KAJAMA.COM NEWSLETTER

November 11 through November 17, 2024

Venus kicks starts the week off by moving into Capricorn on Monday, setting a loving tone to the holidays ahead. This is an aspect that also encourages spending lots of money, so as you find yourself booking a getaway, decorating, having a makeover, or purchasing gifts, keep this in mind! We’ll be operating on high energy as the Moon travels through Aries Tuesday and Wednesday, but let’s remember to pace ourselves so we don’t run out of steam before the week ends. The Moon moves into Taurus on Thursday and grounds our movements a bit, as we embrace logic and practicality over trying to dash ahead without caution. The Taurus Moon waxes full on Friday, marking a two-week cycle of release. In the sign of Taurus, this is a call to look over our finances and belongings to see where we can streamline things to create more freedom of movement in the future. Saturn will also turn direct at the same time, reminding us to put boundaries around our spending and schedules. We’ll close the week out on a fun note under the Gemini Moon, socializing with our favorite people or surfing the web for gifts or information.

A Ritual for Closure (When Closure Can’t Be Found), by Courtney Weber

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

"Will I ever find closure?"

The search for closure: after a loss, hurt, or disappointment, a person grieves. Alongside that grief is a nagging, cloying feeling that follows us around. We move through our days trying to function with the weight of our loss on us, and so often we find ourselves confessing to others, "I just want closure."

As a Tarot reader, "Will I get closure?" is one of the most common questions I am asked.

The identity of closure is as varied as the people who crave it—it is subjective, unique to the person that wants it. There is no objective meaning of closure.

For some, closure is an answer to a "why:" Why did they die? Why did they leave? Why did the community fall apart? For others, it's being witness to "karmic" retribution: The chance to see someone suffer in the way that we suffered at their hands. And for some, it's an understanding of a greater purpose to the loss: The pain is too thick, the loss too potent for it to be random chance. There must be some greater, destiny-aligned reason for the lost to have taken place.

But truly, few of us will ever get closure in the way that we want it. We may never have the chance to directly ask our former lover why they left…or be able trust an answer even if we did get it. Sure, the person who hurt us may suffer greatly at some point…but will we be there to witness it? We could get a hundred different readings on the grand destiny of purpose of someone's passing away too young…but would that only confuse us further?

Even if we can get an honest answer out of the lover, be witness to the hurt of someone who harmed us, or have the Gods physically and fully appear before us to give us the exact truth of the destiny of someone's untimely passing…would that truly obliterate our suffering?

No. We would still suffer. We would still grieve.

Having closure is a crucial part of a person's healing process. Unfortunately, seeking closure outside of ourselves can delay our healing. If our own closure is dependent on getting "the truth" from another person, witnessing what we feel is righteous retribution, or having a full-on manifestation of a god who can tell us what we want to hear, we are unlikely to ever have it.

Closure comes from within. If we want to have it, we must create it.

This is especially true when a situation doesn't allow for true closure. Let's say a friend ghosts you. You don't know why they suddenly vanished from your life, and you can't ask them as they've blocked you on social media and don't respond to your texts. When you ask your mutual friends for insight, they simply shrug. Eventually, you'll need to accept that, unfair as it may be, you won't get an answer as to why they stopped being your friend. If you want closure on this situation, you'll need to create it.

A pre-practice (consider building this exercise into your spiritual practice, e.g., doing this work during a visit to your altar, during a bedtime meditation, or on an intentional walk through the park or woods):

Describe the closure that you seek. Don't put it in the form of a question, nor try to justify why you want this information. This work is about exploring what closure means to you, not defending your reasons for wanting it.

Your closure descriptions may look like this:
"I want to know why they ghosted me."
"I want to know what they think of me."
"I want them to understand how deeply they hurt me."

Now, include a "because" with each phrase. Try to be as honest with yourself as possible.

"I want to know why they ghosted me…because I was a good friend and deserved better than that."
"I want to know what they think of me…because I need to understand why they left." "I want them to understand how deeply they hurt me…because if they knew how deeply they'd hurt me, they'd be sad and sorry and would suffer in the way that I suffered."

If you struggle with a "because," try creating a fantastical one:
"I want to know why they ghosted me...because ghosts are already aplenty and we don't need any more and they know that boo."
"I want to know what they think of me...because the parallel-universe me already knows and I feel left out."
"I want them to understand how deeply they hurt me…so they'll turn back time and undo the hurt they did and we'll be friends forever."

Whether concrete or fantastical, offer these closure descriptions to your higher power(s) or spirit allies, with the intention, "I crave understanding." Make note of dreams, synchronicities, or other revelations that come to you in the following days. You may find that different facets of understanding come your way.

The following is a follow-up exercise that may prove helpful. In my book, Sacred Tears, I provide an exercise for exploring a story without an ending. Here is an abbreviated version.

Here, devise three different stories for why your loss happened:

1. A realistic version
2. A possible, but highly unlikely version
3. A fantastical version

For an example, let's stick with the friend ghosting situation:

1. Realistic version: "They ghosted me because they got super busy with work."
2. Possible, but highly unlikely version: "They ghosted me because they decided to hitchhike across the country without telling anyone and are currently writing a memoir."
3. Fantastical version: "They ghosted me because they were eaten by an ogre."

Write each of these endings on three separate pieces of paper. In your ritual space, or during your Magickal working time, one at a time, embrace each piece of paper to your chest. Focus on embracing the possibility. Then, one by one, destroy the pieces of paper.

Now, on a new piece of paper, write down the truth you know about the situation, as well as what you do not know about it. Example: "Someone I once called a friend does not call or speak to me. I do not know why someone I once called a friend does not call or speak to me."

Hold this piece to your chest and embrace it as the only truth you have, which is in the not-knowing. Repeat the following:
"I know this truth. I accept this truth. I will never know the full mystery of this truth. I accept that I will never know the full mystery of this truth."

This working may need to be done several times, even years later. Closure doesn't happen in one ritual. It's not a snip and release of something that held us back. It's more of an unwinding of a tightly wrapped wire around an object. It takes time, and work. But creating our own closure is a brilliant step toward healing.

Remember this: Closure does not have to include "approving" of what happened to us. It's not automatically saying, "Water under the bridge…never happened." It's also not necessarily saying, "It's okay. I'm over it."

Closure is an act of acceptance: acceptance that we lost, that we were harmed, that some things will never come back, that some answers will never be known. It happens on our terms and under our own definitions. But it does not happen when we place it in the hands of other people or in specific circumstances.

To find closure, we must create it on our own. And once we do, we are one step closer to peace.

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2024. All rights reserved.

I have a problem that I'm sure you two have a lot of experience with. I'm a medium/clairvoyant, but I try not to let everyone know this for a number of reasons. While of course there are concerns that people will think I'm weird, the hardest thing for me to deal with is being swamped by people who all want me to read them as soon as they learn what I do. I imagine it's a bit like being a doctor and having everyone you meet tell you about their health problems in hopes of a bit of free medical advice. I don't want to be rude or seem uncaring, but there is only so much one woman can do! How do you two handle psychic hangers on?

Blessings!

Ruth

Dreamchaser:

First of all, shame on you. It sounds like you want all the benefits of feeling connected to Spirit and none of the hassles. You only want to tell who you want, when you want. Is that about it?

Well, thanks very much for letting people like me and Astrea (who are out about being psychic with everyone all the time) take the heat!

I personally enjoy helping people realize that spiritual readers of any kind are normal, everyday people who have to go to the grocery store, the hardware store and the post office, just like them.

I like folks to see me in my daily life. I get to teach them by example what an ever-growing, imperfectly human spiritual being can be. I think that's one of the greatest gifts I can give to humankind.

I can tell anyone a psychic prediction, but I think my best teaching comes by allowing people to watch me in my daily life. I love knowing that people see or sense something different about me.

My best friend is also a great psychic reader, and we have a wonderful time exchanging tales about how people react to us. Lots of people start telling us their entire life stories just because we said hello to them. They just open up to us.

Of course, they may not be sure about us at first, but once they see us living normal lives, they realize we're not so scary. You've been given a gift, not a toy that you can pull out and play with when you choose.

Secondly, shame on THEM! Of course, there are freeloaders in any profession - that is just a fact of life. Like you mentioned, I'm sure that doctors are constantly asked to take a quick look at this or that.

Every doctor I ever knew would smile and say, Call the office on Monday and I'll get you in. Most folks will accept that answer and retreat, so you might say, Well, let's set you up an appointment for a reading. When are you available?

Instead of letting other people affect you so much, you have to take charge. By offering to stop what you're doing and set up an appointment for them, you are being polite, not rude. You're letting them know that you are a professional, just like doctors and lawyers and everyone else.

I'm sure you will also meet people who ask you a lot of questions about your gift and how it works just because they are fascinated by such matters. Take the time out to answer those folks.

Everyone is psychic on some level, for everyone has a sixth sense, and we can help foster that ability in the people who ask us about it.

I wish you the wisdom to be a great example!

*****

Astrea:

My dear friend is also a psychic reader, and for a while, her neighbor would arrive on her doorstep daily, asking to have her cards read. She finally got fed up with her and said, I don't need any cards to tell you that you've messed up your life! That was the end of the neighbor's visits.

There are people I hear nothing from for months at a time, and then I'll get an email that says, Hi, how are you? Here is my problem, what do I do? Sometimes I answer them with a reading, and sometimes I don't.

When I don't, I simply tell them I'm not doing free readings right now. I can usually feel when someone just wants to emote versus when they are sincerely in need of guidance. I can't turn down a sincere appeal, but since they are so few and far between, they don't take much of my time.

My friends only ask me to read for them if they really need guidance, and they usually offer to pay, though I usually won't let them. Since they learn fast not to endlessly bug me about it, I don't mind doing it every now and then.

I know you don't mind helping your friends. The problem is there are TONS of people who are just looking for fun and wasting your time as a result. Over the years I've found it's easiest to say, Oh, do you want a reading? If you visit me at Kajama, I'll be glad to do one for you.

If they're the sort who won't give up, I might say, Oh Honey, I don't think it would be worth it to you. I charge too much for readings for what you want to know. Most of the time it's not that they want something for nothing, they just don't understand that doing readings isn't a hobby for me, it's how I make a living.

Also, you can always tell them about how people tend to value things based on what they invest in them, so people who pay for readings get much more out of them than people who are constantly angling for free ones.

There are a few folks who simply want to be entertained. Since those people aren't going to be important in your life anyway, I'd just say, I don't do this for fun, it's my job.

As strange as it may make you feel, you're wise not to broadcast your ability to every person you meet. This can even be a safety issue, as not everyone understands what we do or why we do it.

For example, for most readers, this line of work wasn't a choice but a true spiritual calling. Believe me: teaching ballet classes to screaming kids was a walk in the park compared to reading for people!

Some people aren't even open to TRYING to understand that we're not a bunch of fakes who just want to separate them from their money, while other people think we're all going to hell in red dresses.

(I have mine hanging on the back of my closet door, so it's handy just in case!)

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.