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Q and A with Elisa Romeo, MFT & Adam Foley
Authors of Holy Love: The Essential Guide to Soul-Fulfilling Relationships

Our deepest common human desire is to be met deeply, intimately and with unconditional love. Why is it, then, that what we most yearn for is one of the most elusive things to find and sustain?

In Holy Love: The Essential Guide to Soul-Fulfilling, authors Elisa Romeo and Adam Foley say that the problem is that many of us have lost connection with the authentic and unconditional part of ourselves — the Soul. How can we connect with another on a soulful level if we do not understand ourselves personally and intimately on a Soul level? How can we find a soul mate if we can’t see and feel our own Soul?

These questions are at the heart of Holy Love, which offers readers an invitation to profound growth, fulfilling love, and radical self-discovery via a groundbreaking method designed to transform any relationship into a spiritual path of awakening. We hope you’ll enjoy this Q & A with Elisa and Adam about the book.

What is the definition of ‘love,’ or as you put it, “Holy Love?”

When we speak about Holy Love, we are referring to a love that is not built upon projection. Most people think they are ‘in love’ when they are ‘in projection.’ It feels really great for a while, until the projection pops or fades, and then it can feel horrible, as if we never knew who the other person was at all. Projection is when we are incapable of seeing the other person’s personality or Soul standing before us. Just like a movie projector, we only see them through our own interpretation, which is filtered through personal traumas, beliefs and societal programs. Love is having the courage to open the heart and stay in the body while the energy of expansion melts old projections that hold deep fear and psychological landmines of misunderstanding and miscommunication.

What is the difference between someone’s personality and someone’s Soul?

The personality is the part of us that is inherent, but it is also shaped by the events and programming of our lives. The Soul is our essence — the unchanging, eternal and all-loving part of ourselves. The Soul has access to a higher and wider interpretation of our lives and is always available for guidance and healing. The Soul is our true nature and true love originates on a Soul level. People are often disappointed in their relationships because they do not feel seen and met on a Soul level. They become frustrated by the limitations of relationship but they have never understood themselves in their true nature. It is a huge misunderstanding and major part of why so many people experience unfulfilling relationships. Holy Love asks, “How can we find our Soul mate if we don’t know ourselves first, as Souls?” The book gives the clear map of precisely how to get there and finally be met in our relationships in a fulfilling and meaningful way.

You say that relationships serve as training for how to ‘become love.’ Is this true for challenging relationships and those relationships we would describe as ‘bad’ or having failed?

It is especially true with the relationships that we feel failed or would call bad. We see the ‘earth school,’ as some call it, as Love University. It is through our challenging, hard or unfulfilling moments and relationships that we get real clarity of what Love is and isn’t. This gives us information on how to grow, expand, and evolve.

You say that many of us are unprepared for Holy Love because we expect love to rescue us, when love actually is a crucible. What do you mean by that?

A crucible is a trial or test that is so powerful that we are forever transformed by going through it. Our human relationships are not built to be an on-command wet-nurse of comfort for our pouting inner child. We need to evolve our relationships developmentally so are able to view conflict as an opportunity to become Love itself. Instead of getting resentful that the mere human before us cannot always resolve all of our inner pain, we expand to more of our own potential and discover them beyond our personal demands. This is how the experience of human relationship and Love becomes a powerful, transformative spiritual path. There are few things that bring us more pain and suffering than relationships and our attachment wounds. It is the realm of relationship, which brings radical potential for spiritual growth. Love is a way to find comfort and companionship, which Holy Love does this as well. And it is also SO much more, in that it also serves as the portal to introduce ourselves to an often inaccessible, newly activated, part of ourselves, which is our Soul.

Is Holy Love applicable for single people and other relationships besides intimate partnerships?

Oh yes. Holy Love is a relational state in which we enter. That relationship can be internal with our Higher Self and the Divine, or external with another. Many nuns and monks are incredible examples of living Holy Love. Some of the most important relationships to practice Holy Love are with our children, our families, our neighbors, and, especially, our enemies. When we see someone as an enemy we are incapable of seeing their Soul. We believe this work is crucial and has the potential to bring radical peace and healing to the world. When we see ourselves as inherently connected to the “opposing team” we are much more interested in being creative with cooperation, empathy, and finding sustainable solutions.

What is Soul Journaling/Dialoguing and why is it so important?

Soul journaling is the practice of building the second spiritual relationship between your ego and your Soul. Through this practice, we learn to humble the ego and open and receive information from the wise and loving higher self, the Soul. Soul journaling is a spiritual workout just like going to the gym is for physical muscles. It is a regular practice to consistently practice raising our brain state from beta to theta, thereby building that crucial inner ‘listening muscle.’ This builds a conscious relationship with our Soul so that we can really tell the difference between projections and intuition. Another way of explaining it is being able to discern the voice of ego from the voice of Soul. If we practice this regularly, the muscle gets so strong that intuition doesn’t just happen to us when we are lucky or feeling good. We can hear our Soul when in a crisis, caught in a psychological complex or deep within a depression to help us navigate.

What is the most important thing you hope readers will take away from Holy Love?

I think the most important thing is that humans are made to do this work. It may seem intimidating at first, but our nature is Love. Becoming conscious of ourselves as Love is our spiritual birthright. Ultimately, it takes more energy to not become Holy Love. We spend unconscious energy resisting our authentic selves everyday. With Holy Love, we become aware of how and where we are doing that, so we can spend less energy resisting our true nature and more time enjoying the benefits of being conscious of who we are as Love. We don’t need to do anything to awaken. We just need to stop our addiction and habitual programming to unawakening. Then we naturally find ourselves in Holy Love.

Elisa Romeo, MFT, and Adam Foley are the authors of Holy Love: The Essential Guide to Soul-Fulfilling Relationships and cohosts of the Holy & Human Podcast.  Together, they help individuals awaken and deepen their soulful nature within relationship. Visit them online at holyandhuman.com.

Excerpted from the book from Holy Love: The Essential Guide to Soul-Fulfilling Relationships. Copyright ©2022 by Elisa Romeo, MFT, and Adam Foley. Printed with permission from New World Library.

I'm trying to sell my aunt's house, as I'm the closest living relative who is able to take something like this on. (She was widowed at a young age, and her only child preceded her in death.) She spent the last thirty years or so living alone in her house, and she rarely left it. She passed away last fall, and as soon as I went into her house to begin to clear it out and prepare it for sale, I definitely felt a strong sense of her presence. I believe she is still there, and based on the reactions of other people (like the real estate agent I hired, and some repair people who came in to fix the place up) they can sense something too. Everyone freezes right inside the door and looks around as if they are looking for another person. Now I'm wondering if ghosts can try to prevent the sale of their former home by creating a certain atmosphere or something, and if so, what I should do. Thanks for your advice!

- Bethany

Dreamchaser:

Of course ghosts, earthbound spirits, or spirits who pass back and forth between this world and the next can prevent the sale of a house. Every single building we walk into has an auric atmosphere, which is composed of the energy traces or memories of everyone who was ever there. Sometimes houses are inhabited by non-physical beings who don't want to leave yet.

Your aunt is one of those beings. She has chosen to stay here on this side for a while. She doesn't want to leave her house because she was comfortable there. It was her sanctuary and her haven when she was in this world, and she sees no need to leave it now if she doesn't have to.

The angels who meet us to take us to the Light always tell us that we have a choice. We don't have to go to the Light if we don't want to at that time. They will wait for us. My own father stayed earthbound for over three years. It won't harm your aunt to stick around, though apparently, it IS harming your efforts to sell the house.

You don't have to sage the place, because she's not a negative spirit - she is just keeping residence there. Here is what I suggest you do: Visit the house alone, and go to the room your aunt loved the most in life. Call out to her and tell her that you want to talk to her. (When you do this, make sure you call her by name.) Imagine that she is sitting in the same room with you, and tell her the following:

Aunt, because I love you, I have to tell you that you are dead. You have a Light near you, and there are beings in that Light that are waiting for you. This is no longer your house - your true home is through the Light.

I need to sell this house and settle your estate. I know that you would want a nice family with kids living in the house, filling it up with joy and laughter again. You don't have to go to the Light, but you really should. If you want to stay here, you have to be quiet and stop creeping out everyone who comes in the door. Thank you.

That should help. She will understand that she is dead, and she will understand what you are saying and trying to accomplish. Hopefully, she will then back down some.

She's not trying to sabotage your efforts or hoping to prevent the house from selling - I promise you that! She just considers it her house still. She also doesn't fully understand that she's dead now, so you may want to emphasize that point.

She may hang around a while longer just to see what is going on and what you are doing to and with the house. She may run off bad prospective buyers as well. Just know that your aunt will be fine, and that the house will sell.

I wish you peace with this peculiar situation.

*****

Astrea:

A ghost can CERTAINLY keep a house from selling! I'm sitting in a 100-year-old house because its spirits don't want me to sell it, so I know what you're up against. There are lots of stories about departed spirits preventing the sale of their former homes, or trying to prevent the new people living there from enjoying themselves.

Fortunately, I love my house so it doesn't bother me, and I can live in it even though I have to fix, replace and repair things constantly. Since you don't want to live in your aunt's house, you have to find some way to move her on into the Light.

This is also important for her own sake, for by releasing her former home, she can go on to a new Celestial Incarnation, where she'll wait for the rest of her Karmic Family to join her.

Your aunt has yet to move on from her home because it takes about a year for a person who has been in one place on earth that long to let go of their earthly surroundings. Wood is the best ghost conductor I know, and I'm sure your aunt's house is full of it.

In the basement is all the discarded energy, while the attic holds treasured energy. This living space is filled with her energy, and it will be for a long time to come unless she decides to move on.

Over the past few years I've discovered a number of ways to help a person move on into the Light. The most common is this:

Assemble a Bible, one white candle, and a bell. (You can use the jingle bells from a Christmas hat, it doesn't have to be anything fancy.) Inscribe your aunt's full name on the candle and light it. Open the Bible to the 23rd Psalm and read it aloud. Ring the bell.

Then say St. Michael's Prayer: St. Michael, Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil, may God rebuke him. We humbly pray, and do thou O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the Power of God, cast into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls.

Then add, Take with Thee our Sister ________ (your aunt's full name), and lead her into the Light of God. Amen. Close the Bible, ring the bell, and blow out the candle. This should take care of things.

People who get very attached to what they have and what they own often become earthbound. My relatives come and go regularly around here, but since I have lived in this house my whole life, they rarely meddle. It's still unsettling when they do, but I'm used to it.

I hope that my Nanny, who lived next door, visits the awful neighbors who bought that house on a regular basis. After my cousin sold the place, she must have decided to stay and make as much trouble for the new occupants as possible, for they call the place Our Amityville House!

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.