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    • From Suffering to Peace Q and A with Author Mark Coleman

      Like yoga before it, mindfulness is now flourishing in every sector of society. It is a buzzword in everything from medicine to the military. In the new book From Suffering to Peace: The True Promise of Mindfulness, author Mark Coleman, who has studied and taught mindfulness meditation for decades, draws on his knowledge to not only clarify what mindfulness truly means but also reveal the depth and potential of this ancient discipline. Weaving together contemporary applications with practices in use for millennia, his approach empowers us to engage with and transform the inevitable stress and pain of life, so we can discover genuine peace — in the body, heart, mind, and wider world. We hope you will enjoy this Q and A w/ Mark about the book.

      Tell us about your book From Suffering to Peace and what inspired you to write it.

      I wrote the book after having taught mindfulness in a variety of places for the last twenty years, from meditation centers to Fortune 500 companies, in healthcare, United Nations, schools and prisons. Given that, I feel like I have a unique vantage point to talk about how mindfulness is growing and impacting every sector of society.

      In addition, I have been concerned about the popularization of mindfulness and the over simplification of what is in essence a very rich and deep practice, path and tool. I wanted to share the depth and potential of mindfulness from the context of the original tradition (Buddhism) – that it is a path and practice that leads to wisdom, insight and true inner peace.

      How do you define the word mindfulness?

      Simply put – Clear Awareness. Knowing what’s happening as its happening. Present moment attention.

      Longer definition: A non-reactive awareness of our mental, emotional, physical and environmental experience with an attitude of curiosity and care that develops insight and understanding.

      The subtitle is From Suffering to Peace is “The True Promise of Mindfulness.” What are the main benefits of mindfulness?

      Many. Inner peace. Non-reactivity. Self-awareness. Unhooking from negative mental and emotional patterns. Insight into oneself and reality. Capacity for empathy and compassion. Grounded embodied presence. The ability to meet the pain of life without creating any suffering around it. Development of equanimity, acceptance, and balance. Inner joy and happiness.

      What is embodied awareness and how can we begin to develop it?

      Embodied awareness is attention that is grounded and centered in the body. This is most easily understood by watching a professional modern dancer move. They are fully in their physical experience.

      Talk to us about dissatisfaction and how mindfulness can help us deal with it.

      Mindfulness gives us the clarity and discernment to discover first hand, moment by moment that everything in this world is impermanent and as such, it is ultimately dissatisfactory. When we see that, we stop expecting things to fulfill us that can’t, because we know they will change and fade. Dissatisfaction comes from expecting that which is transient to last and give us the lasting satisfaction we all seek. Mindfulness helps us unhook from that painful pattern.

      You say in the book that letting go happens through the process of letting be. How so?

      Some things in life we can let go of quickly – a negative thought, an impulse. However there are many things that we can’t just let go of. Physical pain, strong emotions, grief, and bigger life issues like the stress of our job, for example. So first we practice letting be, which means that we allow and accept and understand what is happening, like the grief for the loss of a loved one. Over time when we are able to fully be with something without reactivity, letting go often happens by itself.

      Tell us about how mindfulness can help us manage triggering emotions.

      Mindfulness is a key tool for working with triggering emotions. It gives us the self-awareness of knowing what is happening in our mind, body and heart, which is where triggers arise from and are felt. The more familiar we are with the intensity of our physical experience when triggered, or the more we are able to feel and tolerate intense feelings in our heart and see how our thoughts are often exacerbate by our triggered response, the more capacity we have to deal with such triggers

      What is self-compassion and what are the three components that are necessary to foster it?

      Self-compassion is the ability to take care of yourself with kindness, particularly when you are struggling. The three components are shifting from self-judgment to self-kindness, that suffering is universal so you aren’t alone, and developing mindful self-awareness

      Can mindfulness help us become more kind? If so, how?

      Mindfulness wakes us up to the human predicament that life is challenging, complex, and not easy. The more we are present to our own struggles, with care and understanding, the more empathy and compassion we can feel for others when they go through similar hardships of their own. Mindfulness also helps us see that kindness brings happiness and peace to the heart

      What do you most hope readers will take away from your book From Suffering to Peace?

      That mindfulness is within them and that they can develop awareness that leads to profound insight, well being, and peace.

      Mark Coleman is the author of From Suffering to Peace, Make Peace with Your Mind, and Awake in the Wild. He is the founder of the Mindfulness Institute and has an MA in clinical psychology. Mark has guided students on five continents as a corporate consultant, counselor, meditation teacher, and wilderness guide. He lives in Northern California. Visit him online at MarkColeman.org.

      Excerpted from the book From Suffering to Peace. Copyright ©2019 by Mark Coleman. Printed with permission from New World Library.

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    • DOUBLE VISION: 23 out of 25 psychics: Could they be wrong?

      29AVOIDANCE

      For three years I have been writing via email to an old flame I have not seen in 30 years. I’ve been asking psychics for the past year if he is the special one I will settle down happily with; twenty-three out of 25 psychics said yes. However, he has stopped writing to me the past two months. One night when I was going about my business, I heard a very distinct voice in my head answer the question I had sincerely and spontaneously asked: “Should I give up on Bob?” The voice was definitely not my own thoughts; I can tell the difference. The message was, “Give up on Bob, but not on love.” How do I interpret this? Will love find a way for Bob and me, or was the message telling me to forget about Bob? I was supposed to travel to see him in July, but now I wonder if I should cancel my trip. Although psychics continue to tell me to be patient, I am understandably discouraged. Is this a lesson of faith, or am I just stubborn? His birth date is April 19, 1951. Mine is February 26, 1953.

       – Jo

      Dreamchaser:

      Jo, I am so glad you asked this question. Once again, psychics are taking the blame for using their God-given free will. Everyone is given free will. We get to choose our paths. No one — not even God — can predict which way someone is going to go when free will is involved.

      If you come to me for a reading and ask me if you are going to get a new car, and I see you will, but then you change your mind and never go car shopping, does that make me wrong? No. That is you using your free will to change events in your life. For a while, things were looking good for you and Bob, but then he used his free will and changed his course.

      Your guides/ spirit gave you the answer already, Jo. The message was “Give up on Bob, but not on love.” Love will find you if you allow it. I do not know how you can interpret the message you received any other way. You did not expect that answer, and therefore you are trying to find a way to make it say what you want it to say. You really want Bob in your life. Perhaps knows of something better for you. Bob has decided to stay closed up in his little world of misery. You shouldn’t suffer for his choices.

      There is a law of the universe that I call the “Love Default Clause.” I have spoken of it before. If someone we are connected to decides not to further the relationship, for whatever reason, we are given someone even better as a result. Problems arise when we start thinking that we know better than spirit, and we try to hold on with both hands.

      Step back, breathe, and release him. Let go of all your efforts and attempts to control this situation. Let go of all you think needs to happen for you to be happy. Now say out loud, “I am the perfect partner manifesting my perfect partner.” That way you are covered. If it is Bob, then great, but if it is someone else, that is also great. Either way, you have love around you. That is how I would act on that message.

      One last point I would like to make is you never had faith in the outcome of this relationship. If you had, you would not have gone to 25 different psychics for hope. (That is a lot of psychics!) That tells me you needed massive reinforcement. Ask yourself why you needed that much reassurance. I think you already know the answer.

      I wish you total love.

      *****

      Astrea:

      That voice, no matter where it came from, gave you some of the best advice I’ve ever heard. “Give up on Bob, but not on love.” What the voice was telling you is that it’s time to remove Bob from your life so that you can make room for a wonderful man who can give you all the things you’ve ever wanted in a relationship, and make your dreams come true. Bob doesn’t have what it takes. He is too selfish and discourteous to deserve your love. He’s lost his chance with you! Listen to what is being said!

      He stopped talking to you two months ago so that you would change your mind about coming to see him. As long as you two kept it an internet and telephone relationship, Bob was in his comfort zone. The idea of seeing you in person terrifies him. He isn’t ready to do that now, and he will probably never be ready to be the man you need him to be. He isn’t willing to give that much of himself to another person.

      It was fun and exciting as long as he didn’t think you would actually have to try to have a life together. He’s been in a rich and vivid fantasy land with you on the internet. When the reality that you would actually be seeing each other sank in, he started ignoring you to try to make you angry, so that you would cancel your trip. He’ll be in touch with you again after the time for your trip has come and gone. I’m sure he’ll have lots of excuses for not talking to you during this time. I hope, by then, that you’re strong enough to be moving on with your life in a new direction.

      Even though he will try to come back into your life, with Bob, you are always going to be on hold one way or the other. He will always find some excuse for not moving forward. Three years is a huge investment to make in someone; I don’t doubt that you love him with your whole soul, but you have to get rid of him! He’s preventing better love from coming into your life. As long as you are holding on to the “Fantasy Bob” in your mind and heart, you’ll be stuck.

      Don’t give up on love with someone new, but do give up on Bob. Your inner voice was telling you that there will be someone you can love and who can love you with his whole heart. I’m sure all those psychics telling you to be patient had your best interests at heart, and they wanted to believe, as you did, that Bob would come around. It’s time to release the old and welcome a new and fulfilling love.  That person will find you as soon as you make room for him in your heart.

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