- DOUBLE VISION: IS HER HUSBAND TRYING TO HARM HER?
My intuition tells me that my husband, (Libra 10/2/66) is purposefully hurting me psychologically and emotionally behind my back. I feel he is doing this through our friends, and also that he has cheated on me with these friends. My heart tells me this, but I can’t prove anything. How can I find out? What should I do about these intuitions? Help!
 – Sherry
Dreamchaser:
Sherry, I tell spouses all the time that there is great truth in the old adage, “Where there is smoke, there is fire.” For the most part, if you feel there is something going on, there usually is.
What you can do to find out if he is cheating is hire a private detective. Maybe you could call some attorneys in town to find out if they recommend anyone. Lots of people say they are detectives, but just wind up taking your money and giving you no evidence. You need to find someone who is reputable and who can get the job done as quickly as possible. Since you have some information already, it may make the detective’s job a little bit easier.
I also strongly recommend counseling for you and for your husband. I doubt he will go, but I think you absolutely need it to sort out what is what in your life now. There are two scenarios here, both of which require counseling: The first is you are paranoid and imagining all of this. The second is that it is true, and you are being hurt by his actions.
Either way, your marriage is in trouble, and you are in trouble as well. You need help and you need it as quickly as possible. You feel like a drowning woman, going down for the third time. You appear on the outside as the same person you have always been; inside, however, you are a wreck. Get help from a reputable therapist, and do it quickly. Marriage counseling would also be a good idea because if you work it out, the counselor may suggest a separation.
I have to ask you why, when you are this unhappy, this paranoid, and this alone, you continue to stay in this marriage? How long has it been since the marriage was good, Sherry? How long has it been since you two have actually worked on problems together? How long has it been since he has listened to you, and then attempted to make things better in light of those communications? How long has it been since he actually communicated with you about his needs, wishes and concerns?
You do not have to choose to stay in something that makes you so miserable, Sherry. You do have choices. I know that you feel that he has taken your choices away from you by isolating you from the rest of the world, but that is just how it appears. You do have power, and you can break free. Please get some counseling. Do not use excuses like “we cannot afford it” or “he will never stand for that.” You can afford it. Call the Department of Human Services and ask them what options are available to you. You must find a way to climb over every excuse you can think of.
I wish you serenity.
****
Astrea:
Sherry, whether your husband is trying to hurt you or not, you’re very unhappy in your marriage. You don’t say anything in your letter about loving him, so that leads me to believe that part of the marriage is over for you. People grow apart with time; it happens. It’s time for you to examine what you want from life and love, and if you’re not getting it from the relationship you’re in now, then it’s time to seek counseling and legal help.
What you feel is your unhappiness in this relationship. From his birthday, it is unlikely that he would be cheating or trying to do any kind of psychological damage to you with your Libras are usually loyal to a fault, and from what I can see of your husband’s chart, while he is neglectful and doesn’t give you the attention you need, he doesn’t appear to be doing anything wrong.
Often when we are unhappy with our partners, we look for some way to blame other parties. The feelings you’re having are real problems for you, and you need to find out what is causing them instead of focusing on what anyone else is doing. Paranoia is often a sign of a chemical imbalance, and that is often easily managed with medication. First go to a medical professional who can do some simple tests to see if something physical is going on.
If after seeing the doctor you find that you’re still this unhappy with the situation at home, it’s time to get some legal help. Sometimes money is hard to come by when you’re trying to get out of a marriage, and I have no doubt your Libra feels he must always control the finances. If you don’t have money for an attorney, find someone from legal aid in your area.
If your husband is actually doing any of the things you suspect him of, you might find a private detective to investigate what is going on, and to get the proof you need of your husband’s infidelity. It might help you to know for sure whether he is doing bad things behind your back.
I don’t feel, however, that even if you know he’s not doing anything wrong, you will want to be with him anymore. You two have grown in such different directions over the past five years. I believe you’ll discover it’s time for you to move on, regardless of whether he is guilty of the things you feel or not.
No one can decide what is best for you. Try to base your decisions on what you feel about yourself, what you need, and what you want in life. Blaming your husband for imaginary offenses won’t get you anywhere. You have to take responsibility for your own life and your own happiness.
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