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by David R. Hamilton Ph.D.

If you're like most people, you've probably wondered whether things are meant to be: are you destined to be with that special person, or to have that job, or that friend, that dog, or that really difficult time in your life? Or do we create it all as we go along?

If you're like me, you've wrestled with it for years. There were things that I felt strongly were meant to be in my life, like going to the University I attended and also doing my Ph.D. in the research group I ended up in, to even not getting the job I wanted in the pharmaceutical industry but instead getting one that exposed me to evidence of the placebo effect. This facilitated my route into writing books about the power of the mind, which I believe is my 'destiny.'

But at the same time, I am 100% certain that I shape my own life too, sometimes through taking action to make things happen and other times when seemingly coincidental things happen shortly after I've been thinking about them.

I wrote my book, Is Your Life Mapped Out?: Unravelling the mystery of destiny vs. free will to attempt to set my own mind at rest. This is what I came up with:

R=IEBpFeFiOX

Before you go, Whhooooaaaaa, hey what's with the math? it's actually much simpler than you think. Let me explain what the letters mean.

R is the letter I use for 'the Reality that you experience' and it's caused by the letters that come after it. Here's what they mean:

I is your intention. It's the force of you Intending for something to happen, which often results in you acting on your intentions, or subconsciously setting in motion a chain of events that move you towards your goal.

E stands for your emotions. Emotion is a powerful force. If you have an intention to achieve something but your overall emotion about it is negative, then emotion usually overrules intention and you don't go anywhere. Alternatively, when you have a goal and you feel strongly positive when you think about it, you tend to move towards it (or attract it to you).

B stands for your beliefs. Beliefs can propel you to where you want to go or they can sabotage your efforts. Say you had a desire to be financially abundant, but had a belief that it's wrong to have money because people are starving, or that people with money are selfish or unkind, or that money is the root of all evil, for instance. Then chances are these beliefs will overrule your intention to have money. No matter how hard you try, something will always seem to block your efforts.

You can usually tell what kind of beliefs you have about something by looking at your life. Stuff and experiences in your life that you are happy with, that tend to come easily to you, usually represent positive beliefs. Stuff and experiences you feel frustrated you're not having usually signal negative beliefs in those areas. It's best if your beliefs are in line with what you want to achieve.

P stands for momentum of your current experience. Just like a large ship in the ocean can't make a sudden 90-degree turn, but turns throughout a large arc due to its weight or momentum, so most people, when they decide to make a life change, still experience elements (circumstances, types of people, etc.) of their old life for a while as their life turns in an arc rather than in a sudden straight line off to the right or left. Intention works a lot with momentum because the stronger your intention, the faster you break your momentum and the shorter the turning arc in your life.

Fe stands for external forces. These are forces in your environment that have an impact on your life and the kinds of choices you make. They can be the weather; chronobiological in terms of how the Earth's rotation, the sun, and the moon can impact biology; they can be effects of food or anything else that represents how we interact with our natural environment. They can even represent the physical or social environment a person lives in, which can be a very strong force for some.

Fi stands for internal forces. These are what I refer to as spiritual forces. I believe that consciousness transcends time and space, and thus 'you' existed in some form or other before you were born on Earth. Rather than your life being a random event, then, it is likely that you were born at a particular time (given the entire span of Earth's history), in a particular place, into a particular set of social and economic conditions, even into a particular family environment, and often with a latent skill set or direction you intended to move towards. These preconditions would set the tone of the early years of your life, which would then have a strong bearing on the kind of adult you become and the direction of your life. When I talk of destiny, this is what I refer to.

O stands for the effect of other people on you. We're all influenced by other people either directly, by family, friends, colleagues, or even people we meet throughout our day, or indirectly, as world events affect the financial or social environment that we live and move in, or as our choices are influenced by marketing efforts, propaganda, or just information we pick up through watching or reading the media.

X is for any other forces that I haven't though of. 🙂 I'm sure I've not thought of everything.

So the reality that you experience is related to your intentions, your emotions, your beliefs, the momentum of what's currently happening in your life, external forces, internal (spiritual) forces, and the influence of other people.

So how do these forces interact with one another? Well, I think we are born into a set of conditions and circumstances that set the landscape of our lives and its colour tones. As we travel through our landscape, we are occasionally pulled left and right and even nudged back or sucked forwards from time to time. But amid these winds, we are always choosing, always creating, always shaping our lives. It is impossible not to. Thoughts are creative. What we focus on we move towards. That, to me, is a Law. Some call it the Law of Attraction or 'the Secret.'

Some people believe in destiny, others don't. What I've written here is just my belief, coloured, perhaps, by the influences I've experienced in my life and also by what I've always sensed. In some ways, I've sought scientific evidence to explain what I've always believed.

Whether you take comfort in an overall direction you feel you're supposed to be going in or whether you're more motivated in taking the actions that are necessary to get to where you want to get to is up to you. We're all different. Some are more comfortable with the former, some with the latter.

As long as you're comfortable with whatever you personally believe, then great. Happiness and contentedness arise when we're comfortable with our own beliefs regardless of whether there is an ultimate truth or not.

Personally, I think destiny and free will interact constantly, just as nature and nurture interact. Genes do not act out with their environment, but in relationship with it. So, too, do our hopes and dreams play out in relationship to our environment, both physical and spiritual.

David R. Hamilton has a first class honors degree in chemistry and specializes in biological and medicinal chemistry. He is the bestselling author of seven books published by Hay House, and offers talks and workshops designed to fuse science, the mind, and spiritual wisdom. He writes a regular blog at DrDavidHamilton.com as well as one for the Huffington Post. The above article was printed here with his kind permission.

I married young; I was 18 and my first husband was 23. We had a son and after six years of marriage, I left him and got a divorce. I am now 58 and have fallen totally and completely in love with him again. I miss him and want to be with him in the afterlife. Every day I fall in love with him more and more. Though I have remarried, I badly want to be with my ex-husband when I die. Is that possible? I didn't love him the way a wife should love her husband, but I was young and dumb and now I realize what a wonderful man I had.

- June

Susyn:

You speak of your first husband as though he has already died. Whether or not this is the case, it doesn't sound like he is present in your life right now, so it's interesting that your feelings for him are stronger than ever before.

First let me assure you that when we cross over into the afterlife, we will be reunited with all the people who touched us in special ways. There may not be marriage or partnership like what we experience here on Earth, but when our spirits leave our bodies and move to the next level, our hearts and souls become open enough to love and spend time with whomever we choose.

It's difficult to live with regrets, especially when we have no way of going back to either change things or make amends for our behavior. Also, now that you're older and have much more life experience, it's only natural for it to be easier for you to identify your part in the demise of your marriage. Once we can look past life-changing experiences and learn from them, our deeper, truer feelings can begin to shine through.

To alleviate your fears and regrets, you may want to write a letter to your ex-husband designed to make amends. It doesn't matter if he is living or crossed over, for this letter will be for you - you won't actually send it. This will help you get your thoughts down on paper, make your apologies, and release the hold the past has over you. Once you have finished the letter, burn it with a white candle as a ritual of release; this act alone should soften the strong feelings you've been struggling with.

There is no doubt that you are sincere in hoping that the two of you can someday be together. As love is at the core of all attraction, you have only to embrace your loving feelings to be led back to your first husband in the afterlife. Your biggest challenge now is to live in the present and continue to seek spiritual guidance on how to live the remainder of your life with joy and purpose. Knowing that you and your first husband will one day reunite should bring you peace, but you must not neglect the other people and activities in your life that require your attention now.

There are important lessons to learn in all of our life experiences. It sounds like in looking back, you have learned to see beyond the difficulties of your first marriage to the true love and blessings it contained. As you move forward, there will be many more experiences that can affirm life's never-ending lessons and the magical ways Spirit can support, guide and enlighten you.

*****

Mata:

I wish you had shared what happened to make you feel this way now, for knowing that would illuminate a great deal about why your feelings have changed and what this strong desire may mean on a deeper spiritual level.

For example, it is possible that your strong feelings may not be about your ex-husband at all, but instead are about some needs you have that are going unfulfilled in your current marriage. They may also have arisen because your soul is calling you to further heal and release the past so you can grow to fully embody the wisdom you've gained over the years.

The main thing that leapt out at me from your question was a sense of how your current perspective on all of this seems rather limited. If you step back to view the big picture, hopefully you will realize that if you feel this way about your ex-husband now, it is entirely possible that if you were with him, your feelings would shift again and you would feel the same way about wanting to be with your current husband.

It's human nature to see the grass on the other side as greener and to want what we can't have. It's also very easy to look past all we don't like about a relationship or situation when we never have to actually live with it. In our minds, we may glorify the past by remembering only the good times, and gild the future by imagining that what we think we want to happen will truly make all our dreams come true.

I'm not saying that your desire is false; I'm just suggesting that you would be wise to learn from this experience by recognizing the good in your current husband and making the most of that relationship.

All desires are eventually fulfilled, and all karma must one day be resolved, so it is certain that you will not only reunite with your husband in the afterlife but also reincarnate with him in order to finish what you started in a more positive, fulfilling way. If you strongly desire to be his wife again, then that is almost sure to happen. Love is eternal, so if you two truly love each other, your souls will naturally be drawn back toward each other again and again.

I would offer you this bit of advice: be careful about making one relationship or love more important than another. On some level, we are all one, so what we do to one person, we do to another as well as to ourselves. With this in mind, if you want to cultivate a happier, more fulfilling future, you would be wise to give the best of yourself to every person in your life, and make every relationship as good as it can be.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.