KAJAMA.COM NEWSLETTER

An excerpt from Overwhelmed and Over It 
by Christine Arylo

Women stretched beyond capacity. Women struggling to get it all done. Women sacrificing themselves to take care of everything and everyone else. Not just for a moment or a season, but as an ongoing cycle from which they can’t break free.

In her new book Overwhelmed and Over It: Embrace Your Power to Stay Centered and Sustained in a Chaotic World, bestselling author Christine Arylo offers women who have come to accept the frenzied, fast pace with which they live and work to stand up and say: “This way of working isn’t working. And it has to change now!” We hope you’ll enjoy this excerpt from the book.

Asking for support does not make you weak; it makes you wise. Cultivating sisterhood isn’t a nice-to-have; it’s a necessity. When a woman feels supported, she thrives. When she feels connected and held in sisterhood, she exhales. When she tries to do it on her own, she flounders, drowns, and depletes herself. So why can it be so hard to ask for support? Why do we lack the deeper sisterhood and connection we crave, and just make do without it? Why is it that even when support shows up — whether it’s a simple act, like a man offering to take your suitcase down from the overhead bin on an airplane, or someone making a bigger offer to help you with a project or personal situation that involves the giving of time, money, or effort — you refuse or repel the support rather than receive it with grace?

We have become so self-sufficient as self-empowered women that we have become overly self-reliant.

We’ve become so used to doing whatever needs doing that we don’t pause to consider that we may need help to do it. We don’t consider that if we don’t have the resources we need, maybe we shouldn’t take it on. We’ve grown so accustomed to having to fight for what we need or just barely scrape by that we’ve gotten used to making do and doing more ourselves.

We seem to be stuck in a vicious cycle in which the responsibility to do it all on our own, without sufficient support, is our reality. Like Olympic weightlifters, we’ve hoisted the burdens on our shoulders, and held them there. But truthfully, too many women are buckling at the knees, and our girls are feeling the pressure much too young. I’ve witnessed women break bones, get sick, lose breasts, because only then, when their physical bodies broke down or got slowed down, were they forced to receive support. And even still, they resisted receiving. Needing others made them feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. Not being able to take care of themselves made them feel weak, lazy. This was not their fault, nor is it your fault if you’ve experienced a major health or life crisis that required you to receive help. I am being blunt and real with my language because my fierce feminine heart is saying, No more, for any and all of us. This deep imprinting against receiving support has made it almost impossible for us to receive what we need — so much unnecessary guilt, shame, judgment, and overgiving — and it’s costing us in significant, life-altering ways.

Our inability to receive as women has an impact on our physical, emotional, and mental health and quality of life, as well as our intimate relationships, families, desires, and work, in big ways. And in small ways with respect to how we block support — whether it’s a compliment or an offer to take care of something for us. I see it every time I hold a retreat and women arrive to check in and are greeted by my partner, Noah, who offers to take their bags. Noah stands over six feet tall, is 250 pounds, and like a gentle giant can carry three times what we could without breaking a sweat. You would think most women would gladly hand over their heavy bags. After all, they are on a retreat. But oh no! Over half react from some deeply embedded protective response: “No, I’ve got it!” In other words, “Back off, Mr. Man. I’m a self-empowered woman who does not need a man’s help.”

The other half pause for a moment to take in what has just occurred. I watch their eyes and can see their internal operating systems shifting, hearts and heads upgrading. These wise women, instead of contracting or asserting their she-woman strength, open their hearts. They receive Noah’s offer of support. As each one hands Noah her bags, I witness her exhale. Imprint breaker. Consciousness elevator. The bags, a metaphor for all the responsibility she carries in her life, have just been given to someone else to take away. The women realize they need to set down the burden of their lives. They received the unexpected support, and now they are free! The other half struggle and sweat their way to their rooms, once again choosing to carry the burden versus receive support.

This inability to receive support without guilt or apology has got to stop, now. Our lives, our missions, and the lives of our children depend on it.

Self-Sustainability Stands for Strengthening Your Capacity to Receive

Next are some self-sustainability stands that can help you cultivate support and sisterhood now.

1. I receive, versus refuse, support. Whether it’s a simple compliment or an offer of money, time, or effort, instead of contracting or blocking the support, open up to receive the support.
2. I receive support without feeling guilty or like I have to give in return. Embrace what is being offered as a gift, without feeling like you have to give in return or like you are a burden.
3. I know what I need, and I name it, without apology. Be direct and clear about what you need, instead of feeling like you have to prove or justify your needs. Then be open to how the support comes, as it often shows up in ways different than you 
think.
4. I make choices based on the resources actually available. In the running of your life, family, organization, team, and projects, operate based on the support you actually have, not the resources you wish you had or were promised.
5. I cultivate a strong web of support and sisterhood so the support is there when I need it. Create this support web for yourself as if your life depends on it, because it does. Don’t rely on just one person or one community. Cultivate multiple meaningful connections with individuals and communities — it’s about quality, not quantity — in which you connect in person and online; both are needed. This web will be what holds you when the challenges, doubt, and swirl stir you up.
6. When I set goals for what I desire to achieve, I also name the support I need to receive. When you set your intentions and plans for your business, organization, wealth, health, relationships, self-expression, and so on, use the four Wings of Support to identify the support you need. This way, giving and receiving will both be woven into how you work, create, relate, and operate.

You now know that in order to reach your goals, meet the demands of your life, and stay sustained, receiving support and sisterhood is a nonnegotiable. Your role is to get clear on what you need, ask for it, and open up to receive it, however it comes. This is a practice for how you design your life and meet both the expected and unexpected challenges and opportunities that come your way.

Christine Arylo, MBA, is the author of Overwhelmed and Over It. As a transformational leadership advisor, three-time bestselling author, and host of the popular Feminine Power Time podcast, she is recognized worldwide for her work helping women to make shifts happen — in the lives they lead, the work they do, and the world they wish to create. Arylo offers workshops globally and lives near Seattle. Visit her online at OverwhelmedandOverIt.com.

Excerpted from the book Overwhelmed and Over It. Copyright ©2020 by Christine Arylo. Printed with permission from New World Library.

I had an unusual experience the other night, and am wondering if you can help shed some light on it. I was playing a computer game when a "gush" of relaxation came over me. It was like someone had poured "relaxation" over my head, because that is how it traveled - from my head to my feet. I have only felt this once or twice before, when I was able to achieve a very deep meditation. I actually was concerned that perhaps I was having a heart attack or some other serious problem. I could think clearly but I could not move. My dog came into the room and I was able to look at her. Thinking it would take great effort, I leaned over to pet her. That's when the feeling vanished and I have not had it since. I am trying to find an explanation for this because I am very confused.

Jennifer

Dreamchaser:

I am so glad you asked this question. I hope that everyone feels this very same feeling as often as possible. What you felt was what some call "Christ Consciousness" and others may just call "pure love" or "pure energy." Before I continue, we need to review the chakras:

1. BASE (or Root) CHAKRA, located at the base of the spine. This is the Chakra closest to the earth, and it thus represents physical grounding. Fear is felt in this Chakra as it controls our sense of survival and our fight or flight response.

2. SACRAL (or Spleen) CHAKRA, located on the spine in the lower abdomen, between the naval and the base of the spine. This chakra is associated with sexuality, creativity, emotions, desire, and the ability to sense things on a psychic level.

3. SOLAR PLEXUS CHAKRA, located on the spine just above the navel. This chakra is associated with the intellect/ thinking process, our personal power, anger, strength and ability to take action. This is the seat of our emotional living, and an important psychic center. It's where we experience "gut feelings" about someone or something, and also where emotional baggage gets stored.

4. HEART CHAKRA, located in the area of the heart. This chakra is associated with our ability to give and receive love, to feel compassion, and to connect emotionally with others.

5. THROAT CHAKRA, located on the spine in the throat area. This chakra is associated with communication and personal expression, the right side of the brain, speech and hearing. Physically it is linked to the throat, vocal cords, esophagus, mouth, teeth, thyroid and parathyroid glands, and upper lungs.

6. THIRD EYE (or Brow) CHAKRA, located mid forehead just above the eyes and on the center of the forehead. Through this chakra we process our experiences and question the meaning of life. Our inner vision flows through here, as do dreams and gifts of clairvoyance, wisdom and perception.

7. CROWN CHAKRA, located at the top of the head and slightly to the back. This chakra is associated with our feeling of "oneness" with the Universe, spiritual wisdom, true understanding, and our ultimate spiritual truths.

Now, what happened to you is you received a blast of PURE COSMIC ENERGY. It entered in through your Crown Chakra and flooded down through your entire body. It washed all negativity out your feet and into the ground. (Ever wonder why we use the term "ground" when referring to electricity?) It reached into every one of your Chakras, cleaned them out and left you with a feeling of complete peace. For that one moment, you reached perfect balance or oneness.

May you have many more such experiences!

*****

Astrea:

I see what happened to you as a lovely experience, and nothing to fear.

For just that moment, you were able to completely share your energy with another being. That being was either an Angel or a Benign Spirit on its way to another place, and it took a moment to exchange LOVE with you.

It entered from the top of your head and squeezed out your feet sort of like psychic toothpaste. I've had that happen to me a few times, and you've described it PERFECTLY as a TOTALLY RELAXED feeling - that's just how it feels.

What happened to you recently happened to one of my Flamenco students at my studio. She was standing in the middle of the room when she said that suddenly it was as if something started from the top of her head and flowed right down to her toes. She felt as if she could fold down to the floor like a piece of string or a wet noodle. She said it was indeed one of the most relaxing feelings ever!

It was over quickly, but she was left with the impression that someone else had been there. I observed the whole thing, and it was very cool to watch. Her aura took on a bright golden glow for those few seconds that she was entwined with that other presence.

So a friendly Being or spirit was "passing through" on its way to the light, and you just happened to be sitting in its path. As it passed through you, it gave you a warm, relaxed, peaceful feeling. It also absorbed a good amount of your life force energy as well.

This isn't the same as some lost or dark force borrowing some of your "juice" to keep going as it tries to find its way to Heaven. Instead, it left you feeling light, relaxed and rejuvenated. Embrace this as something that might only happen to you once in your life, and remember it forever.

Your canine friend felt this happy Being too, and she came to see what she could get out of the experience, but then sort of became frozen to the spot when the glow of your aura touched her.

This is also why you felt it would take such an effort to move, because at that moment, you couldn't get through that double aura. It probably felt sort of like trying to move through peanut butter, and your puppy couldn't penetrate it either. Once it had PASSED through your feet, you were yourself again.

One great thing about our animal friends is that they can feel - even from another room - when something has changed for us emotionally or physically. Your puppy could sense something was up with you, so she got close enough to get right under your hand! Although you weren't in any danger, she sensed something different and came right to you. That's a great dog you have there - if she really IS a dog. 🙂

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.