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A Ritual for Closure (When Closure Can’t Be Found), by Courtney Weber

(Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal.)

"Will I ever find closure?"

The search for closure: after a loss, hurt, or disappointment, a person grieves. Alongside that grief is a nagging, cloying feeling that follows us around. We move through our days trying to function with the weight of our loss on us, and so often we find ourselves confessing to others, "I just want closure."

As a Tarot reader, "Will I get closure?" is one of the most common questions I am asked.

The identity of closure is as varied as the people who crave it—it is subjective, unique to the person that wants it. There is no objective meaning of closure.

For some, closure is an answer to a "why:" Why did they die? Why did they leave? Why did the community fall apart? For others, it's being witness to "karmic" retribution: The chance to see someone suffer in the way that we suffered at their hands. And for some, it's an understanding of a greater purpose to the loss: The pain is too thick, the loss too potent for it to be random chance. There must be some greater, destiny-aligned reason for the lost to have taken place.

But truly, few of us will ever get closure in the way that we want it. We may never have the chance to directly ask our former lover why they left…or be able trust an answer even if we did get it. Sure, the person who hurt us may suffer greatly at some point…but will we be there to witness it? We could get a hundred different readings on the grand destiny of purpose of someone's passing away too young…but would that only confuse us further?

Even if we can get an honest answer out of the lover, be witness to the hurt of someone who harmed us, or have the Gods physically and fully appear before us to give us the exact truth of the destiny of someone's untimely passing…would that truly obliterate our suffering?

No. We would still suffer. We would still grieve.

Having closure is a crucial part of a person's healing process. Unfortunately, seeking closure outside of ourselves can delay our healing. If our own closure is dependent on getting "the truth" from another person, witnessing what we feel is righteous retribution, or having a full-on manifestation of a god who can tell us what we want to hear, we are unlikely to ever have it.

Closure comes from within. If we want to have it, we must create it.

This is especially true when a situation doesn't allow for true closure. Let's say a friend ghosts you. You don't know why they suddenly vanished from your life, and you can't ask them as they've blocked you on social media and don't respond to your texts. When you ask your mutual friends for insight, they simply shrug. Eventually, you'll need to accept that, unfair as it may be, you won't get an answer as to why they stopped being your friend. If you want closure on this situation, you'll need to create it.

A pre-practice (consider building this exercise into your spiritual practice, e.g., doing this work during a visit to your altar, during a bedtime meditation, or on an intentional walk through the park or woods):

Describe the closure that you seek. Don't put it in the form of a question, nor try to justify why you want this information. This work is about exploring what closure means to you, not defending your reasons for wanting it.

Your closure descriptions may look like this:
"I want to know why they ghosted me."
"I want to know what they think of me."
"I want them to understand how deeply they hurt me."

Now, include a "because" with each phrase. Try to be as honest with yourself as possible.

"I want to know why they ghosted me…because I was a good friend and deserved better than that."
"I want to know what they think of me…because I need to understand why they left." "I want them to understand how deeply they hurt me…because if they knew how deeply they'd hurt me, they'd be sad and sorry and would suffer in the way that I suffered."

If you struggle with a "because," try creating a fantastical one:
"I want to know why they ghosted me...because ghosts are already aplenty and we don't need any more and they know that boo."
"I want to know what they think of me...because the parallel-universe me already knows and I feel left out."
"I want them to understand how deeply they hurt me…so they'll turn back time and undo the hurt they did and we'll be friends forever."

Whether concrete or fantastical, offer these closure descriptions to your higher power(s) or spirit allies, with the intention, "I crave understanding." Make note of dreams, synchronicities, or other revelations that come to you in the following days. You may find that different facets of understanding come your way.

The following is a follow-up exercise that may prove helpful. In my book, Sacred Tears, I provide an exercise for exploring a story without an ending. Here is an abbreviated version.

Here, devise three different stories for why your loss happened:

1. A realistic version
2. A possible, but highly unlikely version
3. A fantastical version

For an example, let's stick with the friend ghosting situation:

1. Realistic version: "They ghosted me because they got super busy with work."
2. Possible, but highly unlikely version: "They ghosted me because they decided to hitchhike across the country without telling anyone and are currently writing a memoir."
3. Fantastical version: "They ghosted me because they were eaten by an ogre."

Write each of these endings on three separate pieces of paper. In your ritual space, or during your Magickal working time, one at a time, embrace each piece of paper to your chest. Focus on embracing the possibility. Then, one by one, destroy the pieces of paper.

Now, on a new piece of paper, write down the truth you know about the situation, as well as what you do not know about it. Example: "Someone I once called a friend does not call or speak to me. I do not know why someone I once called a friend does not call or speak to me."

Hold this piece to your chest and embrace it as the only truth you have, which is in the not-knowing. Repeat the following:
"I know this truth. I accept this truth. I will never know the full mystery of this truth. I accept that I will never know the full mystery of this truth."

This working may need to be done several times, even years later. Closure doesn't happen in one ritual. It's not a snip and release of something that held us back. It's more of an unwinding of a tightly wrapped wire around an object. It takes time, and work. But creating our own closure is a brilliant step toward healing.

Remember this: Closure does not have to include "approving" of what happened to us. It's not automatically saying, "Water under the bridge…never happened." It's also not necessarily saying, "It's okay. I'm over it."

Closure is an act of acceptance: acceptance that we lost, that we were harmed, that some things will never come back, that some answers will never be known. It happens on our terms and under our own definitions. But it does not happen when we place it in the hands of other people or in specific circumstances.

To find closure, we must create it on our own. And once we do, we are one step closer to peace.

Article originally published in The Llewellyn Journal. Copyright Llewellyn Worldwide, 2024. All rights reserved.

Do you believe it's possible to affect physical objects with our minds? For example, can people really bend spoons with their minds or move objects without touching them? If so, are there any limits to what we can do? I'd really love to experiment with this, and would appreciate any advice or information you can give me. Thanks!

- Sam

Dreamchaser:

When I first read this question, I didn't know what to say, as I don't have personal experience with telekinesis and don't know much about this subject.

Having said that, do I think it's possible to affect physical objects with our minds? Absolutely! I believe that our minds are capable of much more than we realize. I don't know the exact percentage, but I do know that we are using just a tiny fraction of our brains on a daily basis.

I think that we could learn to do almost anything. One of the most interesting things I ever saw happened many years ago when I was still traveling the world with the band of fools known as the U.S. Navy Divers.

We were sitting in a bar and I was talking to some U.S. Navy SEALs about their extensive training. (They go through some of the most rigorous training in the world.)

To make a long story short, one of them was telling me how well trained their sense of hearing was. To demonstrate, he had me go outside with one of my friends and one of his friends and walk all around. I went back and forth across the street, walked in circles, etc., all the while keeping track of my movements.

When I came in, he told me exactly where I had walked. He said he could hear my footsteps even though he was in that crowded bar with the noise of music, people yelling and other stuff going on. That right there proved to me that we can teach our minds to do ANYTHING.

Some say only people who are actually telekinetic can perform telekinesis. I'm not sure if that is an ability we all have that just needs to be turned on, or if some people have it and some people don't. I do know that we all have various potentials that are dormant inside of us, just waiting to be activated.

Reiki energy and kundalini energy are two examples of energies that need to be turned on or activated. Telekinesis may relate to one of those types of energies. It seems to me that the only way you can find out if you have this ability or not is to learn about it and see if it turns on.

I have no idea how to advise you to start learning about telekinesis, other than to tell you to start reading everything you can on the subject. I imagine there are about a zillion books in print about various ways to train your mind.

I would stick with the more reputable authors, especially at first. Also, in my research I read over and over again that if you can learn algebra, you can learn telekinesis, so believe in yourself and just start studying.

I wish you and the objects around you a safe flight!

*****

Astrea:

My favorite novel about psychokinesis is Carrie by Stephen King. In it a young girl who is battered by a crazy mother takes her anger out on everyone at the high school prom.

From time to time I've had what I call Carrie Attacks. Most of my telekinesis seems to affect electrical current, which may be the way the whole thing works.

I don't set out to zap anything, but fluorescent lights don't do very well around me if I'm in some kind of agitated state. Over time I've learned to control myself better, so while bulbs sometimes pop or shoot sparks, they don't explode and fall anymore.

Bending spoons is not telekinesis. Psychokinesis or telekinesis actually comes from an electrical impulse that moves through the person to the object that is to be moved. It takes a great degree of concentration to control but it CAN be done.

Once a person develops this ability, they can usually learn to move small objects with their minds. I have one friend who turns the water on in the tub before she bathes. She says it took her about four years to learn how to do that, and she doesn't do it often because it unnerves her husband so!

To learn to do this takes tremendous concentration and lots of energy, and it's never as dramatic as it looks in the movies. (I don't know anyone who does this who still eats any kind of meat.)

Lighter things like crumpled paper are easiest. If you can get a ball of paper to roll even a quarter of an inch (and sometimes this takes hours), you're well on your way to moving, well, not mountains, but maybe a cup or the stapler on your desk.

I must warn you: this is NOT some kind of lightweight magic. This can take years of practice, and frankly I don't know many people who have that kind of time to waste on moving discarded paper.

As for spoon bending, I always get a kick out of watching stage magicians do that, and I've had the dubious honor of working with a few of them. Often magicians who do big stage illusions also do something called mentalism.

Spoon bending falls into that category, along with guessing which lock can be opened by a key sealed inside an envelope, or answering questions about something someone is holding in the audience while blindfolded.

I'm not going to reveal the tricks of that trade, but if you're interested, there are lots of how-to books on the subject. To begin, look for books by Ted Anneman, as his instructions are the best.

Before you start, here's a quick tip: Sterling silver spoons are a heck of a lot easier to bend than those made from stainless steel!

Astrea:

Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.

Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!

While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!

I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!

As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.

I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.

You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!

Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.

A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.

You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.