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Letting Go of Story

An excerpt from Peter Russell’s
Letting Go of Nothing: Relax Your Mind and Discover the Wonder of Your True Nature

The other side of letting go of emotions is letting go of the story behind them. Again, the first step is to let the story in, to become conscious of what we’re telling ourself. This is not always as easy as it sounds. We often assume that our view of events is the truth rather than our interpretation of them.

A good starting point is to pause and explore whether what you believe to be true really is so. Open to the possibility that it may be just a set of assumptions you have made. See if you can step back, question your interpretations, and be open to seeing alternatives.

If you are angry, for example, you might ask, What am I telling myself that makes this person wrong? How, in my opinion, should they have behaved? How do I judge them for having acted that way?

I also find it helpful to ask whether I would accuse myself of this. How often, when someone is angry with us, do we feel their anger is unjustified? If only they understood us better and why we behaved as we did, they wouldn’t be so angry.

So try putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, and consider what might have led them to behave this way. How might they have been seeing you? Did they have other things on their mind? What in their past might have led them to this?

The more we can inhabit another person’s point of view, the more we can understand their behavior. If we understood them completely, we’d realize they were behaving exactly as they “should” have — given their situation and everything that came before. Our belief that they should not have behaved this way is another part of our story.

Holding on to our stories only serves to create more suffering and discontent. I was recently visiting a neighbor when a friend came by. Almost the first words out of the friend’s mouth were, “I still can’t forgive him for what he did.” She was clearly still aggrieved and upset, even though the event in question had happened six months earlier. She was holding on to a story about what had happened, and that story still triggered bad feelings — which only reinforced her story. My neighbor simply said to her, “Oh, I’m sorry for you,” meaning I’m sorry you’re still not over it, “that can’t be nice.”

When we continue holding on to a grievance long after the event, the only person we hurt is ourself. As the Buddha is purported to have said, holding a grievance is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies.

If you find yourself doing this, the first step in letting go is to become aware of the suffering you’re creating for yourself. If you pick up a hot coal, you will let go of it as soon as you feel the pain. Similarly, with holding on to some judgment or grievance, the more you can become aware of the price you pay for holding on — the emotional pain, tension, disturbing thoughts — the more motivated you will be to dig deeper, to see what is going on inside and how you might let go.

Emotions often have more to do with our past than our present. A friend not giving us the attention we feel is our due or criticizing our appearance can touch on painful experiences from earlier in life and trigger reactions out of all proportion to present circumstances. Maybe we felt ignored as a child or had parents who were overly concerned about how we appeared in public. Our automatic reaction might be to storm off in a huff or to retaliate with a criticism of our own. Alternatively, we may act out with something apparently unrelated, such as swearing at the dog or indulging in comfort food.

When you notice unwarranted reactions like these, pause, take a breath, and notice what you’re feeling — at this stage, not the story so much as what is going on in your body. Notice where it is tight, feel any unease or discomfort, and observe any impulse to act out. If you can allow these feelings to be there as they are, you may find they begin to soften and not dominate so much.

Then, when they have subsided a little, look at any story you may be telling yourself. Maybe there’s some truth to it, but how much have you added? Have any events in your past led you to respond this way? Maybe there are issues you need to explore in order to find some resolution or healing.

Perhaps some childhood trauma lies behind your reaction. The more you understand what is going on, the less likely old wounds will trigger you in the future.

Emotions are impulses to “move out” in some way; they want some form of expression. So with a strong emotion such as anger or rage, it can be helpful to let it out. But rather than venting on a fellow human being, you might take it out on a pillow or a punching bag. Or, a less violent option, you might express to others what you’re thinking and feeling, in a safe context — talking to a good friend or a therapist, perhaps — allowing the thoughts and feelings to be there without embarrassment or fear of judgment.

Even then, we might hold something back, fearing others might judge us. Or possibly because we wish to keep part of our life private. In such cases, writing to ourselves about what we are feeling can be a good way to vent our emotions. Simply write down whatever comes (four-letter words and all), without any judgment. Let it all in. Afterward you can tear it up or even burn it if you wish. It’s expressing it to yourself that is important.

Peter Russell, author of Letting Go of Nothing and From Science to God, earned degrees in theoretical physics, psychology, and computer science at the University of Cambridge in England, where he studied for a time with Stephen Hawking. He studied meditation and Eastern philosophy in India and later conducted research into the neurophysiology of meditation. He coined the term global brain with his 1980s bestseller of the same name (100,000 copies sold), in which he predicted the internet and the impact it would have on humanity. He lives in Northern California. Connect with Peter at www.PeterRussell.com.

Excerpted from the book Letting Go of Nothing. Copyright © 2021 by Peter Russell. Reprinted with permission from New World Library.

I'm a psychic reader too, and I really respect your work. I have a question about how you ladies handle clients who come back to you time after time with the same basic problem. For example, I have a client who hates her job with a passion, and has for some four years now. I know that fear is holding her back from making a leap into something better, but I don't know how to help her create a breakthrough. Spirit offers her all sorts of great advice, but she's one of those people who always say, Yes, but... followed by why she can't act on the advice at this point in time. I often see this sort of thing in my work. What do you tell a client who comes back with the same problem month after month, year after year? I feel like she's wasting her money and my time, and I'm starting to think I should just tell her that she must not really want something new, or she'd have it by now! Thanks in advance for your advice.

- Celeste

Dreamchaser:

You hit the nail on the head with this one! Of course your client doesn't really want change, or she would have gotten it by now.

There are all kinds of reasons why people stay stuck. Most people just do not know how to get from point A to point Z, and they think that they need to have some grand plan all worked out before they start.

We readers need to remember to tell our clients that everyone who ever had a great idea did NOT know exactly how they were going to accomplish it at first - they just knew it was a good idea, and that they were going to do it.

Your client does not need to figure out the HOW or the WHEN, she just needs to focus on the WHAT. She has to choose what she actually wants in a job before anything will start to move for her.

When I bailed on corporate America and was asking the Universe for my own perfect job, I requested a situation where I could be a mom first, work at home, pay the bills and have some play money, and that is exactly what I got.

That is the point that your client has not yet grasped: She can't see HOW change will come to her, so even though she may wish for it, she doesn't actually believe that she can have it. Then she just manifests more experiences that reinforce her belief that she can't have what she wants.

She is also afraid of changing and failing, and she has come to define herself by this job, so she's not sure who she will be if she leaves it behind.

Celeste, you have to remember that you are not responsible for how your clients live their lives or any of the choices they make. All you can do is give them the messages you have for them and be there for them when they need you. You can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do.

Also, remember that if she wasn't talking to you, she could very well be talking to someone who is less responsible than you are, who may take advantage of her state of mind. She could potentially be targeted by someone who would take her money and not give her helpful, useful guidance because she is so desperate for change. You are doing her a good service by giving her your time and attention.

Her path is her path, and this struggle is part of that path. I agree that our goal is to get a client to where they are happy and prosperous on all levels, but if someone doesn't move forward, that doesn't mean you are a failure - it just means that they are stuck.

As I see it, those are the clients that need us the most. They need our strength, patience, love and concern for them. Yes, it can be maddening to see them spin their wheels for years and years. You do need to be frank with your clients, but in a very loving manner. They know when we are being truthful, and they appreciate our honesty.

I wish you peace with all your clients and reading experiences.

*****

Astrea:

If someone wants change, I can help. If someone wants to just emote, forget it! I have next to no tolerance for that.

It's hard to respect someone who is circling the drain and at the same time draining YOU. Also, once you begin to feel less respect for a person, can you really do your best work for them anymore?

If your client says they want something different than what they have, and doesn't change in a reasonable amount of time, they become a big waste of time and energy for YOU.

I have found that reading for people like this is a good way to lose your psychic gifts, so send them away to another responsible reader, and don't feel guilty about it.

When clients return time after time without making any progress or changes, I realize they're not really getting anything from me. I am not doing this work for the money only: I feel a deep obligation to every person who comes to me, and I want them to get what they're paying for. If that's for someone to just agree with them and nothing more, forget it.

On the other side of this issue is the person who simply needs to talk to someone who won't judge them for their true thoughts and feelings. We all need that sort of understanding sometimes.

Of course, I've never been the sort of person to gently tell anyone ANYTHING. Since I'm a Sag, I'm naturally blunt and outspoken, and it's cost me many a psychic reading client. If someone just wants to hear how wonderful they are and how awful everyone else is, I'm not the reader for them.

Sadly, there are hundreds of fake readers out there who will tell a person anything he or she wants to hear over and over, just to take their money. I can't do it. I think it's WRONG. Those people who don't really want to change can find someone to listen to them babble on for a price, but it won't be me.

I can't count the times I've said, I am NOT helping you! and BLIP - I never see that person again. Whose loss is that, really? I think it's theirs, because they had a sincere reader who was poised and ready to help, and they threw that assistance right back.

We can't do anything to change another person's life, and the people who come to us with the same problems year after year are simply complaining to us because none of their friends will listen to them anymore. They have to pay us to do that because no one else is interested.

Those people bore the daylights out of me, and if you're smart, you'll cut them loose. They don't respect you; you're just the help - a psychic servant. Don't fall into that role! Someone will replace them who really wants a reading and truly needs your help. Make room for the people who really want to create positive change in their lives, and drop the dead weight.

You never know - you dropping those stuck clients may be just what they need to see the light.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.