KAJAMA.COM NEWSLETTER

A Talk with Author Kristi Hugstad
Be You, Only Better

Even before the coronavirus hit, today’s teens and young adults were already facing intense mental health challenges like academic stress, substance abuse, eating disorders, financial insecurity, anxiety, and depression — just to name a few.

When you add in tough pandemic realities like virtual learning, social distance from family and friends, and the loss of employment opportunities many are facing, it’s no wonder that so many individuals are feeling more isolated, afraid, and stressed than ever before.

The new book of Be You, Only Better: Real-Life Self-Care for Young Adults (And Everyone Else), introduces today’s young people to simple, yet powerful day-to-day practices that promote mind and body wellness. With simple, straightforward tactics — like journaling, mindfulness, healthy sleep, and sound nutrition — author Kristi Hugstad empowers young and old alike to take charge of their own wellness.  We hope you’ll enjoy this Q and A with Kristi about the book.

Your book Be You, Only Better introduces teens and young adults to simple, yet powerful self-care practices. Why is self-care more important than ever right now?

When I wrote Be You, Only Better, I certainly did not foresee a global pandemic that would change everything. But that’s exactly why self-care is so important. We can’t control the world around us – we can only control ourselves, and we can choose to practice the self-care that can make us happier and healthier, despite our external environment.

It’s no secret that teenagers and young adults are struggling today. While teen depression, anxiety and suicide rates have increased dramatically over the last decade, the pandemic has made the situation even worse. Young people need a lifeline – and often, that lifeline is within themselves. That’s really what this book is about – showing young adults healthy ways to cope and providing the resources necessary to be the best version of themselves possible.

Journaling is one of the first self-care practices you offer in the book. Why is this important for young people to do?

Today, more than ever before, we lack the time and discipline to quietly sit and reflect. Information and entertainment has never been so easily accessible – often coming to us without much (if any) effort on our parts. Daily journaling forces you to sit with your thoughts and reflect on your life and situations you may not otherwise see clearly.

Young adults, in particular, can benefit from journaling because it creates an inner dialogue and promotes mindfulness – both of which build confidence and self-awareness. Journaling provides benefits that are great for anyone but particularly healthy for young adults like boosting emotional intelligence, strengthening self-discipline, increasing memory and comprehension and providing healing, just to name a few.

You say that good sleep is an important aspect of self-care. What advice do you have to offer to those who have a hard time sleeping?

Learning to prioritize sleep when you’re young is a skill that will serve you your entire life. Part of “prioritizing” sleep mean letting go of what may be preventing a good night’s sleep. That’s much harder than it sounds, because all of us really like things that tend to prevent restful sleep – caffeine, staying up late, sleeping in late, scrolling social media or watching TV in bed.


More than anything else, I’ve found that setting a sleeping schedule – and actually sticking to it by removing the obstacles that keep me from restful sleep – is key. Readying yourself for sleep is a foundational habit, so embracing it as a young adult can set you up for a healthier, happier and more successful future.

What advice do you have to offer people who are having a hard time getting motivated to exercise?

Exercise is another foundational habit that can be difficult to form – particularly if it’s new to you. As a Pilates instructor, former gym owner and lifelong exercise enthusiast, I can honestly say I’ve never seen someone regret a workout! Sure, it can be uncomfortable or intimidating to start exercising. That’s why I always encourage people – and especially young people – to find something they truly enjoy doing. Not all of us truly love running seven miles a day – but you just might! Or you may prefer dancing, paddle boarding, yoga, cycling, hiking… the list is endless! Make the goal to try out various physical activities; chances are that there’s a form of exercise out there waiting for you to love it.

One of your chapters is about hope. What advice do you have to offer those who are feeling hopeless?

There is power in hope. Hope is motivation. Hope is optimism. Hope is the belief that good things will happen – and they’ll happen to you. When you feel hopeless, you’re less motivated to take action or control of your life, which in turn makes you feel even more hopeless. When people are in that vicious cycle, the most important thing they can do is get outside help. Whether that means talking to a close friend or finding a professional therapist, sometimes it takes an external force to help you find hope.

Often, another person can give you a fresh perspective and the motivation to move forward – which is exactly what hope is.

What advice do you have for parents who are hoping to empower their teenager to practice self-care?

Often, what parents find frustrating about their teen is the very thing that can transform their lives for better – fierce independence. Teens need love and support and someone who believes in their ability to take care of themselves.

I always advise parents to set realistic expectations for their teens. While we may be culturally expected to “do it all,” that’s not doable at any age. Help your teen prioritize their academic and extracurricular activities, making sure they still have time to properly sleep, stay active and socialize (which is also important!). Most importantly, lead by example! Make sure your teens see you taking the time to ensure your needs – physical, mental and emotional – are met.

Kristi Hugstad is the author of Be You, Only Better: Real-Life Self-Care for Young Adults (And Everyone Else) and two other books. A certified grief recovery specialist and a grief and loss facilitator for addicts in recovery, Kristi frequently speaks at high schools. She is also the host of The Grief Girl podcast and lives in Orange County, California. Visit her online at https://www.thegriefgirl.com.

I always have felt as if my mother is not my real mother. In fact, I have gone so far as to actually ask my father about it. He assured me that she is in fact my real mother. I also think she dabbles in black magick and has placed spells on me and my father but not my other siblings. Over the years I have gone through a number of hardships and always felt like I had to cross water to stop her influence over me. Please advise me. I have been troubled by this for years.  Thank you.

Gabrielle

Susyn:

Since you've verified that your mother is indeed your true parent, your feelings that something is amiss suggest a past life trauma has carried over into your current life situation. It's highly likely that the woman who is your mother in this lifetime was an adversary in a past life. Your sense that she is placing spells on you and your father also suggests that something is amiss. You may be remembering her as a person you knew in a past life who did indeed practice black magick.

Either way, it seems past life experiences are interfering with your ability to have a happy current life. People don't automatically change their behavior when they reincarnate. Even if she isn't actually holding power over you now, she definitely did in a past life. It may have been so devastating that you are still carrying traumatic memories. This can cause you to recreate the circumstances you once found yourself in. Like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, traumatic past lives can generate disabling conditions.

Your first step should be to investigate this with a psychic who specializes in past life readings. Make an appointment and learn as much as you can about this past life. In the process, you'll see many similarities between the past and the present. Ask about your mother's influence over you and your father. Once you've established what actually happened in the past, you can begin the process of ridding yourself of the hold she has over you.

Information is power. In this case, gathering evidence about your past lives together can explain why you feel the way you do about your mother. Oftentimes when a person feels that a parent is not their true parent, it's found that they were kidnapped in a past life or had to deal with a difficult step-parent. You might wonder why you chose her as your mother this lifetime. Usually such choices are designed to release old karma or learn lessons we were unable to learn last time around.

I also recommend performing a freezing ritual on your mother. (You can find this under the Spiritual Tools tab of Kajama.com.) This won't directly harm your mother but it will prevent her from holding power over you.

Once you can separate these two lifetimes, you'll be able to move more freely, and won't have to distance yourself from the rest of the family. You should also start to see your life improve in significant ways.

*****

Oceania:

While it may be tempting to blame your mother for your struggles in life, this outlook does not really serve you. When we are children, our parents have power over us; as adults, no one has power over us unless we turn it over to them.

Many people choose not to make the mental transition from powerless childhood to empowered adulthood because along with power comes responsibility. Some people prefer to see themselves as helpless victims rather than embrace the virtues of discipline, courage and integrity.

It is common for people to question whether they share a biological connection with a parent if they are very different from that parent, or when the parent is not someone they wish to emulate. Like physical traits, many personality traits are genetic. Each parent carries two genes per trait. One may be dominant (obvious); the other may be recessive (unexpressed).

Each pair of genes splits apart during cell division and reproduction. Mother's egg and father's sperm combine to form a new person with a unique set of genes and characteristics. It is possible to look and behave very differently from either parent, though you may find your traits further back in the family tree.

Parents do not have to practice black magick to emit destructive energy that squashes the creative life force of their children. Your mother may suffer from narcissistic or antisocial personality disorder. These rigid people are challenging to deal with, as they cannot see another person's point of view and tend to operate from self-interest. You can learn to identify and avoid such people, or learn to set firm boundaries with them.

Identify at least one positive about your mother. Scour your memories for some nice thing she did for you or taught you, because it will empower you to see her as a human being with strengths and weaknesses rather than a scary monster. Identify at least one negative trait in your father. Although he may appear to be her innocent victim, it always takes two to tango, so he probably played a part in her distress. Your mother may even have felt jealous of the relationship between her husband and you.

You can choose to take responsibility for your well-being and let your big light shine, or you can continue hiding in the shadows. The fact that you wrote in suggests you may be ready to take your first brave step! You deserve support; I believe you would benefit from counseling as you embark upon this important and meaningful journey.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.