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by Leta Herman & Jaye McElroy

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

Whether you're currently in a long-term, committed relationship, or just beginning your soul mate search, romantic partners can be confusing. Perhaps you connect fantastically with your new lover in the bedroom...but not so much anywhere else. Perhaps the opposite is true: your relationship feels perfect in every way except when it enters the bedroom.

How can partnerships match up in some ways, but not others? How can we learn to be ourselves—and give our partners the same privilege—without causing friction?

The answers to these questions (and many others) are found in the 3,000 year-old ancient Chinese secret of The Five Elements. It's all about your energy. Whether you know it or not, your energy is interacting with your lover's energy, everyday, twenty-four hours a day. Yes, even while you sleep together, your energies are co-mingling! With the power of the Five Elements, discover what you truly want in a relationship, find a lover who matches you energetically, and make your relationship longer-lasting and romantically charged. By learning the Elemental Energy types of you and your partner, you can build a true connection without unrealistic expectations.

First, take a romantic and spiritual journey to discover a mystical and magical new world…and the first assignment is looking at yourself. You must understand your true, authentic self before you can understand anyone else.

What Are the Chinese Elements?
Sometime in the past, about three thousand years ago (nobody knows exactly when), ancient Chinese scholars, philosophers, and physicians began documenting theories of the Five Elements—Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal, and Water on human behavior and the nature of energy in the universe.

The Five Elements don't only relate to love; they relate to everything, including the seasons of the year. They influence every aspect of life and even how people move. Every movement you make is influenced energetically by these Five Elements.

What Element are you: Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal, or Water? Every person has all Five energies—just in a different order, or what we call your "stack up" of Elements. Your first Element is what your current lover responds to most often. It's also the Element that motivates you in life. It is the primary way you move in life and in love. Our book, The Energy of Love, presents various ways to identify key traits and attributes of the Five Elements in any person, so you can identify your first Element (as well as your others) and that of your partner. Read the descriptions below to see which Element resonates with you more than the others:

• Wood: Winning in the Bedroom and in the Boardroom
  Are you the type of person that sets a goal for everything you do?

If you're the Wood Element, then you're a natural leader with a friendly yet commanding tone of voice. When you speak, people come to attention (not to mention dogs). When you're in a good place in life, you can be quite charismatic when you want to be. You're playful, fun-loving, good at negotiating deals (big or small), and gracious when winning competitive events. In a mate, you might be looking for someone who is interested in doing interesting things with you, someone who can keep up with the flurry of activities and hobbies you might have.

You like to do big things in life. Simple dating isn't enough; you need to make sure your dates have the best experiences possible, especially in the beginning of the romance. When you're happy, everyone is happy—and you're happy when you can make your lover happy. Some Elemental types enjoy slow, lazy sex. Not Wood! For Wood, sex is an athletic event—with a lot of sweat and effort for the ultimate achievement. You strive for the win-win in the bedroom as well as in the boardroom.

Woods can sometime approach dating like it's fourth quarter at the Super Bowl with two minutes left on the clock. You've got a goal, and a strategy, and it's time to execute the plan. You find the best restaurant and somehow get a table reservation. You might love to find the best cool thing to do for a first date (hot air balloon, hike to a secret waterfall, or VIP box seats at a baseball game.) You can tackle all this with the seriousness of negotiating an important contract. If you are really into someone, you're intent on winning them over, no matter what. It is the Wood way.

• Fire: Too Hot to Handle?
  Are you the type who cares more about people than things? Fires are very talkative, friendly, and full of smiles! They can sometimes be a bit shy and vulnerable, especially with new people they meet, but they are always smiling. At first, dating can make you uncomfortable and uneasy, so you may not do the dating thing a lot. You are constantly putting your heart out on your sleeve, and you might find yourself compensating by talking too much or not enough. Once you're sure the new person likes you, you can start to relax and be yourself.Romance is in the air, and your heart is a flutter. Do you approach dating like it's a flirting contest, both bold and shy at the same time? Do you prefer to have a quiet romantic dinner and then perhaps dance the night away or go somewhere and talk so you can gaze in each other's eyes on a starry night? Romantic sigh.

  Once you're sure your new love is really into you, you can turn up the heat and be very hot in bed, burning up those sheets like a fireman heading to a four-alarm fire! You also want to give and receive love at the same time so that you can both feel a deep heart connection, so a lover who is the taking-turns-type is just not going to work for you. Connection through the eyes is a true sign of Fires, and a major facet of the Fire Element in love.

• Earth Makes the World Go Round
  Are you the type of person who really cares (and listens) and takes care of everyone?You love sharing food, thoughts, and caring all the time. Earth is very even, centered, social, and friendly (in the boy or girl next door kind of way). You're the reliable kind, like old school "good marrying" material—sensual but steady is a good way. Don't think this is boring by any means; Earth can be very romantic and make little earthquakes in the bedroom—so to speak.

  Your idea of a date isn't quite so elaborate as other Elements. Do you prefer a romantic evening cooking a four-course meal, sharing bottle of wine, and talking about deep meanings of life? Sharing interesting ideas and philosophies is your idea of foreplay! Being intimate isn't just a meeting of two bodies, but of two minds as well.

  Sex for Earth is a sensual, slow, sharing event. You want to really give to your lover and take turns receiving. You have an innate sense of what will feel fantastic for your lover. Everything can be slow. Connection occurs through touch and sharing. You support your lovers, and your support is reliable and constant. Earth can move mountains if they are so motivated for a lover.

• Metal: The Oh-So-Cool Metal Factor
  Are you the type who hangs back and waits for people to come to you in a mysterious, alluring kind of way?You like to be mellow and hang out with friends on a regular basis. But when you have a new lover, you like to be very romantic, even chivalrous! You have a mystery about you that people are attracted to, and they often pursue you with fervor. You love being the object of pursuit. Why not?

  Do you approach a date like a limo driver, ready to quietly serve with extreme attentiveness and respect? Your romantic dreamy dates might include a quiet walk through a museum, a tandem bike ride, or a beautiful drive in the country with your date. The quietness is a time to connect so they can evaluate your level of sincerity. Metals prefer authenticity in their close romantic connections.

  Your slower nature also shows up in bed. Sex for Metals is an experience of the senses that requires taking your time and enjoying whatever you're doing. Why rush when you can take all night? Sensuality takes on a whole new meaning with Metal, as they can be white-hot lovers all night long.

• Water: Ripple, or Raging River of Love?
  Are you the type of person who loves to be silly and laugh hysterically?You like intensity, whether it's laughing hysterically, acting silly, or doing something a little dangerous (but always within your safety zone). You might want to go hang-gliding with your lover or sit on the couch and play an intense hang-gliding video game. Both are fun, and either is okay with you! You want someone who likes to do those things, too. How about going to an amusement park, a huge rock concert, or perhaps a night out for hilarity at the local comedy show. After a bit of intensity, you also like to relax and think about your next adventure together—so having someone to be a couch potato with after a day of fun is great way to shore up the romance.

  For Water Elements, sex can be like an electrifying surge of energy in bed. The question is: Can your partner keep up with this intensity? You like to build up the energy and then make it last, anticipating, but keeping the crescendo from ending. With your lovers, you can feel a deep, wordless connection. Waters go with the flow and love being in that flow.

Love: Want It, Find It, Keep It!

Want It
Finding your energetic match isn't as easy as saying that all Waters are attracted to Fires, or that all Woods love Metals. Ha! If only it were that easy! Unfortunately, such magical formulae for a lonely heart are oversimplifications of how energy works.

In fact, the type of person you're attracted to energetically is much more about where you are in your life, today, right now. Most people go through different periods of their lives where they're more attracted to a particular energy or another. These attractions shift and change as you mature. In your younger years, you might want someone who is your opposite energy. Opposites attract, right? It's true in the Five Elements as well. If you look at the majority of young adult relationships, you'll find this to be true energetically. They often pick people who are very different, which amplifies the sexual attraction. Conversely, people in midlife often gravitate to relationships that are very compatible and may not have as much sexual "heat" initially.

The question is: what type of relationship do you want right now in your life?

To find the relationship you're looking for, first take some time to evaluate where you are in your life. Usually lovers have different energy types. Truthfully, it can be a little boring to partner with someone who is the same energy—like dating yourself. But maybe you just want someone to really, truly get you like no other. Dating someone of the same energy type would achieve this goal. Or perhaps you want a relationship with more spice and fire? Someone with the opposite energy will bring you the excitement you're looking for. If you want something that feels easy and calm but with enough variety to make it interesting, you can find someone whose energy type is more compatible to yours. Let your stage of life guide you as to what you truly desire right now.

Find It
Once you determine what type of person you're looking for, The Energy of Love can help you identify that person. Imagine you're on a first date. You see that person drive up, get out of the car, and walk toward you. Just by how they walk, hold their bodies, and the tone of their voice, you can know within the first few minutes whether this is the type of energy you really want in your life right now. It doesn't have to be like winning the lottery to have a good first date.

If, after you start the first date, you are thinking this is not "the one," you can still enjoy the date of course, but now you can really decide if that second date is going to happen. You'll better know what you want and how to find love and romance. It's time to be true to yourself and not settle for the first person that comes along and is interested in you.

However, if this new person is the type you've been looking for, you'll now have some new tools to foster better communication. The Energy of Love explains the differences in how each Elemental type thinks, acts, and loves—to the point where you could almost predict how they will be energetically. Imagine knowing better what NOT to say on those first dates so you don't send that perfect lover running in the opposite direction!

Keep It
The Energy of Love won't just help you find your perfect lover. Once you've found that ideal partner, how are you going to hang onto that special someone?

The Five Elements bring acceptance to relationships. Understanding them helps you accept your lover's "quirks" as the normal behavior for people of their energy type. That way, when your partner does the darnedest things that used to make no sense whatsoever, you no longer feel compelled to ask your partner to be someone they're not.

This is the biggest gift to your relationship. From that place you can grow and learn in a positive way. You can even learn, from a place of acceptance, how to modify your natural behaviors because you love each other. We have found that in most cases, if both partners take an interest in the Five Elements and how it affects their relationship, they can work out their differences. It takes two to tango, so go out and dance the dance of a lifetime with The Energy of Love.

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2014. All rights reserved.

For months there have been two or three people controlling my thoughts to get me to feel the way they want me to. They want to punish me or make me think twice about what I'm doing versus what they want me to do. There are thoughts forced into my mind constantly. I can't think for myself and if I try forcing the thoughts away they just get quiet for a while. How can I force these people out of my mental space?

S.

Astrea:

Telepathic messages are picked up by people with various types of psychic ability. Often Empaths will experience people intruding on their thoughts as you describe.

Most of the time, other people drift in and out of our minds or we only get vague impressions from them. We may pick up on their thoughts, but we perceive them with feelings and impressions instead of images or voices. I don't know of anyone getting the winning lottery numbers from something like this, but I do know that numbers are common things to see in this way.

It isn't good for you to feel helpless, especially since no one can punish you except YOU. Please try to grasp this concept! You can choose to stop hearing these voices, but you may need some help.

If you have people in your life you can trust to take this information in the right way, ask them to meditate and pray with you so you can get rid of these telepathic intruders right away. The sooner this is over, the better you will feel.

Also, think about what you did to open the door of your mind and let these intruders into your Harmony. Go back in time to when these voices began. If they seem to be growing stronger or more troubling, it may be high time to get rid of them altogether.

You can quiet them for a while now, and with time and effort, you can learn to quiet them permanently. You simply have to find the strength to close the door you opened in the past. Once you discover when, why and how this all began, you shouldn't have any trouble quieting these entities once and for all.

Most telepathic people must learn to shield themselves from other people's thoughts, but in this case, you've allowed them to take control. If these are living people you know in real life, just tell them to stop. If they are other-worldly people, then you have to get them out of your head.

One way to do that is to replace their voices with the voices of your Guides and Angels. Your Angels can battle these intruders and get rid of them for you, but you have to ask them to do it. Though our Guides and Angels can't force us to take particular action, they can force other beings out of where they don't belong.

You would also be wise to consider that these experiences could stem from a change in any kind of medication you've been taking. If you or your doctor made any prescription changes at about the time this began to happen, talk to your doctor about changing your dosage. If this is altogether a spiritual condition, you might seek support and guidance from a spiritual helper like a healer or spiritual counselor.

*****

Susyn:

This problem is more common than you might imagine. We are bombarded via television, radio and print advertising with commercials, messages and propaganda trying to influence our opinions. We also have ministers, teachers and family members around us who may be trying to influence or control our thoughts for various reasons.

It sounds like there are some people in your life who would like to direct your thoughts, and that you know who they are. In this case, it should be relatively simple to block their attempts.

First, keep in mind that every time you mention others' attempts to control you, you actually give them more power to do so. As long as you believe that they have the ability to do this, you keep the door open and allow this behavior to continue.

I recommend you begin with a daily or hourly affirmation. Each time you feel others' energy coming at you, simply block it with the statement, I am in control. No one has influence over my thoughts or actions unless I allow it.

Next, it would be a good idea to freeze these individuals using a few simple household items. Gather together a white candle, a brown grocery sack, some table salt, and some sandwich size Zip-loc baggies - one for each person you feel is trying to control your thoughts.

To center your mind, light the white candle and take some deep breaths. Tear off a small piece of the brown paper sack and write the name of one person on it. Concentrate on this piece of paper and say aloud, I ask the Universe to freeze all thoughts and controlling behavior emanating from this person, and return those thoughts to them tenfold.

Then fold the paper three times, drop it into the baggie and sprinkle some table salt into the bag. Next, fill the bag two-thirds full with water, seal it, and place it in your freezer. Repeat this ritual with each person you feel is attempting to control you. Within 24 hours (after the bags of water have frozen solid), you should feel better and more in control of your own thoughts.

If these are people with whom you are in regular contact, you can also visualize a small mirror in your solar plexus chakra area when you are with them. When you feel attacked, focus on the mirror and let it symbolically reflect their words and energy back to them.

You can also carry a piece of turquoise or lapis lazuli with you at all times, as these stones are known for their protective powers.

These three methods should help you sidestep any influence these people attempt to wield over you and eliminate the telepathic problems you've been having.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.