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    • 3 Reasons to Write a Forever Letter

      by Elana Zaiman

      (Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

      Email. Text. Twitter. Facebook. Instagram. With all the technological advances in communication, writing meaningful letters to connect with the people we care about has fallen by the wayside. One hundred and forty characters may work for communicating facts, necessary information, and quick expressions of love, but for many of us it's not enough. We feel somehow that the quality of our communication has diminished, that it is not as meaning-filled as it once was or as it can be. If this is an issue for you, consider writing a Forever Letter.

      Let me be clear up front—a Forever Letter is not just a newsy note, an "I love you" letter, or a sharing of the day's doings. A Forever Letter is a heartfelt letter we write to the people who matter to us most—it's one of those special and memorable moments when we share our values, wisdom, appreciation, hopes, gratitude, and love, when we ask for forgiveness and forgive.

      This may seem like a daunting task, especially if you're not a writer, but fear not. You don't have to be a writer to write a Forever Letter. You have only to be yourself. There are many reasons to write a Forever Letter. Here are three:

      1. Sometimes You Can Write What You Cannot Speak
        You want so much to say something to someone you love, but each time you try, you feel the words stick in your throat. You wonder if your critical tone will get in the way. Or you're afraid you'll get too emotional when you talk about a particularly sensitive issue and you're worried this may make the person to whom you're speaking uncomfortable. Or you just have trouble communicating with a person you love.In my book, The Forever Letter, I tell the story of Cora, who said that when she was in her teens she and her dad had trouble talking so she took to writing him letters and placing them in his suitcase before he went off on business trips. It worked. He always wrote from the road. Cora said that in their letters, they worked out a lot of issues.

        When you sit down to write a Forever Letter, you may find that what you want to communicate is easier communicated in writing, at least initially. Perhaps this initial written communication changes the landscape for how you communicate in person. It could be that the words on the page open the door for an in-person conversation.

      2. The Process of Writing Can Take You to The Heart of The Matter
        You start to write a speech or perhaps you're writing in your journal, and as you begin to write, you realize you're not writing about what you had thought you would write about, but you are writing about what you need to write. The very act of writing has taken you to a deeper place. You, the editor, are no longer in control. Your heart is.This happened to Janine, a spunky eighty-one-year-old. Janine had been a triathlete in her younger years and sported a bumper sticker on her car (a gift from one of her daughters) that said, "Still running." When she reflected on her writing experience at the end of the workshop I facilitated, Janine said that she came to understand her bumper sticker in this new light: she has been running so much in her life, she needs to stop running and be more present to her relationships.

        This can happen when you write a Forever Letter. A different way of thinking may emerge. Feelings may pour out that you didn't even know you had, and you may find yourself in a deeper, more honest place, seeing yourself as you truly are, not as the person you imagine yourself to be. Or, perhaps you find yourself seeing the person you're writing to as who that person really is, not as who you are imagining that person to be. This understanding is possible when we sit down to write with the intention of reflecting on ourselves, the person(s) we're writing to, and the relationship we share. If you're not sure where to begin, don't worry! The Forever Letter provides step-by-step guidance to get you going.

      3. A Loving Way to Ask for Forgiveness and to Forgive
        Something's been bothering you about a family member, friend, colleague, or teacher for years. It darkens your heart like a storm cloud. Is it you who needs to ask for forgiveness for something you said or did? Or, are you the one who needs to forgive? Perhaps it's a little of both. So, what do you do? You have options. You can continue to carry this darkness within or you can move toward the light of healing.A Forever Letter is a thoughtful way to move toward healing. It's often easier to ask for forgiveness or to forgive in a letter than it is in person. The writing process can often help us to understand the hurt and to process the past in a reflective way. We may even discover that before we can ask for forgiveness from another or forgive another we need to forgive ourselves first. Writing about forgiveness allows us the time to craft our words to say what we truly want them to say, to work on our tone, and to be sure our love shines through.

      So, why write a Forever Letter? The three reasons just mentioned: sometimes you can write what you cannot speak; the process of writing can take you to the heart of the matter; and writing a Forever Letter is a loving way to ask for forgiveness and to forgive.

      So, let go your fears. Set time aside to write, and let The Forever Letter: Writing What You Believe for Those You Love serve as your writing companion.

      Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2017. All rights reserved.

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    • Double Vision: How do I reconnect with my teenage son?

      2-discussing

      You and Astrea  are my favorites on the site. I love and appreciate all your readings. My question concerns my son Stephen, born 4/10/86. Lately he has been coming in at all hours and saying we “wouldn’t understand” what he is going through. We think it’s a girl thing. My husband and I try to listen, but he says so little. Is there hope for him to be as close to us as he used to be? We miss the days when he was younger, as he is now in this “cocoon” of his own making. He seems a thousand miles away. I have a hard time believing he’s even the same person anymore. We know he smokes some marijuana, but I honestly do not have a problem with that as long as it’s under control. Do you have any suggestions on how to bring him back to us? Our older son is 22, and he is so much more loving and forthcoming. He tries to help us too. He says he also has some trouble communicating with Steve. He seems to be going through a time of isolation from his family, but he is still very active with his many friends. Is there a spiritual approach/answer?

      – Marcie

      Dreamchaser:

      Marcie, thanks for the compliment; it is much appreciated. I am sure that Astrea is going to cover the Aries Angst that your son is going through, so I will not discuss that.

      There are a few things going on here, the first being his typical teenage behavior. He is at an age when nothing is more important than his friends and his activities. He does not want to stay home, and he does not want to socialize with his family. It is pretty normal. I know your other son was much more sociable with you and your husband, but you gave birth to two very different individuals, so you must expect very different behavior.

      Another thing happening here is his obvious drug use. You are aware of and apparently condone his marijuana use. He has not stopped at marijuana. He is drinking and doing other drugs as well. His behaviors are “symptoms” of deeper drug use. I want you to start vigilantly keeping a log of his schedule, behavior and appearance. You will start to see patterns. I want you to compare those patterns to known drug use symptoms. You have to prove this to yourself to believe it. I am concerned about him. Please do not brush this off. This needs your immediate attention.

      Now, before I tell you the following, I want you to understand that how someone feels is valid. It does not have to be realistic. If I feel like I have ants crawling on me, I will act like I have ants crawling on me. It does not matter if I really do. Having said that, you should know that Steve feels like he is in his big brother’s shadow. I know you and your husband do not dote on the oldest son any more than Steve, but this is Steve’s perception. That is one reason why his brother is having a hard time reaching him. Find something Steve excels at in his own right and emphasize that. It may be slow going, but over time it will make a difference.

      The spiritual approach to this is to pray. Pray for guidance and wisdom. Pray for Steve and his soul. Most of all, Marcie, pray for the ability to let go so that he can learn his own lessons. That could very well be the hardest thing about being a parent. He is searching for himself and his own way. He will find himself. It will take a little time, but he most definitely will find himself.

      I wish you and yours true contentment.

      *****

      Astrea:

      I’m glad you have an open attitude about the pot smoking, but keep a weathered eye, okay? Aries youngsters can become excessively involved in things. Aries is the first sign, and often wants to “do it until it is all gone.” Compulsive behavior is common in Aries boys his age.

      Usually with a young Aries boy, I would be somewhat more concerned with gambling being the problem “you wouldn’t understand.” Coming and going at all hours would tip me off to that. Check his pockets, Mama. (You’re still the Mom here!) Is he working? Where is that money going? Heck, just ask him if it’s gambling! He’ll tell you the truth. I know you guys want to be gentle and spiritual with him, but he might be in a little money trouble.

      Mostly, however, it’s this older girl. Yes, she’s older – at least 22. If he’s working, that is probably where he met her. She’s a nice girl: Pretty, cute figure, and immature for her age. She is probably a Scorpio or a Gemini and she’s been hurt but never married. She has nice parents who would just die if they knew she was seeing your 17-year-old son! You’ll like her if this lasts long enough for you two to meet.

      Your son is becoming sexually active with this girl. As I see it, it’s only this one girl, so that’s probably as safe as anything like that can be. She’s older but she doesn’t have any children yet, and she probably wants to keep it that way for now. She has just finished college, and may start teaching grade school (probably third or fourth grade) next fall.

      He thinks he loves her. He is taking care that he doesn’t do anything to hurt you and the rest of the family. He’s cautious, careful. He gets that from you. Aries are terrified of messing up their lives with unplanned kids, and they fear deadly illnesses more than any other sign, so you can be confident that he’s taking every precaution against pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs). He’s a good boy, and knows what’s what. He’s a lot more mature than other boys his age. All these things are blessings for which to be grateful.

      You son is keeping his own counsel right now because he doesn’t want to worry the two of you. Aries people have “secrets.” They just do. There isn’t a whole heck of a lot you can do about that birthday and that attitude. He will come back to you as soon as he gets his big head thinking again. At the moment he’s one big ball of fire sign hormones! You’ll reconnect, don’t worry. Give him his space now to grow.

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