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4 Secret Strengths of Sensitivity, by Kyra Mesich

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

Sensitive people have gotten a bum rap. We live in a world that doesn't embrace the values of sensitivity, so we get told that we are weak, unusual, touchy, and hard to please. The sad truth is that we hear these messages in many ways throughout our lives. Even if it is from a well-meaning teacher or parent who tries to "toughen us up," the crux of these messages is that there is something wrong with being sensitive.

When we hear these messages over and over through our lives, we can't help but internalize them as our own identity. Therefore, most sensitive people truly do believe that there is something wrong with them and that they are at fault for being "too sensitive."

It's no wonder then that sensitive people don't know how to respond when someone derails a discussion or argument by saying, "You're just being too sensitive." How can we have a rebuttal to that statement, when a part of us believes it is true? Deep down inside, most sensitive people believe that their sensitivity is a weakness, and they dislike being that way. It's an inequitable way to live to not appreciate or even like an important part of ourselves, especially when the ideas are based in misunderstanding.

Would you believe it if I told you that your sensitivity is actually composed of many different strengths? Here are four of the secret strengths of sensitivity.

1. You're Highly Perceptive.
   Think for a moment about the word "sensitive." How does that word make you feel? What associations do you have with the word? Now think about the word "perceptive." How does that word make you feel? For most people, the word "sensitive" is an emotionally laden word with some negative connotations. On the other hand, the word "perceptive" is neutral. So what would happen if you replaced the word sensitive and started defining and describing yourself instead as highly perceptive? Feel the shift that happens?This is not to say that "sensitive" is a negative word. It's an emotionally charged word due to our past experiences. It's freeing to take a little time off from that misunderstood term. "Perceptive" is a synonym that still has its pure, straightforward meaning: having keen awareness, understanding, and intuition.

   So the next time you begin to think to yourself, "I wish I wasn't so sensitive," stop and instead say, "I wish I wasn't so perceptive." You'll find yourself replying, "Why would I do that? Being perceptive is a good thing!"

2. Your Brain is More Active.
   According to studies by Doctors Elaine and Arthur Aron and colleagues at Stony Brook University, the brains of sensitive people brains have higher activity in response to stimuli. In one particular study, participants' brain activity was monitored by functional magnetic resonance imaging while viewing a series of photos of people exhibiting varied emotions. The participants identified as highly sensitive had much greater blood flow in their brains than the other participants, indicating higher brain activity. Similar results have been demonstrated with other stimuli as well. What this means is that the physiology of sensitive people physiology is indeed more active and responsive.Sensitivity isn't solely an emotional or mental experience; our entire physiology is wired to react swiftly, keenly, and thoroughly to stimuli. This is the reason we sometimes perceive things that others don't seem to notice. This is an explanation for why we may feel bombarded by loud or discordant stimuli. Our bodies are doing more work to perceive accurately and keenly. In other words, we are more finely tuned instruments.
3. You Have Great Intuition.
   Intuition is that gut feeling or still, small voice within that we can trust to know the best course of action. Our intuition is our inner guidance system that helps things run much more smoothly in our lives, as long as we listen to it. As a sensitive person, you already have very strong intuition. The problem is that most of us were never taught to value it nor how to listen to it. We're taught to dismiss it.Our society praises actions that are taken after much analysis and thought. It's generally not accepted that someone may be sensitive enough to perceive subtle information from multiple sources beyond the thoughts in the mind and then just "know" what to do. That is a big part of what makes our sensitivity so baffling, yet makes it a huge strength. We are sensitive not only to what we can easily see and understand, but also to that which is extrasensory—just beyond what our five physical senses can perceive. This includes things such as EMF, radiation, magnetic fields, and many additional energies from devices, nature, animals, and people.

   Our sensitive intuition picks up on all this extrasensory information, compiles it, and does its best to tell us what we need to know. Since it is already working all the time, practice listening to your intuition and try following it, even for simple things like what time to choose for an appointment. Many people are better able to sense their intuition when they tune into their bodies, especially the solar plexus area, rather than focusing all attention up in their heads. Give yourself permission to listen to your gut feelings and instincts for a while, and you'll find your intuition is a fabulous resource and strength you naturally have as a sensitive person.

4. You're Empathic.
   People use the word "empathic" to mean compassionate understanding of another person's emotional situation. But the term "empathic" has an even deeper meaning for sensitive people. This is an extension of the discussion about intuition in number two. Empathic ability can be viewed as a specific type of intuition, or extrasensory awareness.Empathic ability is the experience of sensing and feeling emotional energy, even if it hasn't been openly communicated in any way. This emotional energy may be lingering in a place, or it may come from animals or pets, but it impacts us most strongly when it is from other people. This is one of the confusing aspects of sensitivity that we often define as painful or as a weakness. When we don't realize we are empathic, then the emotions we sense from others become jumbled up with our own.

   But when we do know that empathic ability exists, and that as sensitive people we are empathic, then we can begin to discern the energy we are sensing. As we learn to use and appreciate our empathic abilities, eventually we are able to use that emotional information just like our intuition—as useful information that benefits us.

   Wondering if you can trust your new babysitter? Is your boss in the right mood today to ask for that raise? Will you get along with the neighbors at the new apartment you are considering? These are questions your empathic sensitivity can answer. It adds another layer of information to your intuition. It's like having a psychic feeling superpower.

   Just as with intuition, it works best to tune into your empathic ability by bringing your awareness to the solar plexus area of your body, between your chest and belly. Ask a question, and then trust the immediate feeling that comes to you. It takes practice and sometimes healing of old wounds or blockages so that you can clearly perceive what your empathic sensitivity is trying to tell you. But you can get there.

Wouldn't you agree that it's time for these strengths of sensitivity to no longer be secrets? The idea that sensitivity is a weakness really is backwards. Sensitivity is a great example of "the whole is greater than the sum of the parts." Our keen perception, strong physiological responsiveness, and compassionate nature give us the ability to hear more, feel more, and sense more, even beyond the limitations of our five physical senses.

It's time for us to recognize these strengths and begin respecting ourselves as sensitive people. So the next time someone says, "You're being too sensitive," you can honestly reply, "Thank you. What a nice compliment."

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2016. All rights reserved.

My husband passed away two months ago. Why haven't I dreamed about him? He didn't even show me signs that he would leave us soon. I have never experienced dreams about departed love ones before, not even my father, whom I loved most. I have been wanting to see and talk to them in my dreams but it's not happening. What does this mean, and what can I do? Please help!

Lanilyn

Susyn:

I know you are anxious to dream about your husband, but these processes can take a bit of time. Also, when your husband's spirit comes to you, he may choose a different manner in which to communicate with you than your dreams. When a loved one leaves us, especially if it's unexpected, we are naturally overcome with emotion and must travel through the grief cycle. Your husband is going through this same process; before he can come to you, he has to acclimate himself to the profound changes he has just experienced. It can take anywhere from six weeks to three months after dying before a spirit is able to communicate with us, so you may need to wait a bit longer before you dream of or hear from him.

As a psychic channeler, even I have had difficulty reaching someone who is newly departed. I recall channeling for a woman who had lost her father six weeks prior. He came to us during the session, but could only write down what he wanted to say, as he was not yet able to communicate directly.

It may seem ironic, but the more profound our feelings of loss, the harder it can be to connect with someone who has passed. If we are still working through our grief and overcome with sorrow, that heaviness can block communication. To connect, we must move beyond this state of shock, which simply takes time. Of course, another factor is how open we are to communicating with spirits in general. This can work both ways: for example, if your father was deeply skeptical of spiritual phenomena, he may have refused to even entertain the possibility. This could explain why he has never visited you in your dreams.

As time passes, spirits become more capable of reaching out to us. While they often appear in our dreams, they can also use other methods to connect with us. Certain smells, favorite songs or unexpected memories are all signals to watch out for. There are endless ways our loved ones can let us know they are near, so you'll have to trust your intuition above all.

If, after three more months, you have still not connected with your husband's spirit, I suggest you schedule a session with a professional medium. During this meeting, you will be able to connect with your husband and share back and forth. The medium may also be able to call in your father so you can speak directly with him as well.

Please keep in mind that not all people dream about their departed loved ones. Luckily, there are many other ways to interact with their spirits that do not involve waiting until something happens. I am confident that your husband's spirit is nearby, and that when he is able, he will reach out to you through your dreams or find some better way to connect with you.

*****

Oceania:

I'm sorry about your deep disappointment in not being able to meet departed loved ones in your dreams. It's clear that you long to be with them again, and believe a dream rendezvous would help alleviate your sadness and loneliness. You may also be feeling angry given that you lost your spouse without warning or a chance to say goodbye.

I recommend you join a bereavement group, which you can find at a local hospital, church or community center, as it would provide you an opportunity to express your feelings to others who are coping with similar losses. When we can't get what we want, consolation can still be found in sharing our pain, especially with people who understand. Although you miss your loved ones, you might move toward healing by forming new bonds with the living. Though it can be hard to see in the moment, profound loss can lead to unexpected gains and joys.

Although you can't force anyone - living or dead - to communicate with you, you can do your best to express yourself clearly to them. I recommend you write heartfelt letters to your husband and father and then read them aloud while assuming your loved ones can hear you. After that, write letters to yourself from each of them; just let the words flow without analyzing them. This exercise may be the first step in opening up channels of communication between you and the two most important men in your life.

Proactive communication like this can also be applied to the living. Many of the clients I've worked with over the years have expressed sadness about losing touch with family members and friends, while assuming the other person just doesn't care. My clients were almost always welcomed with open arms when they reached out with a sincere desire to reconnect and with an apology for their part in any misunderstandings that may have occurred.

I'm not sure how long ago you lost your father - the person you say you loved most - but if you haven't fully processed that grief, you may be shut down emotionally. You may not realize you have walls up that are keeping you from growing close to others in an attempt to prevent yourself from feeling pain should you lose them too. We lose everyone we love sooner or later, but if we know how to grieve well, we grow to feel confident about our ability to adjust and bounce back. This confidence frees us to love openly and with abandon now and in the future.

Rather than wait for departed loves ones to come to you in your dreams, I hope you'll proactively reach out to them and to any living loved ones you've lost touch with. Reaching out to fellow mourners in a grief group or online forum would be another important step on your path to healing.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.