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4 Simple Steps to Commune with Your Ancestors, by Mallorie Vaudoise

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

Honoring your ancestors, like any practice that deals with spirits, is a lot like cooking. Anyone can do it, not just people with special training. (That's a big part of the reason why I wanted to write a book about it!) But whether you're an amateur or a trained professional, you still need to stay in the moment and use your senses—or you might end up burning something.

When you cook, you don't just put your food on the stove for ten minutes and trust that it's been cooked perfectly. Even if you're following a recipe and the recipe says, "cook for ten minutes," you need to watch the food change color, smell it as it becomes more fragrant, and maybe even taste it to know for sure.

Likewise, when you do something to honor your ancestors, you'll need to be able to sense whether that thing feels right—even if you’re following a ritual script. For example, you'll ask yourself, "Does this feel right?" when you place a new photo of an ancestor on your altar. If the answer is yes, you'll proceed. If the answer is no, you'll adjust. I call these quick check-ins, "discernment."

If you don't already know what "right" feels like, discernment probably won't be easy at first. Thankfully, once you do know what "right" feels like, it becomes so natural that it's almost effortless. But, before we can get there, we need to talk about feelings.

Feelings and Spirits
Do you like talking about feelings? For most of my life, I sure didn't. I didn't even like feeling my feelings. So, when it came to my spiritual practice, I did almost anything I could to avoid them. I immersed myself in a world of intellectualism and consumerism. I thought that if I read the right books or bought the right supplies, then magic would happen automatically. I wanted to think and buy my way out of feeling.

Then, I started to meet mediums from different cultural backgrounds, all of whom told me the same thing: that they felt the spirits with which they communicated. Felt them as emotions, as physical sensations, and as things that started as physical sensations but transformed synesthetically into words or images. This gave me new context for the unusual physical and emotional sensations I had experienced throughout my life. I wasn't weird. I was just processing spiritual information the way a medium does.

That realization raised the question: How would I know the difference between my own feelings, the physical and emotional sensations I experienced as part of "normal" reality, and feelings caused by spirits?

In practice, there doesn't seem to be a clear distinction between the two, maybe because they are both categories of subjective experiences. Or, maybe because we are spirits with a physical form. In any case, when it comes to discernment in your ancestor veneration practice, it doesn't actually matter whether the feeling originates from your own spirit or an ancestor's spirit because ancestor veneration is a two-way street. It needs to work for both sides to serve as an effective bridge between the two.

Step 1: Establishing a Baseline
To perform discernment, you first train yourself to observe your feelings throughout the day. This practice will help you establish your perceptual baseline, which will make it easier to detect when something has shifted within or around you.

There's no fancy trick to this. Just pause from whatever you're doing, take a breath, and scan your body. Do you notice tension or energy anywhere? Try to give that a name and a description, like: "I feel anger. It feels like my stomach is clenching." But, don't try to change it. Just observe.

Here's the catch: thinking is not feeling. The mind loves to convince itself that it can do the heart's job. It can't. So, if you catch yourself describing your thoughts instead of your feelings, or if you start describing what you "should" feel instead of what you actually feel, then shift your focus back to your body.

Step 2: Discernment
Now that you have established your baseline and know how to identify feelings instead of thoughts, you can start performing discernment. This is a litmus test you can use whenever you engage with your ancestors: when you're working your ancestor altar, or making offerings to your ancestors, or performing divination to seek their advice.

To discern on something, perform your body scan twice. If you're discerning on something simple, like making an offering, do your body scan before and immediately after you do the thing and observe the difference. If it feels right, keep it; if it doesn't feel right, undo it.

You can also discern on something more complex that requires advanced planning, like a ritual or a pilgrimage. First do the body scan once. Then, imagine yourself doing the thing in as much detail as you can. Then, do the body scan again. Observe the difference. If it feels right, go ahead with your plan; if it doesn't feel right, come up with a new one.

Step 3: How Does Right Feel in the Moment?
Your "right" will feel different from my "right." Your "right" in one moment will even feel different from your "right" in another moment. But, there are some general things to look for when determining whether or not something feels right.

First, ask yourself: Do I want to avoid my feelings by turning to one of the following common distractions?

• Alcohol
• Coffee
• Drugs
• Food (especially sugar)
• Social media

We compulsively turn to distractions as a self-defense mechanism when we feel something uncomfortable, so whatever it is you're feeling, it probably doesn't feel right.

Next, ask yourself: Am I experiencing one of the following inhibitory emotions?

• Shame
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Numbness

Like distractions, inhibitory emotions occur when we feel something uncomfortable. They are our body's way of shielding us from that discomfort. So, whatever you're feeling, it probably doesn't feel right.

Then, ask yourself: Do I feel any of the following things that are associated with having an open heart?

• Calmness
• Curiosity
• Connectedness
• Compassion
• Confidence
• Courage
• Clarity

If your heart is open, it's probably because you are in communion with strong, supportive ancestors who are sharing their affirmation with you. This is what we mean when we talk about something, "feeling right!"

Finally, ask yourself: What is my outlook on life right now? Do I see my present life circumstances, whether easy or challenging, as a lesson for me to learn from? Do I have faith that things will work out in the end, even if I don't know how they will work out today? A growth-oriented outlook, neither overly pessimistic nor optimistic, is a sign that things feel right.

Step 4: How Does Right Feel After the Moment Has Passed?
The most important part of discernment is how you feel in the moment. But, to confirm that feeling, look at what happens after the moment has passed.

Ask yourself: Am I inspired to do any of the following things?

• To connect with other people
• To help other people
• To seek help from other people
• To create art
• To enjoy art that has already been created
• To clean my home
• To nourish my body and the bodies of other people with good food
• To move my body in a way that feels good
• To volunteer or give to charities
• To go out into nature

All of these are signs that the connection forged between your ancestors and your own spirit has moved you in the direction of growth and healing. And that's definitely what feels right.

For even more ways to commune with your ancestors, check out my book, Honoring Your Ancestors: A Guide to Ancestral Veneration. The book shares techniques to help you connect to your ancestors. You'll learn how to develop your own personal style for honoring them through altars and offerings, seeking their guidance through mediumship, and invoking their power through ritual.

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2019. All rights reserved.

Do you believe sexual orientation and/or gender identity issues have spiritual roots? If so, are they a chakra balancing issue, or perhaps related to subconscious/past-life baggage that is hanging on and interfering with one's current outlook on life? Thanks!

Jacqueline

Dreamchaser:

I have done a lot of research and praying on this question. I really wanted the correct answer, not only for this column but also for my own understanding.

I don't believe that if a person is homosexual or straight in this life, they have been the same in every life, nor do I believe that we carry a propensity to be attracted to a certain gender from one lifetime to another.

Before we come into each lifetime, we sit down and figure out the best way to teach our souls what they need to know. We figure out what gender we need to be, who our parents, family and friends need to be, where we need to live, and every other possible variable.

We also choose the main life lessons we will work on. I believe this is when we choose whether we will be straight, gay, bi or non-sexual.

I have often encountered the idea that many people who have been sexually molested by the opposite sex in their childhoods choose to become gay when they grow up. Personally, I feel something like that was planned on the Otherside before that person was born. The molestation was planned along with any supposed change in sexual orientation.

Our gender and our sexual orientation do not affect our chakras. If we practice tantric sex, then of course those come into play, but by and large, our sense of well-being is not dependent on our sexual orientation or gender.

While we can have clogged chakras due to repressed or unconscious sexual issues, our particular gender and orientation are not the source of the problem. It's how we process our experiences as a certain gender or person with a particular orientation that affects us on a spiritual level.

For example, if someone is raped, they will more than likely hold that inside for a while, which will cause chakra issues such as clogs or blocks. If that person encounters more and more negative experiences in addition to that rape, they'll end up with lots of chakra issues.

Your question seems to suggest that being anything but heterosexual is unnatural or must present special problems. I know people of both genders and various sexual orientations who are healthy, functional, happy and fulfilled. I also know plenty of unhappy, unhealthy, dysfunctional people of those sexual orientations.

There is nothing inherently positive or negative about our natural sexual preferences. It's how we react to our experiences and the choices we make as a result that determine our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well-being.

I wish you peace.

*****

Astrea:

When I was a kid, the only vegetable I would eat was spinach because of Popeye. I didn't especially like the cartoons, but I liked Popeye because he always said, I am who I am. He didn't try to be someone he wasn't, and he was happy that way.

Even with all the progress we've made towards enlightenment in the past few years, people who are different from the majority in ANY way are often not accepted or understood.

Gay men, gay women and transgender people live outside what is considered the mainstream. Since artists, psychics, dancers, and some religious groups are also marginalized, it's easy for us to relate to each other.

Our souls live as many as a thousand lifetimes, during which we experience ALL genders. We're male, female, and even androgynous beings in both physical and celestial incarnations.

Most people who have studied reincarnation will agree that our most immediate past life will have at least some influence on who we become in this incarnation. For instance, most people who are homophobic were homosexual in their most recent past life.

When I first began to explore past lives, I assumed that people who had recently experienced a gay incarnation would be the most understanding and accepting of such matters, but my research has shown that this is rarely the case.

Often a person who was gay in their last lifetime will not be tolerant and understanding of such things in this lifetime because they were maligned, ostracized, tortured or somehow made to suffer greatly for their sexual orientation.

This suffering causes deep wounds in the psyche that need to be healed, and until that happens, those folks will tend to be much less tolerant. Tolerance is then a big spiritual lesson for them to learn in order to develop the divine love and compassion we should all strive to embody.

I've also noticed that people who are most open and accepting of homosexuality were usually female in their most recent past life. Everything influences the way we are. It's very complex and confusing because some people repeat lives as women or men several times before they switch to experience being the other sex.

Basically, any person who has had to live with pain, guilt and rejection is going to carry that from lifetime to lifetime until they've learned and healed on all levels of their being.

Aside from these issues, spiritual evolution in no way correlates with sexual orientation. Regardless of who and how we love, our life experiences are naturally designed to move us toward enlightenment.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.