that we can take our rightful place in our families, communities, and societies. We will know that adulthood is normal and feel no need to be anything other than creative, joyful, and peaceful human beings.

Work Cited:
Potter, Richard N. (2004) Authentic Spirituality: The Direct Path to Consciousness. St. Paul: Llewellyn.

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2004. All rights reserved.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of nearly eight years because I feel that our relationship is at a standstill and he's afraid of commitment. He says he loves me but he can't commit to marriage because he doubts my priorities. He has a lot of issues in his own family and career to resolve too, but I feel it's unfair to keep me waiting forever. I knew this person was my soul mate from the start. We were friends for seven years before we started dating, so I've known him 15 years now. We still love each other but I couldn't accept his doubts. A psychic told me we were husband and wife in our last lives, and I left him and am now karmically paying for it. She said to give him a second chance because in the end, we can resolve this issue in this lifetime. I am willing to give him a second chance, but I'm wondering how long I need to wait for him to decide it's me he wants. I feel I've waited long enough and I want to move on, but a bigger part of me wants to wait for this man. Now that I know I hurt him deeply in a past life, how can I resolve that karma and win his trust again?

Doris

Astrea:

Karma from past lives can haunt us, but once we know what we did in a past incarnation that is causing us pain, we can repudiate it and choose not to repeat it again. While I don't doubt that you were together in another life, I don't believe you're now being punished for what you did then. Instead of blaming a past life, we must look to the choices we are making today.

The decisions that produce undesirable outcomes now weren't made in past lives; they were made in our present incarnation. I was taught that some of our karmic healing takes place in the time between incarnations so that we don't arrive with exactly the same problems and issues we've faced before.

If you left him in a past life, have you learned not to hurt him or leave him in this one? You can't change your past; you can only grow from it and change your karma for the future.

Now that you've been made aware of some past life issues and problems, you can choose to make better choices. Breaking up with him seems counter-productive if you're seeking to change your karma with him. Breaking up would be repeating past life events, and no one learns anything from making the same mistake over and over.

I believe we're aware of what our choices will be before we reincarnate, and we can even choose to return with the people we love. Other things simply occur as random events in our lives.

Think about the poor little kids who get abusive parents - no one would choose that! That is not a case of karmic punishment; it's random, unfortunate circumstance. Of course, sometimes the people in our Karmic Family make very poor choices. Other times, we connect with people outside our Karmic Families, or we take on suffering to spare someone else from experiencing it.

To say that because something happened in a past life, you can't influence it now is too simplistic. Change is hard for people; it has to be considered and contemplated, then actively and determinedly pursued.

I agree that fifteen years is a long time to wait on someone to do what you want them to do. Nevertheless, you seem confused about whether or not you want to really move on. This unfinished business will indeed hold you back. Since you're aware of what went wrong before, you can now choose to keep repeating it or take action and change this pattern for good.

2407

Susyn:

Many times in our lives, we stay in situations or repeat patterns in an effort to resolve karma or change the outcome of certain choices. Between our heads and our hearts, we go back and forth, trying to determine which path is the right one for us.

It sounds like this situation has caused much turmoil and confusion for you both. As I've seen to be true for many of my clients and even myself, this will simply keep you stuck in a never-ending cycle.

The solution to this problem is twofold: First, it's time to step back from your thoughts and feelings and turn the problem over to your spiritual source. Second, you must shift your focus from what he is doing back to yourself, and identify how fear is preventing you from moving forward.

I agree that you probably were husband and wife in a past life, though your karmic lesson in this connection may simply be learning to walk away again. Though your feelings run deep, there is an even greater part of you that longs to experience the love, commitment and trust that comes from being in the right relationship.

You seem very open to giving this man a second (third or fourth?) chance, but it doesn't sound like he is ready or willing to give you what you need. Although this may be due to a lack of spiritual development on his part, you are suffering by limiting your own needs and desires.

Instead of trying to figure out if the two of you should be together or if giving him more time is the answer, you can let this connection go and trust the Universe to take things from here. If he is destined to be in your life as a committed partner, walking away from him will produce the growth necessary for him to commit to you. If he's not, it will open you up to the true and loving partner Spirit wants for you.

Though it may seem difficult to walk away from a connection you've invested so much time in (in this lifetime as well as in other lives), you are working against your own spiritual growth if you sit still any longer. Though he may be familiar and you may see his potential, you are still alone, and may be keeping the Universe from bringing you the soul mate connection your heart is crying out for.

I encourage you to take a leap of faith. Begin by walking away from this connection with trust that if he is the one, he will step up to the plate. If he is not the one, you can rest assured that the Universe will bring you the person your heart is truly longing for.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.