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An excerpt from Overwhelmed and Over It 
by Christine Arylo

Women stretched beyond capacity. Women struggling to get it all done. Women sacrificing themselves to take care of everything and everyone else. Not just for a moment or a season, but as an ongoing cycle from which they can’t break free.

In her new book Overwhelmed and Over It: Embrace Your Power to Stay Centered and Sustained in a Chaotic World, bestselling author Christine Arylo offers women who have come to accept the frenzied, fast pace with which they live and work to stand up and say: “This way of working isn’t working. And it has to change now!” We hope you’ll enjoy this excerpt from the book.

Asking for support does not make you weak; it makes you wise. Cultivating sisterhood isn’t a nice-to-have; it’s a necessity. When a woman feels supported, she thrives. When she feels connected and held in sisterhood, she exhales. When she tries to do it on her own, she flounders, drowns, and depletes herself. So why can it be so hard to ask for support? Why do we lack the deeper sisterhood and connection we crave, and just make do without it? Why is it that even when support shows up — whether it’s a simple act, like a man offering to take your suitcase down from the overhead bin on an airplane, or someone making a bigger offer to help you with a project or personal situation that involves the giving of time, money, or effort — you refuse or repel the support rather than receive it with grace?

We have become so self-sufficient as self-empowered women that we have become overly self-reliant.

We’ve become so used to doing whatever needs doing that we don’t pause to consider that we may need help to do it. We don’t consider that if we don’t have the resources we need, maybe we shouldn’t take it on. We’ve grown so accustomed to having to fight for what we need or just barely scrape by that we’ve gotten used to making do and doing more ourselves.

We seem to be stuck in a vicious cycle in which the responsibility to do it all on our own, without sufficient support, is our reality. Like Olympic weightlifters, we’ve hoisted the burdens on our shoulders, and held them there. But truthfully, too many women are buckling at the knees, and our girls are feeling the pressure much too young. I’ve witnessed women break bones, get sick, lose breasts, because only then, when their physical bodies broke down or got slowed down, were they forced to receive support. And even still, they resisted receiving. Needing others made them feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. Not being able to take care of themselves made them feel weak, lazy. This was not their fault, nor is it your fault if you’ve experienced a major health or life crisis that required you to receive help. I am being blunt and real with my language because my fierce feminine heart is saying, No more, for any and all of us. This deep imprinting against receiving support has made it almost impossible for us to receive what we need — so much unnecessary guilt, shame, judgment, and overgiving — and it’s costing us in significant, life-altering ways.

Our inability to receive as women has an impact on our physical, emotional, and mental health and quality of life, as well as our intimate relationships, families, desires, and work, in big ways. And in small ways with respect to how we block support — whether it’s a compliment or an offer to take care of something for us. I see it every time I hold a retreat and women arrive to check in and are greeted by my partner, Noah, who offers to take their bags. Noah stands over six feet tall, is 250 pounds, and like a gentle giant can carry three times what we could without breaking a sweat. You would think most women would gladly hand over their heavy bags. After all, they are on a retreat. But oh no! Over half react from some deeply embedded protective response: “No, I’ve got it!” In other words, “Back off, Mr. Man. I’m a self-empowered woman who does not need a man’s help.”

The other half pause for a moment to take in what has just occurred. I watch their eyes and can see their internal operating systems shifting, hearts and heads upgrading. These wise women, instead of contracting or asserting their she-woman strength, open their hearts. They receive Noah’s offer of support. As each one hands Noah her bags, I witness her exhale. Imprint breaker. Consciousness elevator. The bags, a metaphor for all the responsibility she carries in her life, have just been given to someone else to take away. The women realize they need to set down the burden of their lives. They received the unexpected support, and now they are free! The other half struggle and sweat their way to their rooms, once again choosing to carry the burden versus receive support.

This inability to receive support without guilt or apology has got to stop, now. Our lives, our missions, and the lives of our children depend on it.

Self-Sustainability Stands for Strengthening Your Capacity to Receive

Next are some self-sustainability stands that can help you cultivate support and sisterhood now.

1. I receive, versus refuse, support. Whether it’s a simple compliment or an offer of money, time, or effort, instead of contracting or blocking the support, open up to receive the support.
2. I receive support without feeling guilty or like I have to give in return. Embrace what is being offered as a gift, without feeling like you have to give in return or like you are a burden.
3. I know what I need, and I name it, without apology. Be direct and clear about what you need, instead of feeling like you have to prove or justify your needs. Then be open to how the support comes, as it often shows up in ways different than you 
think.
4. I make choices based on the resources actually available. In the running of your life, family, organization, team, and projects, operate based on the support you actually have, not the resources you wish you had or were promised.
5. I cultivate a strong web of support and sisterhood so the support is there when I need it. Create this support web for yourself as if your life depends on it, because it does. Don’t rely on just one person or one community. Cultivate multiple meaningful connections with individuals and communities — it’s about quality, not quantity — in which you connect in person and online; both are needed. This web will be what holds you when the challenges, doubt, and swirl stir you up.
6. When I set goals for what I desire to achieve, I also name the support I need to receive. When you set your intentions and plans for your business, organization, wealth, health, relationships, self-expression, and so on, use the four Wings of Support to identify the support you need. This way, giving and receiving will both be woven into how you work, create, relate, and operate.

You now know that in order to reach your goals, meet the demands of your life, and stay sustained, receiving support and sisterhood is a nonnegotiable. Your role is to get clear on what you need, ask for it, and open up to receive it, however it comes. This is a practice for how you design your life and meet both the expected and unexpected challenges and opportunities that come your way.

Christine Arylo, MBA, is the author of Overwhelmed and Over It. As a transformational leadership advisor, three-time bestselling author, and host of the popular Feminine Power Time podcast, she is recognized worldwide for her work helping women to make shifts happen — in the lives they lead, the work they do, and the world they wish to create. Arylo offers workshops globally and lives near Seattle. Visit her online at OverwhelmedandOverIt.com.

Excerpted from the book Overwhelmed and Over It. Copyright ©2020 by Christine Arylo. Printed with permission from New World Library.

For the second time in two years, I seem to be experiencing a lot of spiritual activity when I think about moving. I relocated for the first time two years ago, when I moved to a new state after my husband left me and our children. I felt I was being pushed out of the only place I had ever called home by my guides, who would bring me messages via my dreams. The state we moved to has such a negative spiritual vibe, however, that I'm thinking of once again relocating, and again, my guides are showing up in my dreams with messages to move. They are not giving me a location to move to, however. With the first move, they spelled the location out loud and clear. Why would I get that push but not a location? Do guides sometimes want us to figure things out for ourselves? Are they ever like jokesters? Is there a good reason they might make us guess?

- Deborah

Dreamchaser:

I want to address one thing before I answer your questions, Deborah. There are absolutely places on earth that disagree with us. I personally can't go to New York City. I have been to some of the world's biggest cities and enjoyed exploring each one, but NYC completely freaks me out. I am paranoid, scared and basically miserable when I am there. I'm sure I was killed there in a past life. So don't think you're crazy if there is a place that everyone else loves but you just cannot stand.

You ARE being shown the answer about where you should move; you're just expecting it to come in the same way it did last time. You are more evolved now, however, so you have a more evolved "messaging system." Pay attention to songs, television snippets, written material, etc., around you. Look for a common theme, for ideas and places that "pull on your gut," and you'll realize that you are being shown the way.

On another note, guides do often want us to figure things out ourselves. Sometimes they will step into the background of our minds and get very quiet. A really good example of this is when Jesus Christ was dying on the cross, and he looked up and said, "My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken me?" He couldn't hear the voice of Spirit in his mind at that time either. One would think that of all the times Spirit would come through for us, it would be a time like that. So you're not the only one whose guides step back when you need them; you're in good company.

Our guides don't play games, but they do have a sense of humor and love to "tell" us funny things. They will not play jokes on us, however. When a guide does something you don't understand and you see it as some kind of game, you can bet that you are learning something. Guides teach us in ways that our human minds often don't understand.

There is also a little reoccurring spiritual lesson in your life called PATIENCE at work here. As you ARE being shown the answer, however, you don't have to guess, and you can always speak out loud to your guides. You can say something like, "Okay, enough is enough. I feel like I am swinging in the wind here. Please give me a sign that I can RECOGNIZE clearly."

Remember, guides and angels work for you, but these helpful spiritual entities can't go to work for you until you ask for them to. So kindly ask to be shown a clearer sign and then wait for it to come. If you remember to pay attention to EVERYTHING around you, signs will roll right in.

I wish you clear signs from Spirit!

*****

Astrea:

We have such a tenuous connection to our Guides, and nothing in life is truly black and white, so it's hard enough for them to get ANY guidance through to us, much less jokes and tricks.

They would NEVER joke around about something as important as moving your home, and they would never lead you in the wrong location. You must have wanted to move where you're living now for other reasons, and projected your desire onto the signs you got from your guides, which you interpreted as telling you that this is where you should be.

Guides don't usually do "should" - they give us ALL the options open to us so we can choose for ourselves. They are lucky to get through to us at all, even when we concentrate all our power on communicating with them, so they wouldn't waste a conscious connection by misleading you.

They wouldn't make you guess, either. They are leaving out the location because they don't want you to do what you did last time. They are not giving you an exact spot so that you can't misinterpret their signals. Instead of trying to make you guess, they are trying to make you think CAREFULLY about what you want for the future, so you can then figure out the place you can best fulfill those desires.

This is most likely what they did the first time anyway; they sent you the message to MOVE, but you decided on the location yourself. While they can help us make some of the more difficult decisions in our lives, Guides GUIDE us toward what we decide we want - they don't DEMAND or PRESSURE us to do anything, and they can never control what we do. In order for them to meet your needs, they first have to know what you WANT.

Try this ritual for clarity:

Get a sky blue candle and some oil of myrrh. Light the candle and massage your third eye chakra, saying: "By the power of water, I see clearly and divinely. When I ask, my needs are met." Anoint your throat with the oil, saying: "By the power of air, I mean what I say, and I say what I intend to." Daub some oil on your heart chakra and say: "By the power of earth, I stick to my goals. I remain steadfast. I understand what it takes to fulfill my dreams."

Then meditate on the messages you're trying to receive. This ritual works best under a clear sky when the Moon is in an Air Sign. As the Sun is also in an Air Sign right now, it will work even better.

Your Guides will appreciate this extra effort you're making to communicate with them, and things will come through to you much clearer as a result.

Good luck!

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.