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Hoarding to Fill Emptiness: How to Tell if Spiritual Lack Is Causing Clutter Accumulation, by Alexandra Chauran

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

When I was in my early twenties, my life was as a pile of unsorted mementos. Fresh out of my parents' home and merging my childhood and young adult belongings with those of my boyfriend at the time was absolute chaos. I also struggled with the direction my life was headed, in both practical and emotional ways. When I took these burdens to a therapist, I opened up to her about all of my heart's desires. I wanted it all: A prosperous and prestigious career, a family with children of my own, a marriage from the story books, mementos from my childhood, a fabulous home furnished with lavish belongings, and more. I thought that if I could just get one or more of these things, I would be happy again. Then, my therapist told me to seek more of something that I already had, something that wasn't on the ambitious "to-do" list I'd just given her.

My therapist asked me how my spiritual life was going. I stopped and thought. At the time, I thought that my spiritual life was okay. I had fellowship with spiritual peers. I was seeking and learning all the time. But it occurred to me that I wasn't devoting my time and efforts to spiritual pursuits as much as all those other practical woes. My therapist noted almost as an afterthought that spirituality is all that really matters in the end, and that people are often unhappy after they achieve those things I was seeking, like a family and a career, because they're still trying to fill that "God-shaped hole."

We all know that there are unsatisfied people who would seem to have all the wealth that anyone could ever need. The words from my therapist percolated in my brain. I read the writings of the Peace Pilgrim, who renounced her worldly possessions to carry a joyful message for God. I listened to the words of Amma the "Hugging Saint" from India, where she spoke of finding the joyful and spiritually satisfied amongst even the impoverished. The reason that I was having all of these first world problems was because I wasn't giving proper weight and value to my spiritual needs.

Now, this isn't to say that spiritual lack is what's wrong with everybody who lives in a cluttered or hoarded home, or who is dissatisfied with life circumstances. It's okay to look around at life and say, "Hey, this sucks!" I observe that there are some people who are naturally more spiritually hungry than others. Some might live their entire lives satisfied as atheists or agnostics, while you might feel a constant yearning to discover the mysteries of the universe and the divine. Or, you might have run into a spiritual awakening later in life that threw you for a loop. If you feel a calling and ignore that call for whatever reason, you'll subconsciously continue to attempt to fill that void. In our culture, that sometimes means filling your home, office, and car with stuff.

Here are some signs that you or a loved one might exhibit that indicate a physical or mental clutter problem caused by spiritual lack.

• You believe that objects have energies to which you can cling for comfort during times of need.
• When you are stressed, your calendar is still full of obligations, and you find yourself adding more.
• Loved ones reach out to you to try to help you clean or organize your house, or refuse to come over due to the clutter.
• When one thing in life is going wrong it feels like everything is going wrong.
• When you try to get rid of things you no longer need, you move them to other areas of the home instead of actually throwing them away.
• You believe that you need to keep objects that were once owned by the deceased in order to keep their memory alive.
• Your computer is full of electronic clutter, with unsorted photos clogging up all the space and your email Inbox kept full of reminders of things you intend to someday do.
• Self-doubt and low self-esteem keep you from doing the things that you want.
• Every time you clear the clutter in your life, you end up filling up those spaces with clutter all over again.

If these characteristics sound like you and you're also a spiritually hungry person, it's possible that you are trying to quench the yearning for spirituality with physical things and a busy life. Make no mistake, there can be other factors at play here. If you have a true hoarding condition, you may have psychological and emotional issues that can't be solved by any prayer or worship group. If your hoarding is affecting your health and safety or making you unable to function in everyday life, you'll need to talk with a doctor and therapist about brain chemistry and coping skill issues that may be in play.

If, however, you're otherwise healthy and suspect that a neglected spiritual life is part of your problem, this can be remedied with careful attention to your physical, mental, and spiritual health. Think of these as the three legs of a stool. You'll need to carefully nurture these things in balance. This may seem counter-intuitive, if clearing out all the clutter seems like the most pressing need. But remember that if you don't fill the void with something intangible and more meaningful, you'll just fill those spaces right back up again with stuff. So, examine your barriers to spirituality in your life. It's possible that you're being prevented from following the spiritual path that meets your expectations. However, nobody else holds dominion over the inner workings of your heart and soul. Once I discovered how to integrate spirituality into my everyday life and even household chores, the order of the rest of my life seemed to just fall into place. I pray for the same success for you and for any of your loved ones who may struggle with accumulated clutter. I encourage you to address the lack, rather than simply the over-abundance, then allow your life and your excesses to become a blessing to others and an offering to Spirit.

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2015. All rights reserved.

I have a stepson I just can't seem to warm up to. He lives a ways away with his mother, and we get him for a good six weeks in the summer and every other Christmas and spring break. I don't know why I can't warm up to him, for I've certainly tried. He's now 13 years old, and I have been married to his father for four years. From the start, he's just gotten on my nerves. He seems to like me, and I have fine relationships with his older sisters, who are 15 and 21 now. Could my feelings stem from past life experiences, or am I just not being nice? I try so hard to like him, and I am very kind to him and considerate when he is with us. I feel bad for feeling this way. I want to understand why I feel like this and what I can do to get past it. My birth date is 8/5/52 and his is 10/24/92.

Dreamchaser:

You have no reason to feel bad about your feelings towards your stepson. There are just some people in this world that rub us the wrong way. You are nice to him and treat him kindly when he is around. If you were mean and nasty when he came to visit, that would be a different story.

I do believe your issues stem from not only one past life, but from quite a few. I think you two are members of the same "soul family." There is this pack of souls that go from life to life with us. We learn from each other and they come with us in various forms in various lives. He was an enemy, a lover, a friend, a parent and a sibling of yours in prior lives. The emotions that you INSTANTLY felt towards him when you first met are a direct result of prior life experiences.

You need to stop feeling bad about your feelings towards him. Guilt is not good for anyone. You feel INCREDIBLY guilty, and of course you hope no one figures out how you feel, especially your husband. Don't worry - no one can see through your kindness towards the boy. This is a soul thing.

To be honest, though he seems to like you, your stepson is not very fond of you either. Though you are always kind to him, everyone else likes you, and his dad loves you, he feels the same thing you do. He feels as uncomfortable around you as you feel around him. He does not feel guilty about it, however. He just figures that you are his stepmother, and kids are not always expected to get along with their stepparents.

I do not know that there is any way for you to get past this. As he grows and evolves, he will change his demeanor and attitude. That may help you learn to like him as times goes by. At this point, however, I don't think you can MAKE yourself like him. You have been trying to do that.

If you want something new to TRY, you can ask the Universe to take away the negativity you have about him, and ask that it be replaced with feelings of tolerance, acceptance and love.

Because of the past life stuff between you two, I can't promise it will work, but you sure can try it. It will also make you feel less helpless where this situation is concerned. I know you would LOVE to get along better with him, and at least this would make you feel like you are working on that.

In the mean time, just try to make peace with yourself and your feelings about him. Sometimes we just have to accept how things are, even if we classify them as "bad."

I wish you peace with this situation.

*****

Astrea:

At times, all of us meet people we just don't like for one reason or another. Your problems with your stepson do not stem from anything in a past life, though I have seen that happen hundreds of times. The issues that you have with him are more astrological, and have a whole LOT to do with him living with his mother. That combination can't be easy for anyone.

As a Scorpio, he is naturally suspicious of anyone and everyone. That's a characteristic of that sign that can turn into full blown paranoia if it's allowed to fester and bloom!

It's not just you - he treats his dad the same way too. Dad is more equipped to handle it since they are blood relations, but it's harder for you. You want to be nice to him, but he just flat out rubs you the wrong way.

As a Leo, I know you're a consummate actress, and I know that you can keep up the facade for your husband's sake. It's difficult because the kid's mind is being poisoned against you by his mother breakfast, lunch and dinner. There is absolutely, positively, NOTHING you can do about her.

He's her baby, and he reports everything back to her that happens in your home. Then she twists things around to try to avenge all the wrongs she imagines your sweet husband did to her, and that attitude comes through in his aura whether you are able to actually see that or not.

As a sunny Leo, you feel that there is not a single person on Earth you can't manage to like. Even psychiatrists tell us that is just impossible, and that one in three people we meet will rub us the wrong way for one reason or another. Even close blood relatives can do that, so don't beat yourself up for being unenlightened just because you have a natural ability to read the boy's aura and it puts you off.

You seem to be able to overlook what he puts out and love him for who he is: your husband's son. As he gets older, he won't get more peaceful, because Scorpios are running a thousand miles per minute, but YOU will become more peaceful with the vibrations you pick up around him.

Sometimes we can never love signs that conflict with ours, but when he's old enough to figure out what his mother has been doing, he'll change his attitude, and you'll be able to be close to him just like you are your husband's two girls. He does love you, even though he can't like you, and I know your feelings for him are mutual.

Just try to roll with it and keep the peace for now ñ it will pay off for you a million times later on.