I married young; I was 18 and my first husband was 23. We had a son and after six years of marriage, I left him and got a divorce. I am now 58 and have fallen totally and completely in love with him again. I miss him and want to be with him in the afterlife. Every day I fall in love with him more and more. Though I have remarried, I badly want to be with my ex-husband when I die. Is that possible? I didn't love him the way a wife should love her husband, but I was young and dumb and now I realize what a wonderful man I had.
- June
Susyn:
You speak of your first husband as though he has already died. Whether or not this is the case, it doesn't sound like he is present in your life right now, so it's interesting that your feelings for him are stronger than ever before.
First let me assure you that when we cross over into the afterlife, we will be reunited with all the people who touched us in special ways. There may not be marriage or partnership like what we experience here on Earth, but when our spirits leave our bodies and move to the next level, our hearts and souls become open enough to love and spend time with whomever we choose.
It's difficult to live with regrets, especially when we have no way of going back to either change things or make amends for our behavior. Also, now that you're older and have much more life experience, it's only natural for it to be easier for you to identify your part in the demise of your marriage. Once we can look past life-changing experiences and learn from them, our deeper, truer feelings can begin to shine through.
To alleviate your fears and regrets, you may want to write a letter to your ex-husband designed to make amends. It doesn't matter if he is living or crossed over, for this letter will be for you - you won't actually send it. This will help you get your thoughts down on paper, make your apologies, and release the hold the past has over you. Once you have finished the letter, burn it with a white candle as a ritual of release; this act alone should soften the strong feelings you've been struggling with.
There is no doubt that you are sincere in hoping that the two of you can someday be together. As love is at the core of all attraction, you have only to embrace your loving feelings to be led back to your first husband in the afterlife. Your biggest challenge now is to live in the present and continue to seek spiritual guidance on how to live the remainder of your life with joy and purpose. Knowing that you and your first husband will one day reunite should bring you peace, but you must not neglect the other people and activities in your life that require your attention now.
There are important lessons to learn in all of our life experiences. It sounds like in looking back, you have learned to see beyond the difficulties of your first marriage to the true love and blessings it contained. As you move forward, there will be many more experiences that can affirm life's never-ending lessons and the magical ways Spirit can support, guide and enlighten you.
*****
Mata:
I wish you had shared what happened to make you feel this way now, for knowing that would illuminate a great deal about why your feelings have changed and what this strong desire may mean on a deeper spiritual level.
For example, it is possible that your strong feelings may not be about your ex-husband at all, but instead are about some needs you have that are going unfulfilled in your current marriage. They may also have arisen because your soul is calling you to further heal and release the past so you can grow to fully embody the wisdom you've gained over the years.
The main thing that leapt out at me from your question was a sense of how your current perspective on all of this seems rather limited. If you step back to view the big picture, hopefully you will realize that if you feel this way about your ex-husband now, it is entirely possible that if you were with him, your feelings would shift again and you would feel the same way about wanting to be with your current husband.
It's human nature to see the grass on the other side as greener and to want what we can't have. It's also very easy to look past all we don't like about a relationship or situation when we never have to actually live with it. In our minds, we may glorify the past by remembering only the good times, and gild the future by imagining that what we think we want to happen will truly make all our dreams come true.
I'm not saying that your desire is false; I'm just suggesting that you would be wise to learn from this experience by recognizing the good in your current husband and making the most of that relationship.
All desires are eventually fulfilled, and all karma must one day be resolved, so it is certain that you will not only reunite with your husband in the afterlife but also reincarnate with him in order to finish what you started in a more positive, fulfilling way. If you strongly desire to be his wife again, then that is almost sure to happen. Love is eternal, so if you two truly love each other, your souls will naturally be drawn back toward each other again and again.
I would offer you this bit of advice: be careful about making one relationship or love more important than another. On some level, we are all one, so what we do to one person, we do to another as well as to ourselves. With this in mind, if you want to cultivate a happier, more fulfilling future, you would be wise to give the best of yourself to every person in your life, and make every relationship as good as it can be.
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.