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A Talk with Author Kristi Hugstad
Be You, Only Better

Even before the coronavirus hit, today’s teens and young adults were already facing intense mental health challenges like academic stress, substance abuse, eating disorders, financial insecurity, anxiety, and depression — just to name a few.

When you add in tough pandemic realities like virtual learning, social distance from family and friends, and the loss of employment opportunities many are facing, it’s no wonder that so many individuals are feeling more isolated, afraid, and stressed than ever before.

The new book of Be You, Only Better: Real-Life Self-Care for Young Adults (And Everyone Else), introduces today’s young people to simple, yet powerful day-to-day practices that promote mind and body wellness. With simple, straightforward tactics — like journaling, mindfulness, healthy sleep, and sound nutrition — author Kristi Hugstad empowers young and old alike to take charge of their own wellness.  We hope you’ll enjoy this Q and A with Kristi about the book.

Your book Be You, Only Better introduces teens and young adults to simple, yet powerful self-care practices. Why is self-care more important than ever right now?

When I wrote Be You, Only Better, I certainly did not foresee a global pandemic that would change everything. But that’s exactly why self-care is so important. We can’t control the world around us – we can only control ourselves, and we can choose to practice the self-care that can make us happier and healthier, despite our external environment.

It’s no secret that teenagers and young adults are struggling today. While teen depression, anxiety and suicide rates have increased dramatically over the last decade, the pandemic has made the situation even worse. Young people need a lifeline – and often, that lifeline is within themselves. That’s really what this book is about – showing young adults healthy ways to cope and providing the resources necessary to be the best version of themselves possible.

Journaling is one of the first self-care practices you offer in the book. Why is this important for young people to do?

Today, more than ever before, we lack the time and discipline to quietly sit and reflect. Information and entertainment has never been so easily accessible – often coming to us without much (if any) effort on our parts. Daily journaling forces you to sit with your thoughts and reflect on your life and situations you may not otherwise see clearly.

Young adults, in particular, can benefit from journaling because it creates an inner dialogue and promotes mindfulness – both of which build confidence and self-awareness. Journaling provides benefits that are great for anyone but particularly healthy for young adults like boosting emotional intelligence, strengthening self-discipline, increasing memory and comprehension and providing healing, just to name a few.

You say that good sleep is an important aspect of self-care. What advice do you have to offer to those who have a hard time sleeping?

Learning to prioritize sleep when you’re young is a skill that will serve you your entire life. Part of “prioritizing” sleep mean letting go of what may be preventing a good night’s sleep. That’s much harder than it sounds, because all of us really like things that tend to prevent restful sleep – caffeine, staying up late, sleeping in late, scrolling social media or watching TV in bed.


More than anything else, I’ve found that setting a sleeping schedule – and actually sticking to it by removing the obstacles that keep me from restful sleep – is key. Readying yourself for sleep is a foundational habit, so embracing it as a young adult can set you up for a healthier, happier and more successful future.

What advice do you have to offer people who are having a hard time getting motivated to exercise?

Exercise is another foundational habit that can be difficult to form – particularly if it’s new to you. As a Pilates instructor, former gym owner and lifelong exercise enthusiast, I can honestly say I’ve never seen someone regret a workout! Sure, it can be uncomfortable or intimidating to start exercising. That’s why I always encourage people – and especially young people – to find something they truly enjoy doing. Not all of us truly love running seven miles a day – but you just might! Or you may prefer dancing, paddle boarding, yoga, cycling, hiking… the list is endless! Make the goal to try out various physical activities; chances are that there’s a form of exercise out there waiting for you to love it.

One of your chapters is about hope. What advice do you have to offer those who are feeling hopeless?

There is power in hope. Hope is motivation. Hope is optimism. Hope is the belief that good things will happen – and they’ll happen to you. When you feel hopeless, you’re less motivated to take action or control of your life, which in turn makes you feel even more hopeless. When people are in that vicious cycle, the most important thing they can do is get outside help. Whether that means talking to a close friend or finding a professional therapist, sometimes it takes an external force to help you find hope.

Often, another person can give you a fresh perspective and the motivation to move forward – which is exactly what hope is.

What advice do you have for parents who are hoping to empower their teenager to practice self-care?

Often, what parents find frustrating about their teen is the very thing that can transform their lives for better – fierce independence. Teens need love and support and someone who believes in their ability to take care of themselves.

I always advise parents to set realistic expectations for their teens. While we may be culturally expected to “do it all,” that’s not doable at any age. Help your teen prioritize their academic and extracurricular activities, making sure they still have time to properly sleep, stay active and socialize (which is also important!). Most importantly, lead by example! Make sure your teens see you taking the time to ensure your needs – physical, mental and emotional – are met.

Kristi Hugstad is the author of Be You, Only Better: Real-Life Self-Care for Young Adults (And Everyone Else) and two other books. A certified grief recovery specialist and a grief and loss facilitator for addicts in recovery, Kristi frequently speaks at high schools. She is also the host of The Grief Girl podcast and lives in Orange County, California. Visit her online at https://www.thegriefgirl.com.

We bought a new house about a year ago. We got it for an incredibly low price. At first I attributed this to the housing slump and felt really good about it; now I'm not so sure. The problem is that every several weeks, we are awakened in the middle of the night by a loud crashing sound. It always happens around two a.m., and it always sounds pretty much the same. The first time it happened, I thought we had an intruder. The second time it happened, I thought maybe something had collapsed or fallen over in the house. Now that it has happened many times, I just roll over and go back to sleep. While this doesn't feel creepy or ominous, it is unsettling. Do you think it could be paranormal? Is someone trying to get our attention?

Carol

Susyn:

Before purchasing a property, it is always a good idea to investigate its history. While there are indeed a lot of great deals are out there given the housing market slump, people have been known to sell off haunted houses for ridiculously low prices just to be free of them.

As you have already bought the property, I would check out a few other things before assuming you have a ghost. Since the crashing sound always occurs around the same time, it may be that a heater or cooling system is creating this noise. Sometimes loose pipes or temperature changes can cause loud noises. A licensed heating/cooling specialist should be able to rule this possibility out. Plumbing can also create all sorts of noises, so be sure to investigate this idea as well.

Once you have established that the sound is not coming from a physical source, it's time to head to your local library or search the internet for articles that may illuminate your house's history. If these efforts don't turn up anything, visit your county clerk's office to find more information.

Your neighbors may also be able to help you. If they have lived there a long time, they should be able to tell you of any strange events like violent crimes or tragic deaths that occurred in the house. They may even know about paranormal activity prior residents may have experienced.

There are two types of hauntings that can occur in a home. One is called a residual haunting where events from the past replay themselves. These hauntings are not dangerous, for they do not involve the presence of conscious metaphysical entities. The fact that the sound occurs at the same time in the night suggests that if something pararnormal is occuring, it's a residual haunting.

If this were an intelligent haunting, a conscious entity would be involved. I doubt that this is what you are dealing with, however, for you don't mention any other phenomena aside from this crashing noise. Intelligent hauntings tend to accelerate over time and are not limited to one location or type of event.

If there is something paranormal going on, you may be able to quiet things down by performing a cleansing and blessing ritual. Buy a sage smudge stick at your local metaphysical store. Light the stick and move from room to room with it, asking that all entities that do not belong there leave the premises at once. If you identify the exact location the sound is coming from, leave the smudge stick there for extra purification.

*****

Oceania:

It's possible that there is something paranormal happening; you may have a ghost or the energy of your home may be unbalanced. If this is the case, you could hire a professional to help clear your home's energy, or you could do some research and address the matter yourself using a methodology like feng shui. Of course, you could also continue to ignore it.

I think the paranormal offers the simplest and perhaps least interesting explanation. I like to view every life challenge as an opportunity for spiritual growth, so let's explore a deeper, more personal explanation for these disturbing events.

Psychologists sometimes use projective tests like the Rorschach to understand a client's internal world. In this particular test, clients describe what they see in inkblots. Since these inkblots have random shapes, everyone sees something different in them. Basically what an individual sees has nothing to do with the inkblot itself and everything to do with the viewer.

Our environments can also serve as projective tools. The things that catch our attention and the way we describe those things often says more about us than it does about what we're observing. According to the Law of Attraction, like energies attract, so whatever is going on in your life is a reflection of your vibration. By changing your thoughts and your feelings, you can change your life.

Taking the above notions into account, we might presume that you are noticing loud noises around two a.m. because they reflect something within you. The number two symbolizes relationship; loud crashes symbolize conflict.

Is it possible you have some inner tension or relationship conflict? You used the words intruder and collapsed or fallen over. Do you feel intruded upon, disrespected or violated? Do you feel like you or a relationship is collapsing or falling apart?

You also wrote that you roll over and go back to sleep. If you are indeed experiencing some inner conflict, we could translate that to I give up, surrender, and go back to minimizing the problem. I sweep it under the rug. Denial may work for a while, but as you've noticed, the conflict (crashes) will continue.

Though on a conscious level you may be quite content, there may some disappointment or conflict within yourself or your relationship that is trying to get your attention. If these crashes are signs of inner conflict, they should stop happening once that conflict has been resolved.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.