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by Alan Cohen

During an overnight airplane flight, I perused the entertainment selections and discovered the audio book Fire Starter Sessions by Danielle LaPorte. I liked what I heard and found Ms. LaPorte to be an articulate, poetic exponent of living a juicy, authentic life. She had my attention.

One of the ways to recognize your talent and passion, LaPorte suggests, is to consider what other people have criticized you for. I had heard, What you thought was wrong with you may be what's right with you, but the idea of using criticism as a compass to greatness takes the lesson to a whole new level.

Consider, for example, humor writer Dave Barry. In junior high school, Barry was the class clown, often dismissed to stand in the hall after disrupting the class. One day Barry's teacher told him, You'd better get serious, Dave Barry - You can't earn a living making people laugh.

Fast forward five decades: Barry's weekly columns have been syndicated in over 500 newspapers, he has written 30 popular books, and The New York Times dubbed him the funniest man in America. Oh, and by the way - he also won a Pulitzer Prize.

The Dog Whisperer, Cesar Millan, shy and unpopular as a child, was teased by his friends for spending more time with dogs than he spent with them. They nicknamed him, El Perrero — dog boy. Since then, he has starred in a wildly successful television series broadcast in 80 countries, written five bestselling books, produced a line of pet products, established dog sanctuaries, and donated large sums to charities.

Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, and other genius inventors were chastised by their early teachers for not paying attention in class. Their minds were about other things. Einstein later declared, Imagination is more important than knowledge.

Let's reframe the verbal and emotional arrows that others cast at you for not fitting in, and regard them as arrows pointing you in the direction you were born to walk. The world rarely welcomes genius in its early stages; more often it is ridiculed. Jonathan Swift said, When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. Einstein echoed, Great spirits have always encountered violent resistance from mediocre minds.

Another way to appreciate your holy weirdness is to recognize that your biggest challenges can become your most helpful assets. Nearly all successful teachers have risen to greatness by passing along the skills they gained through overcoming their undesirable traits. The founders of Alcoholics Anonymous had to get beyond their own drinking problem; weight loss teachers were overweight; yoga teachers were stressed; relationship gurus have had bad marriages; and on and on. Your biggest problems offer you the most fertile opportunities for personal transformation and service to others. So don't criticize yourself for your problems or apologize for them. Turn them into rocket fuel for awakening, a dazzling livelihood, and world upliftment.

You will gain far more by authenticity than by conformity. Conformity is safe but boring; realness is risky but empowering. After I gave a lecture an audience member told me, I took a course in public speaking, and as I observed you giving your talk, you violated eight of the ten rules of public speaking. But of all the speakers I have heard, you are my favorite because you are the most authentic. I took his statement as a compliment. (I didn't ask him which rules I broke. I refuse to spoil my career with training.)

I know many people who have either quit or been fired from straight jobs because they couldn't survive as a cubicle dweller. Then they went on to become successful entrepreneurs, selling unique products and services they never would have developed if they remained in their cube. Sherrie Baxter became sick living and working in the rainy Northwest. She contracted Seasonal Affect Disorder. In finding her way back to health, Sherrie discovered full-spectrum light bulbs that compensate for lack of natural sunlight. As a result, she now has a thriving business (bio-light.com) providing SAD sufferers with the products that helped revive her.

In the New Testament, we are told that Jesus told a sick person, This is not an illness unto death, but unto greater life. Thus we might regard the barbs and pains you have been dealt for not fitting into the cookie cutter mold. That mold is appropriate for some cookies, but not for all.

There is nothing wrong with you. Self-criticism is based on illusion. A Course in Miracles asks us to remember, Let me recognize the problem so it can be solved, and then, Let me recognize that the problem has been solved.

Every experience is a gift, including criticism. If criticism is valid, you can take the feedback and improve. If it is not valid, affirm your strength and your purpose to the contrary. Thank the world for criticism. It is your arrow to positive destiny.

Alan Cohen is the author of many popular inspirational books, including the newly-released Enough Already: The Power of Radical Contentment. Join Alan beginning March 1 for his acclaimed Life Coach Training Program. For more information about this program, Alan's other books, free daily inspirational quotes, and his weekly radio show, visit alancohen.com, email info@alancohen.com, or phone (800) 568-3079 or (808) 572-0001.

My husband was seeing and actually living with another woman while we were still married. He then killed himself in 2006. I had horrible dreams after his death; after he died, I begged him to give me a sign that he loved me. I felt he had given me a sign through a dream. Then I met a man and we married, and my bad dreams came back! It's my ex leaving me to be with with his girlfriend. He is very mean to me in the dreams. Sometimes I get the feeling he loves me and other times I don't, but I'm always left hurt and alone. I still love him and miss him but I also love my new husband very much. The dreams happened frequently at first; now they only happen once in a while but I wake up just as emotionally hurt as ever. What do you think this means?

Amber

Susyn:

Often dreams are a way to process hidden fears. Though we may have the same dream over and over, it can remain as emotionally intense as it was the first time. Even when they're not based in current realities, these dreams hold important messages for us.

For years after my ex-husband died, I had dreams that he would come back and take our son away. Even though this could not happen, it frightened me. The source of the dreams was my fear of losing my son just as I had lost his father.

This is most likely the case with you as well. It takes years to get over the kind of betrayal you experienced with your husband. I'm referring not just to his infidelity but also to his suicide. Both are forms of abandonment, which can touch us more deeply than we realize. Abandonment creates fear that people we love will leave us for reasons beyond our control. The trauma your ex-husband put you through has left emotional residue for you to process.

Subconsciously, you may carry some fear that your current husband will leave you. Even though he doesn't appear in these dreams, it's common to transfer issues to different people when we dream. Leaving you might be the furthest thing from your husband's mind, but you may nevertheless fear it because of what happened with your first husband. Your current husband can reassure you all he wants, but because this fear is subconscious, it can be triggered at any time and for any number of reasons.

This is referred to as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). When we experience something shocking or painful, we can carry the trauma of it for years. Through dreams, we often process fears in our subconscious that we may not even be aware of. When you have these dreams, your psyche is working to release some of that fear.

You can learn more by recording these dreams in a dream journal. As you recall the incidents, more will be revealed. When they occur, adding them to your journal will help you release some of the emotional power they hold over you.

You may also want to consider having a reading with a medium who can channel the spirit of your ex-husband. That way, you can ask him about the questions you still carry, including his true feelings for you. This can be a very healing process. Once you learn that he is all right and that he loves you, the troublesome dreams and any fears you still carry about abandonment should subside.

*****

Mata:

I don't think you are actually interacting with your husband in these dreams. If that were the case, you wouldn't be dreaming about what happened in the past; instead, you would be aware that he has died and perhaps communicate in a more enlightened way about what happened and how it has affected you both.

These dreams sound like your subconscious trying to work through what happened in the past so that you can heal from it and get much needed closure. You experienced extreme betrayal when your husband left you to live with another woman. When he then killed himself, you were unable to get answers to your questions about what went wrong and heal the wounds he inflicted on your heart.

These dreams are a sign that you still have healing work to do. Just as people will manifest the same problems over and over again so that they can practice solving them, we may have recurring dreams like the ones you describe so that we can practice dealing with the intense emotions they bring up and begin to inch our way toward a new perspective on it all.

One telling sign is your desire for your former husband to give you a sign from beyond that he does indeed love you. I'm sure that when he left you to live with another woman, you felt anything but loved. It sounds like he was very confused himself, and thus his behavior created a great deal of confusion for you. Now you are left wondering if he ever loved you at all. This big question has been weighing on your heart and stirring up these troubling dreams.

Since these dreams are signs that you have some big questions left unanswered and deep wounds that still need healing, I recommend you either pursue a reading with a medium who can help you communicate with your husband, or better yet, work with a hypnotherapist who can guide you into an altered state of consciousness wherein you can communicate with him directly, ask him whatever you want to ask him, and find the peace and understanding your heart and soul are crying out for in these dreams.

You might also take a more proactive approach to these dreams. By working with conscious dreaming techniques, you can manifest dreams that help you to find peace and healing. You can even ask to have your former husband visit you in your dreams so you can ask him whatever you need to ask him and get the closure you need. To learn more about this, I recommend books by Robert Moss, especially Conscious Dreaming.

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.