My husband and I both had a best friend who passed away about four years ago. I care for my husband very much, but I was also deeply in love with this friend, though I kept this to myself. I helped take care of my friend during his final illness, and still visit his mom and help her out when I can. My husband often asks our friend for little signs that he is still around, and he gets them. I do not get "replies" as often, but I also try not to be a pest. Recently, I asked for a dream to let me know how things are with him and how he feels about me. That night I dreamed that I knocked on his door and he answered, but was obviously on his way somewhere. I apologized for bothering him, and he left. I then sat on his doorstep, thinking about him and missing him. He came back a short time later with another guy, and I got the feeling he was helping this man. I felt foolish that I was still there, and quickly made my apologies and left. I sensed that my friend felt sorry for me, but that he was very busy. I felt that I should have moved on by now and should not still feel such an attachment to him. I actually felt rather pathetic to be caught sitting on his doorstep like a sad puppy, waiting for him to come back. I am somewhat in a rut in my life due to some other issues. Now I feel that maybe I have been (and still am) a burden to my friend, like he doesn't want to hurt me, but he thinks I should let go. I really trust your advice and would love to hear your take on this if you have time. (I am Sagittarius, my husband is an Aquarius, and my friend was a Leo.) Thank you so much!
- Beth
Dreamchaser:
First off, the dream was not a sign from your friend. It was a dream that came from a place that holds your own fears and doubts about him and how he felt about you while he was alive.
Because of your deep feelings, you are not objective enough to see the signs. That is why your husband "gets" them with no problem while you feel like you are left out in the cold.
Your friend is happy, healthy, whole and in a place of complete and total love. There is no way he would pass over you like he did in the dream if he was sending you a sign. If anything, he would have sat down with you and explained in his own way why you need to move on.
Your dream was just a dream. In your psyche, this friend is a symbol of love to you. You are not dealing with your actual friend in the dream; he's just a symbol for love in your heart and mind. This dream was all about you and how you really feel about yourself. You do not feel worthy of the kind of love, attention, kindness or respect you most desire.
While you are sitting on the doorstep that is really your life, the rest of your life is passing you by. You are feeling sorry for yourself, are waiting for something better to come along, and feel powerless to do anything to fulfill your longing.
Your friend is also a symbol of something inside of you and in your world that has died. The hope for greater happiness that you used to carry in your heart died when your friend did. You are still holding on to the ghost of that hope instead of replacing it with something living and vital.
If you want that kind of love, get up and find it inside of yourself. Much like today's other answer, you need to find this unconditional love inside of yourself before it will arrive in your outer experience.
You stated very clearly that you are "somewhat in a rut" in your life due to some "other issues." You are looking for a way out of that rut, and right now, you are hoping to find someone or something to come and save you and make it all better.
I'm sorry, but your friend is dead. Any love that he feels for you from the Otherside is not really going to help you on this side.
Please know that you are in no way, shape or form a burden to your friend. He so appreciates the help you gave him when he was dying and your help with his mother now. However, he is not the one for you to love.
First you need to love yourself. Then address your marriage and whether or not you want to stay in it, and then work on creating the love you want with a man, whether that man is your husband or someone who comes along after you divorce.
Let go of this friend not for his sake, but for you own. It's time to come back to the land of the living.
I wish you love and peace.
*****
Astrea:
Each of us recovers from the death of loved ones in our own way and in our own time. For me, it takes about five years to start to make a dent in that emotional pain.
I'm a Sagittarius, like you. We feel death very deeply because we were born at the close of the year. Things that are final are VERY final to us, and it's hard for us to move on.
When it comes to death, Scorpio and Sagittarius folks both feel it differently because of their closeness to the death of the old year. While others may be just as affected by death, somehow I think we have a deeper understanding of it.
In fact, when I examine grief, I get something different for every sign:
Death is always a shock to Aries, because Aries tries to be in control of things all the time. Taurus always seems to take it the hardest. Gemini will try denial. Cancer grieves deeply but privately. Leo keeps moving. Virgo gets tough with the funeral director to hide the sadness.
Libra retreats and holds it all in. Scorpio pretends to be immune to death. Capricorn becomes a rock for other friends and family. Aquarius grieves, recovers and moves on. Pisces emotes intensely and gets it all out.
Your Aquarius husband has grieved and moved on; this is why your friend sends him more signs. Your friend knows your husband has dealt with his sadness, so he's not afraid that reaching out to him will upset him. (He doesn't want to upset anyone.)
In fact, the reason you don't get as many signs as your husband is because your friend doesn't want to bother YOU. It's because he knows how sad you are and how you felt about him when he was alive that he's tentative in his responses to your requests.
He's still pretty new at spirit communication, and he doesn't want to make any mistakes. My impression is that he was like that in life too: He didn't want to upset anyone or throw anything out of balance.
If you keep asking him to, in time he'll be able to talk to you. He can't yet communicate in words to you, but with that dream, you're getting closer to that level of experience with him.
Your dream was simply a reflection of your anxiety that you are "bothering" your friend with your problems. You are NOT a burden to him! He's glad to be in touch with you when he can be.
Of course, he's busy being happy in Heaven, but he'll never be too busy to let you know how much he cares about you. He still loves you and he always will.
You'll be reunited someday. While I'm sure it's different from how we experience love in life, I'm POSITIVE that we'll be able to experience love in the Afterlife.
Have faith that this is so. The way he lives on Earth now is through you, your husband, and the family and friends who love him. Love never dies.
Astrea:
Many times in life we hear, "You will always have what you NEED, but not necessarily what you WANT." Your spirit must have needed to experience the feeling of leaving your human body, and the suggestion in the next chapter of Sylvia Brown's book was all it took to get you there.
Even though you hadn't read it yet, your SOUL recognized the title of that chapter as something it had been seeking, and your soul, knowing that you had that reference to read after your experience, got with it and out you went!
While I don't usually recommend her books, Sylvia Brown has a wide reaching and powerful effect on lots of people. A Gemini like you would be able to relate easily to her writing and put it to good use. Synchronicity - you gotta love it!
I like your description of "getting caught." That's exactly what it feels like, isn't it? One minute you're free and hovering above the room, and the next minute, ZAP! back down into your corporeal form you go!
As a little kid, I loved that "feeling of return." With practice, most of the time we can control that event, but sometimes, when our physical ears hear a distracting noise or something else occurs to knock us back into reality, back we go. With practice you will be able to control your return better.
I find it interesting that you were visiting your mother-in-law and not someone in your own genetic family. Evidently, you and your husband got married for reasons that are even deeper than love. His family's interest in "psychic stuff" will nurture your children in such matters and help them to grow into their own abilities.
You'll never have to be concerned that when your daughter visits them, she'll be discouraged from exploring her own psychic life and power. My parents encouraged me to develop my psychic senses in a time when it wasn't nice to even discuss such things in public. Heck, it's STILL not considered a great topic at the dinner table in some families!
Your kids will get to talk about it ALL and ask questions and read and study. This is going to give them such an edge in life! Talk with your husband about how you want to present this to your kiddos, so that you are united in your approach and ready to tell them their experiences are all natural and okay.
A word or two of warning: Geminis often have difficulty staying grounded in REAL LIFE. Don't get so strung out on your ASTRAL life that you neglect what you're doing here on Earth.
You are at the beginning of a long journey to learn where your power really lies. Try to be patient with this process and take your time.