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    • Q and A, Love on Every Breath with Lama Palden Drolma

      We hope you’ll enjoy this Q and A with Lama Palden about Love on Every Breath.

      You also say that the Love on Every Breath meditation gives us a process to engage in when we are aware of suffering. Tell us more about that please.

      At times we can feel powerless in the face of aggression and suffering in our world. Love on Every Breath gives us something we can do to transform our despair into love and joy. This happens in the meditation through the series of steps, into the heart of the practice in which a crystal vajra of light or a drop of brilliant light is in our heart center. This light embodies awakened love and compassion. Then we breathe in the suffering and it is instantly transformed by the awakened presence into awakened love and healing energy. We breathe this out as white light into the person or people we are working with. As we imagine this filling and liberating the person or people in front of us, joy naturally arises.

      The subtitle of your book is “Tonglen Meditation for Transforming Pain into Joy.” Please tell us about Tonglen Meditation and how it works.

      Love on Every Breath is an unusual Tonglen. It works by first helping us to open to our awakened essence, and then from there we grow our love and compassion for ourselves and others. The suffering is transformed in the heart into love and healing energy and the meditation is synchronized with the breath.

      The full Love on Every Breath meditation has eight steps. What are they and how long does it take to complete the entire practice?

      1) Resting in Open Awareness, 2) Refuge in Awakened Sanctuary, 3) Cultivating Awakened Mind, 4) Stepping into Love, 5) Taking and Sending for Yourself, 6) Taking and Sending for Others, 7) Dissolving, 8) Dedicating. Once you get a feel for the meditation, you can do each step in 20-30 seconds in an On-the-Spot situation, or “off the cushion,” so to speak. Or you can do the same on the cushion. You can also do the complete practice on the cushion and spend anywhere from 20 minutes to as long as you like.

      Tell us more about the first step, which is “Resting in Open Awareness.”

      Resting in Open Awareness is basically letting go of thoughts of the past and future, and letting go of evaluating the present. Then you simply rest in your natural ever-present awareness and openness. The book outlines in detail pointers on how to do this.

      In the fifth “Taking and Sending for Yourself” and sixth “Taking and Sending for Others” steps what are meditators taking and sending?

      We are taking suffering, it is transformed in the heart into love and healing energy which is then sent back to the person or people.

      What role does self-love play in the Love on Every Breath meditation?

      Self-love is crucial; we need to open our hearts and love to everyone, and that includes ourselves! Otherwise our own suffering isn’t healed and liberated into love, and the love never fully lands in our hearts.

      You say in the book that the primary issue that arises for people learning the Love on Every Breath meditation is, “I’m already overwhelmed by suffering –my own and that of so many. The last thing I want is to feel more pain!” What advice or perspective do you have to offer about that concern?

      This form of Tonglen addresses this issue because it is not our small self, our ego, that responds to the suffering, but rather awareness itself, inseparable with awakened love.

      You share in the book that you taught a 3-year old how to do this meditation. Tell us more about that please.

      The full story is in the book, but I’ll give you the brief version. Sarah came to me distraught over two things ⎯ seeing dead animals on the road killed by traffic, and seeing children on the playground being hurt or in conflict with other children on the playground. I gave her two of the steps of the On-the-Spot meditation- Step 4, Stepping into Love, and Step, Taking and Sending for Others, to do when she saw these things or something similar. She reported back to me six weeks later that the meditation helped a lot. She felt that now she had something to do when she felt other beings’ suffering.

      Please tell us the story from the book about Linda’s experience with the Love on Every Breath meditation as she was dying from ALS.

      Some years back, I had a client, Linda, herself a psychotherapist, who was dying of ALS disease. Linda was concerned that before she passed, she wanted to do whatever she could for her six-year-old granddaughter, Laura. Her son, Laura’s father, was a drug addict. The mother also had issues preventing her from being a fit mother. A court hearing to determine who would take care of Laura was scheduled.

      We decided to work with the Love on Every Breath Tonglen meditation for the time Linda had left in her body. Linda felt that at least she could meditate and pray. We started the meditation focusing on the child. Over some weeks we expanded our meditation to include the parents, the social workers, attorneys, foster parents, and all that were in the child’s life and court case. As the time got closer to the hearing, we imagined the courtroom with all the participants present. In Love on Every Breath, you eventually see everyone as healed, illuminated, and then awakened. We prayed for the best possible outcome for the child. Seemingly there was no person available who was appropriate to take the child on. Still, Linda was comforted that at least she was meditating and praying for her granddaughter.

      The next time I saw Linda, who could barely speak at this point, she told me that an unexpected outcome had occurred. Out of the blue, a former wonderful foster mother for the child had come forward. Laura had bonded well with her and her family when she previously lived with them. They were now able and willing to have Laura. The judge awarded long term custody to this woman and her husband. About ten days later, Linda, at peace, passed away. Love on Every Breath sometimes has unexpected results.

      What do you most hope readers will take away from your book Love on Every Breath?

      My wish is that readers find the meditation to be a tool to help them more deeply open their heart to themselves and others, facilitating healing, transformation, and awakening.

      Lama Palden Drolma is the author of Love on Every Breath. A licensed psychotherapist, spiritual teacher, and coach, she has studied Buddhism in the Himalayas with some of the most preeminent Tibetan masters of the twentieth century. Following a traditional three-year retreat under his guidance, Kalu Rinpoche authorized her to become one of the first Western lamas. She subsequently founded the Sukhasiddhi Foundation, a Tibetan Buddhist teaching center in Fairfax, California. Visit her online at www.lamapalden.org.

      Excerpted from the book Love on Every Breath. Copyright ©2019 by Lama Palden Drolma. Printed with permission from New World Library.

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    • Double Vision: I'm in love with a friend. Should I tell him?

      cellcallfromspirit

      Last year I had a roommate and we became very close. Basically, we clicked almost immediately; there was a definite psychic connection between us. Somewhere along the line, my feelings for him became something more. Living with him really taught me a lot about myself, but I told myself all along that I loved him like a pesky but lovable kid brother. He moved out in September due to new employment, and I literally cried my eyes and heart out. It’s like there’s this big hole in my soul. I do still hear from him, and my feelings vacillate between joy and pain, because I realized that I’m in love with him. A psychic friend of mine said I connected with him the way I did because he’s from my soul family.

      While I hinted to him about my feelings, I never came right out and told him for fear of rejection. (I’ve never had much luck with love relationships in the past.) Also, I’m 11 years older than he is, and I tell myself that I should know better. Should I tell him how I feel about him? Should we always tell others if we’re in love with them? Is there a chance of this working? Heaven knows, no one ever has really touched me emotionally like this in over 20 years. The last time that happened, it turned into a disaster. His birth date: 7/23/68. My birth date: 4/5/57.

      Gold Bless and thank you. Please let know soon.

      TLB

      Dreamchaser:

      I sure am glad someone asked this question in this forum, Terrie. Should we always tell people how we feel about them? Absolutely not.

      For me to say that may surprise some of you; regular clients know I am always stressing the importance of open and honest communication. In a case like this, however, I am not sure that open communication is the best thing because you must consider his feelings and comfort level during and after the communication.

      You two lived together for a while. I say this over and over again, because it’s true: Men are hunters. Hear me, ladies? Men are hunters. That is what they do. It is inbred in them from the beginning of time. If a man is interested in you romantically, sexually or any other way, you will know it. Men hunt. When a man sees a woman he wants, he goes after her. Now granted, not all men are directly expressive or aggressive, but they still hunt in their own quiet way. The fact that this man never hunted you in a romantic way reveals his true feelings.

      I frequently use my own life as an example quite frequently, and here I go again. I have an old boyfriend who broke up with me and broke my heart. I know that we are soul partners. I realized, however, that we are not meant to be together romantically. As a result of that, I know that I can love him and call on him without wishing for more. I think you need to look at your relationship with this man and realize that for the rest of your life, he will be there. That is very important. He is most assuredly a member of your soul family.

      I agree with your friend. You can love him with all your heart, but you have to realize that it will not be a romantic thing. You are very fortunate to have as much of him as you do. It is a very important and powerful friendship. If you ask me, this relationship is working, just not on a romantic level.

      Terrie, please re-read your question and look at how you think/ feel about love in your life. You do not allow it in. You hold it off from yourself by saying things like, “Love never works for me.” You also choose (subconsciously, I think) people you know are romantically unavailable to fulfill your own prophecy. If you would readjust your attitude, you could have plenty of men pounding down your door. You are quite a catch. If you need further insight, please come see one of the insightful psychics at Psychic Chat. They can help you resolve the issues that are keeping you from true love!

      I wish you completeness.

      *****

      Astrea:

      Aries usually doesn’t fear rejection enough to not say “I love you” to someone. If it’s the age difference that’s bothering you, I say, Pshaw, silly girl! Let’s deal with that right out of the chute.

      Eleven years is nothing. All that means is that when you were eighteen, he wasn’t old enough to be with you. Now that this person who is from your Ka-Tet/Soul Family is old enough to be with you, who are you to say nay? Say yay! Get over that number (which is all age is, anyway) – it’s just an excuse. I so hate excuses that people throw around, especially that age thing. Friday (my husband) is 15 years younger than I am, and it makes him feel relaxed! Your Leo couldn’t care less how old you are, Darlin! He loves you for you!

      Oh, did I mention that he is as lonely and scared and miserable as you are? The two of you are good for each other. You already know there won’t be a problem living with him, which is just about the only thing that comes between fire signs whether or not they can get along.

      You already know that you’re attracted to him, and you know that he is attracted to you. Also, he loves your mind, and he’s never going to find another woman who will spoil him rotten. Yes, I can tell you did your best.  Now it’s time for you to do better!

      Call him. Make a time to talk, and tell him. He needs to hear how you feel so that he can tell you how he feels. Yes, I know that you would rather he did the calling. You would rather the Leo be the Lion here and take the lead, but that’s not going to happen, so you must. Both of you would be so much better off together. This being away from each other makes both of you feel like you’re sleep-walking through life. Every day (and night) that you’re apart is like a link in a chain that will not bind you together. Spend some quality time with him working out the details. and finding out from each other when each one of you figured out that you should be together.

      Aries can take a hint. Leos, however, have to listen to the words each and every time. They are naturally skeptical of hints and read too much into people, winding up hurt. That’s why the straightforward approach with him is the only way this can work out between you.

      I sense a wonderful relationship here. Don’t let it slip away by being afraid. Be your true fearless Aries self and everything will be wonderful!

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