KAJAMA.COM NEWSLETTER

November 4 through November 10, 2024

With no major astrological shifts coming this week, things flow along pretty smoothly. We’re moving through a spiritual cycle and viewing things from a different vantage now, which will allow us to go with the flow and follow our every intuition. Monday’s Sagittarius Moon will bring out our fun-loving sides, so we may not be as productive as we’d hoped, but not to worry, as the Moon will change signs into Capricorn on Tuesday and remain there through Thursday. Operating under the sign of Capricorn we’ll be able to get back to any jobs waiting our attention, as well as catching up with paperwork, cleaning, and establishing a more structured tone to our days. The fun starts on Friday as the Moon moves into Aquarius for a few days, bringing unexpected opportunities and a chance to hang out with our favorite people! This fairly uneventful week ends on a calm note when the Moon enters Pisces on Sunday and encourages us to "follow the whims of the Universe!"

A Ritual for Closure (When Closure Can’t Be Found), by Courtney Weber

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

"Will I ever find closure?"

The search for closure: after a loss, hurt, or disappointment, a person grieves. Alongside that grief is a nagging, cloying feeling that follows us around. We move through our days trying to function with the weight of our loss on us, and so often we find ourselves confessing to others, "I just want closure."

As a Tarot reader, "Will I get closure?" is one of the most common questions I am asked.

The identity of closure is as varied as the people who crave it—it is subjective, unique to the person that wants it. There is no objective meaning of closure.

For some, closure is an answer to a "why:" Why did they die? Why did they leave? Why did the community fall apart? For others, it's being witness to "karmic" retribution: The chance to see someone suffer in the way that we suffered at their hands. And for some, it's an understanding of a greater purpose to the loss: The pain is too thick, the loss too potent for it to be random chance. There must be some greater, destiny-aligned reason for the lost to have taken place.

But truly, few of us will ever get closure in the way that we want it. We may never have the chance to directly ask our former lover why they left…or be able trust an answer even if we did get it. Sure, the person who hurt us may suffer greatly at some point…but will we be there to witness it? We could get a hundred different readings on the grand destiny of purpose of someone's passing away too young…but would that only confuse us further?

Even if we can get an honest answer out of the lover, be witness to the hurt of someone who harmed us, or have the Gods physically and fully appear before us to give us the exact truth of the destiny of someone's untimely passing…would that truly obliterate our suffering?

No. We would still suffer. We would still grieve.

Having closure is a crucial part of a person's healing process. Unfortunately, seeking closure outside of ourselves can delay our healing. If our own closure is dependent on getting "the truth" from another person, witnessing what we feel is righteous retribution, or having a full-on manifestation of a god who can tell us what we want to hear, we are unlikely to ever have it.

Closure comes from within. If we want to have it, we must create it.

This is especially true when a situation doesn't allow for true closure. Let's say a friend ghosts you. You don't know why they suddenly vanished from your life, and you can't ask them as they've blocked you on social media and don't respond to your texts. When you ask your mutual friends for insight, they simply shrug. Eventually, you'll need to accept that, unfair as it may be, you won't get an answer as to why they stopped being your friend. If you want closure on this situation, you'll need to create it.

A pre-practice (consider building this exercise into your spiritual practice, e.g., doing this work during a visit to your altar, during a bedtime meditation, or on an intentional walk through the park or woods):

Describe the closure that you seek. Don't put it in the form of a question, nor try to justify why you want this information. This work is about exploring what closure means to you, not defending your reasons for wanting it.

Your closure descriptions may look like this:
"I want to know why they ghosted me."
"I want to know what they think of me."
"I want them to understand how deeply they hurt me."

Now, include a "because" with each phrase. Try to be as honest with yourself as possible.

"I want to know why they ghosted me…because I was a good friend and deserved better than that."
"I want to know what they think of me…because I need to understand why they left." "I want them to understand how deeply they hurt me…because if they knew how deeply they'd hurt me, they'd be sad and sorry and would suffer in the way that I suffered."

If you struggle with a "because," try creating a fantastical one:
"I want to know why they ghosted me...because ghosts are already aplenty and we don't need any more and they know that boo."
"I want to know what they think of me...because the parallel-universe me already knows and I feel left out."
"I want them to understand how deeply they hurt me…so they'll turn back time and undo the hurt they did and we'll be friends forever."

Whether concrete or fantastical, offer these closure descriptions to your higher power(s) or spirit allies, with the intention, "I crave understanding." Make note of dreams, synchronicities, or other revelations that come to you in the following days. You may find that different facets of understanding come your way.

The following is a follow-up exercise that may prove helpful. In my book, Sacred Tears, I provide an exercise for exploring a story without an ending. Here is an abbreviated version.

Here, devise three different stories for why your loss happened:

1. A realistic version
2. A possible, but highly unlikely version
3. A fantastical version

For an example, let's stick with the friend ghosting situation:

1. Realistic version: "They ghosted me because they got super busy with work."
2. Possible, but highly unlikely version: "They ghosted me because they decided to hitchhike across the country without telling anyone and are currently writing a memoir."
3. Fantastical version: "They ghosted me because they were eaten by an ogre."

Write each of these endings on three separate pieces of paper. In your ritual space, or during your Magickal working time, one at a time, embrace each piece of paper to your chest. Focus on embracing the possibility. Then, one by one, destroy the pieces of paper.

Now, on a new piece of paper, write down the truth you know about the situation, as well as what you do not know about it. Example: "Someone I once called a friend does not call or speak to me. I do not know why someone I once called a friend does not call or speak to me."

Hold this piece to your chest and embrace it as the only truth you have, which is in the not-knowing. Repeat the following:
"I know this truth. I accept this truth. I will never know the full mystery of this truth. I accept that I will never know the full mystery of this truth."

This working may need to be done several times, even years later. Closure doesn't happen in one ritual. It's not a snip and release of something that held us back. It's more of an unwinding of a tightly wrapped wire around an object. It takes time, and work. But creating our own closure is a brilliant step toward healing.

Remember this: Closure does not have to include "approving" of what happened to us. It's not automatically saying, "Water under the bridge…never happened." It's also not necessarily saying, "It's okay. I'm over it."

Closure is an act of acceptance: acceptance that we lost, that we were harmed, that some things will never come back, that some answers will never be known. It happens on our terms and under our own definitions. But it does not happen when we place it in the hands of other people or in specific circumstances.

To find closure, we must create it on our own. And once we do, we are one step closer to peace.

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2024. All rights reserved.

My kids and I frequently experience deja vu, but my husband doesn't even seem to know what we're talking about. Do you think that deja vu is related to psychic ability? Why would some people experience it, and others not? Also, what's happening when we have that deja vu feeling? It doesn't seem to happen surrounding anything particularly important, so I'm wondering if it has any real meaning or significance. Thanks!

- Darlene

Dreamchaser:

I love deja vu! It makes me feel like the theme to The Twilight Zone will start playing at any moment.

There are a few different types deja vu. The first is what some call deja vecu. This translates as already lived through or already seen.

This is when we get that surreal feeling that we have already done something before, like we've already lived through the exact same experience in the past.

Usually this kind of experience is so powerful that people will remember it for the rest of their lives. The fact that you do this frequently should show you how gifted you and your kids really are.

Deja vecu is not just a mental/visual experience - it's a total being experience. You already know what everyone is going to say and how everyone is going to act.

The second type is called deja visite. This is the least common type of deja vu. It translates as already visited. This is when you know your way around a place, be it a forest or a mansion or any sort of setting. You know the layout, what the rooms are filled with, and what each closet and cabinet has in it.

It is one of those deja vu experiences that makes me stop, close my eyes and take a deep breath. When I went to Jefferson Davis' home in Biloxi, Mississippi, somehow I just knew my way around. I knew every room and knew what it was used for a long time ago. It was a mindblowing experience.

The third type is deja senti, which translates as already felt. This is mostly a mental as opposed to physical experience. You have this brief, fleeting thought of I remember this! and then it's usually gone and you can't recapture it.

In my opinion, this is the most common type of deja vu. Many of us will walk into a situation and have that feeling of familiarity.

A lot of people say that deja vu is related to mental disorders. I guess I should say that you and your kids should check with your doctor to make sure you are completely sane and healthy, but I personally feel that deja vu is a completely natural spiritual experience, and that everyone who is open to it will experience it sometimes.

As I see it, places hold energy, and we feel that energy as it interacts with us on subtle levels. Sometimes we just don't consciously comprehend what is really going on.

Your husband doesn't have to be on board for you to have fun with this. You know he's scared of things he can't understand, so he tries to explain them away with logic.

I wish you and your kids many more spiritual experiences.

*****

Astrea:

Different people experience deja vu at different levels of intensity. It doesn't have anything to do with psychic ability - it's more about past lives. That feeling that you have been somewhere before or are already familiar with what you're experiencing in some mysterious place deep within you is coming from a past life experience.

Deja vu is an emotional response to something that reminds you of a past life. We never totally forget about where and when we have lived before, and flashes of these memories come to us when our third eyes are open and there is a break or overlap between dimensions.

So whether a person is psychic or not, if they've had a number of former incarnations, they will experience some kind of deja vu.

The reason your husband doesn't experience deja vu is probably due to him being new to your Ka-Tet, or karmic family. He doesn't have any past lives with you all, so he doesn't have deja vu with you.

Also, people who come to Earth as humans for the first time don't have any buried memories of earthly experiences. Some people are only here for one incarnation, so they don't experience deja vu either. This incarnation is the only one that they'll ever have on this plane, so they don't have past or future life experiences here that trigger deja vu.

Another reason some people don't experience that response to certain places and things is that they don't want to remember anything about their past lives at all. They block any knowledge or feeling that might spark buried memories of what happened to them in other lives.

So a person who had an awful life won't experience deja vu as much as someone who was happier in another incarnation. The more enjoyable a person's past lives were for them, the more they will tend to experience deja vu.

Deja vu can also come and go at various ages. Small children who have had many past lives (old souls), experience deja vu so frequently that it is as common for them as hunger or thirst.

As they get older, they notice other people don't talk about this or pay much attention to it, so it sort of drops out of their emotional vocabulary. Depending on whether or not the rest of the family believes in reincarnation, it may then become another repressed response.

It takes some people years to be able to remember their past lives. If you're having deja vu many times a day, it might be good for you to work with someone who is an expert in that field.

Finding out about past lives is usually a fun and rewarding experience, for fewer of us were tortured or burned at the stake than you might think!

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.