KAJAMA.COM NEWSLETTER

An Excerpt from Kickass Recovery:
From Your First Year Clean to the Life of Your Dreams,
by Billy Manas

I opened the notebook and began to plan a perfect life for myself with the premise that anything was possible — because that is exactly how I felt. My first idea was that I would take the hazmat endorsement test at the Department of Motor Vehicles, so I could be eligible for getting a higher-paying union trucking job. These jobs were the best because they paid hourly instead of by the mile. Not only that, but they offered time-and-a-half
overtime pay after eight hours on any given workday.

My second plan was to start writing and publishing articles in all my favorite online magazines. I knew that if I got enough of a readership, it would be easier to get a publishing deal for the book I wanted to write. I also wanted to get myself a great
life coach to help keep me on track and turn these goals into reality.

A part of me felt like I had no business making such far-reaching goals for myself. I was in my forties, unemployed, and paying child support on three kids. If I had thought about
those hurdles at the time, I would never have written those things in that notebook.

This proves what I am saying. A universal intelligence helped me find a path to what I needed to focus on. This stuff really does work.

It took a month before I had my hazmat endorsement. That test was not easy. Six weeks later, I landed that union job. Again, not easy. They rejected me the first time, but I called their corporate headquarters to find out why. That was a really good idea, because they had incorrect information on me, and when I corrected this, they invited me in for an interview.

There’s a really important lesson here. In the past, it would have been my style to think, You don’t want me? Yeah, well, I don’t want you, either. I believe that this is an endemic anthem for the addict. Had I taken that usual approach, nothing that is currently happening in my life would be happening. Chances are, you wouldn’t even be reading this book. Looking back, I was doing so many things that I normally wouldn’t be doing,
and getting such incredible results. The whole thing snowballed, in a good way. One good move — the notebook — led to another, which in turn led to another.

As all of this was happening, I was playing the movie The Secret on my laptop every night as I went to sleep. I realize this sounds like total insanity, but to this day, I am sure the ideas in that movie became embedded in my subconscious, and allowed me to believe that anything was possible.

Within six months of getting my first article accepted by the magazine Elephant Journal, I was writing for them regularly. Some of my articles were even going viral — a lot of them reaching 30,000 to 40,000 views. I was so excited to be alive that after a while, I was waking up hours before work to write and exercise and meditate. My health problems disappeared as if they had never even existed in the first place.

No one could ever convince me that our minds don’t control our bodies. Ironically, my union job supplies me with the greatest health insurance available, and I haven’t had to use it.

Let’s cut to the chase: I am sitting in my apartment — a bigger one now — writing this book because my literary agent helped me get a deal with a publisher. Every single thing I imagined for myself came true because I left that notebook open on my kitchen table and read that little essay every morning. I drank my coffee and let myself get emotionally attached to the dreams I’d planned for myself.

I managed to bounce back from getting fired and found a job that far exceeded the position I lost, and there was no reason in the world why I couldn’t accomplish everything else on that page. Now I have. All I needed to make it come true? An overwhelming sense of certainty that it would.

So, let’s summarize, shall we?

1. The law of attraction is as real as life on Earth.

2. The quality of our lives is directly in line with the quality of our thoughts.

3. If we can control our emotions, we can control our thoughts — and thereby control our lives.

So, now we are left with the very real question: How do we control our emotions? If you are in recovery, or even just know you need to be, then it’s clear that you already know how to control your emotions.

As a matter of fact, every single person in the back of an ambulance getting pumped full of Narcan tonight, every belligerent drunk getting beat up in a back alley, and every lonely person staring at a laptop and masturbating knows how to control their emotions.

The challenge with all these poor people is that their methods are either fatal or just plain awful. Hopefully, this all changes after we get into recovery and begin to live differently. Instead of using substances, alcohol, or porn, we learn to call our sponsor or a friend or read recovery literature.

Usually, any of these methods will work for us. However, it is also important that we learn how to change our state when none of these options are available. Personally speaking, there have been times when I’ve been faced with uncomfortable feelings and I couldn’t get to a meeting, no one was picking up the phone, and reading was out of the question. In these moments, we cannot afford to allow ourselves to be swallowed up by
negativity.

Here’s a four-step technique that will work:

1. Figure out exactly what you are feeling. If the first thing that pops into your mind is “pissed,” stop for a second. “Pissed” is an umbrella term for a lot of different feelings. You’ll want to isolate the exact feeling as best as you can. Did your boyfriend
say something to you that made you feel inferior or less than? Did your boss insult you and cause you to fear the loss of your job and your income? Get quiet for a second and figure out exactly how you feel.

2. Honor the emotion. Fear is not a useless emotion. It is a signal from our brain that informs us we need to be prepared for an upcoming challenge. Guilt isn’t useless, either. It is a message that we have violated something important inside ourselves. If you
take a second and think about why you are feeling what you are feeling, it will give you a great opportunity to get to the root cause. That will, in turn, make it that much easier to get past it.

3. Decide what you’d like to feel instead. You might be thinking, Happy, stupid! Expand on that a little. Do you want to go from anxiety to a state of calm? Do you want to stop feeling sad and feel joyous instead? It’s a good idea to focus on what it
is you are trying to accomplish. It’s obvious we’d all like to feel better. The real question is: Better how?

4. Take action. The final step is action. What the action should be depends on what the negative emotion is. If you felt rejected by your girlfriend, let her know how you feel. If you don’t have your rent and you are stuck in anxiety, go talk to your landlord and get it handled. These suggestions sound so obvious, but just because a thing seems obvious doesn’t mean we always pay attention to it. I know even I get overwhelmed sometimes and feel so paralyzed, I forget to do anything about the problem. That makes the issue fester and get worse.

Using this technique regularly will help you stay in a place of love, gratitude, and joy — and as I said, these emotions will keep your thoughts where they need to be in order to attract all the good things into your life.

Billy Manas, author of Kickass Recovery, is a regularly featured columnist for Elephant Journal, a contributor to Good Men Project and The Fix, a published poet, a working musician, a full-time truck driver and a dad to three daughters. His journey from Adderall-chewing, methadone-swilling, pot-smoking maniac to speaker/author with over nine years of sustained recovery is, as is so often the case, fraught with excitement and a few valuable anecdotes. These anecdotes have found their way into his many talks at jails, detoxes, rehabs, and his new “Kickass Recovery” workshop. www.BillyManas.com

Excerpted from the book Kickass Recovery. Copyright © 2020 by Billy Manas. Printed with permission from New World Library.

I'm having a hard time sorting out my feelings about marriage, and am wondering what you two think. What is your spiritual view of marriage? Do you think it's an outdated concept or an institution that works for some people and not for others? Of course, it's not something people should enter into lightly, but are there certain people who should avoid marriage all together? To prevent divorce, what do you think both partners should bring (or in some cases not bring) to a marriage to create a lasting partnership? Does Spirit have anything to say about marriage, why it seems to be a dwindling institution, and how it fits into the "New Age?" Thanks very much! - B.

Dreamchaser:

As my regular clients know, I am not married because I personally do not believe in marriage. I have studied this subject myself, however, so I will tell you what I learned.

There are all kinds of belief systems for all kinds of different nationalities or religions. For example, some Native American tribes used to believe that every year, couples should come together and decide if they wanted to stay together for another year or not. If they did not, they would simply gather their belongings and go back to their parents' tent. No big fuss was made about the decision.

As you know, Mormon men used to take multiple wives, as did other groups of people. We have all heard about harems in stories read to us when we were children. So our current beliefs about marriage are just that - our current beliefs. They don't necessarily reflect any divine or unchanging truth.

I personally believe that marriage is a completely outdated system. I think that since women can now work, vote, drive, pay our own bills, etc., we no longer need to marry for protection or to provide for our daily needs and personal care. We can take care of ourselves and do not NEED a husband anymore. Marriage arose the meet the needs of people living in social situations vastly different from the modern world.

If two people do choose to get married, they need two things, or the marriage will fail. They need to be willing to work HARD on the marriage on a daily basis with tools like listening, caring, thoughtfulness, putting the other before themselves, etc.

They also need to openly communicate. So many people do not know how to communicate before they get into a relationship. I always wonder how they think that any relationship will last if they can't communicate their needs, fears, desires, etc. When I talk to clients who are cheating in their relationship, the most common reason they give is, "We just do not communicate anymore" or "He/She does not really talk to me any more."

I do not think that Spirit has an opinion on marriage, since marriage is a human idea. I think Spirit will bring us love, and what we do with it is up to us. Spirit totally believes in LOVE - after all, "God" is love.

The New Age belief system is based on what is best for your personal soul. If you believe in marriage and want to experience it, then by all means, find the best partner for you and go at it. If you do not believe in marriage and would prefer to foster your own spiritual development in this life, then do that.

I wish you a happy relationship either with someone else or with yourself, whichever you choose.

*****

Astrea:

I believe marriage is a Holy Union between two people. People who get married should be prepared to live with one another for the rest of their lives and love each other as unconditionally as possible.

Some people are much better at this than others. I went through a few husbands before I found the right one, but once I did, I finally understood all that marriage can be. I think there are lots of people who will say that they didn't grasp the true value of marriage when they wed for the first, second, or even the third time, yet they continued to long for this union of Spirit and Body.

Besides, I need help around the house! I could take care of my life alone, but why should I when I can have this perfect, gorgeous, kind, gentle, intelligent man by my side? Grumpy has his moments, but for the most part, I FEEL HAPPY being married. I wouldn't feel this happy without someone to share my joy. I know myself: I need outside input just to know I'm not crazy, and I need it daily.

People who can't commit to one person for life should obviously avoid marriage altogether. That is a very simple statement that covers LOTS of ground, but if one marrying thinks even for a moment that he or she can't be faithful, that's the time to say "No." A person who knows himself will tell his partner if he isn't ready for marriage. Further, if a person can't be TOTALLY HONEST with her partner before she marries him, she shouldn't marry him at all.

I'm not saying you have to lose every bit of emotional baggage before getting married. Love can overcome a LOT of issues. In fact, love can overcome everything when it's real and true.

I'm not sure where you got the idea that marriage is a "dwindling institution." While lots of people divorce, the reason is simple: we're in too big a hurry to know what's going to happen in relationships; we want everything supposedly settled for good. I don't think marriage is going to disappear, however, for as long as people love one another, they're going to seek a committed union on paper and from God.

As for what Spirit says, I "hear" that it's unfortunate that everyone can't be legally married here in the U.S. Men and men, women and women - ALL OF US should be able to enjoy the benefits of marriage. Anyone who wants to join together with God to celebrate their union should be able to do so without fear of hatred and discrimination.

Spirit says the same thing about marriage as Spirit says about life, and that is that we're here to love one another, have a nice time, and work through our karma. As long as we meet each other with LOVE, we're on the right track.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.